Chapter 2: Nu-uh! White Dusters Totally Kick Black Dusters Ass!
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"You don't know what your bleeding talkin' aboot!" a drunk Spike slurred, finally feeling some affects of the alcohol that was mostly pooled around him. "Black leather is so much cooler!" "Puuuhhhlease! Black leather is for truckers and ssslutty biker chicks!" One cried out also inebriated. "Wha'sss so wrong with that?" Spike asked with a devious grin. "Besides, it's also for bad ass Master vampires I'll have you know! I was sticking railroads spikes up peoples asses while you were still in your silk, white Pull - ups!" Spike straightened out the lapels of his trademark leather jacket and puffed out his chest. " Gimme a break! White leather dusters are a hell of a lot more original and fashionable! Sides, you're just jealous cause our hair is sooo much cooler, Sid Vicious!" Two taunted, receiving an incredulous look from our bleached blonde vampire. "How dare you! You're hairline receded worst than Agent Smithbob Broodypants over here! Everyone here is just jealous cause I have a full head of hair!" Spike moved a hand over the blonde, curly locks and cringed at the pissed off expression Agent Smith gave him. "You try raising a hundred copies of yourself and see if your hair doesn't fall out in clumps!" Everyone, except for Spike, at the table shuddered at the idea of a hundred Spikes running around reeking havoc. "Hey! I'm very enjoyable company! Especially for the ladies." Spike broke out in a sexy grin and the three Matrix natives rolled their eyes. " Yes. God forbid we have to compete with your stunning good looks. Every woman wants an Eminem wannabe." Replied Agent Smith. Spike's face became sour, One began to laugh so hard that he fell out of the booth in fits of laughter and Two gave Agent Smith a thumbs up for his quick wit. Agent Smith just smirked and got up to give a bow. "Damn programs." Spike muttered. "Always sticking together. Making fun of the undead bloke."
A half a hour later, people began to flood back into the bar and the four "Big Bads" decided not to run them out of the bar. At least not for the time being. " I'm so so sorry Sssspike!" Two slurred while huddling up to Captain peroxide. "You were right. Leather is cool! Think about all the nifty things that are leather. Leather whips, Cat O' Nine tails, leashes with those spiffy spikes on 'em." Spike gave Two a weird look as the program leaned his head on the vampire's shoulder. " Heyyyyyy now! I'm not my sodding grandsire, Peaches! If you want some funny business, you go ask him for a bit of "Rough and Tumble." Two gave Spike a quizzical look until he realized the implications of Spike's words. "NO! NO.*cough* *ahem* NO!" Two said in his most manly voice, sobering up pretty quickly. " I mean, alotta neat stuff comes in leather." "Yeah it does doesn't it? And I guess white dusters aren't very sissy, especially when worn by such kick ass assassins..." Spike mumbled the last part. " Thanks.Should we .uh." Two asked cautiously. Spike looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Alright, mate. Let's just make it quick." Spike and Two moved to give each other a quick hug but instead fell on the other sides of the booths hitting their heads. Unfortunately due to Spike's drunken state, he lost the little bit of physical control he had. "Oh! Bloody Hell!" Spike and Two yelled in unison. Spike was the first to get his barings back. "Well that was bloody stupid." Two just shook his head in agreement as he rubbed his bruised forehead.
On the opposite side of the bar, One was at the jukebox and Smith was observing two young men play pool. "Let's see, what to play, what to play, ah! I've got it!" One put in some money and pressed a series of buttons. All of a sudden "Bootylicious" started blasting from the jukebox and One was doing Beyounce's "booty shake." Both of Agent Smiths' eyebrows shot up as he watched all the girls in the bar start dancing with the albino program. Back at the booth, Spike was dancing in his seat and Two had his head in his hands, mortified from his brother's actions. "I don't think you're ready, For this jelly!" One sang out loud as he ground his hips against an eager brunette. Red with anger and embarrassment, Two stalked to his brother and pulled him away from the girls. The girls moaned in disappointment while others made crude comments about what they could do with the twins. "Wooohoo! Boys, I could put some color back in those cheeks!" Screamed the brunette that was formally dancing with One. Two dragged his brother back to the booth and pushed him towards his seat. "Sit!" growled Two as his brother grinned at him. "What! I was just dancing! Geezzz! Calm down, Mom!" Two narrowed his eyes at his twin and punched him in the arm. "Ouch!" yelped One as he rubbed his arm. "That hurt!" Agent Smith walked back to them. A little wobbly from the amount he had to drink, but intimidating nonetheless. "I don't know what was so bad. That nice redhead over there offered to give you two twin beds!" Smith said in a fake, innocent voice. "You know very well she said that if we came over that the three of us wouldn't need twin beds!" Two seethed as Spike slumped under the table and onto the floor in laughter, One smirked and Agent Smith covered his devious grin with his glass. "Whatever, my bad." Was Smith's only reply.
Another half an hour went by and the four began a lively discussion about religion, philosophy and human nature. "You're telling me that most humans believe in an almighty being who will reward them for being nice after they die? What a jip!" One yelled, his dreads hanging like a curtain over his face as his head lulled back and forth. "Yeah! What are people suppose to do while they're here? Shun themselves from the world? Become shut-outs who brood too much and use way too much hair gel?! Glad I'm damned" Said Spike. " From what I've heard, Angel isn't that bad of a guy. At least he doesn't go around spouting off about frivolous matters like causality or cause and effect. Always giving meaningless speeches, off in his own little world where he is the most important person. Fake ass French prick." One said with disdain in his voice. One nodded his agreement and Agent Smith snickered as he remembered the Merovingian. "Yes. You guys have it pretty bad, having to work for that jackass. But at least you don't have to fight "The One." Smith raised his hands and did air quotations as he said "The One." "Please. Even with just the copies as back up, I have the uttermost confidence that you'll be able to kick that wanker's ass!" Spike replied as he took a drag of his cigarette, smoke floating up through his non-body and toward the ceiling. "Hey! No smoking in here!" The bartender yelled. Agent Smith just looked at the vampire pulled out his gun and shot the bartender in the head. "Really? You really think so? You're not just saying that?" Once everyone realized what had just happened, for the second time that night, people screamed and pushed their way out of the bar as the foursome just continued with their conversation like nothing happened. " Really! I mean, what kinda ponce calls himself "The One"? That's so played out. Hell it was old before I got fangs!"
This time, a hour went by, and the four moved to the bar and helped themselves to drinks seeing as the bartender wasn't exactly "quick on his feet" as One liked to call it. " Alright. So you've been a good little boy or girl and die so what's you're reward? A place where all the goodie goodies in the world come together to do what? Play checkers and eat pudding for the rest of eternity?!" One screeched, thoroughly irked by the whole idea. "Please give me sinful, bad bondage fun and a serious tan when I die any day!" One said as he smirked at the idea of "bondage fun." " Yeah, I'm pretty sure Twister would be out of the question on the list of Fun Things to do." Two said warily. "I'm so glad we don't have such a thing as religion back in our world." Agent Smith replied. One and Two nodded and Spike looked at them skeptically. "Riiiight." Spike said, causing the other three to look at him in confusion. "What?" Agent Smith and the Twins asked in unison, completely dumbfounded by the vampires sarcastic reply. It was a known fact, right? That their world was run by machines. How could that be religious? "Look." Spike sighed. "The Matrix is ran by The Architect, right? Smith, you said it yourself when you were talking with Neo. Purpose is the key to everything. Everyone and everything has a purpose, a reason for being. It was predestined to do something specific. Predestination is the chief belief of Calvinism, which is a Protestant religion. It's roots actually came from Catholicism before it got all corrupted and such." Spike lit a cigarette as the programs sat with their mouths hanging wide open, Trying to digest this new information. "You know, you guys really should try to pay attention more about history. I'm just saying that it's possible that the Matrix is based on religion, making it probably the most real thing there. For all you know after deletion you guys get your own personal place in Hell, where you're told what to do by some even geekier version of Bill Gates." Agent Smith and the Twins looked at each other and let out the most blood curdling cream Spike has ever heard in all his one hundred and twenty years of mayhem and destruction. "How could The Architect do this to us?! Damn us to an eternity of suffering?!" One squeaked while pacing in front of Spike. "I don't know, I don't know? Think it's too late to be good?!" Two asked joining his brother and making Spike go crossed eyed as the two paced. At least Agent Smith was quiet. Then again, he was sitting under a table holding one of it's legs with his arm and sucking the thumb on his other hand. "That's it!" Two yelled. We're going to see The Architect!" ~ Oh bloody Hell! ~ Spike thought while rolling his eyes. ~ What have I gotten myself into! ~
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Wanna see a new chapter?
R&R!!!!
Or I'll send The Twins after you!
Love,
Jaded316
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"You don't know what your bleeding talkin' aboot!" a drunk Spike slurred, finally feeling some affects of the alcohol that was mostly pooled around him. "Black leather is so much cooler!" "Puuuhhhlease! Black leather is for truckers and ssslutty biker chicks!" One cried out also inebriated. "Wha'sss so wrong with that?" Spike asked with a devious grin. "Besides, it's also for bad ass Master vampires I'll have you know! I was sticking railroads spikes up peoples asses while you were still in your silk, white Pull - ups!" Spike straightened out the lapels of his trademark leather jacket and puffed out his chest. " Gimme a break! White leather dusters are a hell of a lot more original and fashionable! Sides, you're just jealous cause our hair is sooo much cooler, Sid Vicious!" Two taunted, receiving an incredulous look from our bleached blonde vampire. "How dare you! You're hairline receded worst than Agent Smithbob Broodypants over here! Everyone here is just jealous cause I have a full head of hair!" Spike moved a hand over the blonde, curly locks and cringed at the pissed off expression Agent Smith gave him. "You try raising a hundred copies of yourself and see if your hair doesn't fall out in clumps!" Everyone, except for Spike, at the table shuddered at the idea of a hundred Spikes running around reeking havoc. "Hey! I'm very enjoyable company! Especially for the ladies." Spike broke out in a sexy grin and the three Matrix natives rolled their eyes. " Yes. God forbid we have to compete with your stunning good looks. Every woman wants an Eminem wannabe." Replied Agent Smith. Spike's face became sour, One began to laugh so hard that he fell out of the booth in fits of laughter and Two gave Agent Smith a thumbs up for his quick wit. Agent Smith just smirked and got up to give a bow. "Damn programs." Spike muttered. "Always sticking together. Making fun of the undead bloke."
A half a hour later, people began to flood back into the bar and the four "Big Bads" decided not to run them out of the bar. At least not for the time being. " I'm so so sorry Sssspike!" Two slurred while huddling up to Captain peroxide. "You were right. Leather is cool! Think about all the nifty things that are leather. Leather whips, Cat O' Nine tails, leashes with those spiffy spikes on 'em." Spike gave Two a weird look as the program leaned his head on the vampire's shoulder. " Heyyyyyy now! I'm not my sodding grandsire, Peaches! If you want some funny business, you go ask him for a bit of "Rough and Tumble." Two gave Spike a quizzical look until he realized the implications of Spike's words. "NO! NO.*cough* *ahem* NO!" Two said in his most manly voice, sobering up pretty quickly. " I mean, alotta neat stuff comes in leather." "Yeah it does doesn't it? And I guess white dusters aren't very sissy, especially when worn by such kick ass assassins..." Spike mumbled the last part. " Thanks.Should we .uh." Two asked cautiously. Spike looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Alright, mate. Let's just make it quick." Spike and Two moved to give each other a quick hug but instead fell on the other sides of the booths hitting their heads. Unfortunately due to Spike's drunken state, he lost the little bit of physical control he had. "Oh! Bloody Hell!" Spike and Two yelled in unison. Spike was the first to get his barings back. "Well that was bloody stupid." Two just shook his head in agreement as he rubbed his bruised forehead.
On the opposite side of the bar, One was at the jukebox and Smith was observing two young men play pool. "Let's see, what to play, what to play, ah! I've got it!" One put in some money and pressed a series of buttons. All of a sudden "Bootylicious" started blasting from the jukebox and One was doing Beyounce's "booty shake." Both of Agent Smiths' eyebrows shot up as he watched all the girls in the bar start dancing with the albino program. Back at the booth, Spike was dancing in his seat and Two had his head in his hands, mortified from his brother's actions. "I don't think you're ready, For this jelly!" One sang out loud as he ground his hips against an eager brunette. Red with anger and embarrassment, Two stalked to his brother and pulled him away from the girls. The girls moaned in disappointment while others made crude comments about what they could do with the twins. "Wooohoo! Boys, I could put some color back in those cheeks!" Screamed the brunette that was formally dancing with One. Two dragged his brother back to the booth and pushed him towards his seat. "Sit!" growled Two as his brother grinned at him. "What! I was just dancing! Geezzz! Calm down, Mom!" Two narrowed his eyes at his twin and punched him in the arm. "Ouch!" yelped One as he rubbed his arm. "That hurt!" Agent Smith walked back to them. A little wobbly from the amount he had to drink, but intimidating nonetheless. "I don't know what was so bad. That nice redhead over there offered to give you two twin beds!" Smith said in a fake, innocent voice. "You know very well she said that if we came over that the three of us wouldn't need twin beds!" Two seethed as Spike slumped under the table and onto the floor in laughter, One smirked and Agent Smith covered his devious grin with his glass. "Whatever, my bad." Was Smith's only reply.
Another half an hour went by and the four began a lively discussion about religion, philosophy and human nature. "You're telling me that most humans believe in an almighty being who will reward them for being nice after they die? What a jip!" One yelled, his dreads hanging like a curtain over his face as his head lulled back and forth. "Yeah! What are people suppose to do while they're here? Shun themselves from the world? Become shut-outs who brood too much and use way too much hair gel?! Glad I'm damned" Said Spike. " From what I've heard, Angel isn't that bad of a guy. At least he doesn't go around spouting off about frivolous matters like causality or cause and effect. Always giving meaningless speeches, off in his own little world where he is the most important person. Fake ass French prick." One said with disdain in his voice. One nodded his agreement and Agent Smith snickered as he remembered the Merovingian. "Yes. You guys have it pretty bad, having to work for that jackass. But at least you don't have to fight "The One." Smith raised his hands and did air quotations as he said "The One." "Please. Even with just the copies as back up, I have the uttermost confidence that you'll be able to kick that wanker's ass!" Spike replied as he took a drag of his cigarette, smoke floating up through his non-body and toward the ceiling. "Hey! No smoking in here!" The bartender yelled. Agent Smith just looked at the vampire pulled out his gun and shot the bartender in the head. "Really? You really think so? You're not just saying that?" Once everyone realized what had just happened, for the second time that night, people screamed and pushed their way out of the bar as the foursome just continued with their conversation like nothing happened. " Really! I mean, what kinda ponce calls himself "The One"? That's so played out. Hell it was old before I got fangs!"
This time, a hour went by, and the four moved to the bar and helped themselves to drinks seeing as the bartender wasn't exactly "quick on his feet" as One liked to call it. " Alright. So you've been a good little boy or girl and die so what's you're reward? A place where all the goodie goodies in the world come together to do what? Play checkers and eat pudding for the rest of eternity?!" One screeched, thoroughly irked by the whole idea. "Please give me sinful, bad bondage fun and a serious tan when I die any day!" One said as he smirked at the idea of "bondage fun." " Yeah, I'm pretty sure Twister would be out of the question on the list of Fun Things to do." Two said warily. "I'm so glad we don't have such a thing as religion back in our world." Agent Smith replied. One and Two nodded and Spike looked at them skeptically. "Riiiight." Spike said, causing the other three to look at him in confusion. "What?" Agent Smith and the Twins asked in unison, completely dumbfounded by the vampires sarcastic reply. It was a known fact, right? That their world was run by machines. How could that be religious? "Look." Spike sighed. "The Matrix is ran by The Architect, right? Smith, you said it yourself when you were talking with Neo. Purpose is the key to everything. Everyone and everything has a purpose, a reason for being. It was predestined to do something specific. Predestination is the chief belief of Calvinism, which is a Protestant religion. It's roots actually came from Catholicism before it got all corrupted and such." Spike lit a cigarette as the programs sat with their mouths hanging wide open, Trying to digest this new information. "You know, you guys really should try to pay attention more about history. I'm just saying that it's possible that the Matrix is based on religion, making it probably the most real thing there. For all you know after deletion you guys get your own personal place in Hell, where you're told what to do by some even geekier version of Bill Gates." Agent Smith and the Twins looked at each other and let out the most blood curdling cream Spike has ever heard in all his one hundred and twenty years of mayhem and destruction. "How could The Architect do this to us?! Damn us to an eternity of suffering?!" One squeaked while pacing in front of Spike. "I don't know, I don't know? Think it's too late to be good?!" Two asked joining his brother and making Spike go crossed eyed as the two paced. At least Agent Smith was quiet. Then again, he was sitting under a table holding one of it's legs with his arm and sucking the thumb on his other hand. "That's it!" Two yelled. We're going to see The Architect!" ~ Oh bloody Hell! ~ Spike thought while rolling his eyes. ~ What have I gotten myself into! ~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wanna see a new chapter?
R&R!!!!
Or I'll send The Twins after you!
Love,
Jaded316