The sooner came sooner than I'd dreaded. The moment Grissom left the break
room, Nick turned to me. "Sara."
I looked at him, hoping that I could focus us on the case. His expression told me that this clearly was not going to happen. "What?"
He let out a deep breath, his face held concern. "We need to talk."
"Well, you've got me captive for the commute." I wasn't going to give in unless it was my last option. I hoped that he would take the hint and know that I was so close to losing it right at that moment that any little push and I'd go tumbling over the edge.
He shook his head and stood up. "C'mon, we're going for a drive."
I knew by the tone of his voice that there was no point in arguing, not unless I wanted to cause a scene right there in the middle of the crime lab. Then more than just Nick would know that there was something going on, and the one thing I did not want was to tell everyone about what was bothering more than just telling any one person. I got up and followed him wordlessly out to the parking lot.
This had almost become a habit over the last couple of days. I climbed into the passenger seat of his Denali and he turned the vehicle out onto the street heading toward some mystery destination. I glanced out the window, hoping to put off talking as long as possible.
Nick's voice brought me out of my reverie. "Sara, I'm worried about you. I know that something is bothering you. I want you to tell me, no, I need you to tell me what it is."
I glanced at him and something in me started to break. I knew that the second I opened my mouth to speak, it would be too late to turn back, too late to stop the tears that already had begun to spill down my cheeks.
Nick's expression softened as he looked at me. He pulled the Denali up to the curb and shut the engine off. It was then that I realized he'd brought us to his house.
I walked behind him up the path to his front door and as we walked inside, he flicked a light on and disappeared for a moment. He returned a moment later with a box of Kleenex and a couple of cans of soda and led me over to the couch.
As we sat on the couch I pulled my legs up and hugged them against my body, hoping to somehow deflect the pain that was welling up and threatening to swallow me. I tried to close my eyes tightly to somehow contain the emotion that was spilling out. Tears continued to fall and at some point, I realized that Nick had wrapped his arms around me and was telling me that everything was going to be ok in soothing tones. I just leaned into him and let the tears fall.
A while later, I finally stopped crying and Nick's voice was so tentative as he whispered. "Sara, tell me what's going on."
I wiped the tears from my eyes and pushed away from him, trying to get my bearings. I grabbed a few Kleenexes from the box and blew my nose. I let out a nervous giggle. "I feel pretty stupid."
Nick just looked at me with a searching expression. I think he could tell I needed a distraction. "You want something to eat?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
While he put together a couple of sandwiches, I just sat there trying to figure out if I could get out of telling him what was bothering me so much. The thing is, I didn't think I could hold it in any longer. This case in particular had dredged up memories I had worked so hard to squash. I knew that I could trust Nick.
He returned with the food and we ate in silence.
I finished and put my plate on the coffee table in front of me and took a deep breath before speaking again. "Nick, did you know I didn't finish grad school at Harvard?"
He thought about that for a moment, and I could tell he wondered if in fact he did know that. "I think you might have mentioned it."
"Do you know why?" I knew that there was no way he could possibly know the real answer to this question.
"You moved back to San Francisco didn't you?" I could tell from his expression that he knew I needed him to let me talk at my own pace.
I nodded. "Yeah, I got a job at the crime lab there. I met Grissom when I was a student at Harvard and a friend of his ran the lab in San Francisco. He helped me get a job there."
Nick absentmindedly reached for my hand to offer me silent encouragement.
"My friend Lisa was my roommate during grad school. I'd known her as an undergrad and we decided since we were both braniacs that we could avoid all the parties and just study. It worked out really well for a while. It seemed one of us was always in a lab working on something. She was pretty brilliant." I glanced at Nick. He smiled at me. I continued. "Anyway, she started seeing this guy named Andrew. Things between them seemed pretty serious and he started spending more and more time at our apartment. I came home one day and Lisa was really upset. She had found out she was pregnant and when she'd told Andrew he told her he wanted her to have an abortion. She was Catholic, so she really didn't see that as an option. We spent a lot of time talking about it and she finally decided that what she really wanted to do was to have the baby." I glanced at Nick again.
He smiled and squeezed my hand. "It sounds like you're the kind of friend she needed, Sar."
I took a deep breath. I knew the rest of this story would be difficult for me to get out. "Andrew was really upset with her that she planned to have the baby. He blamed me for talking her into it and said that I'd ruined his life. He threatened to kill me."
Worry flashed across Nick's face and he put his arm protectively around my shoulder as I continued.
"I was working late one night in one of the labs and when I got home, the front door was open. I knew as soon as I saw that door, that something was wrong. I knew I should have left and called the police, but instead I went inside. I found Lisa in her room beaten almost to death, she wasn't conscious and was barely breathing. I tried to call 911, but I had the phone knocked out of my hand and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andrew swinging something at me. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital." I felt tears stinging my eyes again and tried to fight against the sobs that wanted to escape. "Andrew had been waiting for me, and he beat the shit out of me. Lisa didn't make it, she died on the way to the hospital." I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer and all that I'd been fighting against every time I'd seen a young woman as a victim of a violent crime cascaded out against Nick's chest as he held me close and let me cry.
I looked at him, hoping that I could focus us on the case. His expression told me that this clearly was not going to happen. "What?"
He let out a deep breath, his face held concern. "We need to talk."
"Well, you've got me captive for the commute." I wasn't going to give in unless it was my last option. I hoped that he would take the hint and know that I was so close to losing it right at that moment that any little push and I'd go tumbling over the edge.
He shook his head and stood up. "C'mon, we're going for a drive."
I knew by the tone of his voice that there was no point in arguing, not unless I wanted to cause a scene right there in the middle of the crime lab. Then more than just Nick would know that there was something going on, and the one thing I did not want was to tell everyone about what was bothering more than just telling any one person. I got up and followed him wordlessly out to the parking lot.
This had almost become a habit over the last couple of days. I climbed into the passenger seat of his Denali and he turned the vehicle out onto the street heading toward some mystery destination. I glanced out the window, hoping to put off talking as long as possible.
Nick's voice brought me out of my reverie. "Sara, I'm worried about you. I know that something is bothering you. I want you to tell me, no, I need you to tell me what it is."
I glanced at him and something in me started to break. I knew that the second I opened my mouth to speak, it would be too late to turn back, too late to stop the tears that already had begun to spill down my cheeks.
Nick's expression softened as he looked at me. He pulled the Denali up to the curb and shut the engine off. It was then that I realized he'd brought us to his house.
I walked behind him up the path to his front door and as we walked inside, he flicked a light on and disappeared for a moment. He returned a moment later with a box of Kleenex and a couple of cans of soda and led me over to the couch.
As we sat on the couch I pulled my legs up and hugged them against my body, hoping to somehow deflect the pain that was welling up and threatening to swallow me. I tried to close my eyes tightly to somehow contain the emotion that was spilling out. Tears continued to fall and at some point, I realized that Nick had wrapped his arms around me and was telling me that everything was going to be ok in soothing tones. I just leaned into him and let the tears fall.
A while later, I finally stopped crying and Nick's voice was so tentative as he whispered. "Sara, tell me what's going on."
I wiped the tears from my eyes and pushed away from him, trying to get my bearings. I grabbed a few Kleenexes from the box and blew my nose. I let out a nervous giggle. "I feel pretty stupid."
Nick just looked at me with a searching expression. I think he could tell I needed a distraction. "You want something to eat?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
While he put together a couple of sandwiches, I just sat there trying to figure out if I could get out of telling him what was bothering me so much. The thing is, I didn't think I could hold it in any longer. This case in particular had dredged up memories I had worked so hard to squash. I knew that I could trust Nick.
He returned with the food and we ate in silence.
I finished and put my plate on the coffee table in front of me and took a deep breath before speaking again. "Nick, did you know I didn't finish grad school at Harvard?"
He thought about that for a moment, and I could tell he wondered if in fact he did know that. "I think you might have mentioned it."
"Do you know why?" I knew that there was no way he could possibly know the real answer to this question.
"You moved back to San Francisco didn't you?" I could tell from his expression that he knew I needed him to let me talk at my own pace.
I nodded. "Yeah, I got a job at the crime lab there. I met Grissom when I was a student at Harvard and a friend of his ran the lab in San Francisco. He helped me get a job there."
Nick absentmindedly reached for my hand to offer me silent encouragement.
"My friend Lisa was my roommate during grad school. I'd known her as an undergrad and we decided since we were both braniacs that we could avoid all the parties and just study. It worked out really well for a while. It seemed one of us was always in a lab working on something. She was pretty brilliant." I glanced at Nick. He smiled at me. I continued. "Anyway, she started seeing this guy named Andrew. Things between them seemed pretty serious and he started spending more and more time at our apartment. I came home one day and Lisa was really upset. She had found out she was pregnant and when she'd told Andrew he told her he wanted her to have an abortion. She was Catholic, so she really didn't see that as an option. We spent a lot of time talking about it and she finally decided that what she really wanted to do was to have the baby." I glanced at Nick again.
He smiled and squeezed my hand. "It sounds like you're the kind of friend she needed, Sar."
I took a deep breath. I knew the rest of this story would be difficult for me to get out. "Andrew was really upset with her that she planned to have the baby. He blamed me for talking her into it and said that I'd ruined his life. He threatened to kill me."
Worry flashed across Nick's face and he put his arm protectively around my shoulder as I continued.
"I was working late one night in one of the labs and when I got home, the front door was open. I knew as soon as I saw that door, that something was wrong. I knew I should have left and called the police, but instead I went inside. I found Lisa in her room beaten almost to death, she wasn't conscious and was barely breathing. I tried to call 911, but I had the phone knocked out of my hand and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andrew swinging something at me. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital." I felt tears stinging my eyes again and tried to fight against the sobs that wanted to escape. "Andrew had been waiting for me, and he beat the shit out of me. Lisa didn't make it, she died on the way to the hospital." I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer and all that I'd been fighting against every time I'd seen a young woman as a victim of a violent crime cascaded out against Nick's chest as he held me close and let me cry.