Disclaimer: I don't own them. I also don't own the one line that is from
Blue Heelers
Author Notes: I just decided to write this because it's been in my head all day and refuses to go!
Of all the usual people and animals I usually thank and talk crap about, I really think that all the credit goes to Black Storm!!!
I'd also like to know where he gets his Winter Coat. It's so damn warm. (Actually, I think I t just comes with him when you get him!) Please Review
********* Deakins Office. ********* "Who stole what from the Lolly Jar." Eames asked.
"Yes who stole the Lolly Jar."
"Who did what steal." Goren said confused. " I mean, er, who stole what from the Lolly Jar."
"I'll explain later ok? But you have to go." Deakins said, exasperated.
"So you are telling me that we HAVE to go to the Lolly Jar?" Bobby Goren asked impatiently.
"Yes, Goren I am telling you HAVE to go to the Lolly Jar."
"But why boss. We already have a case." Alexandra Eames whined in perfect timing with her partner Goren.
"Do you two practice that thing?"
"What thing?" They chorused, knowing full well what 'WHAT' was, but trying to get the captain to forget about their assignment.
"THAT thing."
"Thing, thing?" Alex inquired at her partner innocently.
"Thing, thing, thing, thing."
"Thing, thing, thong. What the hell?" Deakins started, getting very tongue- tied. "Anyway the bottom line is you have to go to the Lolly Jar."
"But why?" Alex protested. " We already have a case, why not leave any old candy store to any old ten-year old."
"Yes Eames, and you have had too many cases lately. Since you only got your new case this morning, I'm giving you an easier case."
"What ever but Alex is right, why a candy store, why us, I mean can't."
"Because, Detective first-grade I'm the captain of this squad and I'm telling you to get your skinny, little ass out there!"
"My ass ain't skinny, Deakins. If you ever looked, it's slim!" Alex took the remark as an insult.
"Sorry Eames, but just get your asses out there."
"You know captain, I was reading through the departmental codes just last night, and there is a little section that says detectives have a right to refuse a case without reasonable details of their new cases." Bobby smirked, thanking god he had read the handbook the previous night.
"Fine, ok." Deakins raised his hands in an exasperated fashion " There was a crime committed last night at the Lolly Jar.
"Yeah, but is something dead?"
"Detective!"
"Yes. Sorry sir. I know. But is there?"
"Yes, but there is no direct linkage."
" Yeah, well then get Homicide or Special Victims to handle it! I mean we don't handle jelly babies shot in the head, or brutally raped snakes!" Alex ranted getting a bit desperate now. She just wanted to get out of there.
"No detectives, no brutalized milk bottles or any of that crap you were on about. We were called, as this was a very intriguing case. You will notice that I said something is dead, and that THING is the goldfish in the tank." Deakins said, a tad pissed, but surprised at the pair's togetherness
" But that's not what is so interesting. The thing is, the owner of the Lolly Jar happens to be a friend of mine, and told me that there was a break in. All the massive glass jars of sweets or the Australian term lollies as the name of the shop suggests, have been smashed, but no glass recovered, just a layer of jelly beans and sweets 1 m thick."
"Shame for all that to go to waste." Robert commented
"Yes. My pals name is Cherry Pop." He was once again interrupted, this time by a massive guffaw by his detectives collapsing and wriggling around like worms on the floor.
"Detectives!" Deakins exclaimed impatiently.
"Yes boss?" Alex managed to choke out from her fetal position on the floor.
"Can you stop auditioning for Sour worms the production!"
He was never actually answered, only by a fit of laughter, so he continued.
" I mean I can just see it. ' Sour Worms, The production.' Starring Alexandra Eames and Robert Goren."
"I won't forget to send you Christmas Cards!" Bobby jeered from the floor. Alex just hooted with laughter.
"What am I going to do with you two?"
"Fire the rest of the squad, and send us two down to the Lolly Jar for some...Sour Snakes!" The last part Alex's voice joined Bobby.
Deakins feigned horror, and found this was the perfect time to use a line he had picked up from a tape that Cherry had bought over from 'Down Under'. "And leave me with two dueling dipsticks constantly trying to set each other up!"
"You watch Blue Heelers, boss?" Alex asked in shock.
Deakins sighed. " Alright, I will rephrase that, and leave me with two dueling dipsticks constantly trying to set ME up!"
"SHUT UP Deakins!" The two chorused, then promptly collapsed in to giggles.
"Ok, enough bullshit, I want your asses on seats and listening!"
"Yes, yes sorry boss!"
!*!*!*!*!*!*! By the way, here is what was actually said in the episode.
Constable Jo Parish: I reckon she ran away to get away from those two. Boss/Senior Sergeant Tom Croydon: And leave us with two dueling dipsticks constantly trying to set each other up. I don't think so. Constable Jo Parish: But. Boss/Senior Sergeant Tom Croydon: SHUT UP PARISH!
That was just the beginning! Tell me what you think. Please review, it helps me write.
Author Notes: I just decided to write this because it's been in my head all day and refuses to go!
Of all the usual people and animals I usually thank and talk crap about, I really think that all the credit goes to Black Storm!!!
I'd also like to know where he gets his Winter Coat. It's so damn warm. (Actually, I think I t just comes with him when you get him!) Please Review
********* Deakins Office. ********* "Who stole what from the Lolly Jar." Eames asked.
"Yes who stole the Lolly Jar."
"Who did what steal." Goren said confused. " I mean, er, who stole what from the Lolly Jar."
"I'll explain later ok? But you have to go." Deakins said, exasperated.
"So you are telling me that we HAVE to go to the Lolly Jar?" Bobby Goren asked impatiently.
"Yes, Goren I am telling you HAVE to go to the Lolly Jar."
"But why boss. We already have a case." Alexandra Eames whined in perfect timing with her partner Goren.
"Do you two practice that thing?"
"What thing?" They chorused, knowing full well what 'WHAT' was, but trying to get the captain to forget about their assignment.
"THAT thing."
"Thing, thing?" Alex inquired at her partner innocently.
"Thing, thing, thing, thing."
"Thing, thing, thong. What the hell?" Deakins started, getting very tongue- tied. "Anyway the bottom line is you have to go to the Lolly Jar."
"But why?" Alex protested. " We already have a case, why not leave any old candy store to any old ten-year old."
"Yes Eames, and you have had too many cases lately. Since you only got your new case this morning, I'm giving you an easier case."
"What ever but Alex is right, why a candy store, why us, I mean can't."
"Because, Detective first-grade I'm the captain of this squad and I'm telling you to get your skinny, little ass out there!"
"My ass ain't skinny, Deakins. If you ever looked, it's slim!" Alex took the remark as an insult.
"Sorry Eames, but just get your asses out there."
"You know captain, I was reading through the departmental codes just last night, and there is a little section that says detectives have a right to refuse a case without reasonable details of their new cases." Bobby smirked, thanking god he had read the handbook the previous night.
"Fine, ok." Deakins raised his hands in an exasperated fashion " There was a crime committed last night at the Lolly Jar.
"Yeah, but is something dead?"
"Detective!"
"Yes. Sorry sir. I know. But is there?"
"Yes, but there is no direct linkage."
" Yeah, well then get Homicide or Special Victims to handle it! I mean we don't handle jelly babies shot in the head, or brutally raped snakes!" Alex ranted getting a bit desperate now. She just wanted to get out of there.
"No detectives, no brutalized milk bottles or any of that crap you were on about. We were called, as this was a very intriguing case. You will notice that I said something is dead, and that THING is the goldfish in the tank." Deakins said, a tad pissed, but surprised at the pair's togetherness
" But that's not what is so interesting. The thing is, the owner of the Lolly Jar happens to be a friend of mine, and told me that there was a break in. All the massive glass jars of sweets or the Australian term lollies as the name of the shop suggests, have been smashed, but no glass recovered, just a layer of jelly beans and sweets 1 m thick."
"Shame for all that to go to waste." Robert commented
"Yes. My pals name is Cherry Pop." He was once again interrupted, this time by a massive guffaw by his detectives collapsing and wriggling around like worms on the floor.
"Detectives!" Deakins exclaimed impatiently.
"Yes boss?" Alex managed to choke out from her fetal position on the floor.
"Can you stop auditioning for Sour worms the production!"
He was never actually answered, only by a fit of laughter, so he continued.
" I mean I can just see it. ' Sour Worms, The production.' Starring Alexandra Eames and Robert Goren."
"I won't forget to send you Christmas Cards!" Bobby jeered from the floor. Alex just hooted with laughter.
"What am I going to do with you two?"
"Fire the rest of the squad, and send us two down to the Lolly Jar for some...Sour Snakes!" The last part Alex's voice joined Bobby.
Deakins feigned horror, and found this was the perfect time to use a line he had picked up from a tape that Cherry had bought over from 'Down Under'. "And leave me with two dueling dipsticks constantly trying to set each other up!"
"You watch Blue Heelers, boss?" Alex asked in shock.
Deakins sighed. " Alright, I will rephrase that, and leave me with two dueling dipsticks constantly trying to set ME up!"
"SHUT UP Deakins!" The two chorused, then promptly collapsed in to giggles.
"Ok, enough bullshit, I want your asses on seats and listening!"
"Yes, yes sorry boss!"
!*!*!*!*!*!*! By the way, here is what was actually said in the episode.
Constable Jo Parish: I reckon she ran away to get away from those two. Boss/Senior Sergeant Tom Croydon: And leave us with two dueling dipsticks constantly trying to set each other up. I don't think so. Constable Jo Parish: But. Boss/Senior Sergeant Tom Croydon: SHUT UP PARISH!
That was just the beginning! Tell me what you think. Please review, it helps me write.