~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jealousy, Or Something More~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Summary: Aizawa reflects on his obsession with his rival vocalist Shindou Shuichi.
Rated: PG 13 because, as you probably know if your reading this, it dealt with rape issues. And mild language.
Posted: November 30, 2003
Author: TheSilentSenshi / Kirameki / Stephie P. [thesilentsenshi@Hotmail.com] (yes they are all one person… me! heh heh)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gravitation characters, only the dvds and graphic novels, and this work of pure fiction. ^.^
Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews guys! They made me so happy! Scroll down to the end of the chapter to see my replies to some of them. Oh my gosh! I got the third chapter up already! I'm so proud of myself! Ah and I know I said Yuki'd be in this chapter… but um… he's not. Instead it's a totally breaking down Taki! Muahahaha! I really made him suffer! Hope you guys enjoy. He may seem a bit OOC, but since he's insane, is there such a thing as OOC? After all, who knows what really goes on in that warped brain of his (assuming he has one-no offence Taki fans). Yuki'll most definitely be in the next chapter… but I am in serious need of ideas, I have no idea how I'm gonna handle that scene, so please throw me some ideas. [gives the readers pleading puppy dog eyes] I'm also unsure about chapter 2 and 3's titles, if you guys like em or have better Ideas tell me! ^.^ And now… without further ado…onto the suffering of one Aizawa Taki. [pfft…. I just love making him suffer…nyahahaha] Ah and I may not have produced Yuki as promised, but I did fit in that semi-wet dream thing I commented on last chapter. I hope that makes up for it. ^.~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 3: HauntedI sit with my bandmates gloating over my victory of Bad Luck. They look at me, doubtful, but I ignore them. I wasn't going to change my mind. They shrug and go about their business, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Even after my victory, I still couldn't get Shindou Shuichi out of my head. I replayed last night's events out over and over in my mind. The look in his eyes was haunting me. He was haunting me. He went through all of that and even agreed to quit Bad Luck… all for that bastard Yuki Eiri. All for a guy who had so easily thrown him away and tossed him aside. I don't get it. I don't understand him. Hell, I probably never will. At this point I don't even understand myself. Why would he allow himself to suffer for someone who didn't even seem to care about him? Why? And why the hell do I even care!? I despise the pink haired punk. But even so… he haunts me. How could he just throw everything away for the sake of one person… one man? And an ungrateful bastard at that.
Wait a minute. What the hell am I thinking? It's none of my business. I got what I wanted… didn't I? Shindou Shuichi of Bad Luck was no more. Yet… I find my mind wandering back to last night's events unwittingly.
Even though I had won… witness to the battered and broken form of Bad Luck's former vocalist lieing in a sobbing heap after the evening of abuse, both physical and sexual… perhaps mental as well. Still… my victory aside… I felt rather… unfulfilled.
But how can that be? My whole purpose last night had been to destroy Shindou Shuichi and break up Bad Luck. In that I had succeeded. I even had a roll of film to prove it. Soon my biggest rival would be eliminated and ASK would once again be at the top of the charts. I should be satisfied.
Yes. I should be. But I wasn't. More frustrating than that knowledge was the fact that I couldn't figure out why. Though I was gloating outwardly, my insides were a tangled mess.
I closed my eyes from the blinding studio lights, and immediately wished I hadn't. As soon as my eyelids lowered, I was bombarded with images. Images of wild pink hair damp with sweat, violet eyes filled with strength of will and determination, a thin nubile body slick with perspiration. As soon as the images played out in my mind, more would take their place.
My imagination began to not only show images of last night… but of instances that had never occurred as well. I began to picture myself not only watching, but taking action as well. I could almost feel the flushed and trembling form squirming beneath me, my length embedded in warm tightness.
"…eady. Tachi, are you ready? It's time to work! You were spacing out there." Ma-kun's voice sliced into my consciousness like a knife, rapidly bringing me back to reality. I blinked up at the anxious blonde standing before me looking slightly worried.
Sudden realization, and horror, of what I had just been imagining crashes over me. Startled from my forbidden musings I abruptly stand, knocking over the chair I'd been sitting on in the process. My face pales and breath quickens. Ken and Ma-kun look at me with worried expressions on their faces. I turn to leave but Ma-kun grabs my arm, stopping my escape. I glance down at the obtrusive limb, frustrated.
"Oi, Tachi. What's wrong with you? You don't look so well. Is something the matter?" Ma-kun asks, genuinely concerned. And with good reason, I think. I snatch my arm away from his grasp in annoyance. My eyes darted around the room anxiously, seriously wanting to be anywhere else but there. Well, almost anywhere else. Anywhere else except there and anywhere within a five meter radius of Shindou Shuichi. Neither prospect was pleasant and neither seemed avoidable.
"Leave me alone!" I bark angrily, shocking my concerned friend and bandmates. " Nothings wrong! Nothing…" Yeah, right. Even I find that sounding unconvincing. I back away and rush through the door and out of reach without looking back.
I race down the hall, oblivious to the people I knock over in my haste. I dash into the employee's restroom and finally come to a halt. I look at myself in the mirror and suddenly have the inexplicable urge to laugh. Hahaha! Was that me? Heh. Ma-kun was right, I don't look much like myself. My skin is lacking the color it normally has and my eyes are dark and haunted. My hair is uncombed and my normally emmaculate attire is mussed. I look thoroughly unkempt. Ahahahahaha! So this is what I've become, eh?
My eyes harden. It's all his fault. Shindou Shuichi. What has he done to me? I laugh at the irony of it all. I tried so hard to break him, yet here I am, the one broken in the end.
My body starts to shake. This is not like me. Not like me at all. I have to pull myself together. I turn the sinks faucet to cold water, letting a pool of it formulate in my palms. It's so cold that it's beginning to numb my hands, but I'm far beyond caring at this point. I splash the water in my face, trying to rid myself of this god-awful nightmare, to no avail.
Still shaking I fall to my knees, lowering myself to the cold tile floor, leaning against the equally cold tiled wall. I bury my face in my hands and try to unsuccessfully collect my thoughts.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't erase how Shindou's face and body looked the night before. So insanely tempting. I want to cry, I really do… But I continue to laugh instead, oblivious to my public surroundings, and the fact that someone might walk in at any moment.
One thought runs through my befuddled mind. Oh my god… What the hell have I done… How will I get myself out of this mess? No answer comes to me and I lean back more heavily against the wall.
There's only one thing I can do. Continue what I've started and attempt to forget. No matter how impossible that may seem.
~End Part 3~
TBC… (Hopefully)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Notes: Oh my gosh…. There aren't any for this chapter… nothing really happened so I didn't need to include them! Wow… that's a first. Don't worry I'm sure I'll more than make up for it in chapter 4…. Whenever that comes out….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aren't I so horrible to Taki… not that most of you mind, I'm sure. I mean he had it coming. I said from the get go I wasn't a big fan. This chapter was devoted entirely to causing him suffering and had not much baring on the actual plot.
On a different note… I am so happy I got this out so fast, and It's a fairly long (in my standards) chapter too. This is really becoming a long project, ne. Honestly it wasn't supposed to be more than two chapters when I started it. Oh well, it's a pleasant surprise I suppose. Things never work out quite as planned. As I said earlier I need a lot of help for chapter four… I'm kinda drawing a blank (the first one so far!) Anyways… what do you guys make of Aizawa's feelings about Yuki… How do you think I should handle the next scene? E-mail (thesilentsenshi@hotmail.com)… review… I don't care I just need ideas… Waaaah! Either way… Don't expect chapter 4 out anytime soon. It probably won't happen. Unless my writer's block is lifted… and/or I get some ideas from you guys. Plus I'm in the midst of fall semester finals. [sigh] Don't worry though… I don't plan to give up on this fic! At least, not yet anyways. Hope your enjoying. ^.^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To you guys who reviewed, I love you all and give you hugs and kisses till you shove me off. Here are my replies to a few of them. And I'm glad to hear your opinion. There was a really good response that makes me actually want to finish this story. An overwhelming amount of you supported the warped crush theory so I will continue on that vein…
Note: If your not listed here it's because you a) reviewed after this chapter was posted or b) didn't put anything that needed a personal response. It doesn't mean I love you any less! ^,,^ Honest!
Reviewers from Gurabiteshiyon.net:
No new ones yet. *sob sniffle*
Reviewers from Fanfiction.net:
mirai aria: Heh… I'm glad your enjoying the story so far. ^.^ I wouldn't say he forgets about Shuichi per say… If anything I'd say the opposite.. He just switches his focus to Yuki. Could it be a warped form of jealousy. Well… it makes sense if it's a warped crush… Heck everything about Taki is warped. Heh.
AISH a.k.a. Kitty in the Box: I'm glad I was able to clear some things up for you. Your review made me really happy… well everyone's does but yours especially. As for the comparative view.. it's because I'm assuming many may not have had the chance to read volumes 3 and 4 of the manga yet and so I thought this would help clarify anything that may be confusing. I'm glad you found it helpful. On a happy note Tokyopop is releasing volume 3 really soon... December I think? Been awhile since I checked the site. Then you guys can see it for yourselves.
firedraygon97: I know isn't he. That scene that he brings that side of himself out was the main inspiration and reason for this fic. *cuddles* my poor brave little pink Shu-chan.
Anonymous : I don't know who you are but I'm happy your liking my story! ^.^
Everyone Else: Thanks so much for the support! I love you guys. Without you this chapter would've taken months to get up ^.^ Hope you enjoyed it! *glomp*