Slayers Beginning
By: Lina Gabriev
Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by Hajime Kanzaka. I'm not making any money off this story. God owns the Bible. I'm not God.
Summary: What happened after the Lord of Nightmares created the heavens and the Earth? A bible story. L/G, A/Z
Word Count: 2,307
Warning: Do not read this story if you are offended of my use of the bible. This is a parody, so I will be poking run at the Old Testament quite a bit. Please don't get angry with me. I usually won't ban flames, but I don't want to hear anything about being a heretic or something.
I believe in the bible and definitely do not believe this is how the actual world was created.
Other Warnings: Lina/Gourry, Amelia/Zelgaids
Genesis Part 1
The Creation
In the beginning, the Lord of Nightmares created the heavens and the Earth. Now the Earth was formless and empty. So, the Lord of Nightmares said, "Let there be light." And there was light. Then she separated the darkness from the light. The light she called "day", and the darkness she called "night". This went on for the course of five days. She created the animals, plants and all of the Earth in those five days.
The golden Lord looked at all she created and summed it all up in three words.
"This world sucks."
She found the world to be boring and without a purpose. So then, she created two beings that would be the in-between of light and darkness. She created humans. From there, they would create more humans. Some of them would have more darkness in them than light, and be called "Mazoku". Others would have more light than darkness in them and be called "Dragons."
The two humans were wary of their surroundings. The surrounding area around them was a mirror image of the Earth but they were in fact in the Sea of Chaos. One of the humans was a man with a long blond hair. The other was a woman with gorgeous locks of red hair. She was as short as the man was tall.
The Golden Lord appeared and told them, "My name is the Lord of Nightmares." Then she approached the woman. She told her, "Your name will be Lina for it means light, for it was light that I created first, just as you both are the first of a vast creation."
Then she approached the man and told him, "Your name will be Gourry because..."
A pause went on for a few minutes until the woman named Lina yelled impatiently, "HELLO! YOU WERE SAYING?!" Although, Lina then realized who she was talking to, and shut her mouth quickly.
"I am not really sure," L-sama finished, not even noticing Lina's outburst.
"Not sure about WHAT?" Lina asked.
"Not sure about why he should be named Gourry except that I thought it was a cool name." The Lord of Nightmares told them calmly. L-sama paused waiting for them to sweat-drop before continuing.
"Be fruitful and increase in number. In other words, have lots and lots of babies! Babies are just SO CUTE," she gushed. The awaited sweat-drop scene returned until what she had said sunk in.
"Have lots of WHAT?" Lina shouted. She looked over at her companion and blushed. He had not said anything this entire time.
"Do you have any questions Gourry?" the Lord of Nightmares asked purposely trying to avoid the questions Lina was building up in her ruby eyes.
"Yeah, could you go back to the part when you said my name is..." Gourry stated, completely dumbfounded.
Now it was the Lord of Nightmares' time to sweat-drop. She then phased out, leaving two very confused people behind her.
"Hey, now wait a minute. You can't just come in here telling me to have babies and leave here without answering our questi..." Lina shouted before her voice died out as the Lord of Nightmares appeared before her with a very angry look on her face. Even Lina had the grace to gulp and back away.
The Lord of Nightmare then smiled and told them, "Oh yes, I forgot. Do not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you do you will be banished forever from this place and be forced to live on Earth."
"Why shouldn't we eat it though. Is it poisoned or something? Other than living on this Earth, as you call it, is there any other reason?" Lina inquired.
"Actually I am really not sure why not. I'm just following the script here," L-sama says pulling out a copy of Slayers Beginning. "Anyway good luck to the both of you," L-sama continued before she phased out again.
"Hey wait a second! Oh never-mind, come on Gourry," Lina said before she took Gourry's hair and pulled it.
"Hey. Oww! Where are we going Lina?" Gourry asked, wincing when Lina pulled harder.
They came to an abrupt stop when Lina finally said, "To eat of course."
They proceeded eating to their hearts content. Even though all they ate was vegetables and fruit.
This went on for weeks, and Lina was getting tired of eating the same food day after day. So one day she went a little farther than she normally did, taking Gourry by the hair and dragging him with her. They were very close to the tree L-sama told them not to eat from.
A snake slithered up to Lina and Gourry and told them, "Had L-sama told you not to eat of the tree in the middle of the Garden?"
"Yeah, she said that if we did we would be banished from the Sea of Chaos and have to live on Earth." Lina answered growing slightly suspicious
"But it's pretty yummy, isn't it Lina?" Gourry said munching on a peice of the apple.
"YOU IDIOT!" Lina screamed while she clobbered him. Her attention was brought back to the snake.
"You will surely not be forced to live on Earth. The Lord of Nightmares knows that if you ate of that tree you would gain great power. Power equal, if not more powerful than her own." The snake told them.
Lina stayed silent at this, although little stars began forming in her eyes. She grabbed the fruit and munched on it, "So 'munch' who are 'munch' you?"
"Why I'm Hellmaster, but you can call me Phibrizzo." The snake replied.
"Hey Lina?" Gourry said, tilting his head to one side in confusion.
"What now Gourry?" Lina said in frustration. She didn't feel any different. 'Better eat more fruit' she thought.
"That's a snake, right?" Gourry said pointing at the snake in question.
"Obviously. Jeez Gourry, you really are stupid," Lina sighed before taking in a large breath and consuming more.
"Snakes don't talk though, do they?" Gourry said, only receiving a grunt from Lina.
In about ten minutes they had ate all the fruit off tree. Suddenly they both realized they were naked and looked at each other in shock blushing furiously.
Gourry was nice enough to break the silence with a few words dangerous to his health.
"Boy, your chest is small."
"They are, aren't they," Lina said, taking a pause before sending a firm kick to his uncovered manly bits.
Then, after Gourry recovered, they both sewed fig leaves together in an effort to make clothes for themselves.
The Lord of Nightmares appeared just then and called out for them.
A few minutes passed by getting her very irritated. She bellowed out their names again and Lina and Gourry appeared, trying to cover up as much as possible.
"Where were you and why did you not answer when I called the first time?" the Lord of Nightmares inquired.
"Well we heard you, but we were busy putting these fig leaves together. You could have a least had the decency to tell us we were naked," Lina replied angrily.
"WHO TOLD YOU, YOU WERE NAKED! DID YOU EAT OF THE TREE I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO?!" the Lord of Nightmares.
"Hey it wasn't our fault. That snake told us lies," Lina said pointing at the snake, and then she pointed at Gourry, "Besides he did it first."
"What have you done Phibrizzo? Because of this you will be forced to be the servant rather then the master. You will be the servant of their offspring!" the Lord of Nightmares told Hellmaster pointing to Lina and Gourry.
Then she turned to Lina and Gourry and told them, "You will now be forced to live on Earth. You will be faced with unspeakable horrors because you have disobeyed me," she then turned to Gourry, "To you I will give this. For you are my creation and shall be given the chance to prove thyself," she then handed the item to Gourry.
"What's that?" Gourry asked.
"This is called the Sword of Light," she said.
"Gee, thanks," Gourry said, taking the sword.
"Hey what about me?" Lina whined tapping her foot and eyeing jealous looks at the Sword of Light.
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot, here," L-sama replied holding out an item.
"What is that?" Lina asked and grabbed the sphere shaped item.
It was cloudy inside as if lighting were erupting inside of it, full of dark, chaos energy. As soon as Lina touched the sphere she gasped in shock as a rush of chaos, white, black, and astral energy rushed through her.
"That is magic," the Lord of Nightmares answered. The Lord of Nightmares then destroyed Phibrizzo until he would rise again and banished Lina and Gourry from the Sea of Chaos.
Gourry and Lina then had their first child a son, who carried more darkness in them then light, a Mazoku. They named him Xelloss for lack of a better name.
Later Lina gave birth to his sister, Filia.
She was a Dragon and obviously, as Xellos once said, she came from her dad's half why he, Xelloss, came from his mom's half.
He kept saying this until Lina heard him say it and chased him around yelling, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!"
Now Xelloss liked pissing Filia off and annoying her. From the time they were children whenever Filia asked, "What are you doing?" Xellos would reply, "That is a secret."
Now twenty years later Filia sees Xellos holding up a knife carefully sharpened. "What the hell are you doing now?!" Filia yelled as he started approaching her with the knife. "Well that, my dear sister, is a secret."
Xelloss lunged at her. Filia then took out her mace and proceeded hitting him with it yelling, " Where the hell do you get off trying to kill me!"
A coupled months later after this event Lina gave birth to two more babies. They were twins. On was blond girl with beautiful blue eyes and her name was Cephied. The other was a black haired boy with the darkest eyes and expression with the name of Shabranigdo.
"So Shabby," Cece started, "do you want some tea. Big sister taught me how to make it."
"No and stop calling me SHABBY," Shabby, I mean, Shabranigdo snapped.
"Fine I don't want your company anyway," Cece said sticking her tongue out.
Shabby just walked away grumbling to himself and went to go play with his voodoo doll of Cece. Shabby had watched Xelloss make one of Filia so he did one too.
When he went to go retrieve the doll he found he couldn't find it anywhere. "Where did you put my doll Cece!" Shabby asked, enraged because he inherited the temper problem from his mother.
And just like Lina, Cece had inherited her mother's way of trying to talk her way out of every problem.
"I didn't do anything with your dolls. How could you accuse ME," her eyes beginning to water.
"YEAH RIGHT. STOP WITH THE WATER WORKS ALREADY CECE. MOTHER PROBABLY TAUGHT YOU HOW TO CRY AT WILL. GIVE ME BACK THE DOLL NOW," Shabranigdo screamed.
Cece proceeded to cry but then jerked her head up smiling. She raised the doll waving it in the air, taunting Shabby. "Come and get it then." Shabby made a lunge for it but missed and spilled tea all over Cece.
"Hey, this was a new dress!" Cece said a rage building up in her eyes as well. They proceeded to fight and then turned from each other a walked away.
"I'll show her to mess with me," Shabranigdo muttered. He then created the five Mazoku Lords. One of them being Phibrizzo, who for all eternity would be forced to be the servant instead of the master.
The greater beast, Zelas, as soon as she was created, went over to Xelloss, "You are going to be my general priest." Xellos just shrugged and followed the Mazoku Lord.
Filia seeing Cece as the water dragon king went to follow her as the fight against the Mazoku race would begin soon.
Lina and Gourry, meanwhile, proceeded to have lots and lots of babies to the Lord of Nightmares delight.
Not soon after the War against the Mazoku's and Dragon's raged: Shabby, I mean Shabranigdo, was split into seven pieces.
Many years later a red haired sorceress was walking along, humming to herself because of all the treasure, she gathered, and she was ambushed by a lot of bandits.
She then proceeded to piss them off, and just when she was going to throw a Fireball, a swordsman with long golden hair appeared. After "saving her," he finally turned to Lina.
"That wasn't too shabby," Lina admired.
"As long as you're alright.. Ahhh..Oh great, it's a kid. I thought I was saving a babe, a luscious damsel in distress. Not some flat-chested, little girl...I'm out here risking my life for a toothpick...Man, am I out of luck."
Damn, Lina thought as she continued to converse with herself. "Oh! I can't thank you enough for saving me from those terrible bandits!
"Oh sure. Any time. No problem. You aren't hurt or anything are you, little girl? Are you with your mommy or daddy by any chance?"
"Little girl? Stupid jerk," Lina muttered, a stress mark appearing on her forehead, "No I'm all by myself."
This utterly stupid conversation continued until the swordsman introduced himself, " I'm Gourry Gabriev and I swear that I will stick by your side until you reach Atlas city safely. By the way what's your name little girl?"
"Lina, Lina Inverse," She answered. They ran off.
"So history is already repeating," Xelloss smiles watching Lina and Gourry run to the next town for food before he phases out.
Author's Notes:
All right I finished! Here's some notes for you all:
- Sea of Chaos Garden of Eden .
- snake devil/Hellmaster. When I said he will be forced to be the servant of Lina and Gourry's offspring: I meant he would be under the service of Shabby-dear. No, Shab is not Jesus. There will be no new testament.
- Filia and Xellos Cain and Able, However I didn't let Xellos' scheme succeed
- Sorry about no Amelia and Zelgadis. Shame on Me!
- Oh and I realize Lina never knew much Astral or white magic but I am trying to explain how magic came into being.
- I might just continue Genesis or go to Exodus. Probably not though.
- Also the conversation at the end was changed to be more accurate (I didn't have the first season at the time) but I still omitted stuff.