Chapter 5: Colonel Architect
(A/N): This chapter is for mronimusha's request made a while back. Enjoy!
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"Welcome, my children." The Architect greeted Agent Smith and the Twins. "Who is this you have brought to me?" "This is Spike, Master Ghampire." Agent Smith replied. "I see you have made some improvements to your office." "Yes. New desk. I was sick of just sitting here in the middle of the room. It seemed peculiar." The Twins nodded in agreement. "Yes, we were wondering about that." Spike just stood there, surprise written all over his face. Before The Architect could properly greet the visitor, Spike broke out in a huge grin and ran to hug the Creator. "Colonel Sanders! I missed you! I thought you died!" Spike let go of the confused old man and looked at the three dumbfounded programs. "You're Creator is The Colonel?!" " Spike! What are you doing you lunatic!" One seethed as his twin brother fainted. Spike ignored the assassin's outburst. "Let me get a two piece and a biscuit. Oh yeah, and a diet blood. Gotta watch my ghostly figure and all." Smith walked up to the blonde vampire and pulled him away from the startled Architect. "Yeah! Whaddya think you're doing?! I was about to ask for some popcorn chicken!" Spike yelled as the ex-agent pulled him in front of the desk, next to One who was trying to revive Two. "Spike! That is not the Colonel! That's the Creator of the Matrix! Show some respect!" Agent Smith told Spike in an urgent whisper. Spike just looked at him with a confused expression on his face and cocked his head, much like a puppy that was just told to not pee on the carpet. "I can see that the concept of showing someone respect is foreign to you, so just be quiet! Look what you did to poor Two!" Two was still sprawled on the floor and his brother decided to just keep nudging him with his foot until he woke up. "Whatever. He could use the beauty sleep anyway." Spike said nonchalantly, striking a match on The Architect's brand new desk to light his cigarette. One looked at the ghampire with disdain. "Hey! We look exactly alike!" Spike looked at One sheepishly. "Oh yeah! Sorry, mate."
"That's enough! You guys are giving me a headache!" The Architect groaned making One and Smith jump back a bit in fear. Even Two began to stir and raised himself on his elbows. "Riiight. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the rum on your breath that anyone with nostrils could smell from ten feet away!" Smith and One cringed and Two fainted once again. ~ Lucky bastard. ~ One thought. The Architect became incredulous and began to sputter due to Spike's insolence. "How dare you! I do not drink! I merely sip!" Spike raised his scarred eyebrow and steadily stalked towards the old man. "Get up." Spike demanded. "What?! No! Get the Hell away from me before I write you into a Britney Spears concert!" This time One fainted and Two sprung up, razor drawn. "Britney Spears! Where?! I'll kick her fake million dollar ass!" Smith looked petrified and once again began gripping his ever-present table leg for dear life. "Calm down, Two. She isn't here. Just put the razor down." Not seeing the pop star, Two ever so slowly put his razor down. "I'm not gonna ask you again Colonel Sanders! Get up!" The Architect flipped spike the middle finger so Spike flipped The Architect out of his chair. "What are you insane?!" Smith yelled. Spike ignored him and began looking through The Architect's desk. "Exactly as I suspected! This desk is just a mini bar!" Spike continued to riffle through the desk as The Architect was still sprawled out on the floor yelling curses about "Damn Master ghampires and their dumbass leather dusters." "Now what do we have here?" Spike asked in an amused tone. He was holding a large photo in his hand and The Architect was still on the floor, looking at the photo in Spike's hand in shock, his face turning a ghostly white.
"What do you have there, Spike?" Two asked as he leaned in to get a better look. Smith followed Two and One, who finally managed to regain consciousness, followed close behind Agent Smith. The three stopped right behind Spike and gawked at the photo in the ghampire's hand. It was a picture of The Architect and Bill Gates in Pink tutus. It was even signed by Gates saying 'Dearest Colonel, Good luck with the whole Matrix-thing. I'll always remember this night when we played our own private, bedroom version of "The Nutcracker." Eternally & Truly Yours, Love Billy Gates.'
"Noooooo!" Screamed The Architect as he grabbed the photo out of the blonde's hands. "You bastards could never understand our love!" The Architect turn his back on the disturbed four and held the photo to his chest as he sighed dreamily. "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkk." Spike said as he took a few steps away from The Architect's desk, unsure of what else he'd find. The Twins slowly turned their heads to each other, turned them back to The Architect and promptly fainted. Agent Smith slid to the floor and rocked back and forth, thumb in hid mouth and cuddling his table leg. " Right. Uh. Guys? Isn't there something you want to ask the Colonel?" The Twins woke up unsteadily and Agent Smith broke out of his twisted reverie. "Uhhh, right. We want to know if there's a Program Hell." Agent Smith told The Architect regally. The Architect glared at them with flames in his eyes. "A Program Hell!? There is no such thing! But I'm damn sure gonna make one now! Just for you jackasses! It'll be horrible!" The Architect suddenly had an unsettling gleam in his eyes. He turned his back to the four and walked to the other side of the room. "I know. You can spend an eternity watching myself and Billy.I mean Mr. Gates perform "The Nutcracker!" The Architect started to watch Spongebob Squarepants on one of the many screens as the four Big Bads reacted to this new turn of events. This time The Twins shrieked and Agent Smith fainted. Spike ran for the door and tried frantically to open it. "Heeellllpppp!!!!" Spike screamed and pounded on the door while the Twins ran in opposite directions around the room in circles until they crashed together in the middle of the room, a tangled heap of arms and legs.
"Muwhahahahahha!" The Architect chuckled maniacally. "Screw this!" Spike barked as he walked to the fallen ex-agent and bent down next to him to start putting his hands in his pants. "What the fuck!" Screamed Smith. Spike's roaming hands caused the program to spring up and knock him upside the head with his table leg. "BOLLOCKS! You daft no good son of a Peanut's character! I was just looking for this!" Spike reached into Smith's back pocket and pulled out the gun. He stood up and shot Colonel Architect in the head, spraying the television screen that had Spongebob doing his bring it "Around Town" bit, with blood. The Twins finally managed to untangle themselves and brushed off their white coats as they stood up. "Well.That takes care of that!" Two said with a cheery voice. "Yes. It seems that there is no Hell for programs.except for the Source that is. But we're too valuable to the Matrix to worry about that." Agent Smith said cockily. "Yeah. Of course." One agreed, straightening his tie. "Uh, guys. Come take a look at this." Spike yelled. He was next to The Architect's body and he wasn't sure what exactly he was looking at. The three programs moved next to the ghampire and gasped at what they found. There were strings attached to The Architect's body, as if he were some old, wrinkly ass puppet. Suddenly the room became pitch black and they heard weird, disoriented laughter that seemed to come from everywhere.
"Muwhehehehehehehe! I warned you once I warned you twice I warned you once TIMES three! Now face the wrath of the one they call SHE!!!" The eerie voice of The Cat boomed over them as Smith squeezed his table leg for dear life and The Twins huddled together, whimpering and clicking their shoes together whispering "There's no place like home." Spike was unfazed because he didn't have a corporeal form. Then he remembered The Architect's threat and fainted, being the last member of the group to faint. The strings that were tied to The Architect lead to a small door in the ceiling and the crevices on the door began to glow bright gold. The four were left to cower and wonder what exactly they would face next..
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R&R!
Or I'll send SHE after you! And believe me, you DO NOT want to mess with that Bitch!
Love,
Jaded316
(A/N): This chapter is for mronimusha's request made a while back. Enjoy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Welcome, my children." The Architect greeted Agent Smith and the Twins. "Who is this you have brought to me?" "This is Spike, Master Ghampire." Agent Smith replied. "I see you have made some improvements to your office." "Yes. New desk. I was sick of just sitting here in the middle of the room. It seemed peculiar." The Twins nodded in agreement. "Yes, we were wondering about that." Spike just stood there, surprise written all over his face. Before The Architect could properly greet the visitor, Spike broke out in a huge grin and ran to hug the Creator. "Colonel Sanders! I missed you! I thought you died!" Spike let go of the confused old man and looked at the three dumbfounded programs. "You're Creator is The Colonel?!" " Spike! What are you doing you lunatic!" One seethed as his twin brother fainted. Spike ignored the assassin's outburst. "Let me get a two piece and a biscuit. Oh yeah, and a diet blood. Gotta watch my ghostly figure and all." Smith walked up to the blonde vampire and pulled him away from the startled Architect. "Yeah! Whaddya think you're doing?! I was about to ask for some popcorn chicken!" Spike yelled as the ex-agent pulled him in front of the desk, next to One who was trying to revive Two. "Spike! That is not the Colonel! That's the Creator of the Matrix! Show some respect!" Agent Smith told Spike in an urgent whisper. Spike just looked at him with a confused expression on his face and cocked his head, much like a puppy that was just told to not pee on the carpet. "I can see that the concept of showing someone respect is foreign to you, so just be quiet! Look what you did to poor Two!" Two was still sprawled on the floor and his brother decided to just keep nudging him with his foot until he woke up. "Whatever. He could use the beauty sleep anyway." Spike said nonchalantly, striking a match on The Architect's brand new desk to light his cigarette. One looked at the ghampire with disdain. "Hey! We look exactly alike!" Spike looked at One sheepishly. "Oh yeah! Sorry, mate."
"That's enough! You guys are giving me a headache!" The Architect groaned making One and Smith jump back a bit in fear. Even Two began to stir and raised himself on his elbows. "Riiight. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the rum on your breath that anyone with nostrils could smell from ten feet away!" Smith and One cringed and Two fainted once again. ~ Lucky bastard. ~ One thought. The Architect became incredulous and began to sputter due to Spike's insolence. "How dare you! I do not drink! I merely sip!" Spike raised his scarred eyebrow and steadily stalked towards the old man. "Get up." Spike demanded. "What?! No! Get the Hell away from me before I write you into a Britney Spears concert!" This time One fainted and Two sprung up, razor drawn. "Britney Spears! Where?! I'll kick her fake million dollar ass!" Smith looked petrified and once again began gripping his ever-present table leg for dear life. "Calm down, Two. She isn't here. Just put the razor down." Not seeing the pop star, Two ever so slowly put his razor down. "I'm not gonna ask you again Colonel Sanders! Get up!" The Architect flipped spike the middle finger so Spike flipped The Architect out of his chair. "What are you insane?!" Smith yelled. Spike ignored him and began looking through The Architect's desk. "Exactly as I suspected! This desk is just a mini bar!" Spike continued to riffle through the desk as The Architect was still sprawled out on the floor yelling curses about "Damn Master ghampires and their dumbass leather dusters." "Now what do we have here?" Spike asked in an amused tone. He was holding a large photo in his hand and The Architect was still on the floor, looking at the photo in Spike's hand in shock, his face turning a ghostly white.
"What do you have there, Spike?" Two asked as he leaned in to get a better look. Smith followed Two and One, who finally managed to regain consciousness, followed close behind Agent Smith. The three stopped right behind Spike and gawked at the photo in the ghampire's hand. It was a picture of The Architect and Bill Gates in Pink tutus. It was even signed by Gates saying 'Dearest Colonel, Good luck with the whole Matrix-thing. I'll always remember this night when we played our own private, bedroom version of "The Nutcracker." Eternally & Truly Yours, Love Billy Gates.'
"Noooooo!" Screamed The Architect as he grabbed the photo out of the blonde's hands. "You bastards could never understand our love!" The Architect turn his back on the disturbed four and held the photo to his chest as he sighed dreamily. "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkk." Spike said as he took a few steps away from The Architect's desk, unsure of what else he'd find. The Twins slowly turned their heads to each other, turned them back to The Architect and promptly fainted. Agent Smith slid to the floor and rocked back and forth, thumb in hid mouth and cuddling his table leg. " Right. Uh. Guys? Isn't there something you want to ask the Colonel?" The Twins woke up unsteadily and Agent Smith broke out of his twisted reverie. "Uhhh, right. We want to know if there's a Program Hell." Agent Smith told The Architect regally. The Architect glared at them with flames in his eyes. "A Program Hell!? There is no such thing! But I'm damn sure gonna make one now! Just for you jackasses! It'll be horrible!" The Architect suddenly had an unsettling gleam in his eyes. He turned his back to the four and walked to the other side of the room. "I know. You can spend an eternity watching myself and Billy.I mean Mr. Gates perform "The Nutcracker!" The Architect started to watch Spongebob Squarepants on one of the many screens as the four Big Bads reacted to this new turn of events. This time The Twins shrieked and Agent Smith fainted. Spike ran for the door and tried frantically to open it. "Heeellllpppp!!!!" Spike screamed and pounded on the door while the Twins ran in opposite directions around the room in circles until they crashed together in the middle of the room, a tangled heap of arms and legs.
"Muwhahahahahha!" The Architect chuckled maniacally. "Screw this!" Spike barked as he walked to the fallen ex-agent and bent down next to him to start putting his hands in his pants. "What the fuck!" Screamed Smith. Spike's roaming hands caused the program to spring up and knock him upside the head with his table leg. "BOLLOCKS! You daft no good son of a Peanut's character! I was just looking for this!" Spike reached into Smith's back pocket and pulled out the gun. He stood up and shot Colonel Architect in the head, spraying the television screen that had Spongebob doing his bring it "Around Town" bit, with blood. The Twins finally managed to untangle themselves and brushed off their white coats as they stood up. "Well.That takes care of that!" Two said with a cheery voice. "Yes. It seems that there is no Hell for programs.except for the Source that is. But we're too valuable to the Matrix to worry about that." Agent Smith said cockily. "Yeah. Of course." One agreed, straightening his tie. "Uh, guys. Come take a look at this." Spike yelled. He was next to The Architect's body and he wasn't sure what exactly he was looking at. The three programs moved next to the ghampire and gasped at what they found. There were strings attached to The Architect's body, as if he were some old, wrinkly ass puppet. Suddenly the room became pitch black and they heard weird, disoriented laughter that seemed to come from everywhere.
"Muwhehehehehehehe! I warned you once I warned you twice I warned you once TIMES three! Now face the wrath of the one they call SHE!!!" The eerie voice of The Cat boomed over them as Smith squeezed his table leg for dear life and The Twins huddled together, whimpering and clicking their shoes together whispering "There's no place like home." Spike was unfazed because he didn't have a corporeal form. Then he remembered The Architect's threat and fainted, being the last member of the group to faint. The strings that were tied to The Architect lead to a small door in the ceiling and the crevices on the door began to glow bright gold. The four were left to cower and wonder what exactly they would face next..
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
R&R!
Or I'll send SHE after you! And believe me, you DO NOT want to mess with that Bitch!
Love,
Jaded316