Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue. I no own, so you no sue!
Disclaimer's Disclaimer: I didn't even make up the disclaimer, I read it on
someone else's fic.
Dear, Jonny Dept;
I really like your movies; I think you're a wonderful actor. However, my adoration of your movies leads to some problems:
I like your movies so I go see them, which costs money but I can't get a job because I'm too busy watching your movies and since I can't get a job I don't have money to spend on watching even more of your movies than I do.
You see, this presents quite a problem!
And this is where you come in. See, you have money from your movie successes (that were aided immensely by my patronage). I don't have money for your movies. so. could you find it in your heart to give me some money?
Yours Truly- Michaela
***
Dear, Michaela;
Thank you for your loyalty to me and my movies. I've decided that I can find it in my heart to give you money.
Cheers, Jonny
***
"Hello?"
"Oh, my, God! Caroline, guess what?"
"What?" Caroline asked groggily. She'd been taking a nice afternoon nap before Michaela's phone call had rudely awakened her.
"Jonny Dept gave me money!"
"What?!" Caroline demanded, more awake now.
"I wrote him and asked him to send me money and he did!"
"How much?"
"Hold on." Caroline some rustling. "Ten dollars!" Michaela said triumphantly. "Wait, that's all? That sucks! Cheap bastard."
"Cheap hot bastard." Caroline agreed. "So what are you going to do with it?"
"I don't know, what should I do with it?"
Caroline paused for a second, thinking. "Buy a lottery ticket."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Good point. Ok, I'll do that."
***
"Caroline!"
"What?" Caroline asked, holding the phone away from her ear. "Quit shouting."
"I won!"
"Won what?"
"The lottery!"
Caroline froze, then very slowly said "Are you serious?"
"I'm a millionaire!"
"Score!" Caroline shouted. "Let's go on a cruise and hire a manservant! After all, you wouldn't of won the money if I hadn't told you to buy the ticket."
"I've already got the servant. His name is Bill."
"Like the pony?"
"Precisely."
"Cool."
"So where d'ya wanna go for the cruise?" Michaela asked, enjoying the breeze that Bill the manservant caused by waving a big fan in her direction.
"The Caribbean, in honor of Jonny Dept and the Pirates of the Caribbean that enabled you to win."
"Good idea Caroline. Oh! I should write him another letter to tell him that he's not alone in his millionairedom. Maybe now he'll marry me."
"Maybe." Caroline answered.
***
The rays of the sun were beating down on the luxury cruise ship. Caroline and Michaela laid lazily in reclining deck chairs, taking in the poolside scene.
"Look at that guy," Caroline murmured. "He thinks he's hot, but he isn't!" She giggled.
"My God, some people should not be allowed to wear Speedos." Michaela said, hardly able to keep her eyes off of the would-be stud-muffin.
"Hey, what's that?" Caroline asked, tipping her head so she could see past the enormous brim of her sun had. Caroline got sunburned easily, so in addition to the ridiculously huge had she also wore a full length sarong and a lacy shirt over her bathing suit. Michaela on the other hand was only wearing a scarf tied haphazardly about her waist, flip flops, and a pair of sunglasses to compliment her two piece bathing suit.
"I dunno," She said. "Looks like a ship."
"With sails?" Caroline frowned. "In the middle of the ocean?"
Michaela shrugged. "Oh! Check it out- it's sails are black, like-"
"The Black Pearl," They said together.
"Are those cannons?" Caroline asked, squinting. "Wow, it's pretty fast for a sailboat." Indeed it was. The billowing black sails were catching up quickly with the lumbering cruise ship.
As it drew abreast Michaela and Caroline could see clearly that yes, the ship had cannons. That, however wasn't the most surprising thing.
Flying from the top of the flagpole was a flag featuring the scull and crossbones one would expect to see on a pirate ship.
There were also a lot of dirty looking guys running around on the deck of the ship.
Then one guy, who wasn't quite as dirty as the rest of them, stood on the side and started talking, projecting his uneducated voice so that it could be heard by all.
"I am the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. If you give us your valuables you shan't be hurt. Much."
"Jack Sparrow?" Michaela squeaked, eyes wide. "I wonder if he'll give me his autograph."
Caroline rolled her eyes. "He probably can't write. Wow, and I thought we were obsessed with the movie! Look at these freak-shows!"
"Hello, people! We're dread pirates! You should take us seriously. Alrighty, boys, let's go!"
Then the dirty pirate guys were swinging onto the cruise ship on ropes.
Cue the security guards. They showed up on deck, shiny guns in hand.
Jack cursed, then seeing Caroline and Michaela nearby he to motioned a couple of his flea-bitten buddies. Rather suddenly the two girls found themselves with knives to their throats.
"Oh, my God," Michaela whispered.
"Come along now, it's time for us to be leaving. Don't shoot me, or the lass's die!" Jack said and swung back onto the Pearl.
The pirates, holding tightly onto Caroline and Michaela, did likewise.
"Aren't you going to let us go now?" Caroline demanded, crossing her arms.
"Why would I want to do that? Listen, love, you can make a mit on a ship such as this."
"What? Are you saying. I'm not a hooker!"
"Oh," Jack said. "What a shame. Ever thought of becomin' one?"
"No!" Caroline exclaimed, then glanced over at her silent friend. "Mik," She elbowed her. "You're drooling."
"I was wonderin' what was wrong with her." Jack said.
"Oh, don't mind her, she's a little slow- ow!"
Michaela smacked Caroline. "Shut up!"
"Careful, Mik, your eyes might fall out."
"Careful, Caro, your brain might fall out."
"Careful both of ye, or I'll cut your tongues out. You two are worse than a flock of seagulls." A grumpy pirate growled.
"Sorry." We both muttered.
"Now, what do I do with you?" Jack asked, eyes slowly moving up and down the girls bodies.
"Bring us back?"
"Sorry, love. I don't fancy getting my head blown off-"
One of the pirates called for the captain, saying a long string of technical boat terms that the girls didn't understand.
"Damn imbeciles. I'll be seeing you two. Hey, Will! Take care of the wenches!" He shouted at a young man. He was clean and well kept, which gave the girls a glimmer of hope that they wouldn't be ravished. At least not just yet.
"You've started kidnapping people?" Will asked, surveying us.
"I couldn't help it." Jack whined. Then he wiggled his fingers at us. "Bye, bye loves. I'll see to you two later." He winked and swaggered off.
Will shook his head. "Come on, we'd better put you away somewhere where the men won't see you. He could have at least kidnapped someone who was dressed."
We followed him down a hallway and into a room it was obviously lived in by someone, but it was pretty tidy. Will noticed as I gazed at a stack of letters in one corner of the desk.
"Yes, this is my room but there's no where else to put you, unless you want to stay with Jack."
Michaela opened her mouth to say that she would in fact [refer to stay with him but Caroline clapped her hand over her face, preventing anything except muffled syllables to escape.
"That should be fine." Caroline said while Michaela glared at her.
Will eyed them both curiously then shrugged and went to leave. "We'll figure out permanent arrangements later. I'm also locking the door, for your own safety." He nodded and left.
"What'd you do that for?" Michaela demanded.
"You want to sleep with Jack?"
"Well, he is pretty hot."
"But he has fleas. Fleas aren't hot."
"His are."
Caroline shook her head. "Do you suppose Elizabeth knows she's marrying a gay guy? I mean, look at this place, it's spotless!"
"Yeah, too bad for you, Caroline." Michaela teased.
"Hey, at least he seems to practice personal hygiene."
"Personal hygiene is overated."
"No it's not!"
"Yeah," Michaela agreed reluctantly. "I guess it is pretty important."
"Uck, the deck could use some hygiene. I wish I'd had sandals on, my feet probably have aids now." Caroline scrunched her bare toes.
"Ha, ha."
"Hey, at least I'm not walking around on a ship full of flea- infested, sexually frustrated and horny pirates in a bikini."
"Shut up." Michaela said. "Give me your shirt."
"No Way! I don't want to get molested. They're all dirty and toothless."
"Meany."
"Hey, you're the one who wants to get molested by a bunch of toothless pirates!"
"No I don't!" Michaela argued. "Only one toothless pirate."
Caroling rolled her eyes. "What are we suppose to do now?"
"I don't know. And I miss Bill."
"You only had him for a couple of days."
"I know, but he was so useful."
"Hmm." Caroline said.
They sat around in the cabin for the rest of the day, amusing themselves by reading Will's mail and going through his things.
Then, when the girls could see the sun setting through the porthole the door banged open.
A/N: so, good, bad? Let me know please. Also if anyone feels like giving me plot ideas that'd be nice because I'm not sure where this is going.
Dear, Jonny Dept;
I really like your movies; I think you're a wonderful actor. However, my adoration of your movies leads to some problems:
I like your movies so I go see them, which costs money but I can't get a job because I'm too busy watching your movies and since I can't get a job I don't have money to spend on watching even more of your movies than I do.
You see, this presents quite a problem!
And this is where you come in. See, you have money from your movie successes (that were aided immensely by my patronage). I don't have money for your movies. so. could you find it in your heart to give me some money?
Yours Truly- Michaela
***
Dear, Michaela;
Thank you for your loyalty to me and my movies. I've decided that I can find it in my heart to give you money.
Cheers, Jonny
***
"Hello?"
"Oh, my, God! Caroline, guess what?"
"What?" Caroline asked groggily. She'd been taking a nice afternoon nap before Michaela's phone call had rudely awakened her.
"Jonny Dept gave me money!"
"What?!" Caroline demanded, more awake now.
"I wrote him and asked him to send me money and he did!"
"How much?"
"Hold on." Caroline some rustling. "Ten dollars!" Michaela said triumphantly. "Wait, that's all? That sucks! Cheap bastard."
"Cheap hot bastard." Caroline agreed. "So what are you going to do with it?"
"I don't know, what should I do with it?"
Caroline paused for a second, thinking. "Buy a lottery ticket."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Good point. Ok, I'll do that."
***
"Caroline!"
"What?" Caroline asked, holding the phone away from her ear. "Quit shouting."
"I won!"
"Won what?"
"The lottery!"
Caroline froze, then very slowly said "Are you serious?"
"I'm a millionaire!"
"Score!" Caroline shouted. "Let's go on a cruise and hire a manservant! After all, you wouldn't of won the money if I hadn't told you to buy the ticket."
"I've already got the servant. His name is Bill."
"Like the pony?"
"Precisely."
"Cool."
"So where d'ya wanna go for the cruise?" Michaela asked, enjoying the breeze that Bill the manservant caused by waving a big fan in her direction.
"The Caribbean, in honor of Jonny Dept and the Pirates of the Caribbean that enabled you to win."
"Good idea Caroline. Oh! I should write him another letter to tell him that he's not alone in his millionairedom. Maybe now he'll marry me."
"Maybe." Caroline answered.
***
The rays of the sun were beating down on the luxury cruise ship. Caroline and Michaela laid lazily in reclining deck chairs, taking in the poolside scene.
"Look at that guy," Caroline murmured. "He thinks he's hot, but he isn't!" She giggled.
"My God, some people should not be allowed to wear Speedos." Michaela said, hardly able to keep her eyes off of the would-be stud-muffin.
"Hey, what's that?" Caroline asked, tipping her head so she could see past the enormous brim of her sun had. Caroline got sunburned easily, so in addition to the ridiculously huge had she also wore a full length sarong and a lacy shirt over her bathing suit. Michaela on the other hand was only wearing a scarf tied haphazardly about her waist, flip flops, and a pair of sunglasses to compliment her two piece bathing suit.
"I dunno," She said. "Looks like a ship."
"With sails?" Caroline frowned. "In the middle of the ocean?"
Michaela shrugged. "Oh! Check it out- it's sails are black, like-"
"The Black Pearl," They said together.
"Are those cannons?" Caroline asked, squinting. "Wow, it's pretty fast for a sailboat." Indeed it was. The billowing black sails were catching up quickly with the lumbering cruise ship.
As it drew abreast Michaela and Caroline could see clearly that yes, the ship had cannons. That, however wasn't the most surprising thing.
Flying from the top of the flagpole was a flag featuring the scull and crossbones one would expect to see on a pirate ship.
There were also a lot of dirty looking guys running around on the deck of the ship.
Then one guy, who wasn't quite as dirty as the rest of them, stood on the side and started talking, projecting his uneducated voice so that it could be heard by all.
"I am the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. If you give us your valuables you shan't be hurt. Much."
"Jack Sparrow?" Michaela squeaked, eyes wide. "I wonder if he'll give me his autograph."
Caroline rolled her eyes. "He probably can't write. Wow, and I thought we were obsessed with the movie! Look at these freak-shows!"
"Hello, people! We're dread pirates! You should take us seriously. Alrighty, boys, let's go!"
Then the dirty pirate guys were swinging onto the cruise ship on ropes.
Cue the security guards. They showed up on deck, shiny guns in hand.
Jack cursed, then seeing Caroline and Michaela nearby he to motioned a couple of his flea-bitten buddies. Rather suddenly the two girls found themselves with knives to their throats.
"Oh, my God," Michaela whispered.
"Come along now, it's time for us to be leaving. Don't shoot me, or the lass's die!" Jack said and swung back onto the Pearl.
The pirates, holding tightly onto Caroline and Michaela, did likewise.
"Aren't you going to let us go now?" Caroline demanded, crossing her arms.
"Why would I want to do that? Listen, love, you can make a mit on a ship such as this."
"What? Are you saying. I'm not a hooker!"
"Oh," Jack said. "What a shame. Ever thought of becomin' one?"
"No!" Caroline exclaimed, then glanced over at her silent friend. "Mik," She elbowed her. "You're drooling."
"I was wonderin' what was wrong with her." Jack said.
"Oh, don't mind her, she's a little slow- ow!"
Michaela smacked Caroline. "Shut up!"
"Careful, Mik, your eyes might fall out."
"Careful, Caro, your brain might fall out."
"Careful both of ye, or I'll cut your tongues out. You two are worse than a flock of seagulls." A grumpy pirate growled.
"Sorry." We both muttered.
"Now, what do I do with you?" Jack asked, eyes slowly moving up and down the girls bodies.
"Bring us back?"
"Sorry, love. I don't fancy getting my head blown off-"
One of the pirates called for the captain, saying a long string of technical boat terms that the girls didn't understand.
"Damn imbeciles. I'll be seeing you two. Hey, Will! Take care of the wenches!" He shouted at a young man. He was clean and well kept, which gave the girls a glimmer of hope that they wouldn't be ravished. At least not just yet.
"You've started kidnapping people?" Will asked, surveying us.
"I couldn't help it." Jack whined. Then he wiggled his fingers at us. "Bye, bye loves. I'll see to you two later." He winked and swaggered off.
Will shook his head. "Come on, we'd better put you away somewhere where the men won't see you. He could have at least kidnapped someone who was dressed."
We followed him down a hallway and into a room it was obviously lived in by someone, but it was pretty tidy. Will noticed as I gazed at a stack of letters in one corner of the desk.
"Yes, this is my room but there's no where else to put you, unless you want to stay with Jack."
Michaela opened her mouth to say that she would in fact [refer to stay with him but Caroline clapped her hand over her face, preventing anything except muffled syllables to escape.
"That should be fine." Caroline said while Michaela glared at her.
Will eyed them both curiously then shrugged and went to leave. "We'll figure out permanent arrangements later. I'm also locking the door, for your own safety." He nodded and left.
"What'd you do that for?" Michaela demanded.
"You want to sleep with Jack?"
"Well, he is pretty hot."
"But he has fleas. Fleas aren't hot."
"His are."
Caroline shook her head. "Do you suppose Elizabeth knows she's marrying a gay guy? I mean, look at this place, it's spotless!"
"Yeah, too bad for you, Caroline." Michaela teased.
"Hey, at least he seems to practice personal hygiene."
"Personal hygiene is overated."
"No it's not!"
"Yeah," Michaela agreed reluctantly. "I guess it is pretty important."
"Uck, the deck could use some hygiene. I wish I'd had sandals on, my feet probably have aids now." Caroline scrunched her bare toes.
"Ha, ha."
"Hey, at least I'm not walking around on a ship full of flea- infested, sexually frustrated and horny pirates in a bikini."
"Shut up." Michaela said. "Give me your shirt."
"No Way! I don't want to get molested. They're all dirty and toothless."
"Meany."
"Hey, you're the one who wants to get molested by a bunch of toothless pirates!"
"No I don't!" Michaela argued. "Only one toothless pirate."
Caroling rolled her eyes. "What are we suppose to do now?"
"I don't know. And I miss Bill."
"You only had him for a couple of days."
"I know, but he was so useful."
"Hmm." Caroline said.
They sat around in the cabin for the rest of the day, amusing themselves by reading Will's mail and going through his things.
Then, when the girls could see the sun setting through the porthole the door banged open.
A/N: so, good, bad? Let me know please. Also if anyone feels like giving me plot ideas that'd be nice because I'm not sure where this is going.