Part 13-
"Tell me again why you were hiding in the sixth year boys dormitory?" Headmaster Albus Dumbledore asked from behind his desk. Two other Professors stood in the office with him, Professor Trelawny and another woman professor Megan had never met before. The skin from her forehead was pulled back so tightly by her bun that Megan assumed that was what kept her eyes open.
"Because they are the ones that found me." She answered meekly.
"Where?" Asked the tight haired one.
"In the Forbidden Forest."
"It's forbidden, hence: the name." The tight haired woman said shortly.
"But I was running away."
"Running away from what?" Dumbledore asked.
"The Ministry of Magic."
"Why is the Ministry after you?" She asked Megan. Trelawny was standing in the corner with her fingers over her eyes and humming. Megan had to look away to avoid laughing.
"My dad's the minister of magic and I broke into the Slytherin common room and broke all the furniture and then I ran away and then Bro-dawg told me to stop and I went and then I thought about dementor repellant, which would be a good idea if you think about it, and then I ran into the woods and there was-"
"Stop." Dumbledore said. "Your father is Ivan Norris?"
"Do I look like my father is Ivan Norris?"
"Does Ivan Norris' daughter look a certain way?" Dumbledore asked.
"Not like this."
"Megan, you need to stop acting like that." Reumus said from behind her and put an arm on her shoulder. They were in there too. Reumus, Sirius, James, Peter, David, Darryl and Lily.
"How are you the Minister of Magic's daughter then?" Lily asked. "I mean since you're not Ivan Norris' daughter."
"Yes, enlighten us." The tight haired woman asked.
'I don't like you. I'm hungry. I'm going to eat you.' She thought and stared up at the woman. Her stomach growled loudly. The room looked at her.
"I'm hungry." She admitted.
"Well! What else is new! Megan is hungry! Big suprise there! That's all I've heard this past week! 'I'm hungry, I want to have sex with Jim Morrison, I poop,' and then POW! I get socked in the face. Is this the thanks I get!? I put gravy in my pants. GRAVY!" Sirius went off on a tangent.
"It wasn't even good gravy. You should tell those house elves they need to work on their gravy." Megan said.
"It was hot gravy, that's all I know." Sirius said, rubbing his leg where his gravy filled pocket would have been.
"Wasn't hot when I ate it out of your pants!" The room was quiet as Megan realized what she had said. "I mean it was in a bowl, from the Great Hall. That they stole for me-"
"You were better off when you were eating out of his pants." James said.
"Backing up to why you're here!" The woman shouted. "What is your last name?" The woman asked.
"I could ask you the same question Miss." Megan said and crossed her arms across her chest.
"McGonagall- Wait! I'll ask the questions!"
'You look like McGonagall.' Megan thought, remembering what her father had told her about the Deputy Headmistress.
"What is your last name?" She repeated.
"I can't tell you. But I can tell you my code name- Agent Negative-"
"DON'T TELL THEM!" Darryl and David shouted at the same time. Megan turned to them.
"Secret agents have code names for a reason Neg Four Four." David said.
"Did you give me a nickname without my knowledge?" She asked, disturbed.
"No, you knew all along." Darryl said as if he was telling someone the sky was blue.
"SHUT UP SHOEMAKERS!" McGonagall shouted at the boys. "Now, again: What's your last name?"
"I can't tell you."
"Tell me."
"If they leave, I will be more than happy."
"They aren't going anywhere." McGonagall said with finality.
"Ok." Megan said and uncrossed her arms. "You don't want them to leave. Then they are going to hear a lot of things you aren't going to like." She cleared her throat and began the unveiling of the future.
"Well, my name is Megan Potter. As in Harry Potter. As in James Potter. As in Lily and James Potter fornicate and give birth to my father. He inserted his penis into her vagina and nine months later, my dad comes out of there." Lily and James looked at each other and then back at Megan. Lily could feel her face flush. "But about a year later, the Dark Lord is after them. Uh-oh, gotta get a secret keeper. Who to pick? Of course a Marauder, but which one? First off they pick Sirius but OUT OF NOWHERE, they (stupid move if you ask ME!) change to Peter. Who, doesn't look like it, but he's a Death eater. He waddles to Voldemort and says: 'Yo, Voldie, I'll tell you where James and Lily are if you give me a seat of power.'" Peter could feel the looks he was receiving from the other three Marauders and Lily.
"I wouldn't do that." Peter said. "That's horrible. Why would I do that. Megan I let you sleep in my bed!"
"You fucking bastard, you kill me!" James said and smacked the back of his head.
"I do not." Peter argued.
"Please tone down your language, Mister Potter." McGonagall says. "Continue, Megan."
"Thank you Professor. Well-"
"Megan, may I please ask you to pause for a moment. I need the rest of the staff in here to be sure I'm not crazy." Dumbledore said calmly and walked out of the room. Fifteen minutes of unbearable silence went by and Dumbledore returned the entirety of Hogwarts staff.
"Go on." He beckoned.
"As I was saying: So Voldie kills you two and Harry lives. Not sure how, but he does. Then from the blast meant to kill Daddy-kins, Darth Vader goes into exile in this mere shadow of himself. Harry goes and lives with, get this Nana," Megan said and turned to Lily. "Petunia, her husband Vernon and her really fat son Dudley. They screw him up royally for his entire life. That's why he's such a dick now! The Dursleys (your in-laws) warp the poor kid for life. Then he goes to Hogwarts. By the way, the Chamber of Secrets, yeah- it's real.
"Anyway after his adventures at Hogwarts, and life as a bachelor, he meets a nice lady named Kathleen. He and Kathleen get married, create my brother Matt. A year later they create me (Ta-da!) Megan Potter. That, Professors, is my last name."
"As terribly exciting as that was, none of what you've just told us has explained why you're here." A short, balding professor said. Megan clasped her hands under her nose and rested her chin on her thumbs. She looked up at Dumbledore.
"Have you ever kissed a Malfoy?"
"Not recently." He said with a smile.
"Well, that is the reason I'm here. Do you know Lucius Malfoy?" Everyone nodded. "Do you know Narcissa Williams?"
"AHH!" The students in the room lurched back in disgust.
"They..."
"Yeah. Well, they make a baby named Draco. He marries this lady named Iris, who is Mondo nice. I don't know why she marries him. Iris is friends with my mom- Kathleen. Iris and Kathleen are pregnant at the same time. Female bonding occurs, yada-yada, and then Matt and Cliffe are born at the same time. Matt is my brother, Cliffe is Draco's kid. His real name is Radcliffe, but I call him Cliffe. Well, most of the time Pencil-Dick, that's only because I like him. Anyway, then Iris and Kathleen get pregnant at the same time AGAIN and then they make Me and Louie. Julius but who wants to be called Julius anyways? Me and Louie, we've been friends since the womb! So anyway, in Career Decisions, which by the way you should avoid having that as a class, Cliffe is making fun of Bro-Dawg's hair- it's green."
"Who is Bro-Dawg?" Asked Dumbledore, entranced by the story now.
"Ahem, as I was saying- Cliffe is making fun of Bro-Dawg's hair and then we beat him up. Professor Creevy tells us to make up and then he kisses me. I was infuriated!"
"But I thought you liked him, that's why you call him that name." McGonagall said.
"I do- but you don't go around kissing people. Who knows where his tongue has been? Down Denise Thermapolis' throat and you don't want any of that." Megan shook her head. "So, he pissed us off. Me, Joel, Alice, Bro-Dawg and Louie go to the Slytherin common room and mess up all the furniture and stupid Cliffe has to pee so he comes down to the common room. We get caught and I'm in Krum's office and stupid Krum calls up my dad in the fireplace thing and then some man finds out what horrible terrible things I've been up to (which by the way weren't that terrible if you ask me) and says 'Megan should go to Alakazam!'"
"Azkaban, Megan." James corrected.
"Right, Right, Alakazam. Anyways, I hear that I am going to get my soul sucked out by Dementors and I'm not too keen on that idea so Megan runs away. And I'm running, I'm running and then slurp! I'm sucked through time from the year 2018 to 1976!"
"The world will be no more by 2018." Said Trelawny in a misty, clairvoyant voice.
"Yeah and you know what- you happen to be full of crap. Fire her." Megan said to Dumbledore. Trelawny placed a hand on her chest and attempted to ignore her. "So then I'm here and the Marauders were in the Forbidden Forest working on the Marauder's Map-"
"What is the Marauder's Map?" McGonagall asked and looked at the four boys.
"It's a map that tells you where people are, and passwords and all sorts of good stuff about Hogwarts." Megan said jovially.
"Oh really. Well, we're going to need that, Mr. Potter." McGonagall said, assigning the responsibility to James.
"Alrighty, Megan, I think I've finally got your story straight. You're here because Radcliffe Malfoy kissed you?"
"And because the man in my dad's office said I should go to Alakazam." She added.
"Are there any questions anyone would like to ask Megan." Dumbledore said to everyone's suprise.
"How do you plan on getting home?" McGonagall asked. Megan shrugged. Darryl and David raised their hands.
"What do we do with our lives?" David asked, beaming. Megan had no idea.
"Um, you get herpes." She said pointing to David. "And you create a pizza chain called Pizza Hut and make money coming out your ears." She said to Darryl.
"A house made entirely out of pizza! I've been thinking about this for a long time." Darryl said.
"You might want to work on that."
"Megan, if what you've been saying is true then, do you have any idea how many memories I'll have to erase of you?" Dumbledore said. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised.
"I told you to make them leave." She declared. Dumbledore shook his head and looked at her.
"You are a strange, strange girl."
***
Brody and Louie were walking down the halls one day. Brody's hair was blue now, but only in the front she had let her natural blonde hair come through everywhere but her bangs.
"How long has Megan been gone?" Louie asked.
"A week and a day." Brody said blankly.
"Do you think she's dead?"
"I think she found a small third world country to do her bidding."
"She probably convinced them that she was a god."
"Sounds like Megan." They kept walking and Brody tucked a strand of hair behind her
ear.
"I could go for some pizza." He said and rubbed his stomach.
"Yeah." As they kept walking they stopped and turned to the wall. In front of them stood
a red awning and a wide window with a cashier inside and a menu behind her.
"Hey look Brody, there's a Pizza Hut."
"You know, where ever Megan is. I really think she had something to do with this."
"Why's that?"
"Who else would?"
{A/N: Long chapter! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG chapter. Hope you enjoyed it and that there is a more excited response. Our Pet Girl is coming to a close. *tear tear* Well, another chapter is coming soon. Much love}
"Tell me again why you were hiding in the sixth year boys dormitory?" Headmaster Albus Dumbledore asked from behind his desk. Two other Professors stood in the office with him, Professor Trelawny and another woman professor Megan had never met before. The skin from her forehead was pulled back so tightly by her bun that Megan assumed that was what kept her eyes open.
"Because they are the ones that found me." She answered meekly.
"Where?" Asked the tight haired one.
"In the Forbidden Forest."
"It's forbidden, hence: the name." The tight haired woman said shortly.
"But I was running away."
"Running away from what?" Dumbledore asked.
"The Ministry of Magic."
"Why is the Ministry after you?" She asked Megan. Trelawny was standing in the corner with her fingers over her eyes and humming. Megan had to look away to avoid laughing.
"My dad's the minister of magic and I broke into the Slytherin common room and broke all the furniture and then I ran away and then Bro-dawg told me to stop and I went and then I thought about dementor repellant, which would be a good idea if you think about it, and then I ran into the woods and there was-"
"Stop." Dumbledore said. "Your father is Ivan Norris?"
"Do I look like my father is Ivan Norris?"
"Does Ivan Norris' daughter look a certain way?" Dumbledore asked.
"Not like this."
"Megan, you need to stop acting like that." Reumus said from behind her and put an arm on her shoulder. They were in there too. Reumus, Sirius, James, Peter, David, Darryl and Lily.
"How are you the Minister of Magic's daughter then?" Lily asked. "I mean since you're not Ivan Norris' daughter."
"Yes, enlighten us." The tight haired woman asked.
'I don't like you. I'm hungry. I'm going to eat you.' She thought and stared up at the woman. Her stomach growled loudly. The room looked at her.
"I'm hungry." She admitted.
"Well! What else is new! Megan is hungry! Big suprise there! That's all I've heard this past week! 'I'm hungry, I want to have sex with Jim Morrison, I poop,' and then POW! I get socked in the face. Is this the thanks I get!? I put gravy in my pants. GRAVY!" Sirius went off on a tangent.
"It wasn't even good gravy. You should tell those house elves they need to work on their gravy." Megan said.
"It was hot gravy, that's all I know." Sirius said, rubbing his leg where his gravy filled pocket would have been.
"Wasn't hot when I ate it out of your pants!" The room was quiet as Megan realized what she had said. "I mean it was in a bowl, from the Great Hall. That they stole for me-"
"You were better off when you were eating out of his pants." James said.
"Backing up to why you're here!" The woman shouted. "What is your last name?" The woman asked.
"I could ask you the same question Miss." Megan said and crossed her arms across her chest.
"McGonagall- Wait! I'll ask the questions!"
'You look like McGonagall.' Megan thought, remembering what her father had told her about the Deputy Headmistress.
"What is your last name?" She repeated.
"I can't tell you. But I can tell you my code name- Agent Negative-"
"DON'T TELL THEM!" Darryl and David shouted at the same time. Megan turned to them.
"Secret agents have code names for a reason Neg Four Four." David said.
"Did you give me a nickname without my knowledge?" She asked, disturbed.
"No, you knew all along." Darryl said as if he was telling someone the sky was blue.
"SHUT UP SHOEMAKERS!" McGonagall shouted at the boys. "Now, again: What's your last name?"
"I can't tell you."
"Tell me."
"If they leave, I will be more than happy."
"They aren't going anywhere." McGonagall said with finality.
"Ok." Megan said and uncrossed her arms. "You don't want them to leave. Then they are going to hear a lot of things you aren't going to like." She cleared her throat and began the unveiling of the future.
"Well, my name is Megan Potter. As in Harry Potter. As in James Potter. As in Lily and James Potter fornicate and give birth to my father. He inserted his penis into her vagina and nine months later, my dad comes out of there." Lily and James looked at each other and then back at Megan. Lily could feel her face flush. "But about a year later, the Dark Lord is after them. Uh-oh, gotta get a secret keeper. Who to pick? Of course a Marauder, but which one? First off they pick Sirius but OUT OF NOWHERE, they (stupid move if you ask ME!) change to Peter. Who, doesn't look like it, but he's a Death eater. He waddles to Voldemort and says: 'Yo, Voldie, I'll tell you where James and Lily are if you give me a seat of power.'" Peter could feel the looks he was receiving from the other three Marauders and Lily.
"I wouldn't do that." Peter said. "That's horrible. Why would I do that. Megan I let you sleep in my bed!"
"You fucking bastard, you kill me!" James said and smacked the back of his head.
"I do not." Peter argued.
"Please tone down your language, Mister Potter." McGonagall says. "Continue, Megan."
"Thank you Professor. Well-"
"Megan, may I please ask you to pause for a moment. I need the rest of the staff in here to be sure I'm not crazy." Dumbledore said calmly and walked out of the room. Fifteen minutes of unbearable silence went by and Dumbledore returned the entirety of Hogwarts staff.
"Go on." He beckoned.
"As I was saying: So Voldie kills you two and Harry lives. Not sure how, but he does. Then from the blast meant to kill Daddy-kins, Darth Vader goes into exile in this mere shadow of himself. Harry goes and lives with, get this Nana," Megan said and turned to Lily. "Petunia, her husband Vernon and her really fat son Dudley. They screw him up royally for his entire life. That's why he's such a dick now! The Dursleys (your in-laws) warp the poor kid for life. Then he goes to Hogwarts. By the way, the Chamber of Secrets, yeah- it's real.
"Anyway after his adventures at Hogwarts, and life as a bachelor, he meets a nice lady named Kathleen. He and Kathleen get married, create my brother Matt. A year later they create me (Ta-da!) Megan Potter. That, Professors, is my last name."
"As terribly exciting as that was, none of what you've just told us has explained why you're here." A short, balding professor said. Megan clasped her hands under her nose and rested her chin on her thumbs. She looked up at Dumbledore.
"Have you ever kissed a Malfoy?"
"Not recently." He said with a smile.
"Well, that is the reason I'm here. Do you know Lucius Malfoy?" Everyone nodded. "Do you know Narcissa Williams?"
"AHH!" The students in the room lurched back in disgust.
"They..."
"Yeah. Well, they make a baby named Draco. He marries this lady named Iris, who is Mondo nice. I don't know why she marries him. Iris is friends with my mom- Kathleen. Iris and Kathleen are pregnant at the same time. Female bonding occurs, yada-yada, and then Matt and Cliffe are born at the same time. Matt is my brother, Cliffe is Draco's kid. His real name is Radcliffe, but I call him Cliffe. Well, most of the time Pencil-Dick, that's only because I like him. Anyway, then Iris and Kathleen get pregnant at the same time AGAIN and then they make Me and Louie. Julius but who wants to be called Julius anyways? Me and Louie, we've been friends since the womb! So anyway, in Career Decisions, which by the way you should avoid having that as a class, Cliffe is making fun of Bro-Dawg's hair- it's green."
"Who is Bro-Dawg?" Asked Dumbledore, entranced by the story now.
"Ahem, as I was saying- Cliffe is making fun of Bro-Dawg's hair and then we beat him up. Professor Creevy tells us to make up and then he kisses me. I was infuriated!"
"But I thought you liked him, that's why you call him that name." McGonagall said.
"I do- but you don't go around kissing people. Who knows where his tongue has been? Down Denise Thermapolis' throat and you don't want any of that." Megan shook her head. "So, he pissed us off. Me, Joel, Alice, Bro-Dawg and Louie go to the Slytherin common room and mess up all the furniture and stupid Cliffe has to pee so he comes down to the common room. We get caught and I'm in Krum's office and stupid Krum calls up my dad in the fireplace thing and then some man finds out what horrible terrible things I've been up to (which by the way weren't that terrible if you ask me) and says 'Megan should go to Alakazam!'"
"Azkaban, Megan." James corrected.
"Right, Right, Alakazam. Anyways, I hear that I am going to get my soul sucked out by Dementors and I'm not too keen on that idea so Megan runs away. And I'm running, I'm running and then slurp! I'm sucked through time from the year 2018 to 1976!"
"The world will be no more by 2018." Said Trelawny in a misty, clairvoyant voice.
"Yeah and you know what- you happen to be full of crap. Fire her." Megan said to Dumbledore. Trelawny placed a hand on her chest and attempted to ignore her. "So then I'm here and the Marauders were in the Forbidden Forest working on the Marauder's Map-"
"What is the Marauder's Map?" McGonagall asked and looked at the four boys.
"It's a map that tells you where people are, and passwords and all sorts of good stuff about Hogwarts." Megan said jovially.
"Oh really. Well, we're going to need that, Mr. Potter." McGonagall said, assigning the responsibility to James.
"Alrighty, Megan, I think I've finally got your story straight. You're here because Radcliffe Malfoy kissed you?"
"And because the man in my dad's office said I should go to Alakazam." She added.
"Are there any questions anyone would like to ask Megan." Dumbledore said to everyone's suprise.
"How do you plan on getting home?" McGonagall asked. Megan shrugged. Darryl and David raised their hands.
"What do we do with our lives?" David asked, beaming. Megan had no idea.
"Um, you get herpes." She said pointing to David. "And you create a pizza chain called Pizza Hut and make money coming out your ears." She said to Darryl.
"A house made entirely out of pizza! I've been thinking about this for a long time." Darryl said.
"You might want to work on that."
"Megan, if what you've been saying is true then, do you have any idea how many memories I'll have to erase of you?" Dumbledore said. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised.
"I told you to make them leave." She declared. Dumbledore shook his head and looked at her.
"You are a strange, strange girl."
***
Brody and Louie were walking down the halls one day. Brody's hair was blue now, but only in the front she had let her natural blonde hair come through everywhere but her bangs.
"How long has Megan been gone?" Louie asked.
"A week and a day." Brody said blankly.
"Do you think she's dead?"
"I think she found a small third world country to do her bidding."
"She probably convinced them that she was a god."
"Sounds like Megan." They kept walking and Brody tucked a strand of hair behind her
ear.
"I could go for some pizza." He said and rubbed his stomach.
"Yeah." As they kept walking they stopped and turned to the wall. In front of them stood
a red awning and a wide window with a cashier inside and a menu behind her.
"Hey look Brody, there's a Pizza Hut."
"You know, where ever Megan is. I really think she had something to do with this."
"Why's that?"
"Who else would?"
{A/N: Long chapter! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG chapter. Hope you enjoyed it and that there is a more excited response. Our Pet Girl is coming to a close. *tear tear* Well, another chapter is coming soon. Much love}