TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in italics are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in bold are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts.

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Eleven ~ Secret Closet-Part One

With each sob that escaped from Hitomi's body, my heart twisted tighter and tighter.  All I could do was hold her close to me until she stopped.

It felt like yesterday that she cried like this.

^FLASHBACK^

"Obasan.  Obasan.  Obasan, where are you?  Dinner's ready."

Sob sob

"Obasan?  Obasan, is that you?" Sob sob

I followed the sound of crying to the waterfall that lies beside my garden.  I walk through the tall grass in search of the person who is shedding their tears.  Though a part of me wants to believe that my obasan would never cry, my heart is telling me otherwise.

When I reach the waterfall, I see a figure sitting on one of the slanted rocks next to the water.  The silvery-white haired person seemed oblivious to my presence.  Her lovely face is covered with crystal like tears.  Her pale complexion is even paler then the last time I saw it a few hours ago.  This woman who is so strong, yet now weeping like there is no tomorrow, this woman whose body is shaking with pain and suffering.  This woman.

My obasan.

No matter how much she wants to hide her pain, I can always see through it.  I guess that is why I am so drawn to Hitomi.  She is like me.  No matter how much we state that we want to be alone, a part of us yearns for attention.  No matter how much we state that we are fine, a part of us wants to be held and loved.  No matter how much we want to keep our tears inside of us, a part of us just wants to let go.

But we can't.

We hold almost everything inside until it can no longer be held.

I have not reached that point, but clearly Hitomi has.

I reached her side and sit beside her while she weeps.  More sobbing erupts from her small frame.  I didn't want to see her like this.  I didn't want to see her cry.  Her face is suited to smile and laugh.

To see her like this breaks my heart.  So I held her.  I held her to me in a tight embrace.  No words were needed between us.  We both understood each other's pains and sufferings.  All we could do was sit there and wait everything out.

Before any one of us took notice, the sun was fading behind the mountains.  All we could do was walk back home and rest.  Rest our tired bodies.  Rest our hearts.

^END FLASHBACK^

So now I'm holding her once again, rocking her back and forth until she calmed down.

During our time together, I held her countless of times in her crying sessions, but it didn't bother me.  I couldn't cry anymore, so I let Hitomi cry for the both of us.  Why I can't cry?  Maybe I cried too much in my past life.  Maybe my body ran out of tears.  I did cry a lot then.  Even if I wanted to cry, I don't think I can.  My pride and my past won't allow me to.

When I couldn't hear her sobs anymore, I looked down at her face to see her smile at me.

"How many times have we done this, Ajika?"

I smile at her and held her closer.

"I lost count after the twentieths year."

She looks away and stares at the stars above us.

I couldn't help but wonder what happen for her to cry like this.  This crying session was fiercer than her original ones.

"Obasan.  Did Inutaisho upset you or something?"

She shakes her head at me, but continues to stare at the stars.

"Iie, he didn't.  I'm upset at myself."

"Yourself?"

"Hai.  When I telling him about my pain and frustration, I realize what a fool I was.  I saw things in him that were never really there."

She stares at her hands and sighs.

"When people are in love, they intend to think of excuses to replace the negative actions of their love ones, but I didn't know when to stop for Inutaisho.  I wasted many years of my life for him.  Many years."

We both stand up and begin to walk back to the mansion.

"Obasan.  You have a second chance now so why not try to find some closure with Inutaisho?"

She continues to walk back to the mansion.  It took her a few minutes until she gave me an answer.

"Closure.  I guess you're right.  I need closure if I want to be happy again."

We reach the entrance, but Hitomi stops me before I could even take another step.

"Ajika.  Why didn't you tell my musuko about your past?"

I stand there without saying a word.  My past?  Why would he want to know of my past?

"As you already know, my past is something that I would rather leave behind."

"You say that, but you never really leave your past behind you."

I stand there and look at her for a minute.  What does she mean by me not letting go?

"I do.  What I'm doing now is evidence that I'm starting anew."

"Are you?  Then why are you being so difficult on the issue of being Sesshoumaru's mate?"

"……………….."

"You see, you keep your past within yourself.  You fear that this relationship with my musuko would end like the others."

"That's not true!"

"Sure it isn't."

"It's not!"

She walks away from me and then heads towards the stairs.  I don't know why I got defensive.  I guess I just wanted for her to know that I wasn't thinking of my past at all.

"You know that you do think that way, Ajika.  Stop kidding yourself."

"I'm not.  I'm just waiting for the right moment that's all."

I don't now why I am even saying this.  I know it's true.  I know it is.

"Keep telling yourself that, Ajika."

"But…but I am."

"Are your trying to convince me or yourself?"

"……………"

She reached the top of the stairs and looks down back at me.

"Sesshoumaru will probably ask you a few questions regarding your past.  Why not let yourself go and be ALIVE for once?"

"……………."

She leaves me and goes inside her bedroom.  I stood there without moving.  She is right, that I should be more open, but how can I open myself without getting hurt again.

"I agree with her.  You should let yourself go once and a while.  To begin, why not tell me about you past?"

I turn around and face a very muscular chest that can only belong to Sesshoumaru.  I step back a little to look up at his face.  He had no expression, which isn't surprising in the least.

"I rather not."

He lifted one fine eyebrow at my statement.

"Was your past, a sad one?"

"………………Iie, it wasn't."

"Are you sure?"

"………………Hai, I am sure."

"Why the hesitation?"

"What hesitation?"

"When you answered me before, you hesitated.  Is there any reason on why you don't want for me to know of your past?"

"………………Iie, no reason at all."

"There it is again.  You hesitated."

"………………"

"You mean a great deal to this Sesshoumaru, Ajika.  Tell me.  You know you want to."

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I…I-"

A small body landed on me and my body went off of balance.  I would have fallen if Sesshoumaru did not catch me.

"Okasan!  Rin had a bad dream.  Can okasan sleep with her tonight?"

"Rin, your okasan and I were-"

"Sure, sweetness.  I'll sleep with you tonight.  All of your bad dreams will become sweet ones."

"Ajika."

I stare at Sesshoumaru and smile at him.  He never could bring himself to pull me away from my musume.  I should thank Rin for saving me from this predicament.  Rin and I walked away from Sesshoumaru and head for her bedroom.  Once inside, Rin and I laid on her futon.  Rin, always the heavy sleeper, fell asleep before I could even get comfortable.  Right when I was about to close my eyes and relax, Sesshoumaru's voice was heard outside of the door.

"This isn't over, Ajika."

"…Hai, I know."

^NEXT DAY^

I woke up with a kawaii looking Rin on my shoulder.  It's funny how a child could look so cute without even trying.  Right now she is drooling on my shoulder, but I can't seem to get past the adorable look on her face while she is doing it.  Those cheeks of hers are so pinch able!  I just want to pinch them so badly, but I didn't.  I don't want to wake her.

I detach myself from her iron grip and head over to the window to open the drapes.  Once I looked outside, I see the sun shining as always.  Doesn't it ever rain or something here?

'Okasan, what are you looking at?"

I turn to the voice and see my musume wide-awake with her hair all ruffled.

"Just looking at the sky.  Sweetheart, have you ever seen snow?"

"Snow?  Hai, Rin saw it once.  It was cold and Rin's nose got red."

"Do you like snow, sweet pea?"

"Hai!  Rin likes hitting things with snow, but Rin never see it snow here."

"…Do you want to go play in the snow?"

"Hai, but how can Rin plays when there is no snow?"

"Okasan can make it snow."

"Really?  Can okasan make it snow now?"

"Hai."

I walk towards the balcony and focus my eyes on the sky.  A bluish, white color wind can be seen circling me.  I closed my eyes and let the wind surround me.  I lift my hand in front of me, the palm facing up.  The bluish, white colored wind now surrounds my hand.  I put my hand in a fist, and the color disappears.  As I open my eyes and look in my palm, a light blue orb could be seen.

"What's that, okasan?"

"It's an orb."

"What does it do?"

"It makes snow."

"But snow comes from the sky, okasan."

"I know honey, but this is how okasan makes snow."

I take the orb and throw it up in the air where it floats.  Waving my hands in a certain direction, the orb flies up to the sky, making it turn white.  After a few seconds, little snowflakes can be seen dropping to the ground.  After a few minutes the flakes became larger and heavier, but not large enough to hurt someone.  After a while, the whole mansion is covered in snow.

"Wow!  Snow!"

I see Rin about to run out the bedroom door, so I grabbed her before she could leave.

"Honey pie, put on some warm clothes before you go outside.  I don't want you to get sick."

I see her frantically putting on anything she could wear before she left the room.  I put on a heavy kimono and follow her out to the snow.  When I reached her, I see Hitomi and Sesshoumaru there as well.  Sesshoumaru looks at me with a questionable look.

"I assume that this is your doing."

I smile at him and pat his arm.

"Hai, it is."

"Otousan, okasan, obasan, look, look!"

Rin was hunched over on the snow, so we couldn't see what she had in her hands.  As the three of us finally stood in front of her to see what she had, a large pile of snow hit our face.  While we all tried to brush the snow off of our embarrassed faces, we could hear a child's laughter in the air.

My musume threw snow in all of our faces!  She got us.  She actually got us and not only Hitomi and I, but the might Sesshoumaru as well.

I looked over at Sesshoumaru and Hitomi, only to be met by two red looking faces.  I couldn't contain my laugh.  I pointed at them both and rolled on the ground while I laughed.

When I heard some footsteps beside me, I opened my eyes only to see the three of them with a huge pile of snow.  All at once then drop the load on top of me and ran off.  It took me a few minutes to get out of the mountain size snowball.

Once I was out, I threw countless of snowballs in every direction.  Hearing a grunt and a two squeaks, I knew that it hit their marks.

We all got into a snowball fight.  Well, actually, Hitomi, Rin and I got into a snowball fight, while Sesshoumaru watched in the sidelines.

I stood there looking at him for a while he was staring at the other two.  He looks so sexy today with his hair shining even more then yesterday.  His heavy set of clothes didn't hide his muscular body from my eyes.  My eyes slide over his face and chest.  I wanted to wander lower but my other voice stopped me. 

What is happening to me?  Why is Sesshoumaru looking even better then he did before?

My eyes locked on his lips.  He has such soft lips.  I use to think that his lips would be chapped or something, only to find out that they weren't.  Those lips, those sexy lips.  Oh, how they felt when he kissed me a while ago.  Oh, how they just melted o-

"Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A huge snowball hit me right on the side of my face.  I looked over and see Hitomi smiling evilly at me.  I look towards Sesshoumaru, only to notice that he didn't notice.

My obasan walked towards me and whispered in my ears.

"That is what you get when you don't pay attention to a snowball fight.  Maybe next time you could pay attention to the game instead of staring at my musuko."

I swear that she just laughed at me when she said that.  She sure knows how to embarrass the hell out of me.

My face is red from the cold weather.  I looked at Hitomi and Rin to see them also with red faces.

"Obasan, Rin, why don't you both go inside and warm up."

Hitomi nodded.  We turn towards Rin and see her with her mouth wide open.  I guess my little sweet pea has tired herself out.  I picked Rin up and was about to bring her inside when a hand stopped me.

"Okasan, can you take Rin inside so that I can talk to Ajika alone?"

She nodded and went inside the mansion with my musume.

There was silence for a while.  I knew that he was going to ask me again about my past, and I have decided to finally tell him about it.

We walk to his study and sit next to the fireplace to get warm.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I'm ready to tell you everything that you want to know about me."

He stared at me and nodded his head.

Where do I begin my tale?

"It is going to be a very long story.  Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Hai."

"Alright.  No interruption, okay?"

"Hai."

I curled up on the chair that I was sitting on.  Bringing my knees up to rest my chin upon, I began to tell my story.

"As you already know, I am not a youkai.  I am what you would call a Centra.  A Centra appears to look like a human, however, they have mystical powers within themselves.  My mother and father are both Centra's, but they didn't know it at the time.  Centra's were one of the dominant races that use to reside here. One by one, an unknown enemy murdered my people.  I still don't know who it is.  Only a few escaped the massacre.  The ones who survived erase any knowledge to their children that they are Centras' and because of this, some of them do not even know that they have any powers at all."

I closed my eyes and continue my story.

"I, however, could not hide my powers.  When I learned how to use them at the age of three, I trained myself to protect the people I loved.  Having learned how to maintain my powers, I ran to my parents and showed them my abilities.  They were more outraged than happy."

I leaned my head against the chair.

"My father beat me.  He kept on yelling at me stating that he didn't what a demon for a child.  My mother just stood there with hatred in her eyes.  I cried.  I cried because I only wanted to be strong in order to protect them.  I kept saying that I loved them, but they wouldn't listen.  Each day after that, they would beat me saying that my face was ugly and that they didn't want a demon here.  After a few months, they gave me away."

I gave out a huge sigh.

"On occasions they tried to rape me, but they didn't succeed.  Other times, they just beat me for fun.  I deluded myself in believing that it will all get better.  I thought that maybe if I was extra good, my family would come back and take me home.  I thought that maybe everything would go back to the way it use to be, but it didn't.  It was like that for twelve more years.  Each day I would cry, but no one would come and save me.  Each day I would pray, but no one would hear me.  Each day I couldn't sleep, and no one was here to comfort me.  A year later, I escaped, killing all of the people who beat me, but I knew that I couldn't hurt my parents.  Call it idiocy, but I couldn't bring myself to hate them.  I kept thinking that if I didn't show them my powers, things would have been rosy."

I looked at Sesshoumaru to see his reaction.  What I saw was him staring at the fire with no expression.

"I learned that my village was in trouble.  A youkai was said to be destroying villages left and right and my village is next.  I ran and found the snake youkai already destroyed half of the village.  He headed for my parents house.  I see my otousan run off, leaving behind my okasan in their home.  I hear her cursing my otousan.  The house was burning and a big piece of wood landed on her.  The snake youkai is about to lunge at her, but I destroyed him before he could reach her.  I pulled my okasan out of the wreckage and got her out to safety."

I laugh bitterly at the memory.

"She smiled at me and thanked me for saving her.  She gave me a confusing look, trying to remember where she seen me before.  When I told her that I'm her daughter, she gasped and fell to her knees.  When I tried to help her up, she took a dagger from her back and tried to stab me with it.  When she realized that I was to fast for her, she decided to take her own life before I could stop her.  You see, my father abandon her and she had no other children.  Seeing her dying, I held her body close to mine.  She tried to push me away, but her strength was disappearing with each blood drop that fell away from her body."

Tears are threatening to leave my body, but I knew that it would not come out.

"Seeing that she will not survive her wounds, I asked her one question before she left this world."

I see Sesshoumaru focus his golden eyes on me.

"What did you ask, Ajika?"

"…I asked her if she had any regrets.  I asked her if she regretted giving me away to those awful people.  I asked her if she regretted what they did to me."

"What did she tell you?"

"……………………"

"Ajika."

"……………………"

"Ajika."

"She said…she said that her only regret is that I didn't die during the process."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

~Well, I decided to end it here.  I realized that the chapter was getting to long so I'm going to make it into two parts.  I hope it didn't bore any of you.  It's probably lame, but I didn't know how to explain her past in a good way.

~If all of you are wondering why the chapters are so depressing, it is because it just seems more interesting that way.  There are too many lovey dovey ones and I just wanted to make it different.  Don't worry though, it will get happy again…eventually.

~Do any of you have any questions?  Is there anything from the fic that is getting confusing?  Contact me if you do.

~If any of you want to give me ideas, I'll gladly read them.  I might even put them in (if it suits the whole fic).  I realize that it is getting more difficult for me to just come up with ideas, however, they all seem to come together in the end.

~So, do all of you like it so far, or have I gone out of topic (what was the topic again)?

~Again, I thank all of you for reviewing, especially Reiji who has been there since day one.  This fic wouldn't have gotten this far without the first review that you gave me!

~If you're wondering why the word Centra sounds familiar, it is because I got it from the game called Final Fantasy 7 (and I totally love this game too).  The word Centra belongs to them.  So, all the people who made F.F. series don't sue me.  I have no money.  It would be useless to bring me to court.  You would spend more money on the lawyers than what you would receive from me!

~I guess that I am rambling now.  I can't help it!  What is wrong with me?  I can't seem to stop!  Maybe I'll just take this energy and start on the next chapter.  Yeah, that is what I will do!  Well, see all of you next chapter!  Ja ne!