Chapter 5 - Unwanted Realizations
Five days later, I was in the lunch room, doing homework and talking with Lynn and one of her friends, Alicia. Alicia has pretty brown eyes, dirty blonde curly hair, and a rounded face. She was a nice acquaintance, but nobody I could really talk to. I was just about to put away my math book when Lynn grabbed my arm and leaned across the table, whispering to me, "Oh my god, that guy is looking at you, Alex!" I made a move to turn around to look, but she said urgently, "Don't turn around. Don't look." "Will you at least tell me who this guy is, so I can avoid him?" I asked, only half joking. Ever since the incident with Owen, I had tried to avoid him, and any other guy, at all costs. To me, all boys were Owen and the same thing would happen again. She pushed my arm away, sounded slightly annoyed, "Oh, Alex. Don't be so rueful. He has black hair, kind of looks Italian. Sexy, Sexy." She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. I laughed, "What grade?" "Tenth I think..." She leaned over to Alicia and asked her, then confirmed. "Yea, he's in tenth grade." I sighed. I put my notebook and calculator into my black bag and zipped it up, smoothly stealing a peek at this mysterious admirer. I looked back at Lynn, asking, "Didn't he go out with Sylvia? You know, the really prude girl who tries to deny it at all costs." I hated that word, but everyone else used it to describe her, and it seemed there was no other description. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yea, I think so. Why?" "Oh, just wondering. I'm going to head out of here. Want to come?" Please, Lynn. I need to talk to you. She looked over to Alicia, questioning herself. "Uh, sure. Do you want to come?" she asked her. Alicia shook her head. We walked out of the cafeteria, heading for the library when I knew that I needed to tell her. I stopped her in the empty hallway and looked down at my feet, ashamed at myself for having to tell her about this, and that I hadn't told her sooner. "Lynn, I need to talk to you about something," I told her, clearly understating the situation. Fresh tears threatened to fall from my eyes, though I willed them away. Her eyes shone with worry. "What is it?" she asked lightly, not pressing me. "I, uh... I had a sort of fling with Owen Fowler. You know him, right?" The tears wouldn't stop. One fell, making a path for the others to follow. Her face contorted to slight disgust. She didn't like Owen. "Yea. What happened? Are you okay?" "Well, no. I'm not okay. He--he forced himself onto me in the library late one night." My voice cracked and I broke into sobs, no longer able to hold back the feelings wanting to burst inside me. "I don't know why he did it. Was it me?" "No," she told me strongly. "Nothing is wrong with you. It's him. You should know by now that he isn't a virgin and all he wants is sex." She sighed. "When did it happen?" I sniffed, my nose already clogged, making it harder to breathe. "Last week," I said weakly. Even though I was in this situation, I still felt like she wouldn't give up on me. I felt like she would always be there, no matter what happened. "Is this what was wrong? Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, pulling me into a tight hug. I pulled back for a moment, telling her how I felt like every guy was going to do that to me, that I couldn't trust another guy again. She didn't say anything, just pulled me back into a comforting hug as the bell rang, ending the period. As we were departing to our separate classes, she told me, "Not every guy is going to be Owen. But I know it's going to be hard to trust someone after what happened. I still say take some time. Time can heal just about anything. And I promise, it will get better for you. Just trust yourself." She smiled and walked away, and I took her words to heart. I think hearing them sunk in more than telling them to myself. No matter how much I didn't want to admit it, I knew she was right.
Five days later, I was in the lunch room, doing homework and talking with Lynn and one of her friends, Alicia. Alicia has pretty brown eyes, dirty blonde curly hair, and a rounded face. She was a nice acquaintance, but nobody I could really talk to. I was just about to put away my math book when Lynn grabbed my arm and leaned across the table, whispering to me, "Oh my god, that guy is looking at you, Alex!" I made a move to turn around to look, but she said urgently, "Don't turn around. Don't look." "Will you at least tell me who this guy is, so I can avoid him?" I asked, only half joking. Ever since the incident with Owen, I had tried to avoid him, and any other guy, at all costs. To me, all boys were Owen and the same thing would happen again. She pushed my arm away, sounded slightly annoyed, "Oh, Alex. Don't be so rueful. He has black hair, kind of looks Italian. Sexy, Sexy." She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. I laughed, "What grade?" "Tenth I think..." She leaned over to Alicia and asked her, then confirmed. "Yea, he's in tenth grade." I sighed. I put my notebook and calculator into my black bag and zipped it up, smoothly stealing a peek at this mysterious admirer. I looked back at Lynn, asking, "Didn't he go out with Sylvia? You know, the really prude girl who tries to deny it at all costs." I hated that word, but everyone else used it to describe her, and it seemed there was no other description. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yea, I think so. Why?" "Oh, just wondering. I'm going to head out of here. Want to come?" Please, Lynn. I need to talk to you. She looked over to Alicia, questioning herself. "Uh, sure. Do you want to come?" she asked her. Alicia shook her head. We walked out of the cafeteria, heading for the library when I knew that I needed to tell her. I stopped her in the empty hallway and looked down at my feet, ashamed at myself for having to tell her about this, and that I hadn't told her sooner. "Lynn, I need to talk to you about something," I told her, clearly understating the situation. Fresh tears threatened to fall from my eyes, though I willed them away. Her eyes shone with worry. "What is it?" she asked lightly, not pressing me. "I, uh... I had a sort of fling with Owen Fowler. You know him, right?" The tears wouldn't stop. One fell, making a path for the others to follow. Her face contorted to slight disgust. She didn't like Owen. "Yea. What happened? Are you okay?" "Well, no. I'm not okay. He--he forced himself onto me in the library late one night." My voice cracked and I broke into sobs, no longer able to hold back the feelings wanting to burst inside me. "I don't know why he did it. Was it me?" "No," she told me strongly. "Nothing is wrong with you. It's him. You should know by now that he isn't a virgin and all he wants is sex." She sighed. "When did it happen?" I sniffed, my nose already clogged, making it harder to breathe. "Last week," I said weakly. Even though I was in this situation, I still felt like she wouldn't give up on me. I felt like she would always be there, no matter what happened. "Is this what was wrong? Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, pulling me into a tight hug. I pulled back for a moment, telling her how I felt like every guy was going to do that to me, that I couldn't trust another guy again. She didn't say anything, just pulled me back into a comforting hug as the bell rang, ending the period. As we were departing to our separate classes, she told me, "Not every guy is going to be Owen. But I know it's going to be hard to trust someone after what happened. I still say take some time. Time can heal just about anything. And I promise, it will get better for you. Just trust yourself." She smiled and walked away, and I took her words to heart. I think hearing them sunk in more than telling them to myself. No matter how much I didn't want to admit it, I knew she was right.