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Acknowledgements: First and foremost, thanks skripka2 for the excellent, excellent beta. Any mistakes that remain are because I'm a stubborn bitca. Thanks also to skripka2 for posting the original link to Zompist, to Shanna Marie for proposing a fic challenge and Ailine for assigning me my line. The line "shut up and deal" is taken from "The Apartment" (1961) by Billy Wilder and "Ni xiang zhuan qian ma?" is from the Chinese phrasebook at Zompist. The transliteration of qingwa cao de liumang is courtesy hcwoodward. All other Chinese phrases are from the transcripts at "Whoa. Good Myth."
Notes: At the time I wrote this, I had not yet seen the episodes that didn't air in the U.S. Therefore, it is spoiler free for those eps. I wrote this for a challenge. My challenge was for Mal to say "Ni xiang zhuan qian ma?" (Do you want to make money fast?)
qingwa cao de liumang: frog humping son of a bitch
The latest job had gone well. All that was left was getting paid. Wash, Zoe, Mal, Jayne and Book celebrated in a bar by playing pool while Simon watched. Tomorrow, Serenity was heading for Beaumonde, which Mal said was a good place to find another ship. Simon would rather be back on Serenity but Inara, Kaylee and River had made it clear that his presence would not be welcome. Wash clapped him on the back with forced jocularity. "They just want some girl time," he'd said. The smell in the bar was making Simon nauseous and his leg was hurting again. He fished in his pocket for some more pills. Over the rim of his glass, he saw Zoe frowning at him. He ignored her. It wasn't any of her business. ----- There were few things to do on Lida moon and Zechariah disliked almost all of them. There were only two things he enjoyed: getting drunk and watching the crime bulletins on the cortex. He was in a bar taking care of the first when the second paid off. Over the rim of his glass he glared at a group laughing and carrying on at the pool table. Ruttin' tourists. He finished drinking and was about to turn back to the bar for another when his eyes narrowed. There was something familiar about that one. The cup slipped from his hand and landed on the floor with a thud. Zechariah picked it up with a shaking hand. He'd seen the man on an alert. He was a wanted criminal. ----- The hairs on the back of Mal's neck stood up. He turned to see a man staring over at them in recognition. Suddenly the man turned to the bar, paid and hustled out. Mal made his way over to Simon. "There was a man staring," he said quietly. "I think you'd best return to the ship." Mal hesitated. "I gotta stay to collect our money. Someone should probably go with you in case there's trouble."
"I'll go," Jayne volunteered. "Between apples and ransoms I've blown enough of my pay. Don't plan on spendin' the rest in a bar." A look passed between the two men that Simon couldn't read. Finally, Mal nodded. "The rest of us will catch up when we can."
Simon and Jayne left the bar. They failed to notice the two men trailing behind them, whispering. "That the one?"
"Yeah." ----- Jayne was more drunk than Simon had realized ... a fact that became readily apparent when the large man stumbled. Simon reached out to steady Jayne and found himself gripped in a bone-crushing embrace. Jayne grinned down at Simon. "I loooove green," he said.
Simon shifted, trying to keep his balance. "Uh, that's nice," he said. Jayne stopped and gazed seriously down at Simon. "It reminds me of something my mother would buy me."
Simon tried to walk forward, anyway. "Green reminds you of your mother?"
"Nooo," Jayne began walking again. "The shirt reminds me of my mother."
The shirt? "Oh," Simon muttered. "Right, the green shirt I got you to replace the one River ruined. I'm glad you like it." Jayne had somehow managed to tuck Simon's head underneath his chin, which was making it all but impossible for Simon to walk. Neither of them was paying much attention. They walked straight into the ambush.
"Put your hands up!"
Three men with badges held guns. Jayne let Simon go abruptly, but it took him too long to get to his weapons. Jayne roared as two bullets landed in his leg and he fell. Simon bent down. "Was that really necessary?" he snapped to the men as he switched into surgeon mode.
"Step back, sir," one of them said.
Simon stepped back and raised his hands. Jayne, stunned at first, was looking pretty pissed and Simon was afraid he was about to do something stupid."I'll be happy to do whatever you say, but this man needs medical attention. He isn't part ..." Simon's voice trailed off as he realized the officers were ignoring him. They plucked Jayne from the ground.
"Jayne Cobb, you are bound by law."
"Jayne?" Simon said. "You're here for Jayne?" As two of the officers dragged Jayne off (and Simon winced as the bloody leg was dragged through the mud), the third walked over to Simon and handcuffed him.
"If there's one thing I know about criminals," he said. "It's that they tend to congregate. I'm sure you won't mind if we take you in and run your info. Just in case."
"No, of course not," Simon said. Thank goodness River was on the ship. Simon could only hope that Mal would have the sense to get off the moon immediately. ----- Simon's cell was clean, which was more than he had expected, but he was also sure that this section of the prison was the nice, public one. Simon had only seen a few rowdy drunks come in to cool off and a couple of women he figured had been cited for working without a companion's license. Simon suspected the fines for such made up the bulk of the city budget. He tried to sleep and keep alert for escape opportunities or rescue attempts at the same time. It wasn't really working. Besides, Simon wasn't planning on going anywhere without Jayne.
The sheriff came in to talk to the two ladies in the cell adjoining Simon's. "'Bout time you got here to let us out, Jed. The evening rush will have started."
"I'm sorry, ladies. There's a, uh, slight problem."
"Problem? Jed, you let us out right now."
"It turns out there's a registered companion in town, which means the guild won't leave the penalty up to me. I can't just fine you and let you go this time. The guild takes a dim view of you taking jobs away from their folks."
One of the women snorted. "Ain't no companion would touch the fools of the town. 'Sides what does the guild have to say about it?"
"Strictly speaking nothing, but the alliance has been under some pressure from the guild. So they're going to let the companion you wronged decide what's to be done with you. I'm to hold you in case there's going to be a trial."
"What? Jed, you let us out of here." He started to walk away. The woman started cursing. "Jed, do you hear me? You qingwa cao de liumang you better let us out or I swear you ain't never getting a discount again."
Simon laughed. His first real laugh in quite awhile. The sheriff's footsteps paused in front his cell. "Well, Doc, aint you gonna ask me again where your friend is?"
"After the fifth time I failed to get an answer, I figured I was wasting my breath," Simon said. Then his stomach dropped when he realized ... doc. He sat up.
The sheriff grinned at him as he unlocked his cell. "Let's go, Doctor Tam. I'm told you're a pretty dangerous fellow and prone to escapes. You can wait with your friend in a more secure area." Simon was marched down a hallway and outside to where there seemed to be some sort of construction site. "The facilities here ain't so fancy, but I don't imagine you'll be here long anyhow."
With a painful kick, the sheriff knocked him off of his footing. Simon fell into a pit. He came to rest about 8 feet down on something both hard and squishy. The something let out a raspy scream. Despite the lack of breath in his body, Simon scrambled off the thing he had fallen on. "Jayne?"
"Who?"
"It's Simon," he said. Simon's eyes had begun to adjust to the dark. The moon was just bright enough that he could see Jayne was still in the same clothes he'd been wearing the day before. He was also filthy.
Simon also noticed the dark patches and reached out a hand. Sticky, dark patches. "They just dumped you down here after you'd been shot," Simon said. It wasn't really a question, but Jayne managed a weak nod. Simon pressed his lips together. He couldn't see Jayne's skin tone, but he guessed it wasn't good. "Right," Simon said, taking his coat and vest off and rolling up his sleeves. "First, let's stop that bleeding." There was little room to manuever, especially with two of them. "Jayne, you're going to have to prop your leg against the wall and lay your head down on the ground." There was a good inch of muck at the bottom of the pit and Jayne seemed as happy about laying in it as Simon was to be kneeling in it. "You can lay on my coat," Simon said. Simon spread out his coat and folded his vest into a rough pillow. Jayne postitioned himself and Simon knelt by this leg. There was a lot of blood fresh, congealed and dry and Simon knew it was a miracle Jayne was still alive, but he kept that to himself. "This isn't so bad," he said. "It won't take much to stop the bleeding. I don't suppose you've got a knife?"
"They didn't search me," Jayne rasped. "Just dumped me in here. My belt and my shoe."
Simon took the knife from Jayne's belt. "I'm going to have to cut your pants off, Jayne. It's the only way I can see your wounds."
Jayne smirked. "You flirting with me?" he asked.
Simon rolled his eyes. "Hold still," he ordered. Jayne's leg was hot to the touch and Simon knew that was a bad sign. He mentally calculated the odds and decided that even though it would temporarily worsen the bleeding, Jayne would have a better chance of fighting off infection without lead poisoning. "I'm going to take the bullets out," he said.
Jayne grunted as Simon probed looking for the first one. "How long we been here?"
"Not long. Six, maybe ten hours. We were arrested last night and the sun hasn't come up yet. I never checked the rise/set times for this place though."
"I thought maybe you got away or Mal got you out and you guys had left me."
"Mal would never do that," Simon said.
"You don't know what I ..."
"Mal doesn't leave his crew behind," Simon stated firmly. Jayne winced just then. "Sorry," Simon muttered. The bullet popped out. Jayne gasped. "One down," Simon murmured. "How are you?"
"Not drunk enough," Jayne muttered. Simon got the second bullet out. He cut off a clean part of his own pant leg and then wrapped Jayne's leg tightly in it. Simon reached into his pocket and picked out some pills he had put in there earlier. "This should help" he said. "I wish I had more to give you."
"I don't think I can swallow those," Jayne said. "My mouth's too dry."
"Open up," Simon said. Jayne's tongue was swollen. "You're dehydrated," Simon said. "No water all night and you drank pretty heavily too. Can you sit up?"
"I was sitting up until you made me stick my leg out."
Simon frowned. Jayne had sounded more whiny than disgruntled. As sick as he seemed, he must be worse off than he was letting on. "Can you sit up and keep your leg up?"
"I ain't that flexible, Doc," Jayne snorted.
"Prop your leg up on me then," Simon said. "That'll keep it out of the mud at least." There had been no way for Simon to clean Jayne's wound. Even so, it didn't seem like a good idea to get it even dirtier. Between the two of them they managed to get Jayne situated. "Tilt your head back," Simon said. "This won't be comfortable, but you need this medicine." Simon stretched as far as he could and leaned toward Jayne's open mouth, dropped the pills straight down the back of his throat and spit. "Don't struggle," Simon ordered. His hand massaged Jayne's neck, stroking the pills down. When the pills were gone, Jayne pulled away and glared at Simon. "You spit down my throat!" he accused.
"You needed the saliva," Simon said. "Now let's lay you back down. Try to sleep. You need the rest."
"What about you?" Jayne said.
"Me too," Simon lied. He was not going to sleep while he was in charge of a near death patient. ----- The partially constructed building did little to keep out the rain. Simon took his shirt off. He was freezing anyway. Maybe he could use it to catch some rainwater to drink. Jayne slept on. Simon didn't want to remove the make shift bandage to check but because it wasn't soaked through he figured the bleeding had stopped.
He hoped the crew was taking care of River and that she was making it easier on them. It would be best all around if he and Jayne escaped. One would think it would be relatively easy for one of them to boost the other up and then be pulled up himself and repeat to get over the wall. Hard to say in the dark, but Simon didn't recall any lookouts. But Jayne didn't have the strength to stand, much less support Simon's weight and the longer they went without food and water the harder it would be. No, escape was not an option. All Simon could do was keep Jayne alive and hope rescue showed up soon. Simon realized with a jolt that Jayne was shaking in his sleep. A nightmare? But no, the man's forehead was hot to the touch and now that Simon was looking he could see the red track up Jayne's leg exposed by ripped fabric. Shock, complicated by sepsis. "Son of a bitch," he said. If there was going to be a rescue, it had better come very soon. ----- No one had been happy to discover that Jayne and Simon were missing. Mal's plan to break in with guns ablazing and wander around until they found them did not impress. In the end, they got a break. Inara was contacted by the companion's guild. As the companion in the area who may have lost business due to the local competition it was up to her to decide whether to bring formal charges. ----- There was only one deputy on duty when Inara walked into the jail house. Mal and Zoe trailed behind her. "Good morning," Inara said. "I hope it isn't too early. My name is Inara Serra. I'm here on behalf of the companion's guild."
"No, ma'am," he said. "But I'm surprised you're not in bed." The deputy turned magenta. "I mean, that you're awake."
Inara smiled her gracious, pleasant, companion smile, relaxing the man almost instantly. "I have free time on my schedule at the moment," she said.
The deputy sighed. "I suppose you're here to press charges against Lottie and Zuzu," he commented. "It sure would be nice if you could let 'em off, though," he said. "They're nice girls. I'm sure they woulda stayed home if they'da known you was in town." Inara was sure of no such thing, but truth to tell she didn't care. Her schedule had been booked long before she'd ever stepped onto the planet. She pretended though as if she were considering the man's words.
"Perhaps if I were to meet the ladies?" she said in her most even and mellifluous voice, always able to charm the most recalcitrant public official. Inara need not have bothered.
The deputy grinned broadly. "Of course, of course," he said. "Just follow me." ----- Simon had caught only a little water, but his arm was aching. The rain seemed to run through the fabric as soon as it dropped in. He wondered if a few extra layers of cloth would help. He grimaced, but set to work getting his pants off as best as he could without waking Jayne. The best thing for him right now was sleep. He wasn't entirely successful. "Hot," Jayne said. Simon looked down. "Have some water, Jayne," he said.
Jayne wasn't listening. He began moving restlessly, fumbling at his shirt. "Hot," he muttered again.
Simon realized Jayne was delirious. He tried to stop him from pulling at his shirt, but got poked in the eye. Finally, he just held onto Jayne's leg and tried to keep it out of the mud while Jayne ripped it off. Jayne wrapped himself around Simon and settled back down.
Some minutes passed. "Simon?" Jayne mumbled. Simon looked down. Jayne seemed to be really awake this time.
"Yes?" he said quietly.
"Am I dying?"
"Have some water, Jayne."