Title: Save Me
Author: Tinnuelenath
Rated: PG (13?)
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Ax/Marco (who else)
Summary: Ax makes a confession and Marco doesn't know what to say
Notes: I really don't like sad M/A stories all that much, but I was in a
really bad mood. The song lyrics are Save Me by *cough cough*Hanson*cough
cough*.I scratched this down when I was tired and cranky, and yes I know
that they are both just a bit OOC, but it was my attempt at the effects of
long-term emotional distress.
CH 1: Ax
Loving you
Like I never have before
I'm needing you
To open up that door
"So..I guess that's what I wanted to tell you. That's why I'm back." Ax sat in his human form. His only form as it now was. Sheepishly he looked away from the man next to him, so similar to the boy Ax had first met. The emotion on Marco's face now, though, was not the one Ax had seen before, and it was just to much to bare.
"You came back because of me? Because you love me? Then you just decided to become a nothlit?" If it only had been such a quick decision, Ax thought. He had actually come back to earth 2 years ago after being disowned by his parents when he had confessed his feelings to them. They had told him if he got over his obsession he could come back home. He just had to choose. And choose he had. Many choices actually. Chosen to leave home, chosen to come back to Earth, chosen to abandon his Andalite form and come a nothlit, a human, to show his commitment and sincerity, and now, finally, chosen to come here and tell Marco what he had been wanting to tell him for years. That he loved him. But now, he realized, this wasn't what he had imagined. This seemed wrong. Marco moved to speak, and Ax knew that he didn't want to hear what he had to say.
If begging you
Might somehow turn the tides
Then tell me to
I've got to get this off my mind
"Ax, I don't think.."
"No, don't say anything yet, just think about it for a little while. I don't need an answer now. Please. Just think." Ax knew the answer though. Begging had hurt, but not nearly as much as rejection would. Tears began to sting at the backs of his eyes.
I never thought I'd be speaking those words
Never thought I'd have to say
Another day alone is more that I can take
"Just don't say anything now" Ax babbled. "I don't want you to rush in deciding something. I know it's a surprise, but just think. You don't have to be alone anymore. I don't have to be alone." He nearly whispered the last line and just waited. Waited for Marco to drop the first, and last, blow.
"Ax, no, I can't" Marco finally said, gently, as if he was talking to a confused child that had worried himself into seeing things that weren't there. Still the words reverberated in Ax's head until they became a high pitched scream of 'No' that deafened him from the inside out.
Wont you save me
Cause saving is what I need.
I just want to be
By your side.
Wont you save me?
I don't want to be.
Just drifting through the sea
Of life.
Then Ax was on his feet. The words were to much. He had to get out, so he ran. He ran into the cold fall night with only his tee-shirt and broken heart on his sleeve. The tears came now, came from the blind eyes of this body. He concentrated on his tail, hooves, and blade and waited for the change. It took a few moments before he remembered that the change wouldn't come. So he continued to run in to particular direction until his lungs burned and his stomach revolted. He threw up on the grass under his feet and choked on his sobs. He gasped for breath and looked around as he cried. He was in a field so similar to the one near his old scoop that he half expected his stream to be on the edge. It wasn't though, and any hope of the mild comfort that would offer was gone. Finally, betrayed by his body and mind of strength, he dropped to his knees and tilted his head to the sky, letting the tears slide slowly out of the corners of his eyes. He watched the sky turn from the pinks and gold's of sunset to the blues and blacks of night. Shivering, he still sat as the stars counted off, one by one, and Ax joined them counting off one by one all the things he left behind.
--------------------------0-----------------------0----------------------0-- ----------------0----------------0----- CH 2: Marco
Wont you
Listen please
Baby don't walk out that door
I'm on my knees
Your all I'm living for
Marco had just been sitting down to watch TV when Ax had arrived, looking like a scared animal. He had hardly had time to ask how he was before Ax was blurting out admissions of love that had felt strangely foreign in Marco's ears. He had blurted his own answer which was horribly familiar to him, and before he'd had a chance to fix it, Ax had run out, leaving the door wide open and his coat on the chair by the door.
Marco was genuinely worried now. It was cold and he had been looking for Ax for hours. He was miles away from his house and it was getting dark. He cursed himself silently and re-submersed himself in his thoughts. He had long ago realized that he felt more than friendship for his comrade in battle, but he had also long ago pushed those feelings aside. He had often fantasized about Ax admitting he too felt the connection, but the fantasies always ended short with Marco scorning himself. Now he as soon as he had any thoughts of Ax, he would simply through the thought away and told himself that he CANT just stuck into thinking that way. So this self inflicted denial caused him to react the way he had when Ax had said what sounded like something strait out of one of his fantasies. He CANT he thought. And it had been to late before for his mind had screamed that he COULD and that he SHOULD.
Before he could think more he saw Ax, visibly shivering even from yards away. He had made it all the way to the towns park, a place that always reminded Marco of Ax. He walked up behind Ax, and kneeled down next to him. He took the sweatshirt he had thrown on his own back off, and offered it to Ax, as an extra layer against the cold. When Ax made no move he draped Axes forgotten jacket over his Ax's trembling shoulders and laid the sweatshirt in his lap, just in case.
Never thought Id be speaking these words
Heaven thought I'd find a way
Another day alone is more than I can take
"Ax, I was wrong. I jumped to an answer that wasn't right. I do love you. I really always have in a way." There was no reaction from Ax, not even an acknowledgement of his presence.
Wont you save me?
Cause savings what I need
I just want to be
By your side
Wont you save me?
I don't want to be
Just drifting through the sea
Of life.
" I had just blocked out those feelings so long ago. I didn't know what to do. I panicked Ax. Please don't take it so bad. I want us to be together." Ax still didn't respond. " I know it must have felt like I didn't care, like I rejected you, but I did care, and I still do. I know I hurt you, but if I had really wanted to reject you would I have come looking for you, would I?" Ax jerked his head sideways at this and looked him strait in the eyes. Marco hopes rose that he had finally said the right thing.
Suddenly the sky is falling
Could it be it's to late for me?
If I never said I'm sorry
Well I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong
Then I hear my spirit calling
Wondering if she's longing for me?
And then I know that I can't live without her.
"Looking has nothing to do with anything," Ax said smoothly and coolly. Marco's heart dropped. "I looked for love for years and found nothing. Now though, you see, I have found it, and it means nothing. Marco opened his mouth to respond but Ax's expression told him to say nothing. "437 Marco. 437 things that I gave up to come here. I've been counting while you were looking for me." Briefly, he tilted his head up to the sky again, where the speckling of stars now lay. "437 things I care about verses love. Now wouldn't it be great if it turned out like a movie? Where I give it all up for love? But this isn't a fairy tale and I won't live happily ever after. Even if I came with you, it would be tainted by the concessions I made for it. So no, I can't."
Marco rocked back on his heels as if he had been punched. He tried to collect his dignity, but only found tatters. To hear his words used against him by the one he loved had hurt more that he could have imagined. Without a word he stood and walked off briskly, in the opposite way he had come. He managed to get home before his own tears fell.
-------0-----------------0----------------0--------------0----------------0- ---------------0------------- Ch 3: Ax
Wont you save me?
Cause savings what I need
I just want to be,
By your side.
Wont you save me?
I don't want to be,
Just drifting through the sea
Of life.
Watching Marco walk off had been hard, but he had been able to do it. He had tried to accept his apology, but couldn't manage it without saying his part first. Some part of Ax had still hoped for the fairy tale where Marco brushed aside the harsh words. He hadn't though, and instead he had gone; and now Ax was once again, or perhaps just continued to be, alone. He knew if Marco had said anything else he would have taken him in with wide arms, unable to say no. Since he hadn't though, Ax convinced himself that it wasn't meant to be, and that Marco's apology was merely out of pity. Finally, accepting this he pulled the jacket Marco had left on, tucking his cold hands into the pockets to warm them. The crinkle of paper surprised him. He pulled out what seemed to be a receipt with a note scratched on the back. It read:
Well this means I found you. Glad to have you back.
-Love Marco
Ax dropped the note like it had burned him, but then quickly grabbed it again before the wind could take it. He read it again and felt the tears return as he put it back in his pocket. He curled upon ground, using Marco's sweatshirt as a pillow. Tomorrow he would have to try and find Marco's house to return it, but he would still be lost, and he doubted that he could ever be found.
Wont you save me?.....
~End
A/N: No happy ending.sorry.
CH 1: Ax
Loving you
Like I never have before
I'm needing you
To open up that door
"So..I guess that's what I wanted to tell you. That's why I'm back." Ax sat in his human form. His only form as it now was. Sheepishly he looked away from the man next to him, so similar to the boy Ax had first met. The emotion on Marco's face now, though, was not the one Ax had seen before, and it was just to much to bare.
"You came back because of me? Because you love me? Then you just decided to become a nothlit?" If it only had been such a quick decision, Ax thought. He had actually come back to earth 2 years ago after being disowned by his parents when he had confessed his feelings to them. They had told him if he got over his obsession he could come back home. He just had to choose. And choose he had. Many choices actually. Chosen to leave home, chosen to come back to Earth, chosen to abandon his Andalite form and come a nothlit, a human, to show his commitment and sincerity, and now, finally, chosen to come here and tell Marco what he had been wanting to tell him for years. That he loved him. But now, he realized, this wasn't what he had imagined. This seemed wrong. Marco moved to speak, and Ax knew that he didn't want to hear what he had to say.
If begging you
Might somehow turn the tides
Then tell me to
I've got to get this off my mind
"Ax, I don't think.."
"No, don't say anything yet, just think about it for a little while. I don't need an answer now. Please. Just think." Ax knew the answer though. Begging had hurt, but not nearly as much as rejection would. Tears began to sting at the backs of his eyes.
I never thought I'd be speaking those words
Never thought I'd have to say
Another day alone is more that I can take
"Just don't say anything now" Ax babbled. "I don't want you to rush in deciding something. I know it's a surprise, but just think. You don't have to be alone anymore. I don't have to be alone." He nearly whispered the last line and just waited. Waited for Marco to drop the first, and last, blow.
"Ax, no, I can't" Marco finally said, gently, as if he was talking to a confused child that had worried himself into seeing things that weren't there. Still the words reverberated in Ax's head until they became a high pitched scream of 'No' that deafened him from the inside out.
Wont you save me
Cause saving is what I need.
I just want to be
By your side.
Wont you save me?
I don't want to be.
Just drifting through the sea
Of life.
Then Ax was on his feet. The words were to much. He had to get out, so he ran. He ran into the cold fall night with only his tee-shirt and broken heart on his sleeve. The tears came now, came from the blind eyes of this body. He concentrated on his tail, hooves, and blade and waited for the change. It took a few moments before he remembered that the change wouldn't come. So he continued to run in to particular direction until his lungs burned and his stomach revolted. He threw up on the grass under his feet and choked on his sobs. He gasped for breath and looked around as he cried. He was in a field so similar to the one near his old scoop that he half expected his stream to be on the edge. It wasn't though, and any hope of the mild comfort that would offer was gone. Finally, betrayed by his body and mind of strength, he dropped to his knees and tilted his head to the sky, letting the tears slide slowly out of the corners of his eyes. He watched the sky turn from the pinks and gold's of sunset to the blues and blacks of night. Shivering, he still sat as the stars counted off, one by one, and Ax joined them counting off one by one all the things he left behind.
--------------------------0-----------------------0----------------------0-- ----------------0----------------0----- CH 2: Marco
Wont you
Listen please
Baby don't walk out that door
I'm on my knees
Your all I'm living for
Marco had just been sitting down to watch TV when Ax had arrived, looking like a scared animal. He had hardly had time to ask how he was before Ax was blurting out admissions of love that had felt strangely foreign in Marco's ears. He had blurted his own answer which was horribly familiar to him, and before he'd had a chance to fix it, Ax had run out, leaving the door wide open and his coat on the chair by the door.
Marco was genuinely worried now. It was cold and he had been looking for Ax for hours. He was miles away from his house and it was getting dark. He cursed himself silently and re-submersed himself in his thoughts. He had long ago realized that he felt more than friendship for his comrade in battle, but he had also long ago pushed those feelings aside. He had often fantasized about Ax admitting he too felt the connection, but the fantasies always ended short with Marco scorning himself. Now he as soon as he had any thoughts of Ax, he would simply through the thought away and told himself that he CANT just stuck into thinking that way. So this self inflicted denial caused him to react the way he had when Ax had said what sounded like something strait out of one of his fantasies. He CANT he thought. And it had been to late before for his mind had screamed that he COULD and that he SHOULD.
Before he could think more he saw Ax, visibly shivering even from yards away. He had made it all the way to the towns park, a place that always reminded Marco of Ax. He walked up behind Ax, and kneeled down next to him. He took the sweatshirt he had thrown on his own back off, and offered it to Ax, as an extra layer against the cold. When Ax made no move he draped Axes forgotten jacket over his Ax's trembling shoulders and laid the sweatshirt in his lap, just in case.
Never thought Id be speaking these words
Heaven thought I'd find a way
Another day alone is more than I can take
"Ax, I was wrong. I jumped to an answer that wasn't right. I do love you. I really always have in a way." There was no reaction from Ax, not even an acknowledgement of his presence.
Wont you save me?
Cause savings what I need
I just want to be
By your side
Wont you save me?
I don't want to be
Just drifting through the sea
Of life.
" I had just blocked out those feelings so long ago. I didn't know what to do. I panicked Ax. Please don't take it so bad. I want us to be together." Ax still didn't respond. " I know it must have felt like I didn't care, like I rejected you, but I did care, and I still do. I know I hurt you, but if I had really wanted to reject you would I have come looking for you, would I?" Ax jerked his head sideways at this and looked him strait in the eyes. Marco hopes rose that he had finally said the right thing.
Suddenly the sky is falling
Could it be it's to late for me?
If I never said I'm sorry
Well I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong
Then I hear my spirit calling
Wondering if she's longing for me?
And then I know that I can't live without her.
"Looking has nothing to do with anything," Ax said smoothly and coolly. Marco's heart dropped. "I looked for love for years and found nothing. Now though, you see, I have found it, and it means nothing. Marco opened his mouth to respond but Ax's expression told him to say nothing. "437 Marco. 437 things that I gave up to come here. I've been counting while you were looking for me." Briefly, he tilted his head up to the sky again, where the speckling of stars now lay. "437 things I care about verses love. Now wouldn't it be great if it turned out like a movie? Where I give it all up for love? But this isn't a fairy tale and I won't live happily ever after. Even if I came with you, it would be tainted by the concessions I made for it. So no, I can't."
Marco rocked back on his heels as if he had been punched. He tried to collect his dignity, but only found tatters. To hear his words used against him by the one he loved had hurt more that he could have imagined. Without a word he stood and walked off briskly, in the opposite way he had come. He managed to get home before his own tears fell.
-------0-----------------0----------------0--------------0----------------0- ---------------0------------- Ch 3: Ax
Wont you save me?
Cause savings what I need
I just want to be,
By your side.
Wont you save me?
I don't want to be,
Just drifting through the sea
Of life.
Watching Marco walk off had been hard, but he had been able to do it. He had tried to accept his apology, but couldn't manage it without saying his part first. Some part of Ax had still hoped for the fairy tale where Marco brushed aside the harsh words. He hadn't though, and instead he had gone; and now Ax was once again, or perhaps just continued to be, alone. He knew if Marco had said anything else he would have taken him in with wide arms, unable to say no. Since he hadn't though, Ax convinced himself that it wasn't meant to be, and that Marco's apology was merely out of pity. Finally, accepting this he pulled the jacket Marco had left on, tucking his cold hands into the pockets to warm them. The crinkle of paper surprised him. He pulled out what seemed to be a receipt with a note scratched on the back. It read:
Well this means I found you. Glad to have you back.
-Love Marco
Ax dropped the note like it had burned him, but then quickly grabbed it again before the wind could take it. He read it again and felt the tears return as he put it back in his pocket. He curled upon ground, using Marco's sweatshirt as a pillow. Tomorrow he would have to try and find Marco's house to return it, but he would still be lost, and he doubted that he could ever be found.
Wont you save me?.....
~End
A/N: No happy ending.sorry.