Warnings: This is Shounen-Ai! Seto/Jou, Seto/Jou!!! Bad language! It's rather angst-y and what not, so beware. One-shot! There's also mentions of rape and abuse, just in case you weren't already feeling depressed today.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own this, or I wouldn't be posting it on Fanfiction.net, now would I?
It's my first fic, please go easy on me!
Last Chance To Take Off The Mask
Seto paced the waiting room, mulling over the recent events. How could he let this happen? How could he possibly endure the rest of his life with the guilt if Jou didn't make it? Seto's impenetrable ice-mask was up, but he didn't bother to hide the fact that he was nervous by wandering impatiently near the clock.
Honda, upon noticing the tall CEO's apprehension, made an abrupt movement to inquire the boy's seemingly out-of-character behavior. He jerked upwards from his seat and swiftly wiped his eyes before spoiling Seto's deep internal battle by shoving him into the nearest wall. The wobbly plastic chairs that littered the floor rattled with the unexpected force of Seto's body slamming into the hospitals' cheap paneling, and Honda grabbed both of his shoulders forcibly in a sign that he wasn't messing around.
"Why are you here?" Honda demanded, his words dripping with both desperation and venom. "Why would you, of all people, come to witness what could be Jou's last fucking minutes of life? You hate him, so why don't you do us all a favor and leave us in peace! God, Kaiba, he's... just let him die in peace!"
Seto's cold exterior seemed to harden even more, and he spoke in a low authoritative tone. "It is none of your concern why I am here, and the mutt is hardly going to die in peace if you don't start acting civil and release me."
Honda's face went red with fury as he lifted his fist to murder the disrespectful little bastard. The comment shouldn't have enraged him so, but it seemed that Kaiba was the best person to blame and he relished in the idea of making him suffer like Jou was suffering. He launched the punch, landing it squarely at its target- Seto's face.
The tall brunette made no indication that the blow had actually caused him harm, but as he stood there motionless, plastered against the wall and head tilted in the direction that the hit had forced it, his mask cracked. Just slightly, ever so slightly, the mask had faltered and he found himself staring at the ground in vain attempts to forget all of the day's events. His chestnut brown bangs hung limply over his eyes, and it was clear he didn't want to look up; didn't want to face the truth.
"This may be my last chance," he whispered hoarsely, breaking the silent vow he had with himself to never degrade his name by displaying such vulnerability. He seemed to choke the words out, and it was as if he broke right there in front of Honda. The supposed ruthless CEO couldn't possibly have said a simpler statement, but it instantly shattered all the walls he had built up over the years.
As if daring himself to, Seto turned his pleading eyes upon the boy who had issued the punch. It cost Seto so much pride to do that-- to show one of his enemies his true humanity and condemn his reputation. But it was his last chance, as he said, and he'd rather openly display his soul for anyone to mock then let it's sub-zero flavor burn a hole into his already breaking heart.
He met Honda's eyes, letting him witness all the emotions he suffered from, and begged with his normally cold blue orbs for that last chance. In that instant, Honda seemed to understand the years of humiliation and teasing that Seto had inflicted upon his blonde friend. He nodded warily, as if in confirmation of his comprehension, and quickly averted his gaze to the floor in an act of shame. He made his way back to the chair, and Seto just barely had enough time to recompose himself before a nurse stumbled into the tense atmosphere.
Glancing sidelong at the group of friends in one corner, who'd remained idle during Honda's and Kaiba's confrontation out of sheer concern for Jou, the woman addressed Seto with a gesture of the hand. He hesitantly stepped forward to converse with the lady, and he realized he'd started shaking from the dread that infected his sanity.
"What's his condition?" he asked timidly, but still using a selection of words that suggested he possessed a certain amount of professionalism.
"He's currently unconscious, and we're not sure if he's going to make it." She paused, then continued on. "The odds are that he will not."
"I see." The nurse recognized this small comment as the first sign of denial, but ignored it in her haste to get to the point.
"He's got several broken ribs, one of which has punctured his left lung, and we've put him on life-support. His heart was just barely missed by the bullet, but thankfully it was. He's lost a lot of blood, so we're not sure if..." she drifted off.
"Yes?" Seto asked, getting impatient.
She lowered her voice considerably after quickly glancing at Yugi, Tea, Ryou, and Honda all huddled in the corner. "We're not sure if he'll survive, even if all his other wounds are fine. But sir, there's one more thing that I have to tell you. Since his legal guardian is in the police's custody and you are funding his medical care, you have a right to know. I think we should step into the hallway though, as to not upset his friends should they overhear."
He nodded and quickly stepped out of the view of the others, though he knew what the nurse was about to tell him.
"It seems that Jou has also got several bruises and scars all over, particularly near his... near his..." She couldn't finish the sentence, that much Kaiba knew. You'd think that being as her job is to break bad news to people she'd find this easier.
"Yes, I'm aware of the abuse he's been subject to over the years. You don't have to say it since you're obviously uncomfortable with relaying simple information as your job entails. Perhaps you should reconsider your career choice," he said bitterly, noting the relief that had shown in her eyes at the revelation that she would not be forced to give details.
"I apologize Mr. Kaiba," she forced out before wrapping up her discussion with the man. A part of her was compassionate towards the pain he was feeling and she didn't quite mind being insulted. "You may visit him if you would like, but I must ask that you do not bring anyone else with you. Technically he's not supposed to have any visitors at all at this hour, but given his state an exception was made. If he wakes up alert the doctor immediately. If he shows any signs of discomfort or heart failure alert him immediately. Do you understand?"
He nodded curtly before following the woman to the designated room and nearly broke down at the site. Jou, his Jou-puppy, was lying on the hospital bed looking small as ever. His flesh was ghostly pale, besides the red, purple, and green bruises that marred his once-perfect skin. He had numerous cuts all over, and if one moved closer, as Kaiba did, you could see the hundreds upon hundreds of scars that engraved themselves upon his feeble body.
Seto strode over to the bedside in a heartbeat, barely noticing the nurses' departure. He sat down in a chair conveniently placed there, and stared at Jou for what seemed like hours. Carefully, as if fearing rejection from the unconscious boy, he brought his fingertips to the bruise on his left cheek under his eye. He gently ran his fingers over the mark and memorized the feel of Jou.
This wasn't the first time Jou's face had been hit hard by his father, but it was definitely the worst. His dad had always been cautiously aware of the consequences of his distributions, and usually he hit Jou's chest and back, only occasionally wandering to the arms. However, as time moved on, and the alcoholic's sadistic will grew stronger, he became more careless with the visibility factor and reasoned that Jou was perfectly capable of forming excuses for the wounds.
Seto slowly traced Jou's jawline, faintly aware of the hum of the life-support machine and the steady 'beep-beep' of the heart monitor. The giant plastic tube around Jou's nasal opening and mouth looked predictably dramatic, like a scene from a movie.
"But this is not a movie," mused Seto out loud, "and this may be my last chance."
Seto took a deep breath and began to speak to the boy he knew wasn't listening.
"Jou, puppy, you know I always tortured you, laughed at you, and did everything within my power to harass you." His words sounded scripted, so insincere. He exhaled shakily and let the mask slip further down again, revealing emotion in his eyes that Jou could not see. This was harder than he thought.
"The truth is Jou, I never meant to hurt you. It's just... you were right. I'm incapable of showing people my heart. You always told me that, and every time you said it my heart broke, because I knew it was true. But after everything and everyone, the only person I want to show it to is you. But I couldn't-not before. You were so untouchable, so stubborn. Do you remember that day I saw you walking to school late? And I thought to myself, 'it's now or never, Seto, just show him you care.'"
Seto thought to himself for a minute, wondering how, even if Jou was awake, he would be able to understand such run-together thoughts. He sighed and continued anyway, hoping to form coherent sentences this time.
"I asked my driver to pull over, and I stepped out. I saw you roll your eyes at me, as if to say, 'Great, it's Kaiba. My life officially sucks.' But I saw something else too, Jou. Before you noticed me you had this look-- this look like nothing was worth living anymore and this look of frustration and confusion and desperation and so many other things and I wanted to help you so bad and just make it all better." Seto's eyes slowly began to well up with tears he'd held for far too long.
"And I saw the bruise on your neck, Jou. Before you pulled up your collar and hid it from your friends. I asked if you wanted a ride and you said no, that you'd rather be late than hang out with me. That hurt. It hurt badly. But I knew I deserved it so I said something rude to you to hide my disappointment. I'm not even sure what I said. I never remember. It's not important what I say to you, as long as I get to talk to you, and that's the way it's always been."
He slowly slid his hand into Jou's and leaned closer, knowing that this may be it; the last time he saw Jou.
"I always liked you, Jou, you know that? From the moment I saw you, I knew you were different. But that day, as much as I hated the hurt, I liked you even more. At school your collar on your uniform slipped, and Yugi asked what happened. That's when it hit me, Jou. It wasn't a bruise. It was a hickey, Jou. And for a minute I was jealous as hell, and I was afraid to hear you tell Yugi about your new girlfriend or whatever. But you didn't. You told him you fell off your bed at a weird angle and Yugi bought it. I suddenly understood. Yugi went back to his work and that's when you saw me. We stood there for a minute just staring at each other, and you knew I knew, Jou, didn't you?"
Seto let out a few ragged breaths, gently squeezing on Jou's hand. "I wanted so badly to confront you. I almost did. I wanted to tell you that I knew what it was like, that it happened to me too. But I was scared. So you know what I did? I followed you home, instead. I followed you like some stalker and I knew I was being crazy, but I didn't care because it was for you.
"You walked into your apartment, and I stared through the window. You were on the first floor so I didn't have any trouble. And I saw that day. And everything I feared was confirmed, because your dad was waiting, and he hit you so hard Jou. And you wouldn't cry; you refused to. You were so strong. And that day, Jou, I loved you, and I still do."
Seto made a decision then. He dug deep down into his soul, trying to remember the way he was before he turned to ice, and with all the conviction he could summon, he stole away the mask that had gnawed away at his life. He delved under the stone barriers that had protected him from rejection for so long, but had also woven a lonely fabrication of his true self. He would let Jou see him as he was, even if Jou did not acknowledge it or even know it happened.
"I tried to help you. I really did. But I made things worse and now your sitting here dying and I don't know if you're coming back. It's just... I wanted to save you so bad. I wanted you to let me hold you and say that you loved me and you thanked me. But I was Seto Kaiba, heartless CEO, and archrival of your best friend. I could never be loved by you, Jou, could I? And now I took away your life and the thing I admired most. I never told you it, but you're amazing. I don't think anyone else in the world could suffer so much and remain so kind, so cheerful. You made sure none of your friends found out. None. You took it and never once brought up all you went through. Even when I called you weak, you never told me or even hinted to the fact that you had endured so much. I think that's why I love you. You're everything I'm not and nothing that I am. You're beautiful, Jou, and I'm ugly.
"When I came to your house last night, I was going to ask you to come live with me. I brought a cop and everything. And I knocked on your door--" Seto choked, a single tear now sliding down his cheek at the fresh memory of what happened. He was repeating this for himself more than for Jou, now. "Jou, I've never been so scared in my life, except when Gozaburo hurt Mokuba. It all came rushing back to me when I looked in the window and saw your fathers' furious face. He looked so much like him."
The new memories kept flashing in his mind, mixed with old ones of his stepfather. It occurred to Seto that if Jou truly did die, this would be the last time his mask would ever be off, and it broke his heart.
"I heard your father yell at you; scream at you; ask you why you told when he saw the cop. You told him you didn't. You begged him not to hurt you, that it was some mistake. And you know what the sick bastard said? Of course you do. He told you that it was too late, he was going to jail, but if he had to go he was going to make you regret it. I've never seen a man move so fast. He locked the doors, closed the windows, and went into your bedroom. He wasn't drunk this time. I know that must have made you cry, because you finally couldn't blame it on the alcohol. Now it was your father, flesh and blood, with no excuse and no explanation. It was just your father.
"You screamed and I heard him beat the shit out of you. I'm not even sure what happened in there, Jou, but God, I know it hurt. And I'm so sorry because it's my fault. I started screaming at the policeman to do something but he wouldn't. He said it was too dangerous, but he could 'call for backup, right away'. I just sort of looked at him and you know what I said Jou? I said, 'If you have any ounce of dignity left in your sorry pathetic soul, get in there and do what you're paid for.' But he didn't move, and I told him he was a coward and that it was unbelievable, and that I hoped every one of the guys in the force died feeling guilty because they didn't help you. Useless cops... But Jou, it was really me that felt guilty.
"I smashed open one of the windows... You were there on the floor. It was your room. I dreamed of seeing it for so long, but it was nothing like the room I had imagined. It was filthy. You had a sleeping bag in one corner covered in blood, and he was on top of you. And when he saw me..."
Seto was now unleashing tears he had wanted to cry for so long. This was the first time he had cried in years. It suddenly occurred to him that the heart monitor was beeping faster. He turned around and stared at the green line as it maneuvered through an invisible maze and rapidly zigzagged across the black screen. Seto realized he didn't have much time. Deep down in his soul, he knew that this was the last time he'd ever see Jou on this earth.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
"Jou, I love you with everything that I am. I know you'll never love me back, but if it's the only thing you ever remember of me, I'm glad. I love you."
Seto's tears began to fall, crashing to their doom on the hand that he was holding.
"I'm so sorry, Jou. I know I was terrible to you. I ruined everything. I won't be able to live with myself, I know."
The rhythm of the machine went even faster, 'beep-beeping' like Jou was running a marathon. But he wasn't running-- he was dying.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Your friends love you, too, Jou. Don't forget that. I- I," he choked, now sobbing like he hadn't done since he was a child. He took both of Jou's hands into his, and gently kissed Jou's burning hot forehead.
BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep.
"I love you, Jounouchi Katsuya."
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
The line went flat. Seto's face contorted with pain and despair. He released the gut-wrenching cry to end all, the cry he had wanted to cry for so long. The sob echoed off the walls, and forcefully hammered Seto's heart into a bloody dying mess. His hot tears erupted from his eyes, burning his flesh and killing his soul. He cried for his parents, the day they were killed when he and Mokuba were but toddler and baby. He cried for the orphanage, when the kids picked on him and his brother mercilessly. He cried for the day that Gozaburo claimed Seto as his own; the day he raped and raped and raped and raped. He cried for the day his stepfather threatened Mokuba-and even the day he killed him. He cried for the pain and all the wasted time; the icy facade he mastered only to find it worthless. He cried for his life, and he cried for Jou's.
Suddenly, the tension seemed to be sucked away. Seto looked up, feeling the full brunt of exhaustion hit him, and felt the energy of his pure sadness drawl away.
Jou's back arched upwards, abruptly launching him into a sitting position, and his eyes snapped open with all the force of a tidal wave.
***
His honey orbs snapped back and forth, and the confusion in them was evident. He slowly became aware of his surroundings-- the white sheets on his bed and the hospital gown he had been lying in. Finally, his eyes came to rest on his hand, which was currently enveloped in another's.
The hand was limp, but sported a warmth that Jou could tell was slowly ebbing away. 'No,' his mind screamed. 'Please, God, no!'
His eyes wandered down the length of the arm that belonged to the hand, and he came upon the most dreadful sight he had ever seen. Seto Kaiba, the love of Jou's life, was sprawled out lazily in a chair drinking in the last breaths of life.
They locked gazes for a moment, Seto's eyes soft with exhaustion and... acceptance. He looked wistfully at Jou, allowing him to see a bright smile that he had only shown Mokuba before. It shone with a brilliance and mirth that was quite uncharacteristic of Seto, and Jou melted at the sight, allowing a few stray tears to escape his long lashes.
"I love you too, Seto," whispered Jou.
He had hoped that his words would rekindle some sort of life in Seto, to save him from a fate that he had kept for himself, but the truth was that he was already gone; dying from a broken heart. Jou would slip away soon, too-a knowledge that they both possessed in their final moments; a knowledge that set Seto free into the realm of the dead. Without Jou, there was no Seto, and that's the way it had always been, even a millennia ago.
So Jounouchi Katsuya and Seto Kaiba stared into one another's eyes, a waning sense of consciousness apparent in both, as they fell into death's open palms, together.
_________________________________________________________________________
Authors Notes (assuming that you care): IT SUCKS! I KNOW! Ah well... umm yeah I wrote half while I was like "roar everyone die" and then another half when I was just like "I feel all warm and fuzzily inside". Did you miss the warm and fuzzily too?
I'll be honest (as much as it pains me to do so): I only edited the first four paragraphs, which I found to be insignificant to the story other than for introductory purposes and thus did a shitty-ass job on it. Anyhoo... yes as I've mentioned this was my first fic and it's kind of depressing because it sucks. I was hoping to get a really good story up as my first one but oh well. Hopefully my future fics won't be so angst-y. It's kind of weird because I kept on changing my mind about whether or not Jou should die. So they both did instead! Uhh yeah... I know it is extremely unrealistic and there's no actual explanation as to why Kaiba died but let's just pretend for my sake, ok? Thanks.
The characters were very OOC and this story had a horrible lack of background information, but, for the tenth time, it's my first fic and it should start off small, right?
All of the character's dialogue sounded extremely unrealistic and I apologize for that. Seto, I realize, would probably take on a business tone and put his outstanding vocabulary to good use, but I don't have any excuses for anyone else who was overly dramatic during their speaking roles. Jesus, now I'm talking about the characters as if they were real actors...
I'm also aware that the whole abuse thing is typical of a Seto/Jou story and I probably should have spared you all the pain of reading yet another one about their troubled childhoods. But hey, I'm unoriginal, so what? And who can't resist a good ol' "let's-beat-Seto-and-Jou so-that-they-can-fall-madly-in-love" story?
If anyone doesn't understand what happened (because I don't think I would have) then just tell me so in a review and I'll try to re-do the chapter or something later on. I was just sick of waiting to put something up for so long and instead I posted the sucky thing.
Okay since all I seem to be doing is criticizing my own work I'm gonna let you leave now (as if something was keeping you) and let you handle that part. I'd really appreciate some constructive criticism and/or compliments. Telling me that I suck is also acceptable. Holy shit-- my author's notes are almost as long as my story! I definitely need to wrap this up...
R&R everyone! Toodles!!!
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own this, or I wouldn't be posting it on Fanfiction.net, now would I?
It's my first fic, please go easy on me!
Last Chance To Take Off The Mask
Seto paced the waiting room, mulling over the recent events. How could he let this happen? How could he possibly endure the rest of his life with the guilt if Jou didn't make it? Seto's impenetrable ice-mask was up, but he didn't bother to hide the fact that he was nervous by wandering impatiently near the clock.
Honda, upon noticing the tall CEO's apprehension, made an abrupt movement to inquire the boy's seemingly out-of-character behavior. He jerked upwards from his seat and swiftly wiped his eyes before spoiling Seto's deep internal battle by shoving him into the nearest wall. The wobbly plastic chairs that littered the floor rattled with the unexpected force of Seto's body slamming into the hospitals' cheap paneling, and Honda grabbed both of his shoulders forcibly in a sign that he wasn't messing around.
"Why are you here?" Honda demanded, his words dripping with both desperation and venom. "Why would you, of all people, come to witness what could be Jou's last fucking minutes of life? You hate him, so why don't you do us all a favor and leave us in peace! God, Kaiba, he's... just let him die in peace!"
Seto's cold exterior seemed to harden even more, and he spoke in a low authoritative tone. "It is none of your concern why I am here, and the mutt is hardly going to die in peace if you don't start acting civil and release me."
Honda's face went red with fury as he lifted his fist to murder the disrespectful little bastard. The comment shouldn't have enraged him so, but it seemed that Kaiba was the best person to blame and he relished in the idea of making him suffer like Jou was suffering. He launched the punch, landing it squarely at its target- Seto's face.
The tall brunette made no indication that the blow had actually caused him harm, but as he stood there motionless, plastered against the wall and head tilted in the direction that the hit had forced it, his mask cracked. Just slightly, ever so slightly, the mask had faltered and he found himself staring at the ground in vain attempts to forget all of the day's events. His chestnut brown bangs hung limply over his eyes, and it was clear he didn't want to look up; didn't want to face the truth.
"This may be my last chance," he whispered hoarsely, breaking the silent vow he had with himself to never degrade his name by displaying such vulnerability. He seemed to choke the words out, and it was as if he broke right there in front of Honda. The supposed ruthless CEO couldn't possibly have said a simpler statement, but it instantly shattered all the walls he had built up over the years.
As if daring himself to, Seto turned his pleading eyes upon the boy who had issued the punch. It cost Seto so much pride to do that-- to show one of his enemies his true humanity and condemn his reputation. But it was his last chance, as he said, and he'd rather openly display his soul for anyone to mock then let it's sub-zero flavor burn a hole into his already breaking heart.
He met Honda's eyes, letting him witness all the emotions he suffered from, and begged with his normally cold blue orbs for that last chance. In that instant, Honda seemed to understand the years of humiliation and teasing that Seto had inflicted upon his blonde friend. He nodded warily, as if in confirmation of his comprehension, and quickly averted his gaze to the floor in an act of shame. He made his way back to the chair, and Seto just barely had enough time to recompose himself before a nurse stumbled into the tense atmosphere.
Glancing sidelong at the group of friends in one corner, who'd remained idle during Honda's and Kaiba's confrontation out of sheer concern for Jou, the woman addressed Seto with a gesture of the hand. He hesitantly stepped forward to converse with the lady, and he realized he'd started shaking from the dread that infected his sanity.
"What's his condition?" he asked timidly, but still using a selection of words that suggested he possessed a certain amount of professionalism.
"He's currently unconscious, and we're not sure if he's going to make it." She paused, then continued on. "The odds are that he will not."
"I see." The nurse recognized this small comment as the first sign of denial, but ignored it in her haste to get to the point.
"He's got several broken ribs, one of which has punctured his left lung, and we've put him on life-support. His heart was just barely missed by the bullet, but thankfully it was. He's lost a lot of blood, so we're not sure if..." she drifted off.
"Yes?" Seto asked, getting impatient.
She lowered her voice considerably after quickly glancing at Yugi, Tea, Ryou, and Honda all huddled in the corner. "We're not sure if he'll survive, even if all his other wounds are fine. But sir, there's one more thing that I have to tell you. Since his legal guardian is in the police's custody and you are funding his medical care, you have a right to know. I think we should step into the hallway though, as to not upset his friends should they overhear."
He nodded and quickly stepped out of the view of the others, though he knew what the nurse was about to tell him.
"It seems that Jou has also got several bruises and scars all over, particularly near his... near his..." She couldn't finish the sentence, that much Kaiba knew. You'd think that being as her job is to break bad news to people she'd find this easier.
"Yes, I'm aware of the abuse he's been subject to over the years. You don't have to say it since you're obviously uncomfortable with relaying simple information as your job entails. Perhaps you should reconsider your career choice," he said bitterly, noting the relief that had shown in her eyes at the revelation that she would not be forced to give details.
"I apologize Mr. Kaiba," she forced out before wrapping up her discussion with the man. A part of her was compassionate towards the pain he was feeling and she didn't quite mind being insulted. "You may visit him if you would like, but I must ask that you do not bring anyone else with you. Technically he's not supposed to have any visitors at all at this hour, but given his state an exception was made. If he wakes up alert the doctor immediately. If he shows any signs of discomfort or heart failure alert him immediately. Do you understand?"
He nodded curtly before following the woman to the designated room and nearly broke down at the site. Jou, his Jou-puppy, was lying on the hospital bed looking small as ever. His flesh was ghostly pale, besides the red, purple, and green bruises that marred his once-perfect skin. He had numerous cuts all over, and if one moved closer, as Kaiba did, you could see the hundreds upon hundreds of scars that engraved themselves upon his feeble body.
Seto strode over to the bedside in a heartbeat, barely noticing the nurses' departure. He sat down in a chair conveniently placed there, and stared at Jou for what seemed like hours. Carefully, as if fearing rejection from the unconscious boy, he brought his fingertips to the bruise on his left cheek under his eye. He gently ran his fingers over the mark and memorized the feel of Jou.
This wasn't the first time Jou's face had been hit hard by his father, but it was definitely the worst. His dad had always been cautiously aware of the consequences of his distributions, and usually he hit Jou's chest and back, only occasionally wandering to the arms. However, as time moved on, and the alcoholic's sadistic will grew stronger, he became more careless with the visibility factor and reasoned that Jou was perfectly capable of forming excuses for the wounds.
Seto slowly traced Jou's jawline, faintly aware of the hum of the life-support machine and the steady 'beep-beep' of the heart monitor. The giant plastic tube around Jou's nasal opening and mouth looked predictably dramatic, like a scene from a movie.
"But this is not a movie," mused Seto out loud, "and this may be my last chance."
Seto took a deep breath and began to speak to the boy he knew wasn't listening.
"Jou, puppy, you know I always tortured you, laughed at you, and did everything within my power to harass you." His words sounded scripted, so insincere. He exhaled shakily and let the mask slip further down again, revealing emotion in his eyes that Jou could not see. This was harder than he thought.
"The truth is Jou, I never meant to hurt you. It's just... you were right. I'm incapable of showing people my heart. You always told me that, and every time you said it my heart broke, because I knew it was true. But after everything and everyone, the only person I want to show it to is you. But I couldn't-not before. You were so untouchable, so stubborn. Do you remember that day I saw you walking to school late? And I thought to myself, 'it's now or never, Seto, just show him you care.'"
Seto thought to himself for a minute, wondering how, even if Jou was awake, he would be able to understand such run-together thoughts. He sighed and continued anyway, hoping to form coherent sentences this time.
"I asked my driver to pull over, and I stepped out. I saw you roll your eyes at me, as if to say, 'Great, it's Kaiba. My life officially sucks.' But I saw something else too, Jou. Before you noticed me you had this look-- this look like nothing was worth living anymore and this look of frustration and confusion and desperation and so many other things and I wanted to help you so bad and just make it all better." Seto's eyes slowly began to well up with tears he'd held for far too long.
"And I saw the bruise on your neck, Jou. Before you pulled up your collar and hid it from your friends. I asked if you wanted a ride and you said no, that you'd rather be late than hang out with me. That hurt. It hurt badly. But I knew I deserved it so I said something rude to you to hide my disappointment. I'm not even sure what I said. I never remember. It's not important what I say to you, as long as I get to talk to you, and that's the way it's always been."
He slowly slid his hand into Jou's and leaned closer, knowing that this may be it; the last time he saw Jou.
"I always liked you, Jou, you know that? From the moment I saw you, I knew you were different. But that day, as much as I hated the hurt, I liked you even more. At school your collar on your uniform slipped, and Yugi asked what happened. That's when it hit me, Jou. It wasn't a bruise. It was a hickey, Jou. And for a minute I was jealous as hell, and I was afraid to hear you tell Yugi about your new girlfriend or whatever. But you didn't. You told him you fell off your bed at a weird angle and Yugi bought it. I suddenly understood. Yugi went back to his work and that's when you saw me. We stood there for a minute just staring at each other, and you knew I knew, Jou, didn't you?"
Seto let out a few ragged breaths, gently squeezing on Jou's hand. "I wanted so badly to confront you. I almost did. I wanted to tell you that I knew what it was like, that it happened to me too. But I was scared. So you know what I did? I followed you home, instead. I followed you like some stalker and I knew I was being crazy, but I didn't care because it was for you.
"You walked into your apartment, and I stared through the window. You were on the first floor so I didn't have any trouble. And I saw that day. And everything I feared was confirmed, because your dad was waiting, and he hit you so hard Jou. And you wouldn't cry; you refused to. You were so strong. And that day, Jou, I loved you, and I still do."
Seto made a decision then. He dug deep down into his soul, trying to remember the way he was before he turned to ice, and with all the conviction he could summon, he stole away the mask that had gnawed away at his life. He delved under the stone barriers that had protected him from rejection for so long, but had also woven a lonely fabrication of his true self. He would let Jou see him as he was, even if Jou did not acknowledge it or even know it happened.
"I tried to help you. I really did. But I made things worse and now your sitting here dying and I don't know if you're coming back. It's just... I wanted to save you so bad. I wanted you to let me hold you and say that you loved me and you thanked me. But I was Seto Kaiba, heartless CEO, and archrival of your best friend. I could never be loved by you, Jou, could I? And now I took away your life and the thing I admired most. I never told you it, but you're amazing. I don't think anyone else in the world could suffer so much and remain so kind, so cheerful. You made sure none of your friends found out. None. You took it and never once brought up all you went through. Even when I called you weak, you never told me or even hinted to the fact that you had endured so much. I think that's why I love you. You're everything I'm not and nothing that I am. You're beautiful, Jou, and I'm ugly.
"When I came to your house last night, I was going to ask you to come live with me. I brought a cop and everything. And I knocked on your door--" Seto choked, a single tear now sliding down his cheek at the fresh memory of what happened. He was repeating this for himself more than for Jou, now. "Jou, I've never been so scared in my life, except when Gozaburo hurt Mokuba. It all came rushing back to me when I looked in the window and saw your fathers' furious face. He looked so much like him."
The new memories kept flashing in his mind, mixed with old ones of his stepfather. It occurred to Seto that if Jou truly did die, this would be the last time his mask would ever be off, and it broke his heart.
"I heard your father yell at you; scream at you; ask you why you told when he saw the cop. You told him you didn't. You begged him not to hurt you, that it was some mistake. And you know what the sick bastard said? Of course you do. He told you that it was too late, he was going to jail, but if he had to go he was going to make you regret it. I've never seen a man move so fast. He locked the doors, closed the windows, and went into your bedroom. He wasn't drunk this time. I know that must have made you cry, because you finally couldn't blame it on the alcohol. Now it was your father, flesh and blood, with no excuse and no explanation. It was just your father.
"You screamed and I heard him beat the shit out of you. I'm not even sure what happened in there, Jou, but God, I know it hurt. And I'm so sorry because it's my fault. I started screaming at the policeman to do something but he wouldn't. He said it was too dangerous, but he could 'call for backup, right away'. I just sort of looked at him and you know what I said Jou? I said, 'If you have any ounce of dignity left in your sorry pathetic soul, get in there and do what you're paid for.' But he didn't move, and I told him he was a coward and that it was unbelievable, and that I hoped every one of the guys in the force died feeling guilty because they didn't help you. Useless cops... But Jou, it was really me that felt guilty.
"I smashed open one of the windows... You were there on the floor. It was your room. I dreamed of seeing it for so long, but it was nothing like the room I had imagined. It was filthy. You had a sleeping bag in one corner covered in blood, and he was on top of you. And when he saw me..."
Seto was now unleashing tears he had wanted to cry for so long. This was the first time he had cried in years. It suddenly occurred to him that the heart monitor was beeping faster. He turned around and stared at the green line as it maneuvered through an invisible maze and rapidly zigzagged across the black screen. Seto realized he didn't have much time. Deep down in his soul, he knew that this was the last time he'd ever see Jou on this earth.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
"Jou, I love you with everything that I am. I know you'll never love me back, but if it's the only thing you ever remember of me, I'm glad. I love you."
Seto's tears began to fall, crashing to their doom on the hand that he was holding.
"I'm so sorry, Jou. I know I was terrible to you. I ruined everything. I won't be able to live with myself, I know."
The rhythm of the machine went even faster, 'beep-beeping' like Jou was running a marathon. But he wasn't running-- he was dying.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Your friends love you, too, Jou. Don't forget that. I- I," he choked, now sobbing like he hadn't done since he was a child. He took both of Jou's hands into his, and gently kissed Jou's burning hot forehead.
BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep.
"I love you, Jounouchi Katsuya."
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
The line went flat. Seto's face contorted with pain and despair. He released the gut-wrenching cry to end all, the cry he had wanted to cry for so long. The sob echoed off the walls, and forcefully hammered Seto's heart into a bloody dying mess. His hot tears erupted from his eyes, burning his flesh and killing his soul. He cried for his parents, the day they were killed when he and Mokuba were but toddler and baby. He cried for the orphanage, when the kids picked on him and his brother mercilessly. He cried for the day that Gozaburo claimed Seto as his own; the day he raped and raped and raped and raped. He cried for the day his stepfather threatened Mokuba-and even the day he killed him. He cried for the pain and all the wasted time; the icy facade he mastered only to find it worthless. He cried for his life, and he cried for Jou's.
Suddenly, the tension seemed to be sucked away. Seto looked up, feeling the full brunt of exhaustion hit him, and felt the energy of his pure sadness drawl away.
Jou's back arched upwards, abruptly launching him into a sitting position, and his eyes snapped open with all the force of a tidal wave.
***
His honey orbs snapped back and forth, and the confusion in them was evident. He slowly became aware of his surroundings-- the white sheets on his bed and the hospital gown he had been lying in. Finally, his eyes came to rest on his hand, which was currently enveloped in another's.
The hand was limp, but sported a warmth that Jou could tell was slowly ebbing away. 'No,' his mind screamed. 'Please, God, no!'
His eyes wandered down the length of the arm that belonged to the hand, and he came upon the most dreadful sight he had ever seen. Seto Kaiba, the love of Jou's life, was sprawled out lazily in a chair drinking in the last breaths of life.
They locked gazes for a moment, Seto's eyes soft with exhaustion and... acceptance. He looked wistfully at Jou, allowing him to see a bright smile that he had only shown Mokuba before. It shone with a brilliance and mirth that was quite uncharacteristic of Seto, and Jou melted at the sight, allowing a few stray tears to escape his long lashes.
"I love you too, Seto," whispered Jou.
He had hoped that his words would rekindle some sort of life in Seto, to save him from a fate that he had kept for himself, but the truth was that he was already gone; dying from a broken heart. Jou would slip away soon, too-a knowledge that they both possessed in their final moments; a knowledge that set Seto free into the realm of the dead. Without Jou, there was no Seto, and that's the way it had always been, even a millennia ago.
So Jounouchi Katsuya and Seto Kaiba stared into one another's eyes, a waning sense of consciousness apparent in both, as they fell into death's open palms, together.
_________________________________________________________________________
Authors Notes (assuming that you care): IT SUCKS! I KNOW! Ah well... umm yeah I wrote half while I was like "roar everyone die" and then another half when I was just like "I feel all warm and fuzzily inside". Did you miss the warm and fuzzily too?
I'll be honest (as much as it pains me to do so): I only edited the first four paragraphs, which I found to be insignificant to the story other than for introductory purposes and thus did a shitty-ass job on it. Anyhoo... yes as I've mentioned this was my first fic and it's kind of depressing because it sucks. I was hoping to get a really good story up as my first one but oh well. Hopefully my future fics won't be so angst-y. It's kind of weird because I kept on changing my mind about whether or not Jou should die. So they both did instead! Uhh yeah... I know it is extremely unrealistic and there's no actual explanation as to why Kaiba died but let's just pretend for my sake, ok? Thanks.
The characters were very OOC and this story had a horrible lack of background information, but, for the tenth time, it's my first fic and it should start off small, right?
All of the character's dialogue sounded extremely unrealistic and I apologize for that. Seto, I realize, would probably take on a business tone and put his outstanding vocabulary to good use, but I don't have any excuses for anyone else who was overly dramatic during their speaking roles. Jesus, now I'm talking about the characters as if they were real actors...
I'm also aware that the whole abuse thing is typical of a Seto/Jou story and I probably should have spared you all the pain of reading yet another one about their troubled childhoods. But hey, I'm unoriginal, so what? And who can't resist a good ol' "let's-beat-Seto-and-Jou so-that-they-can-fall-madly-in-love" story?
If anyone doesn't understand what happened (because I don't think I would have) then just tell me so in a review and I'll try to re-do the chapter or something later on. I was just sick of waiting to put something up for so long and instead I posted the sucky thing.
Okay since all I seem to be doing is criticizing my own work I'm gonna let you leave now (as if something was keeping you) and let you handle that part. I'd really appreciate some constructive criticism and/or compliments. Telling me that I suck is also acceptable. Holy shit-- my author's notes are almost as long as my story! I definitely need to wrap this up...
R&R everyone! Toodles!!!