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Jealousy, Or Something More

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Summary: Aizawa reflects on his obsession with his rival vocalist Shindou Shuichi.

Rated: PG 13 because, as you probably know if your reading this, it will eventually deal with rape issues. 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gravitation characters, only the dvds and graphic novels. ^.^

Note: It's been a couple years since I wrote a story, let alone a fan fic, so if it's not that great forgive me. I want you to know, I loath Aizawa for what he did to our Shu-chan, but I must be some sort of sadist since that's also one of my favorite parts of the story. I dunno, Shu-chan is just so.. so… cool for once.  He doesn't act all babyish and proves the depths of his love for Yuki. It breaks my heart, but at the same time it draws me. Kinda like a car accident, you don't wanna look, but can't help yourself. Yeah, well that's about it for the inner workings of my mind. Scary huh.  Oh and, After reading several Aizawa fics and re-watching/reading Gravi I decided to try and get some incite into why he does what he does, and thus this fic was born. Also, this follows more closely to the manga than the anime, but corresponds to either.  Also, the Anime never actually says it's rape, only indicates it, whereas the manga confirms the fact that it wasn't just a normal attack and was indeed rape. Yep. I think that's it. This time, for real. ^.^

Oh and note, it is my opinion that Aizawa, does need some form of psychological treatment, so if he rambles and repeats stuff, it won't be my fault, right. Yeah, lets blame Aizawa. After all he's the perfect scape goat. Heh heh.

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Part 1:  Jealousy & Confusion

Shindou Shuichi.

The name tasted bitter in my mouth.

I hated the puny pink-haired punk who stole my band's position as #1 in the music charts.  He wasn't even all that great of a singer. I was better. I AM better. So why? Why do so many flock to him? He had the member's of Nittle Grasper's support and even made good friends with Sakuma Ryuichi, even when they should be rivals.

I didn't want to admit it, but I felt threatened.  He was taking away my fans, my fame.  More than that, I just couldn't help but feel totally pissed off whenever I saw him. Why? It was beyond just the threat of my fame. I was becoming obsessed. The genki brat got under my skin.

Why does he bother me so damn much? He'd never really done anything to me. Hell I barely knew the idiot. But still, even so, my blood would boil everytime I saw him. My heart would pound when I heard him sing. Even I had to admit that he had some kind of charismatic quality that drew people, myself included, to him. Under different circumstances we may have even been able to be friends.  What the hell? What the hell am I thinking?  Friends? With that little pest? 

The doubt and confusion he stirred in me left me uncomfortable.  What was it about him? With that obnoxiously pink hair, puny little body, and annoyingly loud voice, what drew people to him? How could he go out on a stage totally unprepared and still sing like that? With no warning. No warm up. No official rehearsal.  And on a live show, too.  I couldn't do that, though this was a fact that I loathed to admit.  I needed control, structure, careful planning.  How can he sing under such uncertain circumstances?  Didn't he feel any pressure at all?  Still, his voice never wavered, he was… enjoying himself. Having fun!  God, how did he do it?!  I didn't know. And the more I dwelled on it, the more it pissed me off. 

That's it. I can't stand it any more.  I must destroy him before he destroys me.  That can be the only way.  He must have some kind of weakness… and when I found it, it would be the end of him and his poor excuse of a band.  I had to hurt him. Wound him. Break him.

But how? He never seemed to falter. He had confidence, talent, support. What could I possibly use to destroy him?  This was getting me nowhere. Maybe I should forget it… But I can't. I don't know why, but I can't let this go.

Then Ma-kun, my guitarist gave me the answer. Handing me a magazine I opened it to an article titled : 'Shuichi's Love Confession At His First Live.' Ma-kun noted that Shindou said the name "Yuki" a lot and that the only answer he answered correctly on Quiz de Pon was the novelist Yuki Eiri's name.

Could it be? Was the Yuki he declared his love to really the famous MALE romance novelist.  I suddenly grinned.  I can use this. Oh yes I can definitely use this information to my advantage.  Heh. Shindou Shuichi, this will be your undoing.  Smirking and humming to myself I went to make preparations.

~End Part 1~

TBC… (Hopefully)

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Chapter Notes:  In the anime, it's indicated that Aizawa may have leaked the information and got it to the press after over hearing Shuichi with Mika. In the manga, however, the article was already written and he only read it.  I also think the Manga article didn't say anything about it being Yuki Eiri, but I don't have it on me to check right now, so… for the sake of this fic, we'll just take my word for it. ^.^

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That's it for part 1.  Short I know, but I thought that was a good place to end it, and I'm not really one for expansive chapters.  I had originally planned for it to be a two parter, but it looks like it may even be three. Sorry, I'm not one for really long projects, I have a habit of losing interest and leaving things unfinished.  Umm…Ano… Oh right, if you actually want too see chapter two, which is for the most part complete, then tell me in the review, cuz I'm busy with college and am in general a lazy person. Sooooo… If there's no interest, there's no reason for me to waste any more time typing it up or thinking up a third part.  Ah… yeah, that's pretty much it. ^.^

I'd love reviews, but seeing as it's the first fic in a couple of years and my first Gravi fic ever, so please be kind. Constructive criticism is always welcome though.

Also, out of curiosity, how many of you guys get the feeling Aizawa may have some kind of really warped crush on Shuichi.  Or is he just a sick bastard. Personally I think it may be a little of both (after reading between a few lines).  Should I go with this theory or drop it?  Either way in the end he definitely admires Shuichi (or else he wouldn't feel so threatened.)  Tell me in the reviews. 

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