Chapter Six: Total Eclipse of the Heart
I love running in the morning. Good for the body. I run along the path I always run. I usually bring Rosie but today she wasn't feel good so I left her at home with A.J. I know she will be fine, even with A.J. temper, he wouldn't hurt Rosie, maybe me but not Rosie. I rub my wrist thinking about last night. When he got home, I had a beautiful cooked meal on the table, candles lit, the new dress I brought, on my simmering body but he didn't even notice. He was angry for some reason. He stormed in and grabbed my wrist, pushing me against the wall, taking me right there. Harshly, hard, and rough. I was in so much pain, I felt like I was being raped, me telling him to stop only seem to encourage him. When he was done, he kissed me, bruised my lips and walked away. I slid to the floor crying. I hate when he does that to me. Takes what he wants, anyway he wants, and anytime he wants and leaves me. That is why I am running so early this morning. To make em feel better, it always does.
I run passed the oldest tree in Port Charles, it is over 500 years old. It is a beautiful tree. So big, the leaves are turning colors. The reds, the yellow, the orange making a wonderful rainbow. I lean against another tree across from it. Catching my breath. I love to run but I hate the part where you are out a breath, panting, not being able to catch it. It brings back to many bad memories. The ones where my mother's boyfriend of the week would put me in a dark closet, a small little room. I hated those times, I know what how Sonny felt, scared alone, feel like you'll never be able to breath fresh air. It is one of the scariest moments. Just like last night. He had never been so rough. Never so cruel. The whole time I was hoping for Jason to come and save me.
I have been thinking of Jason all week, I see him, no Liz. Carly told me they had broken up. She was glad of course and I just masked my feeling from her. I wanted to jump up for joy but that may be a little awkward. I did do a little jig in the car though. I loved it. Knowing he was no longer hers but then it did leave me a little confused. If he was about to break up with Liz, the what did he want to tell me? What was he going to say to me?
~*~ Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little l angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart bit ~*~
*~*
God get out of my head Courtney, we can't be together. I hate thinking about her, knowing she will never be mine. Emily is sick, my one and true best friend is sick, she could be dying and there is nothing I can do. I always told her I would protect her and now I can't. I can't go get this cancer and kill it with a quick click of my gun. I can protect her. I feel my breath go rapid. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't do my job. I hate when I feel closed in. When I feel like there is nothing to save me, no one to save me. When I can't even save myself. I feel the walls closing in and I know I have to get out. I grab my jacket and run for the elevator, but think about it again. Not a good idea too small. I turn the to the stairs, taking them two at a time. Needing fresh air.
I go to the jogging path and start to run running makes em feel so free. Makes me feel alive. The feeling I need most right now. Then half way down the path I see her. My angel. My beautiful angel. She is sitting below the tree, her head in her hands. I want to run to her, take her into my arms, take away her pain, like I can't take Em's away, maybe save her. Save her from anything, I can. Protect her. Heal her.
~*~ Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart ~*~
*~*
God why am I crying. It has been years since those memories have bothered me. Since they have came back so hard. So real. My mother's boyfriend yelling at me, hitting me, hurting me. I hate those memories. I feel a pair of arms come around me and I scream, they feel like Tommy's. I feel someone whisper in my ear. "It's okay Courtney, it's me, Jason," I go tense a little. I don't want him to see me like this. I have fallen apart; he is the last person who I wanted to see me like this. I love him, and now he will just think I am weak. Like Elizabeth. I push out of his arms and stumble up, to stand, wiping furiously at me eyes. Trying to get rid of all the tears.
"What.......what are you doing here," my voice is horse from the tears. My eyes are puffy and glistening. I can not stand for him to see me like this but his eyes are telling me he understand. That he is hurting. Was he hurting because of Liz, wasn't he the one that broke up with him.
~*~ And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight ~*~
*~*
I need her, I need to talk to her and I think she needs the same. Why won't she let me hold her. I love her. I want to comfort her but of course, she doesn't know I love her. Maybe after we talk I can tell her. "Court, I need to talk, you need to talk, so let's talk together."
"How do you know I need to talk, who said I wanted to talk to you," damn that stung. I want her to be able to talk to me, share her secret with me. I love her, doesn't she understand that dammit, can't she see that.
"Please Courtney, I need to talk, and I want to talk to you, please talk to me, listen to me," I hear the pleading in my voice. I need to talk to her. I will beg for it. I will beg on my hands and knees for one moment with her.
~*~ Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart ~*~
*~*
I hear him pleading with him and I know I can't say no. I sit back down, next to him. My knees pulled up to my chest. My head laying on them. "Okay so let's talk," I see the smile on his face, his eyes don't match but I know at least he is a bit happy about it.
"Courtney, I need to talk to you for a few reasons, the reason I chose you was because I trust you and you make me feel happy. I need so cheering up bad, and I know you do to. So can we cheer each other up please," he does look haggard and I hate to see him like this.
"Yes, we can," I tell him. I love his smile. I wish I could just take the hurt out of his eyes. Wish I could take the pain away.
~*~ Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart ~*~
*~*
Okay so now I am going to tell her I feel, and hopefully get her to open up too. I look at her and I see the pain and I want to talk it away. I love her so much and it feels like my heart is being torn out when I see her look like that. I love her too much to let her hurt like this. "My sister Emily has cancer," I begin. Hopefully we can each get over the other wall around our hearts.
~*~ And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart ~*~
A/N: I am so sorry for the delay, I have been so busy with work and my daughter (potty training is hard lol). Please review. Love Ashley.
I love running in the morning. Good for the body. I run along the path I always run. I usually bring Rosie but today she wasn't feel good so I left her at home with A.J. I know she will be fine, even with A.J. temper, he wouldn't hurt Rosie, maybe me but not Rosie. I rub my wrist thinking about last night. When he got home, I had a beautiful cooked meal on the table, candles lit, the new dress I brought, on my simmering body but he didn't even notice. He was angry for some reason. He stormed in and grabbed my wrist, pushing me against the wall, taking me right there. Harshly, hard, and rough. I was in so much pain, I felt like I was being raped, me telling him to stop only seem to encourage him. When he was done, he kissed me, bruised my lips and walked away. I slid to the floor crying. I hate when he does that to me. Takes what he wants, anyway he wants, and anytime he wants and leaves me. That is why I am running so early this morning. To make em feel better, it always does.
I run passed the oldest tree in Port Charles, it is over 500 years old. It is a beautiful tree. So big, the leaves are turning colors. The reds, the yellow, the orange making a wonderful rainbow. I lean against another tree across from it. Catching my breath. I love to run but I hate the part where you are out a breath, panting, not being able to catch it. It brings back to many bad memories. The ones where my mother's boyfriend of the week would put me in a dark closet, a small little room. I hated those times, I know what how Sonny felt, scared alone, feel like you'll never be able to breath fresh air. It is one of the scariest moments. Just like last night. He had never been so rough. Never so cruel. The whole time I was hoping for Jason to come and save me.
I have been thinking of Jason all week, I see him, no Liz. Carly told me they had broken up. She was glad of course and I just masked my feeling from her. I wanted to jump up for joy but that may be a little awkward. I did do a little jig in the car though. I loved it. Knowing he was no longer hers but then it did leave me a little confused. If he was about to break up with Liz, the what did he want to tell me? What was he going to say to me?
~*~ Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little l angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart bit ~*~
*~*
God get out of my head Courtney, we can't be together. I hate thinking about her, knowing she will never be mine. Emily is sick, my one and true best friend is sick, she could be dying and there is nothing I can do. I always told her I would protect her and now I can't. I can't go get this cancer and kill it with a quick click of my gun. I can protect her. I feel my breath go rapid. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't do my job. I hate when I feel closed in. When I feel like there is nothing to save me, no one to save me. When I can't even save myself. I feel the walls closing in and I know I have to get out. I grab my jacket and run for the elevator, but think about it again. Not a good idea too small. I turn the to the stairs, taking them two at a time. Needing fresh air.
I go to the jogging path and start to run running makes em feel so free. Makes me feel alive. The feeling I need most right now. Then half way down the path I see her. My angel. My beautiful angel. She is sitting below the tree, her head in her hands. I want to run to her, take her into my arms, take away her pain, like I can't take Em's away, maybe save her. Save her from anything, I can. Protect her. Heal her.
~*~ Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart ~*~
*~*
God why am I crying. It has been years since those memories have bothered me. Since they have came back so hard. So real. My mother's boyfriend yelling at me, hitting me, hurting me. I hate those memories. I feel a pair of arms come around me and I scream, they feel like Tommy's. I feel someone whisper in my ear. "It's okay Courtney, it's me, Jason," I go tense a little. I don't want him to see me like this. I have fallen apart; he is the last person who I wanted to see me like this. I love him, and now he will just think I am weak. Like Elizabeth. I push out of his arms and stumble up, to stand, wiping furiously at me eyes. Trying to get rid of all the tears.
"What.......what are you doing here," my voice is horse from the tears. My eyes are puffy and glistening. I can not stand for him to see me like this but his eyes are telling me he understand. That he is hurting. Was he hurting because of Liz, wasn't he the one that broke up with him.
~*~ And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight ~*~
*~*
I need her, I need to talk to her and I think she needs the same. Why won't she let me hold her. I love her. I want to comfort her but of course, she doesn't know I love her. Maybe after we talk I can tell her. "Court, I need to talk, you need to talk, so let's talk together."
"How do you know I need to talk, who said I wanted to talk to you," damn that stung. I want her to be able to talk to me, share her secret with me. I love her, doesn't she understand that dammit, can't she see that.
"Please Courtney, I need to talk, and I want to talk to you, please talk to me, listen to me," I hear the pleading in my voice. I need to talk to her. I will beg for it. I will beg on my hands and knees for one moment with her.
~*~ Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart ~*~
*~*
I hear him pleading with him and I know I can't say no. I sit back down, next to him. My knees pulled up to my chest. My head laying on them. "Okay so let's talk," I see the smile on his face, his eyes don't match but I know at least he is a bit happy about it.
"Courtney, I need to talk to you for a few reasons, the reason I chose you was because I trust you and you make me feel happy. I need so cheering up bad, and I know you do to. So can we cheer each other up please," he does look haggard and I hate to see him like this.
"Yes, we can," I tell him. I love his smile. I wish I could just take the hurt out of his eyes. Wish I could take the pain away.
~*~ Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart ~*~
*~*
Okay so now I am going to tell her I feel, and hopefully get her to open up too. I look at her and I see the pain and I want to talk it away. I love her so much and it feels like my heart is being torn out when I see her look like that. I love her too much to let her hurt like this. "My sister Emily has cancer," I begin. Hopefully we can each get over the other wall around our hearts.
~*~ And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart ~*~
A/N: I am so sorry for the delay, I have been so busy with work and my daughter (potty training is hard lol). Please review. Love Ashley.