Mal: This is the story we came up with on vacation.
Ash: The insanity that ensues in this story is due to the boredom caused by being up until 2:30 everynight
Mal: Yup, well, I ACTUALLY started this story. I came up with the idea
Ash: Yeah but I helped alot so I got to be in it too. Oh, and we don't own anything except Megan and a whole bunch o' the characters.
Mal: So no one can sue us.
Ash: At least not for copywrite infringment.
Mal: That reminds me when is your sexual harrasment hearing?
Ash: Oh, Jimmy Fallon dropped the charges...
Mal: Alrighty then... ON WITH THE STORY
Part 1-
Megan Potter grabbed the golden handle on the right double door to the entry way. She walked into the foyer and knocked off her white tennis shoes. With a thunderous, echoing clap they landed in the big empty hallway. She wiggled her toes in her white socks and skipped over the marble stairs leading from the foyer and slid into the hallway on the tile. She skidded into the dining hall and practically flew by the seemingly floating newspaper and into the plate cabinet. She landed on her bottom and broke about three plates.
"Hello, Megan. You know you're not allowed to be here." Said the man from behind the newspaper. His voice was cold and unwaviering, very monotone and angry.
"Mr. Malfoy, you know you want me to be over here. You know you love having me at the house. Only because you want my loving." She said and sat down at the chair across from him.
"I do not." He said finally looking around the Daily Prophet. She smiled at him and poured herself a glass of milk. He stared menacingly at the white liquid sloshing into and out of the glass. "Do you plan on cleaning that up?"
"So, where's Juliet?" She asked and took a big gulp of milk.
"I do not know who that is." He said and folded the paper in his lap.
"Ok then, if you're gonna be like that... Louie?" She said and propped her feet on the table. He pushed them off and stared her down.
"There is no one by that name in this house."
"Jumpin Jesus on a pogo stick! Master Julius Malfoy of the great and prestigious Malfoys?"
"I believe he is sleeping." He said and went back to the paper.
"Ah, video games, they'll keep you up at night." She said and jumped up and walked towards the kitchen. Draco heard her slamming cabinet doors.
"Those Muggle toys of destruction? They will not be in my home." He said.
"But, they are! There are so many Muggle things in your home! Like Lucky Charms." She said and came out of the kitchen holding a box of the cereal and went back to the table and made herself a bowl.
"They are putrid." He said.
"Mr. Malfoy, you need to know that Muggle things are here! They're here and they're Queer! Say it with me now!"
"I will not."
"Speaking of queers, do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?"
"I don't care." Megan jumped out of her chair and started pacing back and forth along the front of the table. She seemed completely detached from Draco Malfoy's presence before her.
"I learned about all this about ten years ago,"
"You would have been five."
"When my eldest son Bill Junior died."
"You don't have a son."
"You know that carnival that comes to town every year?"
"No."
"Well this year they brought a ride called the Mixer. The guy says, 'Keep your hands and arms inside the Mixer at all times. But Bill Junior, he was a DAREDEVIL, just like his old man." She said and pointed to her chest with her thumb.
"You're not a man."
"He was hanging out the side of the Mixer shouting, 'He everybody, look at me! Look at me.' HE WAS DECAPITATED! They found his head over by the Sno-Cone concession. A few days later I found a pamphlet in the mailbox addressed to Bill Junior. It was from Pueblo, Colorado and it said: 'Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?'"
"And again I say, I don't care."
"Now, look at the soil around any big city with an underground Homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example."
"Des Moines, Iowa?" He inquired.
"Nothing grows there. The government says it's due to poor farming. But I know the truth! The queers are making landing strips, for gay Martians!" She tried to continue with her soliloquy when Mr. Malfoy cut her off.
"What in God's name are you rambling on about now?" He barked.
"You know, Mr. Malfoy, you really ought to get in touch with your son's music." She said and sat back down and started eating the rest of her cereal.
"It's Muggle music."
"Say it again with me: Say it loud I'm Muggle and I'm proud."
"I'm not and why would you be proud of such a flaw?"
"You know, I'm half Muggle."
"All the more reason for me to hate you."
"I know why you hate me; it's mostly about my dad. But you and I, we have a lot of things in common." She said pointing to each of them in turn.
"Like what?"
"You hate my dad, I hate my dad. You like to make my dad miserable, I enjoy that too." She said.
"You're right, I do hate your dad." He said with a mischievous smile.
"And I know you're a Death Eater. Bup! Don't deny it! I've seen your dark materials. I've seen the whips; I've seen the anal balls!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"If you hated me so much, why haven't you shipped me off to Voldemort yet?" She said and raised an eyebrow with the spoon hovering over bowl. "I could take him! I'll kill his bony ass!"
"DO NOT TALK THAT WAY ABOUT MY MASTER!" He stood up and howled at her.
"AHA! I knew it! You just admitted it!"
"Admitted what?" He sat back down slowly, lowering himself into his dark, mahogany chair that matched the rest of the table and chairs.
"That Voldemort was your master." She said in a mocking voice and crossed her eyes.
"I said nothing of the sort." He said and sat back down, realizing his mistake.
"Riiight." She said in an unconvinced tone. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone Mr. Malfoy. Especially not my dad, the soon-to-be Minister of Magic."
"You do know that I'm running too." He said.
"Yeah, and if I were old enough to vote, I'd vote for you." She said with a smile. "But let's not fool ourselves, my dad IS the boy who lived." She said. "But I wouldn't waste my vote."
"Go home Megan." He scowled.
"I have a proposition that could help us both." She said and dropped her spoon.
"What now?"
"Well, it's something that could really piss off my dad."
"And what is that." He said mischievously, he seemed interested. Suddenly she jumped up on the table and cleared it of it's contents by kicking it all onto the floor with milk and porcelain bowls flying everywhere. She dropped on her back and flailed her arms and legs.
"TAKE ME NOW MR. MALFOY!" She screamed. Just then, Louie Malfoy walked into the dining room in dingy jeans and a gray shirt and no shoes. He squinted oddly at Megan, laying out on the table in front of his father. He smacked his lips together and shook his head.
"Would you quit trying to seduce my father." He said sleepily. Megan sat up on the table with her legs dangling off the side and her sock covered toes barely gracing the floor.
"Louie, if I stopped doing that, why would I come over?" She said and followed him with her eyes as he got some food from the kitchen.
"And me being your best friend and all means absolutely nothing." He said.
"It's best that you know the truth." She said when he came back in with his bowl of cereal. His shaggy brown hair was matted to his face by sweat.
"Dad, when are we going to get an air conditioner?" He asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.
"Muggle device." He mumbled. Louie rolled his eyes and sat in his usual chair and began to eat his breakfest.
"Megan, dear, please get off the table." Said a sweet voice from the doorway. It was Mrs. Iris Malfoy. She sighed and looked down at the floor with the broken dishes and food all over it. "I just cleaned the floors yesterday."
"Don't you mean you had the House Elves do it?" Megan asked and hopped down from the table. Megan went back to her chair and crossed her legs under her butt. "I've noticed something, Mr. Malfoy." She said with a spoonful of Lucky Charms in her mouth.
"That's a first." Draco said and straightened out his paper.
"You have some very unsturdy dishes. Everytime I'm here I break about twelve dishes!" She said in amazement. "At first I felt bad about it but then I realized that you guys are so filthy stinkin rich you can just buy a new china set every day! And then I thought to myself, I said self, there must be something wrong with these dishes cause at my house I jump on them, I throw them, Hell, me and Matt, we play Frisbee with them sometimes."
"Oh great, the Mudblood's here." He said under his breath. Radcliff Malfoy, the oldest Malfoy son, came in the room and turned right back around when he saw Megan sitting at the table.
"Hey, how's it hangin Pencil-dick?" She said. Radcliff turned back around and flipped Megan the finger behind his parent's backs. "Right back at ya!" She said with a wink.
"So, Megan, do you have your things?" Said Mrs. Malfoy with a big smile.
"Things? What things? She has no things here! She's here and she's leaving now! Go, Megan, leave!" Draco said in a fit of shock. 'My worst fear is coming true, the girl is moving in!' He thought.
"Megan is staying for the weekend." Iris said and placed a hand over Draco's. She glowered at him angrily.
"No, she's not." he said pounding his fists on the table.
"Oh you want me to stay longer! I feel so special." Megan said and jumped up onto the table and walked over to Mr. Malfoy for a hug.
"Don't touch me." He said as she almost strangled him. He pushed her away and she feel of the table with some loud cursing. "She's not supposed to be here! We set up rule when they became friends. Potter doesn't go into the Malfoy house, Malfoy doesn't got into the Potter house."
"I don't know why she can't stay over." Iris said with a smile. Draco looked like he was thinking.
"Friends!" He exclaimed. "That's right, my friends are coming over." Iris looked at her husband skeptically.
"So, your friends will find her delightful. Everyone does. I think they'll love her" She said and clasped her hands together daintily in her lap.
"Yeah, they'll love having her here so they can take her to the Dark Lord." He muttered involuntarily. The entire room shot their heads at him in shock. "I mean they'll love taking her to the park, Lord I hate having her here."
"Yeah, that's what you said Dad, loud and clear..." Louie said and kept eating.
"She's staying and that's final." Iris said with her eyes bulging out of their sockets.
"She's leaving and that's final." He said and beat his fist on the table knocking the fork against the plate.
"I feel so important, Louie, everyone's fighting over little old me!" She said and grabbed his arm gleefully. Louie rolled is eyes and the Malfoys ignored her.
"Look, Draco, do you want to lose ALL your hair, because I know that hair line is receding!" Iris threatened.
"I'm losing my hair because of her!" He roared at her but looked at Megan.
"Don't interrupt me you bastard!" She yelled louder then he had. Megan sat in her chair looking at Mrs. Malfoy aghast, this sweet little woman had just turned into a ferocious beast. "Look I can cast a spell on all of your hair tools and your pillow and anything that could EVER touch your head! They will suck up hair like a friekin vacuum!"
"Fine, I'm going to work." He shouted and got up from the table.
"Fine, because I don't want you here." She said calmly. He breathed heavily through his nose fiercely like a bull and stormed out of the house slamming the door loudly.
***
The doorbell rang loudly and the notes chimed throughout the house. Iris flitted briefly with a plate of cookies. And wiped her hands on a towel on her way to the entrance hall. But she was too late. Megan had already come to the door. The three men stood in the door way and looked at her smiling face in their presence.
"Who are you?" A tall, bulky man said.
"I'm a thief and I'm taking this house hostage. I've got a crane out back, we're goin to California for some Marijuana." They looked at her like she was nuts. "Yeah, that's right I've already killed Draco, you're gonna be next if you don't quit giving me the stink eye."
"What are you raving about, who are you?" The man repeated.
"Ok, you caught me, I'm actually..." She crouched down with her fingers molded into a gun and pulled some sunglasses out of her back pocket and put them on her eyes. Her face stern and her lips pursed she deepened her voiced and backed away. "Agent Negative Forty-Four, and you're under arrest." She said and harkened them into the house.
"Oh, did the Malfoys take you in from the home for the mentally retarded?" Said an elderly, fat man.
"No you Japanese Midget!" She said and began to walk seductively to them with her fingers still up by her head like a gun. "I'm a secret agent for the Ministry of Magic and you are under arrest."
"For what?" Said the only man who had yet to speak.
"Don't act like you don't know! That's right, I know all about you Mr. Goyle, Mr. Crabbe, Mr. Fuji." The elderly man shook his head in a confused way.
"My name is Harold Burbank."
"Now I know, and can put that in my notes." She raised an eyebrow. "But you three are under arrest for being Death Eaters and killing countless people with the Unforgivable Curses, that are unforgivable, hence the name." She said dramatically. The men gasped and drew their wands.
"WHO ARE YOU!" The man said once again.
"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, take a breather, Chicken Little." She said and shook her flat hands around her ears.
"WHO ARE YOU! I'M SICK OF ASKING!" Harold Burbank bellowed again.
"AGENT NEGATIVE FORTY-FOUR!" She yelled back.
"No, your real name!" Said one of the others.
" Megan." She said and cradled her chin in her hands. "Look, chill out guys, I'm not gonna arrest you! I'm 15."
"How did you know we were Death Eater then?" They asked backing away slowly.
"My dad told me, you know, the soon to be Minister of Magic."
"Draco?"
"Do I look like a Malfoy, I actually have pigment in my skin. The other guy running."
"THE BOY WHO LIVED!" They became menacing again after finding out this fact. Louie rounded the corner by the stair case at that moment.
"Somebody's gonna die!" He said and left her alone.
"YOU AREN'T HELPFUL!" She wailed.
"What do you three think you are doing!" Iris Malfoy entered the room and brought new meaning to the phrase: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And boy, was she scorned. She bounded to Megan's side and pushed her behind her back and stared menacingly at the men. Harold Burbank drew back quickly while Crabbe and Goyle already had their wands away by the first sound of her voice. "Harold, there is a no-wand mandate in this house and you know that! You want to wave wands with someone, you'll do it with me. Megan is a guest in my home just as you are and you'll be leaving before she does." She said calmly, spacing her words apart and with clairity for the three thick-headed men's sakes.
Megan stayed up in Louie's room for the majority of the night. When they were called down for dinner Megan was trying to jump over a mushroom in Marioland. She reluctanly came down the stairs and hid behind Louie tenativley. She sat beside Louie at the table and sat quietly with her hands in her lap waiting to eat and then go back up to Louie's room. Draco's 'friends' were frightening. They began to discuss buisness.
"Well, Draco, you seem slightly, how do I put this delicatly?" Said Vincint Crabbe poking at his salad.
"Mean." Megan murmered into her lap. The four men shot evil glares at her the moment she spoke. Draco looked like he was about to say something when Megan intercepted the conversation. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"They don't care." Louie said in a warning tone and grabbed the crook of her elbow to get her attention.
"I couldn't have said it better myself." Radcliffe said haughtily with his arms crossed, he was sitting directly across from her. She looked over at him with her mouth agape.
"Bite me, you little shit." She growled.
"Sorry, I don't like the taste of Mud." He said and cocked his jaw and popped his eyebrows quickly.
"Well, I don't like the tast of piss. Piss-ant!" She retorted. Radcliffe rolled his eyes and Iris came back in the room with a bowl of spaghetti.
"No cursing at the table, Megan, dear." She said and patted her hand. She went to sit down next to Draco. Rudolf Goyle looked over at Draco with confusion in his eyes.
"You let the Mudblood talk to him like that?"
"Even if I said she couldn't she still would." He said and rubbed his temples.
"You can't call me that." She said, outraged.
"Why the hell not?" Harold said then looked in his lap after being eyed down by Iris.
"Because I prefer Dirtyveins! No you bastard! Because it's a derogatory term that offends me." She said and crossed her arms. Louie looked at her, perplexed.
"You use the term all the time."
"I can, you can't. Being one gives me the right." She said plainly.
"That makes no sense." He said and searched the celing for answers.
"It's a Mudblood thing." She said and waved him off and turned back to Draco.
"Seriously, I find you mean, and so do the other 'Mudbloods.'" She said making quotations with her fingers. "And we're the majority nowadays. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it a majority ruling that gets you the Minister postion?" She said rhitorically. "Thus: if you're nicer you could be voted for and you might win." Draco opened his mouth to disagree with her. "But it's a close race, so you don't have to listen to me. It's pretty close, you're close to losing, and my dad is close to winning."
{A/N:
Ash: It amazes me.
Mal: What?
Ash: My powers of procrastination.
Mal: Ignore her. Well, I hope you enjoyed this it took a really long time to write.
Ash: BTW- That bit about the queers and the soil, took that from a song by the Dead Milkmen called Stuart. Funniest thing you will ever hear in your life. Cracks me up
Mal: Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Read and Reveiw!}
Ash: The insanity that ensues in this story is due to the boredom caused by being up until 2:30 everynight
Mal: Yup, well, I ACTUALLY started this story. I came up with the idea
Ash: Yeah but I helped alot so I got to be in it too. Oh, and we don't own anything except Megan and a whole bunch o' the characters.
Mal: So no one can sue us.
Ash: At least not for copywrite infringment.
Mal: That reminds me when is your sexual harrasment hearing?
Ash: Oh, Jimmy Fallon dropped the charges...
Mal: Alrighty then... ON WITH THE STORY
Part 1-
Megan Potter grabbed the golden handle on the right double door to the entry way. She walked into the foyer and knocked off her white tennis shoes. With a thunderous, echoing clap they landed in the big empty hallway. She wiggled her toes in her white socks and skipped over the marble stairs leading from the foyer and slid into the hallway on the tile. She skidded into the dining hall and practically flew by the seemingly floating newspaper and into the plate cabinet. She landed on her bottom and broke about three plates.
"Hello, Megan. You know you're not allowed to be here." Said the man from behind the newspaper. His voice was cold and unwaviering, very monotone and angry.
"Mr. Malfoy, you know you want me to be over here. You know you love having me at the house. Only because you want my loving." She said and sat down at the chair across from him.
"I do not." He said finally looking around the Daily Prophet. She smiled at him and poured herself a glass of milk. He stared menacingly at the white liquid sloshing into and out of the glass. "Do you plan on cleaning that up?"
"So, where's Juliet?" She asked and took a big gulp of milk.
"I do not know who that is." He said and folded the paper in his lap.
"Ok then, if you're gonna be like that... Louie?" She said and propped her feet on the table. He pushed them off and stared her down.
"There is no one by that name in this house."
"Jumpin Jesus on a pogo stick! Master Julius Malfoy of the great and prestigious Malfoys?"
"I believe he is sleeping." He said and went back to the paper.
"Ah, video games, they'll keep you up at night." She said and jumped up and walked towards the kitchen. Draco heard her slamming cabinet doors.
"Those Muggle toys of destruction? They will not be in my home." He said.
"But, they are! There are so many Muggle things in your home! Like Lucky Charms." She said and came out of the kitchen holding a box of the cereal and went back to the table and made herself a bowl.
"They are putrid." He said.
"Mr. Malfoy, you need to know that Muggle things are here! They're here and they're Queer! Say it with me now!"
"I will not."
"Speaking of queers, do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?"
"I don't care." Megan jumped out of her chair and started pacing back and forth along the front of the table. She seemed completely detached from Draco Malfoy's presence before her.
"I learned about all this about ten years ago,"
"You would have been five."
"When my eldest son Bill Junior died."
"You don't have a son."
"You know that carnival that comes to town every year?"
"No."
"Well this year they brought a ride called the Mixer. The guy says, 'Keep your hands and arms inside the Mixer at all times. But Bill Junior, he was a DAREDEVIL, just like his old man." She said and pointed to her chest with her thumb.
"You're not a man."
"He was hanging out the side of the Mixer shouting, 'He everybody, look at me! Look at me.' HE WAS DECAPITATED! They found his head over by the Sno-Cone concession. A few days later I found a pamphlet in the mailbox addressed to Bill Junior. It was from Pueblo, Colorado and it said: 'Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?'"
"And again I say, I don't care."
"Now, look at the soil around any big city with an underground Homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa, perfect example."
"Des Moines, Iowa?" He inquired.
"Nothing grows there. The government says it's due to poor farming. But I know the truth! The queers are making landing strips, for gay Martians!" She tried to continue with her soliloquy when Mr. Malfoy cut her off.
"What in God's name are you rambling on about now?" He barked.
"You know, Mr. Malfoy, you really ought to get in touch with your son's music." She said and sat back down and started eating the rest of her cereal.
"It's Muggle music."
"Say it again with me: Say it loud I'm Muggle and I'm proud."
"I'm not and why would you be proud of such a flaw?"
"You know, I'm half Muggle."
"All the more reason for me to hate you."
"I know why you hate me; it's mostly about my dad. But you and I, we have a lot of things in common." She said pointing to each of them in turn.
"Like what?"
"You hate my dad, I hate my dad. You like to make my dad miserable, I enjoy that too." She said.
"You're right, I do hate your dad." He said with a mischievous smile.
"And I know you're a Death Eater. Bup! Don't deny it! I've seen your dark materials. I've seen the whips; I've seen the anal balls!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"If you hated me so much, why haven't you shipped me off to Voldemort yet?" She said and raised an eyebrow with the spoon hovering over bowl. "I could take him! I'll kill his bony ass!"
"DO NOT TALK THAT WAY ABOUT MY MASTER!" He stood up and howled at her.
"AHA! I knew it! You just admitted it!"
"Admitted what?" He sat back down slowly, lowering himself into his dark, mahogany chair that matched the rest of the table and chairs.
"That Voldemort was your master." She said in a mocking voice and crossed her eyes.
"I said nothing of the sort." He said and sat back down, realizing his mistake.
"Riiight." She said in an unconvinced tone. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone Mr. Malfoy. Especially not my dad, the soon-to-be Minister of Magic."
"You do know that I'm running too." He said.
"Yeah, and if I were old enough to vote, I'd vote for you." She said with a smile. "But let's not fool ourselves, my dad IS the boy who lived." She said. "But I wouldn't waste my vote."
"Go home Megan." He scowled.
"I have a proposition that could help us both." She said and dropped her spoon.
"What now?"
"Well, it's something that could really piss off my dad."
"And what is that." He said mischievously, he seemed interested. Suddenly she jumped up on the table and cleared it of it's contents by kicking it all onto the floor with milk and porcelain bowls flying everywhere. She dropped on her back and flailed her arms and legs.
"TAKE ME NOW MR. MALFOY!" She screamed. Just then, Louie Malfoy walked into the dining room in dingy jeans and a gray shirt and no shoes. He squinted oddly at Megan, laying out on the table in front of his father. He smacked his lips together and shook his head.
"Would you quit trying to seduce my father." He said sleepily. Megan sat up on the table with her legs dangling off the side and her sock covered toes barely gracing the floor.
"Louie, if I stopped doing that, why would I come over?" She said and followed him with her eyes as he got some food from the kitchen.
"And me being your best friend and all means absolutely nothing." He said.
"It's best that you know the truth." She said when he came back in with his bowl of cereal. His shaggy brown hair was matted to his face by sweat.
"Dad, when are we going to get an air conditioner?" He asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.
"Muggle device." He mumbled. Louie rolled his eyes and sat in his usual chair and began to eat his breakfest.
"Megan, dear, please get off the table." Said a sweet voice from the doorway. It was Mrs. Iris Malfoy. She sighed and looked down at the floor with the broken dishes and food all over it. "I just cleaned the floors yesterday."
"Don't you mean you had the House Elves do it?" Megan asked and hopped down from the table. Megan went back to her chair and crossed her legs under her butt. "I've noticed something, Mr. Malfoy." She said with a spoonful of Lucky Charms in her mouth.
"That's a first." Draco said and straightened out his paper.
"You have some very unsturdy dishes. Everytime I'm here I break about twelve dishes!" She said in amazement. "At first I felt bad about it but then I realized that you guys are so filthy stinkin rich you can just buy a new china set every day! And then I thought to myself, I said self, there must be something wrong with these dishes cause at my house I jump on them, I throw them, Hell, me and Matt, we play Frisbee with them sometimes."
"Oh great, the Mudblood's here." He said under his breath. Radcliff Malfoy, the oldest Malfoy son, came in the room and turned right back around when he saw Megan sitting at the table.
"Hey, how's it hangin Pencil-dick?" She said. Radcliff turned back around and flipped Megan the finger behind his parent's backs. "Right back at ya!" She said with a wink.
"So, Megan, do you have your things?" Said Mrs. Malfoy with a big smile.
"Things? What things? She has no things here! She's here and she's leaving now! Go, Megan, leave!" Draco said in a fit of shock. 'My worst fear is coming true, the girl is moving in!' He thought.
"Megan is staying for the weekend." Iris said and placed a hand over Draco's. She glowered at him angrily.
"No, she's not." he said pounding his fists on the table.
"Oh you want me to stay longer! I feel so special." Megan said and jumped up onto the table and walked over to Mr. Malfoy for a hug.
"Don't touch me." He said as she almost strangled him. He pushed her away and she feel of the table with some loud cursing. "She's not supposed to be here! We set up rule when they became friends. Potter doesn't go into the Malfoy house, Malfoy doesn't got into the Potter house."
"I don't know why she can't stay over." Iris said with a smile. Draco looked like he was thinking.
"Friends!" He exclaimed. "That's right, my friends are coming over." Iris looked at her husband skeptically.
"So, your friends will find her delightful. Everyone does. I think they'll love her" She said and clasped her hands together daintily in her lap.
"Yeah, they'll love having her here so they can take her to the Dark Lord." He muttered involuntarily. The entire room shot their heads at him in shock. "I mean they'll love taking her to the park, Lord I hate having her here."
"Yeah, that's what you said Dad, loud and clear..." Louie said and kept eating.
"She's staying and that's final." Iris said with her eyes bulging out of their sockets.
"She's leaving and that's final." He said and beat his fist on the table knocking the fork against the plate.
"I feel so important, Louie, everyone's fighting over little old me!" She said and grabbed his arm gleefully. Louie rolled is eyes and the Malfoys ignored her.
"Look, Draco, do you want to lose ALL your hair, because I know that hair line is receding!" Iris threatened.
"I'm losing my hair because of her!" He roared at her but looked at Megan.
"Don't interrupt me you bastard!" She yelled louder then he had. Megan sat in her chair looking at Mrs. Malfoy aghast, this sweet little woman had just turned into a ferocious beast. "Look I can cast a spell on all of your hair tools and your pillow and anything that could EVER touch your head! They will suck up hair like a friekin vacuum!"
"Fine, I'm going to work." He shouted and got up from the table.
"Fine, because I don't want you here." She said calmly. He breathed heavily through his nose fiercely like a bull and stormed out of the house slamming the door loudly.
***
The doorbell rang loudly and the notes chimed throughout the house. Iris flitted briefly with a plate of cookies. And wiped her hands on a towel on her way to the entrance hall. But she was too late. Megan had already come to the door. The three men stood in the door way and looked at her smiling face in their presence.
"Who are you?" A tall, bulky man said.
"I'm a thief and I'm taking this house hostage. I've got a crane out back, we're goin to California for some Marijuana." They looked at her like she was nuts. "Yeah, that's right I've already killed Draco, you're gonna be next if you don't quit giving me the stink eye."
"What are you raving about, who are you?" The man repeated.
"Ok, you caught me, I'm actually..." She crouched down with her fingers molded into a gun and pulled some sunglasses out of her back pocket and put them on her eyes. Her face stern and her lips pursed she deepened her voiced and backed away. "Agent Negative Forty-Four, and you're under arrest." She said and harkened them into the house.
"Oh, did the Malfoys take you in from the home for the mentally retarded?" Said an elderly, fat man.
"No you Japanese Midget!" She said and began to walk seductively to them with her fingers still up by her head like a gun. "I'm a secret agent for the Ministry of Magic and you are under arrest."
"For what?" Said the only man who had yet to speak.
"Don't act like you don't know! That's right, I know all about you Mr. Goyle, Mr. Crabbe, Mr. Fuji." The elderly man shook his head in a confused way.
"My name is Harold Burbank."
"Now I know, and can put that in my notes." She raised an eyebrow. "But you three are under arrest for being Death Eaters and killing countless people with the Unforgivable Curses, that are unforgivable, hence the name." She said dramatically. The men gasped and drew their wands.
"WHO ARE YOU!" The man said once again.
"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, take a breather, Chicken Little." She said and shook her flat hands around her ears.
"WHO ARE YOU! I'M SICK OF ASKING!" Harold Burbank bellowed again.
"AGENT NEGATIVE FORTY-FOUR!" She yelled back.
"No, your real name!" Said one of the others.
" Megan." She said and cradled her chin in her hands. "Look, chill out guys, I'm not gonna arrest you! I'm 15."
"How did you know we were Death Eater then?" They asked backing away slowly.
"My dad told me, you know, the soon to be Minister of Magic."
"Draco?"
"Do I look like a Malfoy, I actually have pigment in my skin. The other guy running."
"THE BOY WHO LIVED!" They became menacing again after finding out this fact. Louie rounded the corner by the stair case at that moment.
"Somebody's gonna die!" He said and left her alone.
"YOU AREN'T HELPFUL!" She wailed.
"What do you three think you are doing!" Iris Malfoy entered the room and brought new meaning to the phrase: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And boy, was she scorned. She bounded to Megan's side and pushed her behind her back and stared menacingly at the men. Harold Burbank drew back quickly while Crabbe and Goyle already had their wands away by the first sound of her voice. "Harold, there is a no-wand mandate in this house and you know that! You want to wave wands with someone, you'll do it with me. Megan is a guest in my home just as you are and you'll be leaving before she does." She said calmly, spacing her words apart and with clairity for the three thick-headed men's sakes.
Megan stayed up in Louie's room for the majority of the night. When they were called down for dinner Megan was trying to jump over a mushroom in Marioland. She reluctanly came down the stairs and hid behind Louie tenativley. She sat beside Louie at the table and sat quietly with her hands in her lap waiting to eat and then go back up to Louie's room. Draco's 'friends' were frightening. They began to discuss buisness.
"Well, Draco, you seem slightly, how do I put this delicatly?" Said Vincint Crabbe poking at his salad.
"Mean." Megan murmered into her lap. The four men shot evil glares at her the moment she spoke. Draco looked like he was about to say something when Megan intercepted the conversation. "Do you want to know what I think?"
"They don't care." Louie said in a warning tone and grabbed the crook of her elbow to get her attention.
"I couldn't have said it better myself." Radcliffe said haughtily with his arms crossed, he was sitting directly across from her. She looked over at him with her mouth agape.
"Bite me, you little shit." She growled.
"Sorry, I don't like the taste of Mud." He said and cocked his jaw and popped his eyebrows quickly.
"Well, I don't like the tast of piss. Piss-ant!" She retorted. Radcliffe rolled his eyes and Iris came back in the room with a bowl of spaghetti.
"No cursing at the table, Megan, dear." She said and patted her hand. She went to sit down next to Draco. Rudolf Goyle looked over at Draco with confusion in his eyes.
"You let the Mudblood talk to him like that?"
"Even if I said she couldn't she still would." He said and rubbed his temples.
"You can't call me that." She said, outraged.
"Why the hell not?" Harold said then looked in his lap after being eyed down by Iris.
"Because I prefer Dirtyveins! No you bastard! Because it's a derogatory term that offends me." She said and crossed her arms. Louie looked at her, perplexed.
"You use the term all the time."
"I can, you can't. Being one gives me the right." She said plainly.
"That makes no sense." He said and searched the celing for answers.
"It's a Mudblood thing." She said and waved him off and turned back to Draco.
"Seriously, I find you mean, and so do the other 'Mudbloods.'" She said making quotations with her fingers. "And we're the majority nowadays. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it a majority ruling that gets you the Minister postion?" She said rhitorically. "Thus: if you're nicer you could be voted for and you might win." Draco opened his mouth to disagree with her. "But it's a close race, so you don't have to listen to me. It's pretty close, you're close to losing, and my dad is close to winning."
{A/N:
Ash: It amazes me.
Mal: What?
Ash: My powers of procrastination.
Mal: Ignore her. Well, I hope you enjoyed this it took a really long time to write.
Ash: BTW- That bit about the queers and the soil, took that from a song by the Dead Milkmen called Stuart. Funniest thing you will ever hear in your life. Cracks me up
Mal: Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Read and Reveiw!}