~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jealousy, Or Something More~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Summary: Aizawa reflects on his obsession with his rival vocalist Shindou Shuichi.
Rated: PG 13 because, as you probably know if your reading this, it dealt with rape issues. And mild language.
Posted: December 1, 2003
Author: TheSilentSenshi / Kirameki / Stephie P. [thesilentsenshi@Hotmail.com] (yes they are all one person… me! heh heh)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gravitation characters, only the dvds and graphic novels, and this work of pure fiction. ^.^
Ah, I love you guys who reviewed soooo much! *glomp* . This chapter was completed way earlier than expected. Though I'm afraid it remains Yuki-less. Just more angsty Aizawa. I can't avoid him anymore after this chapter though. I'm so afraid I'll ruin his totally cool image. Waah! I'm still searching for ideas, so send 'em my way. Instead this chapter focuses on the conversation he has with Ma-kun at the end of chapter 13 in the manga. I'm really drawing this out, aren't I? You guys don't mind though, do ya? Oh and I decided to make up to Taki for the last chapter. So he's for the most part back to his old self, ya know confident outwardly while angstin' inwardly. I had fun with the last chapter though. I know Taki has some steadfast fans (why, kami-sama only knows), and I'm obviously not one of them. His character does interest me though (obviously I'm writing this, aren't I?). This chapter I literally squeezed forcefully from my brain, so I hope it turned out okay. I'm glad I have so many steadfast supporters. You've no idea how happy it makes me. This chapter's for you guys. ^.^ Thanks for sticking with the story so long. I currently have no clue how long it will end up being. My outline for it is totally disrupted and all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 4: No Going BackAfter awhile of sitting on the restroom floor, I get up, sighing heavily. There was no use dwelling on it. There was only one course of action for me to take. I must destroy Shindou Shuichi… before he destroys me. I had started this, and I would see it through to the end.
I tidy myself and manage to get myself looking almost normal. The color had returned to my face, and my heart was no longer racing. I take a deep breath. I had managed to clear my mind. Well, as clear as it would ever be. Shindou was still there, lurking, as he always was, and would probably always be. I had managed to shove him to the back of my mind, for now. I look in the mirror one last time. And satisfied with what I see, stride from the brightly lit restroom.
As I walk down the nearly empty hallway, I hear something that had been haunting my dreams for the past few months. I stop dead in my tracks. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. It was a voice. A singing voice to be exact. But it wasn't just any voice. It was his voice. But where was it coming from? It couldn't possibly be the real Shindou Shuichi, seeing as he was supposedly quitting at this very moment elsewhere in the studio.
Following the voice, I peer into each of the rooms lining the hall. Then I come to a room with a tv in it, where a recorded Bad Luck concert was playing on the screen. I slip inside to watch, transfixed.
I stand silently for a few moments, just watching. Shindou was singing passionately and dancing energetically. It was rather hypnotic. And his revealing concert clothes did nothing but fuel my already swamped imagination.
When the song was over I snapped out of the trance I had been in. I was suddenly reminded of my blinding jealousy that had originally inspired my attack on Shindou the night before. I lean against the wall, unsure of whether I wanted to laugh or cry. I decided on the former over the latter.
Hahaha. This was just great. The rage and jealousy pushed back all of the other emotions clouding my mind. No more doubts. No more confusion. I was ready to finish what I'd started.
My composure back in place I exit the room, whistling softly. The next few days should be interesting.
I return to my band's studio, anticipating their interrogation. Well, I might as well tell them everything. No use hiding it.
As expected, Ma-kun was on me the moment I returned. "What the hell is going on Tachi?!" he shouts. I look at him lazily, before taking back my abandoned seat. "Jesus, Tachi! Don't ignore me!" Ma-kun cries.
"I'm not ignoring you. I'm prepared to explain everything." I reply. Well, almost everything, I add silently. I can't tell them about my doubts or how last nights events effected me. And so, I told them what I had done.
When I had finished they looked at me horrified. Not unexpected, but still I was a bit disappointed. The room is quiet for several long moments. I just sit there unfazed by their reaction, playing with the roll of film that would be Shindou Shuichi's undoing.
"Why?" Ma-kun breaks the silence. "What the hell have you done, Tachi?!" I don't deign to answer the obvious. An argument ensues.
"Don't worry," I say, "He's obsessed with that novelist. If we do anything bad to Yuki… Shuichi Shindou is a dead man."
"What's wrong with you?!" Ma-kun shouts frustrated with his friend. He grabs my shirt threateningly. "Why do you hate Shindou Shuichi so much!? Stop this nonsense Tachi!! You're not normal!" A silence follows his statement. There's not much I can say to that, after all, even I know it's true. Though I'd never admit it out loud. But I give him an answer anyway.
"You just don't understand." I say seriously. It's true. After all, even I don't understand it all that well myself. But I can't say that out loud, so instead I continue, "Shuichi and I are both vocals." True enough, But even I realize it's more than just that. I'm just not sure what it is yet.
"I won't stop it no matter what you say," I state, removing his arm from me forcefully.
That's right. I've started this, and there's no going back.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Meanwhile, Nakano Hiroshi, or Hiro to his friends, was across town informing one Yuki Eiri of Shuichi's situation.
"Where can I find ASK's, Aizawa." Yuki growls, with a murderous look in his eyes.
~End Part 4~
TBC… (Hopefully)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Notes: Umm… yeah, in the anime this scene kinda occurs, but Ma-kun is way more passive than in the manga. They seem closer in the manga, more like Hiro and Shu, and he has no compunction in telling him something is seriously wrong with him (nyahahaha and he's the only one to notice this?) Anyways, Ma-kun's a pretty cool dude in the manga, and he really just wants to help his friend get himself out of this mess (though Aizawa totally ruins it and destroys his one chance at redemption). Tohma actually gives him a chance (kinda) but he obviously totally fails it. OH and all the quotes after "He's obsessed with that novelist. ….." are all taken straight from the manga.
And on another note, I just love Hiro and Yuki in that scene. Hiro's awesome.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow this was another really fast chapter. Sorry it's so short (even by my standards). I'm not overly happy with how it turned out, either. I liked the last 3 chapters much better. Maybe the next chapter will be better. Oh well. I still need ideas for chapter five and dealing with Yuki. E-mail (thesilentsenshi@hotmail.com)… review… I don't care I just need ideas… Once again, this time for sure, I won't get chapter 5 out for a week… or two… or more. I am sooo behind in my finals. I have to shoot my final for animation Friday and I'm nowhere near finished! I only have like 14 drawings and I need like 100. God dammit! I had like 50 as an intro but by the time I tested it I realized there was no way it would work. *sobs* What did I do to deserve this! Not to mention I have several papers for Narrative Cinema and Art History, an Art History art project and 2 film projects to complete (God I hate film class, we have to use this really old camera called a Bolex… it's like what you see in movies that they used fifty years ago… all manual and entirely annoying. But it's a required course for my major… even if I totally suck at it) and a Narrative Cinema exam coming up. I only have 2 weeks til classes end. How the hell am I going to survive this!? Okay enough freaking, I'd better get back to work. At least I get to go to the zoo with my drawing class tomorrow. That might be fun. If you consider staring at animals, drawing them over and over indoors(its cold here) for six hours straight fun…Thanks again for all the support. In the mean time I'll be hopefully waiting for suggestions. Feel free to yell at me if it goes too long without an update ^.^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To you guys who reviewed, I love you all and give you hugs and kisses till you shove me off. Here are my replies to a few of them. And I'm glad to hear your opinion. There was a really good response that makes me actually want to finish this story. An overwhelming amount of you supported the warped crush theory so I will continue on that vein…
Note: If your not listed here it's because you a) reviewed after this chapter was posted or b) didn't put anything that needed a personal response. It doesn't mean I love you any less! ^,,^ Honest!
Reviewers from Gurabiteshiyon.net:
No new ones yet. *sob sniffle*
Reviewers from Fanfiction.net:
mirai aria: Thanks for the great ideas! And it's not you… he does seem more concerned with his career than doing what he loves (unlike a certain pink haired somebody). That's why (in my opinion) he finds Shuichi so difficult to understand. He's the kind of person that calculates and manipulates to get what he wants and needs to be in control. Shuichi's the type to just go with the flow and do what he likes. As for the happy ending… probably won't happen, it will end like the manga, probably. I want to just sort of see the series through his eyes rather than go off on my own tangent and create stuff. I don't want a totally alternate ending. Though if I think of something I might do an afterwards of what Taki's doing in the future( another thing I'd need ideas from you guys for). Don't worry though, I won't make him a fucked up druggie and male whore like I've seen some stories do. … Even I'm not that cruel. I wouldn't wish that kind of future on anyone, even a bastard like Taki. Thanks for following my story so diligently! It makes me really happy. Is it just me or am I starting to sound like a broken record? * shrug * Oh well. Thanks ^.^
Silvermagess: I agree… Revenge just isn't worth it. And Taki totally crossed the line even in revenge's standards. Don't worry, there will be plenty of angst. Angsty Aizawa… heh heh where the heck did I come up with that. Well, it amuses me, that's all that really matters.
Anonymous : Yes, his plan definitely backfires, as is obvious to anyone whose seen the series (which I'm assuming you have if you're reading this story) ^.^ He needed to pay for hurting our Shu-chan.
Hanbun Heikin: Glad you love it! Yeah doesn't obsession rock! Nyahahaha.
panatlantic: You are so right, Aizawa is underused. He is such an intriguing character (even if he makes you want to strangle him…)
punky girl: I'm happy I answered your question. ^.^ What was the question, exactly?
AISH a.k.a. Kitty in the Box: I'm glad you liked my reply. I hope I get out of my slump too. ^_^
Everyone Else: Thanks so much for the support! I love you guys. Without you this chapter would've taken months to get up ^.^ Hope you enjoyed it! *glomp*