Author's Notes: Happy Anniversary! What anniversary is it? I don't know. Make one up. This randomly came to me. I blame Jimmy Neutron for no reason what-so-ever. This is dedicated to Sammy G because she's a wonderful person who sends me Severus/Sinistra fics since I was the wonderful person who got her interested in the ship. Love me.

Disclaimer: I just don't own it. *le sob*

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Happy Anniversary!

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Severus Snape was a very kind and generous man. Anyone who came to him with a problem would get a solution. Most of the time, it was 'Thirty points from Gryffindor for bothering me!', but it was the thought that counted. For you see, he was only trying to give the houses a chance to win the House Cup for a change.

Sure.

But everyday on the sixth of December, Severus was overly generous. His fellow anti-social colleague, Auriga Sinistra, the brainless Astronomy professor, always made up ridiculous anniversaries.

Not that they were married. They weren't.

It was the anniversary for the first time they insulted each other. Every year, they would have an insulting war over breakfast, when they were finished, she would announce some anniversary they would plan for the end of the day secretly.

He would not forget the 'Old Cheese and Dirty Socks' anniversary ever.

Ever.

As he ripped another day off his depressing and morbid thought day-by-day calendar and noticed the day, Severus sighed. She was very lucky he put up with her. Who else would put up with her if he didn't?

Evil sneer.

What would she do if he accidentally forgot their 'anniversary'? She probably wouldn't talk to him for days. Problem? Of course not.

Thinking this evil thought, Severus walked past two chattering Hufflepuff students without sneering at them. The shock made the first Hufflepuff faint.

~*~

Auriga Sinistra chatted idly to Professor Flitwick, who was smirking too much to be good. She was about to ask what he was doing when Severus Snape and all his robes billowing, black ways pushed the Great Hall doors open. Noticing he was late, or later than usual, the students stared as he marched up to the Professor's Table, sitting next to Professor Sinistra…only because that was the only seat open, of course.

"Hello, Sev." Auriga greeted cheerfully, "Sleep well in your bat cave?"

Severus sneered, "Quite well. Could you pass the plate of toast please?"

Auriga stared at Severus like he grew an extra head. There had to be something wrong, "Oy, you greasy moron, did you conk your head trying to get your abnormally large head through the door?" She was quite concerned, you see.

"No, Auriga, how," Auriga swear she saw him cringe, though he tried to hide it, "nice of you to ask."

Aha! His vein was throbbing. No one messes with Auriga Sinistra and gets away with it, "Oh, that's good, Sev." Auriga purred, literally, and scooted closer to him, "I wouldn't want anything to mess up our…" She paused, trying to think of a better way to humiliate Severus, "Our Sappy, Original, Romance Book and Serenade anniversary. You write the book, I'll provide the song." She fluttered her eyelashes at him, rather obviously, causing a Ravenclaw who was watching them to drop her pumpkin juice goblet.

~*~

Severus sat in his study part of his room, a quill poised in hand. Auriga was good. She could obviously defend herself. Severus had to top her. But how? It's not like he knew anything about writing romance novels. He never lived anything remotely close to romance. The closest thing was having to deal with Weasley and Granger during Potions. And he was not going to write about those two Gryffindors.

But he was not going to lose either.

What's an evil bastard to do?

With his left eye twitching like mad, Severus dipped his quill into the ink bottle.

They were from two different places and were two very different people. He, Robert Wesley, was a tall boy with knowledge of only trivial things. She, Harmony Grant, was a petite girl with the intelligence higher than anyone else…

~*~

High up in Auriga's office, she banished her desk to the wall, giving her plenty of floor space in the middle. While she jumped up and down, doing some odd dance that consisted of flaring her arms about, she mumbled random words, trying to think of a song.

"Git…dungeon…bat…Eyes of black…." She stopped dancing, trying to put her odd words into a song, "Git in a dungeon, hanging like a bat, his eyes of black…" She paused, "No. Drop the 'his eyes of black', it's not working." She continued dancing, "Git in a dungeon, hanging like a bat, sneers at everyone…" She paused, then grinned, "What do you think of that?" She cackled manically, extremely proud of herself.

~*~

"That's right!" Ginny Weasley called into the crowded corridor, due to everyone trying to out of their final class of the day, "Tickets to see Professor Snape and Professor Sinistra are going on sale now! You heard them this morning, talking about their annual anniversary, see it live for yourself! Only seven sickles!"

The few students who carried that much money with them ran over to Ginny, holding a roll of tickets. The rest of the students pushed and shoved to get back to their Common Room, ready to get some money to get a ticket.

This was one performance they would not miss.

~*~

For the first time ever, in the history of Hogwarts, the Great Hall was silent during supper. All of a sudden, Ginny Weasley shouted, "I have seven lima beans! I had fifteen before I ate some!"

The professors stared at Ginny's act of insanity, while the students nodded knowingly, and began chatting amongst themselves. Ginny began sipping her soup, carelessly, almost choking on an unknown vegetable when a Gryffindor patted her on the back and congratulated her.

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore placed his spoon down to let his mouth twitch into a smile, unseen by anyone else around him.

~*~

At fifteen minutes to seven, Ginny Weasley leaned against one of the wooden doors that led into the Great Hall, while Ron Weasley held the other one open. Students ran up to them both, eagerly handing their tickets to either Weasley to get seats into the event of the year.

Draco Malfoy slid up to Ron Weasley, lazily showing his ticket, "This better be worth it, Weasley, I had better not be wasting my money on something meaningless. Even if this is stupid, I'll let you keep the money, as the both of you obviously need it." He smugly walked into the Great Hall, but turned around when he saw Crabbe and Goyle being stopped by Ron about their lost tickets.

Draco rolled his eyes, "Idiots," and then went to find a seat without them.

~*~

Ten minutes later, the final seventh year sat down. Each seventh year was sent off to Disillusion the student body of Hogwarts. There was no way that Snape and Sinistra would perform with the entire student body watching them.

~*~

Severus Snape was the first to enter the Great Hall. In his hands he held a thick arrangement of parchment. His left eye was twitching madly. He stood against a wall, his arms crossed over his stomach in a menacing way.

It was several minutes of boredom before Professor Sinistra made her entrance. She was wearing sparkly blue robes and looked absolutely ridiculous. The reason for her tardiness was soon obvious, when she showed how incapable she was with walking in the rather high heels.

Severus looked amused at the sight of her, since his sneer was less sneerish and he had his right eyebrow raised, "About time, Sinistra."

Auriga giggled slightly, "Sorry to keep you waiting, Sevvie." This was the first time any of the students had seen a pissed (Author's Notes: For those who don't know the British language, pissed means drunk, not extremely mad.) professor, so each were silently thanking Ginny for her brilliance.

"Right." Severus said shortly, "Let's get this over with." He cleared his throat, "They were from two different places and were two very different people. He, Robert Wesley, was a tall boy with knowledge of only trivial things. She, Harmony Grant, was a petite girl with the intelligence higher than anyone else. They were brought together by one evil force who would not vanquish (Author's Notes: Voldemort? I think not. Harry!)".

Twenty minutes later, with the male half of the student body asleep, Snape finally ended, ""Harmony," Robert muttered, "I will always love and protect you." Auriga woke up from her slumber and clapped enthusiastically, "I loved it, Sevvie-poo. Now it's mine turn."

Auriga cleared her throat, bending down to unlace her shoes and kick them off, almost hitting two students with them. She began to sing, sounding like the droning voice of Professor Binns mixed in with Mrs. Norris trying to sing, "Git in a dungeon, hanging like a bat, sneers at everyone, what do you think of that?"

"He'll take points away, so don't you dare move, he's quite unfair, although he is quite smooth." She grinned at him, "Who is this man? This potion master? It's Sevvie, of course. Just his name makes your heart beat faster."

Her bare feet crept up closer to the very red and very amused potions master as she continued to sing, "He'll ensnare your senses, he'll bewitch your mind, I see him all the time, and believe me, he is fine." She raised her arms above her head, and shook her hips very off beat, "Who is this man? This potion master? It's Sevvie, of course. Just his name makes your heart beat faster."

Auriga was now inches away from Severus, "So maybe he's mean, any maybe he's a bit dirty, but whenever I see him, I always become flirty." She fluttered her eyelashes at him, "Who is this man? This potion master? It's Sevvie, of course. Just his name makes your heart beat faster. It's Sevvie, of course," She paused dramatically, "Just his name makes your heart beat faster."

In a far corner, a mistletoe rose silently through the air, and stayed over Severus and Auriga. She took advantage of this chance, and stood on her toes to press her lips against Severus. If Severus wasn't so caught off guard, and if Auriga wasn't so pissed, they might have noticed the cat calls and cheers coming from the empty tables.

Suddenly, from the corner the mistletoe the appeared, Albus Dumbledore appeared and coughed gently. The two broke apart, neither seeming to notice their arms around each other, "That was quite a show. Happy anniversary!" He then whistled and left the Great Hall without another word, followed by a scowling, but slightly blushing Severus, and a humming Auriga.

~*~

"This was a stupid idea, Weasley!" Draco's voice rang out, "How are we supposed to disillusion ourselves if we can't see each other?"

Ginny Weasley yelled back, "If you hate it so much, why don't you go find some professor to change you back. I bet that'd be an interesting story to hear."

(Hours later)

"Nine hundred and two bottles of butterbeer on the wall…"

~*~

Author's Notes: That was much longer than I intended. I hope you liked it! If the ending seems a bit rushed, it was. Sammy's tempting me with funny S/S fics and I want to read them!