What would have happened if the One Ring were actually a brush? It explains why the various races' hair looks the way it does. The Elven Rings are unsullied, so they have perfect hair. The Dwarven Rings are lost, so they have matted hair. The Human Rings are corrupted, so their hair is really greasy, but not as matted. There are no hobbit rings, so the hobbits have hair that doesn't really need to be brushed--curls.

Now, how would some lines from the movies be changed?

Fellowship scenes:

"I will die before I see the Brush in the hands of an Elf!"

Notice the irony in these two lines by Boromir, whose hair is a nightmare: "It could have been mine! It should have been mine! Give it to me!"

"It is not a curse, but a gift to the world of men!"

Two Towers scenes:

When Frodo and Sam are captured by Faramir: "Use the Brush, Master Frodo! Just this once!"

Thanks for enjoying my irreverent humor. If you have any more examples, please put them in a review!