Bygones
Note: I had originally planned to write this as a story between Snape and Lupin, but Sirius kept coming out through Lupin's writing instead, so I changed it. And I've never particularly cared for Sirius Black before, but I think I may have a new perspective of him now. Almost everything he says, I planned on having Lupin say it. This story takes places during the summer holiday between the 4th and 5th book. Rated R for mild language, and subjects of a sexual nature.
Severus Snape prided himself in the work he did for the Order of the Phoenix. It was that pride that kept him sane after Dumbledore assigned him to work with Sirius Black. Of all the people to be stuck with, Sirius! The manwhore! The Marauder!
Snape hated those damn Marauders. Every last one of them. They'd tormented him as a boy at Hogwarts. They'd made his life miserable. Potter was dead now, and Pettigrew was getting his from the Dark Lord. Lupin was still a werewolf, though now under Albus' control. That left Black. He'd always been the most involved with the torture that had been his days at school, and Snape had always hated him with a passion for that.
The thought of working in close quarters with that man made Snape's skin crawl. Albus wanted them to travel into the Muggle world by car and find Remus Lupin. He'd been researching Muggle city infrastructures, in order to see how best to protect them against the Dark Lord. But all communication had been cut off from him for the past few days, and Albus was getting concerned.
Sirius Black wasn't too thrilled to be working with Severus Snape either. Why did he get stuck with that Death Eater? He couldn't stand that man! Snape was so hard to get along with. He'd always been such an arrogant, stuck up prick. Snape only cared about pure-bloods, and that was what Sirius truly hated most. He'd spent his entire life trying to get away from those age-old prejudices. Why should he be forced to spend more time with somebody who embodied all of that?
He'd had to endure seven years at Hogwarts with Snape. Snape was this loser student who'd always given him a run for his money. He'd made good marks, and excelled in all the classes he'd taken. It had taken all of Sirius' patience to keep from doing something really bad to Snape during those years. Sure he'd done several small things to Snape, but looking back upon it, he could see it was truly amateur work compared to what he would have done if he'd been able to.
And so it was that Severus Snape found himself sitting in the passenger seat of a black car, next to Sirius Black, who drove the car with his wand. They were driving to a small village in the middle of nowhere. Dumbledore wanted them to start at the last place he'd heard from Remus.
Sirius kept pushing all the buttons on the dashboard. As the windscreen wipers turned on for the fourth time, Severus folded his arms, sighed loudly, and looked out the side window.
Sirius leaned down to look in the rear view mirror again. He'd put on a pair of sunglasses and a straw farmer's hat to maintain a low profile from the Muggles who might still recognize him from his escape from Azkaban a couple years ago. His inattention to driving, caused the car to drift into the next lane. Severus leaned over quickly, turned the wheel back and snarled, "Will you pay attention to driving?! That's the third time you've done that! I want to get to this place in one piece!"
"Geez, sorry!" Sirius said, sitting up in his seat and taking the wheel back. "Goodness knows I have to keep you in one piece during this little trip," Sirius grumbled. After several minutes, Sirius grew tired of the passing scenery, and began playing with the radio. Going from one station to the next, he tried to find some music that sounded good. Classical music was too soothing, and some of the music was far too loud and thrashing. Coming to a station that played music that Sirius found interesting, he stayed there and became absorbed in it.
"Still like that old time rock 'n' roll, That kind of music just soothes the soul, I reminisce about the days of old, With that old time rock 'n' roll..." A man's singing poured out of the radio and into the car. Sirius nodded his head to the beat and began tapping the steering wheel. Looking over to Severus, he could see Snape banging his head against the window, as though trying to knock himself out.
"Oh, come on Snape, this music is great! Muggles have such wonderful music to listen to!" Sirius said enthusiastically. Severus rolled his eyes and continued to ignore Sirius. After a half hour more, they finally arrived at the village. Finding a good place to park, Sirius parked the car and looked around. "Man, I'm starving. Did you bring any Muggle money with you? I have a little, but I don't know if it's enough for food," Sirius said, fishing through his pockets for money.
"You, in a Muggle store? Somebody could see you! But I suppose you'll just sit here and whine until I feed you. Here, give me the money and I'll go get us something to eat," Severus said grudgingly.
"Here's all I have, get something good," Sirius instructed him, shoving all the money into his outstretched hand. Sirius turned up the music as Severus went to the nearest store.
Severus walked into a Muggle store and began to walk up and down the aisles, looking for something decent to eat. Finding a loaf of bread, a package of sliced ham, and a bag of salt and vinegar potato crisps, Severus walked towards the check out counter. As he passed a display of beverages, Severus picked up a couple bottles of pop. If he'd done his calculations correctly, he should have just enough money for all of this, with a little left over.
After leaving the store, Severus walked back to the car, opened the door and tossed the bag inside to Sirius. Sirius tore into the bag and examined the items inside. "This stuff looks pretty good," He said as he ripped the bag of crisps open and shoved a few into his mouth.
"You can have half of everything," Severus said, "The rest is mine."
"That's cool," Sirius said through a mouthful of crisps, spraying Severus with a few crumbs. Severus grimaced, brushed off the crumbs from his chest, and opened a bottle of pop.
Sirius grabbed the loaf of bread and tore it in half, offering one half to Severus. Severus took his half and began tearing small pieces and eating them. Sirius put his half of the bread to his mouth and bit a huge chunk out of it. Chewing noisily, he opened his bottle of pop, took a large swig, and belched loudly. "Ahhh, that really hits the spot!"
Severus sneered at Sirius, "Must you be completely oafish in everything you do? You were like this at school! What the hell's the matter with you?"
"You Snivellus. You've always been my problem," Sirius said, tearing into a slice of ham.
Severus scowled at Sirius, "Why don't you do me a favour and stop talking. If your tiny pea-sized brain can finally figure out how to manage that. Do you think you can? I'll give you a clue as to how it works. You close your mouth and when you try speaking, nothing comes out! Why don't you try it now?"
Sirius took another mouthful of bread and sneered at Severus. "You know, that was always your problem, you never let people know how you felt about things. You should try to be more forthright in your opinions."
"You know, that's so disgusting. Eat with your mouth closed, and while you're at it, try talking that way too," Severus said, turning his face away and looking out the window.
Sirius turned the volume up to full blast on the car radio and sat back in his seat. Severus leaned forward, and shut the radio off. Sirius leaned forward again and turned it back on. Going back and forth like this for several minutes, Severus finally shut it off with such force that the knob broke off. "Oh that's great, you broke the car!" Sirius yelled.
"I did not break the car! Just the radio! And good riddance I say," Severus said with satisfaction.
After several minutes of silence, Sirius was unable to remain quiet anymore. "Do you ever think about stuff?" He asked, trying to make conversation.
Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. "What kind of stuff?"
"Just stuff. You know things everybody must think about, but nobody talks about out loud," Sirius said, looking out the window.
"Well you obviously want to talk about something, so just say it and get it over with," Severus said, looking out his window.
"Do you ever wonder how a guy like Hagrid was born?" Sirius asked.
This was such an odd question and Severus had no clue what he meant. Looking over at Sirius with a look on his face that showed he thought Sirius was clearly insane, he said, "No, I must say I have not. Why?"
"I mean haven't you ever wondered how a giant and a human...you know...do it?" Sirius asked.
Severus began to rub his temples. "No, but now that you say it, I'm getting such wonderful mental images. Thanks so much."
"I mean, really, how does it work? A male giant and a woman? Could that even work? Wouldn't he be way too big to...you know...fit? I mean, that would hurt! And a female giant and a man? He'd have to be so careful. He could fall in! Drown! How do they do it?" Sirius asked.
It was clear to Severus that Sirius had actually put a lot of thought into this. Taking another swig of pop, Severus swallowed, and said, "Very carefully, I suppose. Let me ask you, why do you wonder about such odd things?"
"I had a lot of time in Azkaban. Couldn't think of anything happy, so I thought of interesting things. I spent hours thinking about that. I've got a ton of those kinds of questions. I should write a book some day."
"Everybody was right about you, you have completely lost the capacity to function in civilized society," Severus said, shaking his head.
Things quieted down for a while after that, and the two men were looking out the windows for Remus. A very attractive woman walked down the street, and passed the car. Both men stared at her until she walked out of their sight. "Mmm, mmm, mmm. How about a piece of that for dessert? Eh?" Sirius said, moving next to Severus and pressing his face against the window.
Severus was trying to think of something to say, but was finding it difficult to speak after seeing that woman. She had been nice to look at, with a tight white tank top that barely held in her large breasts, and a short black mini skirt that showed off her long legs. Though he'd never make such a spectacle of himself as Sirius had just done. Once he was able to speak again, Severus cleared his throat and said, "Professor Blake, remember her? Care of Magical Creatures?"
Sirius grinned, "Do I remember her? I had my first wet dream about her!"
Severus smiled, "Me too. I wonder how many boys fantasized about her when she was there."
"All of us, I suppose! Can I tell you I spent many a lonely night with Professor Blake after I got out of Azkaban! I had a lot of lost time to make up for!" Sirius grinned.
"I took many cold showers in her honour at school," Severus said, looking out the window.
Sirius laughed, "We are two pathetically desperate men, aren't we?!"
Severus laughed, held out his bottle and said, "To Blake?"
Sirius clinked his bottle against the other and replied, "To Blake!" Both men took long drinks before setting them down once again.
Another pretty woman walked passed them. "I like this town. I could live here. You know, that woman reminds me of the first girl I ever slept with. Desiree Carrington. I was 15, she was 19. Those were the best two minutes of my young life up to that point," Sirius said, thinking fondly of the past. "What about you? Who was your first?" He asked Severus.
Severus sneered, "I'm not telling you! That's none of your business!"
Sirius started to laugh, "You're still a virgin, aren't you? That explains so much!"
Severus crossed his arms. He hated talking about or thinking about sex. He'd had such negative experiences in his past, that he'd blocked those kinds of feelings from his mind as much as possible. It was okay to talk about women he'd been attracted to, as long as nothing had ever happened. But this, this was different. "You don't know anything about me. You don't know me at all!" Sirius narrowed his eyes and folded his arms, clearly not believing him. "If you must know, I was 17, right out of Hogwarts and I don't know who the girl was because she was wearing a mask. The Dark Lord had all sorts of rituals for becoming a Death Eater. All I know was that she was much younger than I was. She didn't look any older than 12 or 13 years old. And she cried and bled all over the floor when it was over. And then I got to watch as the other men standing around us took turns with her. And I'd never felt more horrible in my life. There, are you satisfied? Does that make you happy to know that about me?"
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but slowly closed it again without saying anything. After a few seconds of looking at Severus, he turned his head away, and looked out the window. What could he say after such a revelation? Sometimes silence was the best response.
After about ten minutes of silence, Severus broke the silence. "Damn it! Where the hell is Lupin?"
"I'm sure he's fine. He probably got too wrapped up in his research to remember to check in with Albus. I'll have to take the piss out of him for that when I see him next!" Sirius said.
"You know, this is serious! Do you always kid around about everything? If he's hurt or worse, and we can't find him, we're the ones who'll get reprimanded. Oh, what am I talking about, of course you can't be serious. You've always been a flighty, shallow, pathetic man! Why I thought you'd be able to understand that is beyond me! Why Albus let you anywhere near any Order business is incomprehensible!" Severus snarled.
"Oh, that's right! Sirius the flake, he doesn't know what's going on! Keep him in the dark because he'll probably tell somebody all the important stuff! Keep him locked up at the Headquarters so he won't ruin anything! I'm not stupid! I know what's at stake here! You people think I'm too simple to be trusted, well you're wrong! I'd never do anything to compromise Harry's safety. Remember him? My godson? The one we're all relying on? I don't know what Albus was thinking of having the two of us go on this search. Probably to humour me. He keeps me locked up, and decides he feels sorry for me, so he lets me loose, but only with you holding the leash. But, you know what? I accept it. I do it, it's my part in this, it's all I'm allowed to do, so I'll do it as well as I damn well can," Sirius was yelling at Severus. He gripped his hands around the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
Looking back out the window, Sirius watched as a few children walked down the street, kicking a football back and forth between them. In a much more subdued tone, Sirius began speaking again, "Look at those children, Severus. So young, so innocent. They have no idea how close their world is to coming to an end. Some of them might get letters from Hogwarts someday. I'm doing this for them. I'm doing this so they'll never have to experience anything like this. For the ones who will join us in the Wizarding world, and make us stronger. And for the ones who will continue their lives in this world, living happy, blissful lives free of this fear.
"And hey, I'm still young, who knows? I might settle down, and have a family of my own one day. I'm doing this for them too.
"There's going to be a war. And not like the last time. This one will be much worse, many more people will die. We have to fight against him. If we don't, he wins. And that's it, it's over, no more. Then that pure-blooded world people like you, the Malfoys, and my own wonderful family desire will just fade away. And what's left of our culture will be no more than fairy tales Muggles will tell their children at night. It'll all be gone, Severus, all of it. Is that really what's best for our world?
"Not all of us will make it through this war. I do this for those who won't make it. And for those who will. I'll fight with every last breath in my body. I fight for our world, as it is now, and how it will be after we win. Even though I know my part in this war will be to sit at home, and stay put like a good boy," He sneered. "Why do you fight, Severus?" He asked quietly.
Severus was silent for several minutes as he watched the children play. "Penance," He finally replied, in barely more than a whisper.
The two men sat once again in silence. Each thinking about their own lives, and of what they'd learned about the other. While they'd never be friends, there was now an understanding between them that hadn't been there before this day. Sirius saw a man who looked familiar walk passed the car. Remus! Rolling down the window, he stuck his head out and shouted, "Hey, loser!" The man turned around to see who'd called out. Seeing Sirius, who he'd recognize anywhere, even with the hat and sunglasses, he smiled and walked towards the car.
Looking at the two men sitting in the car, Remus' brow furrowed. "What are you two doing here? Together?" He asked.
"Albus hadn't heard from you for a few days, so he sent us to find you. Where have you been? We've been worried," Sirius explained.
"I'm sorry, I just got lost in all this reading. How long have you been here?"
"We left this morning. We've been here a couple hours."
Remus nodded his head impressively. It was amazing they were both still alive!
"Albus wants you to come back with us," Severus said, joining the conversation.
Remus climbed into the back seat, buckled up, and sat back to relax. "So, everything went OK with you two? You guys talk about anything interesting?"
Sirius and Severus exchanged a small glance. "Not really," Severus said.
"It was the usual, painful time we have whenever Snivellus is around," Sirius grinned, while pulling out of the parking space.
References: Song on the radio is "Old Time Rock and Roll", by Bob Seger.
Note: I had originally planned to write this as a story between Snape and Lupin, but Sirius kept coming out through Lupin's writing instead, so I changed it. And I've never particularly cared for Sirius Black before, but I think I may have a new perspective of him now. Almost everything he says, I planned on having Lupin say it. This story takes places during the summer holiday between the 4th and 5th book. Rated R for mild language, and subjects of a sexual nature.
Severus Snape prided himself in the work he did for the Order of the Phoenix. It was that pride that kept him sane after Dumbledore assigned him to work with Sirius Black. Of all the people to be stuck with, Sirius! The manwhore! The Marauder!
Snape hated those damn Marauders. Every last one of them. They'd tormented him as a boy at Hogwarts. They'd made his life miserable. Potter was dead now, and Pettigrew was getting his from the Dark Lord. Lupin was still a werewolf, though now under Albus' control. That left Black. He'd always been the most involved with the torture that had been his days at school, and Snape had always hated him with a passion for that.
The thought of working in close quarters with that man made Snape's skin crawl. Albus wanted them to travel into the Muggle world by car and find Remus Lupin. He'd been researching Muggle city infrastructures, in order to see how best to protect them against the Dark Lord. But all communication had been cut off from him for the past few days, and Albus was getting concerned.
Sirius Black wasn't too thrilled to be working with Severus Snape either. Why did he get stuck with that Death Eater? He couldn't stand that man! Snape was so hard to get along with. He'd always been such an arrogant, stuck up prick. Snape only cared about pure-bloods, and that was what Sirius truly hated most. He'd spent his entire life trying to get away from those age-old prejudices. Why should he be forced to spend more time with somebody who embodied all of that?
He'd had to endure seven years at Hogwarts with Snape. Snape was this loser student who'd always given him a run for his money. He'd made good marks, and excelled in all the classes he'd taken. It had taken all of Sirius' patience to keep from doing something really bad to Snape during those years. Sure he'd done several small things to Snape, but looking back upon it, he could see it was truly amateur work compared to what he would have done if he'd been able to.
And so it was that Severus Snape found himself sitting in the passenger seat of a black car, next to Sirius Black, who drove the car with his wand. They were driving to a small village in the middle of nowhere. Dumbledore wanted them to start at the last place he'd heard from Remus.
Sirius kept pushing all the buttons on the dashboard. As the windscreen wipers turned on for the fourth time, Severus folded his arms, sighed loudly, and looked out the side window.
Sirius leaned down to look in the rear view mirror again. He'd put on a pair of sunglasses and a straw farmer's hat to maintain a low profile from the Muggles who might still recognize him from his escape from Azkaban a couple years ago. His inattention to driving, caused the car to drift into the next lane. Severus leaned over quickly, turned the wheel back and snarled, "Will you pay attention to driving?! That's the third time you've done that! I want to get to this place in one piece!"
"Geez, sorry!" Sirius said, sitting up in his seat and taking the wheel back. "Goodness knows I have to keep you in one piece during this little trip," Sirius grumbled. After several minutes, Sirius grew tired of the passing scenery, and began playing with the radio. Going from one station to the next, he tried to find some music that sounded good. Classical music was too soothing, and some of the music was far too loud and thrashing. Coming to a station that played music that Sirius found interesting, he stayed there and became absorbed in it.
"Still like that old time rock 'n' roll, That kind of music just soothes the soul, I reminisce about the days of old, With that old time rock 'n' roll..." A man's singing poured out of the radio and into the car. Sirius nodded his head to the beat and began tapping the steering wheel. Looking over to Severus, he could see Snape banging his head against the window, as though trying to knock himself out.
"Oh, come on Snape, this music is great! Muggles have such wonderful music to listen to!" Sirius said enthusiastically. Severus rolled his eyes and continued to ignore Sirius. After a half hour more, they finally arrived at the village. Finding a good place to park, Sirius parked the car and looked around. "Man, I'm starving. Did you bring any Muggle money with you? I have a little, but I don't know if it's enough for food," Sirius said, fishing through his pockets for money.
"You, in a Muggle store? Somebody could see you! But I suppose you'll just sit here and whine until I feed you. Here, give me the money and I'll go get us something to eat," Severus said grudgingly.
"Here's all I have, get something good," Sirius instructed him, shoving all the money into his outstretched hand. Sirius turned up the music as Severus went to the nearest store.
Severus walked into a Muggle store and began to walk up and down the aisles, looking for something decent to eat. Finding a loaf of bread, a package of sliced ham, and a bag of salt and vinegar potato crisps, Severus walked towards the check out counter. As he passed a display of beverages, Severus picked up a couple bottles of pop. If he'd done his calculations correctly, he should have just enough money for all of this, with a little left over.
After leaving the store, Severus walked back to the car, opened the door and tossed the bag inside to Sirius. Sirius tore into the bag and examined the items inside. "This stuff looks pretty good," He said as he ripped the bag of crisps open and shoved a few into his mouth.
"You can have half of everything," Severus said, "The rest is mine."
"That's cool," Sirius said through a mouthful of crisps, spraying Severus with a few crumbs. Severus grimaced, brushed off the crumbs from his chest, and opened a bottle of pop.
Sirius grabbed the loaf of bread and tore it in half, offering one half to Severus. Severus took his half and began tearing small pieces and eating them. Sirius put his half of the bread to his mouth and bit a huge chunk out of it. Chewing noisily, he opened his bottle of pop, took a large swig, and belched loudly. "Ahhh, that really hits the spot!"
Severus sneered at Sirius, "Must you be completely oafish in everything you do? You were like this at school! What the hell's the matter with you?"
"You Snivellus. You've always been my problem," Sirius said, tearing into a slice of ham.
Severus scowled at Sirius, "Why don't you do me a favour and stop talking. If your tiny pea-sized brain can finally figure out how to manage that. Do you think you can? I'll give you a clue as to how it works. You close your mouth and when you try speaking, nothing comes out! Why don't you try it now?"
Sirius took another mouthful of bread and sneered at Severus. "You know, that was always your problem, you never let people know how you felt about things. You should try to be more forthright in your opinions."
"You know, that's so disgusting. Eat with your mouth closed, and while you're at it, try talking that way too," Severus said, turning his face away and looking out the window.
Sirius turned the volume up to full blast on the car radio and sat back in his seat. Severus leaned forward, and shut the radio off. Sirius leaned forward again and turned it back on. Going back and forth like this for several minutes, Severus finally shut it off with such force that the knob broke off. "Oh that's great, you broke the car!" Sirius yelled.
"I did not break the car! Just the radio! And good riddance I say," Severus said with satisfaction.
After several minutes of silence, Sirius was unable to remain quiet anymore. "Do you ever think about stuff?" He asked, trying to make conversation.
Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. "What kind of stuff?"
"Just stuff. You know things everybody must think about, but nobody talks about out loud," Sirius said, looking out the window.
"Well you obviously want to talk about something, so just say it and get it over with," Severus said, looking out his window.
"Do you ever wonder how a guy like Hagrid was born?" Sirius asked.
This was such an odd question and Severus had no clue what he meant. Looking over at Sirius with a look on his face that showed he thought Sirius was clearly insane, he said, "No, I must say I have not. Why?"
"I mean haven't you ever wondered how a giant and a human...you know...do it?" Sirius asked.
Severus began to rub his temples. "No, but now that you say it, I'm getting such wonderful mental images. Thanks so much."
"I mean, really, how does it work? A male giant and a woman? Could that even work? Wouldn't he be way too big to...you know...fit? I mean, that would hurt! And a female giant and a man? He'd have to be so careful. He could fall in! Drown! How do they do it?" Sirius asked.
It was clear to Severus that Sirius had actually put a lot of thought into this. Taking another swig of pop, Severus swallowed, and said, "Very carefully, I suppose. Let me ask you, why do you wonder about such odd things?"
"I had a lot of time in Azkaban. Couldn't think of anything happy, so I thought of interesting things. I spent hours thinking about that. I've got a ton of those kinds of questions. I should write a book some day."
"Everybody was right about you, you have completely lost the capacity to function in civilized society," Severus said, shaking his head.
Things quieted down for a while after that, and the two men were looking out the windows for Remus. A very attractive woman walked down the street, and passed the car. Both men stared at her until she walked out of their sight. "Mmm, mmm, mmm. How about a piece of that for dessert? Eh?" Sirius said, moving next to Severus and pressing his face against the window.
Severus was trying to think of something to say, but was finding it difficult to speak after seeing that woman. She had been nice to look at, with a tight white tank top that barely held in her large breasts, and a short black mini skirt that showed off her long legs. Though he'd never make such a spectacle of himself as Sirius had just done. Once he was able to speak again, Severus cleared his throat and said, "Professor Blake, remember her? Care of Magical Creatures?"
Sirius grinned, "Do I remember her? I had my first wet dream about her!"
Severus smiled, "Me too. I wonder how many boys fantasized about her when she was there."
"All of us, I suppose! Can I tell you I spent many a lonely night with Professor Blake after I got out of Azkaban! I had a lot of lost time to make up for!" Sirius grinned.
"I took many cold showers in her honour at school," Severus said, looking out the window.
Sirius laughed, "We are two pathetically desperate men, aren't we?!"
Severus laughed, held out his bottle and said, "To Blake?"
Sirius clinked his bottle against the other and replied, "To Blake!" Both men took long drinks before setting them down once again.
Another pretty woman walked passed them. "I like this town. I could live here. You know, that woman reminds me of the first girl I ever slept with. Desiree Carrington. I was 15, she was 19. Those were the best two minutes of my young life up to that point," Sirius said, thinking fondly of the past. "What about you? Who was your first?" He asked Severus.
Severus sneered, "I'm not telling you! That's none of your business!"
Sirius started to laugh, "You're still a virgin, aren't you? That explains so much!"
Severus crossed his arms. He hated talking about or thinking about sex. He'd had such negative experiences in his past, that he'd blocked those kinds of feelings from his mind as much as possible. It was okay to talk about women he'd been attracted to, as long as nothing had ever happened. But this, this was different. "You don't know anything about me. You don't know me at all!" Sirius narrowed his eyes and folded his arms, clearly not believing him. "If you must know, I was 17, right out of Hogwarts and I don't know who the girl was because she was wearing a mask. The Dark Lord had all sorts of rituals for becoming a Death Eater. All I know was that she was much younger than I was. She didn't look any older than 12 or 13 years old. And she cried and bled all over the floor when it was over. And then I got to watch as the other men standing around us took turns with her. And I'd never felt more horrible in my life. There, are you satisfied? Does that make you happy to know that about me?"
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but slowly closed it again without saying anything. After a few seconds of looking at Severus, he turned his head away, and looked out the window. What could he say after such a revelation? Sometimes silence was the best response.
After about ten minutes of silence, Severus broke the silence. "Damn it! Where the hell is Lupin?"
"I'm sure he's fine. He probably got too wrapped up in his research to remember to check in with Albus. I'll have to take the piss out of him for that when I see him next!" Sirius said.
"You know, this is serious! Do you always kid around about everything? If he's hurt or worse, and we can't find him, we're the ones who'll get reprimanded. Oh, what am I talking about, of course you can't be serious. You've always been a flighty, shallow, pathetic man! Why I thought you'd be able to understand that is beyond me! Why Albus let you anywhere near any Order business is incomprehensible!" Severus snarled.
"Oh, that's right! Sirius the flake, he doesn't know what's going on! Keep him in the dark because he'll probably tell somebody all the important stuff! Keep him locked up at the Headquarters so he won't ruin anything! I'm not stupid! I know what's at stake here! You people think I'm too simple to be trusted, well you're wrong! I'd never do anything to compromise Harry's safety. Remember him? My godson? The one we're all relying on? I don't know what Albus was thinking of having the two of us go on this search. Probably to humour me. He keeps me locked up, and decides he feels sorry for me, so he lets me loose, but only with you holding the leash. But, you know what? I accept it. I do it, it's my part in this, it's all I'm allowed to do, so I'll do it as well as I damn well can," Sirius was yelling at Severus. He gripped his hands around the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
Looking back out the window, Sirius watched as a few children walked down the street, kicking a football back and forth between them. In a much more subdued tone, Sirius began speaking again, "Look at those children, Severus. So young, so innocent. They have no idea how close their world is to coming to an end. Some of them might get letters from Hogwarts someday. I'm doing this for them. I'm doing this so they'll never have to experience anything like this. For the ones who will join us in the Wizarding world, and make us stronger. And for the ones who will continue their lives in this world, living happy, blissful lives free of this fear.
"And hey, I'm still young, who knows? I might settle down, and have a family of my own one day. I'm doing this for them too.
"There's going to be a war. And not like the last time. This one will be much worse, many more people will die. We have to fight against him. If we don't, he wins. And that's it, it's over, no more. Then that pure-blooded world people like you, the Malfoys, and my own wonderful family desire will just fade away. And what's left of our culture will be no more than fairy tales Muggles will tell their children at night. It'll all be gone, Severus, all of it. Is that really what's best for our world?
"Not all of us will make it through this war. I do this for those who won't make it. And for those who will. I'll fight with every last breath in my body. I fight for our world, as it is now, and how it will be after we win. Even though I know my part in this war will be to sit at home, and stay put like a good boy," He sneered. "Why do you fight, Severus?" He asked quietly.
Severus was silent for several minutes as he watched the children play. "Penance," He finally replied, in barely more than a whisper.
The two men sat once again in silence. Each thinking about their own lives, and of what they'd learned about the other. While they'd never be friends, there was now an understanding between them that hadn't been there before this day. Sirius saw a man who looked familiar walk passed the car. Remus! Rolling down the window, he stuck his head out and shouted, "Hey, loser!" The man turned around to see who'd called out. Seeing Sirius, who he'd recognize anywhere, even with the hat and sunglasses, he smiled and walked towards the car.
Looking at the two men sitting in the car, Remus' brow furrowed. "What are you two doing here? Together?" He asked.
"Albus hadn't heard from you for a few days, so he sent us to find you. Where have you been? We've been worried," Sirius explained.
"I'm sorry, I just got lost in all this reading. How long have you been here?"
"We left this morning. We've been here a couple hours."
Remus nodded his head impressively. It was amazing they were both still alive!
"Albus wants you to come back with us," Severus said, joining the conversation.
Remus climbed into the back seat, buckled up, and sat back to relax. "So, everything went OK with you two? You guys talk about anything interesting?"
Sirius and Severus exchanged a small glance. "Not really," Severus said.
"It was the usual, painful time we have whenever Snivellus is around," Sirius grinned, while pulling out of the parking space.
References: Song on the radio is "Old Time Rock and Roll", by Bob Seger.