At that Willow walked over slowly, the urge to cry increasing with every step closer to the best friend that she had failed.
As she passed Spike, he clasped he shoulder for a second, and then leaned against the wall.
She stood next to the bed, the tear tracks still visible on her face. Her eyes filled with tears once again as she looked at her best friend in the entire world in a hospital bed, pasty-faced, and with tubes stuck into his arms.
Xander took one look at her face and opened his arms. She carefully hugged him back, and then, with a shiver, placed her head on his shoulder as her gates finally gave way and the tears started to fall.
Xander just stroked her hair and muttered soothingly in her ear, "Oh Wills. Shush Wills, shhh. It's not your fault Wills. It's not your fault."
With a deep breath, she sat up and, wiping her eyes looked at him and said, "But I didn't see. I didn't know. I should have known-" and the tears started to fall once more.
Xander pulled her down beside him on the bed, and ran a hand through her hair and across her cheek before saying - "You saw what I wanted you to see Wills. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to still see me as your childish and immature friend who couldn't stand up to his own father, even when he was bigger than him!"
"You, you didn't trust me?" she asked shakeingly.
"Oh no, no! It was never that! I was - I was -" Xander closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. When he opened his eyes again, Spike was standing on his other side, and he squeezed his shoulder gently, giving him the strength to carry on. He smiled at him in recognition before continuing.
"I was ashamed. Ashamed of what my father did to me, and ashamed that I let him do it, that I couldn't stop him."
At that, Buffy stepped forward. "But why didn't you tell us Xander? We could have something!"
"What? And have you notice that there was something wrong? However hard I tried to hide it, it was easy to see - even Spike could see it. You saw what you wanted to see Buffy. You all did. You wanted me to be fine, so I was fine. You were too wrapped up in your own problems to have the added worry of trying to cope with the fact that there was something wrong with your friend. That there was something inside me that caused my father to hate me so much that he did this to me. Tha-"
Spike cut him off. "Xander! I thought we'd gone through this already! Look, none of this is your fault. None of it! Just 'coz your father is a sick, alcoholic, psychopathic bastard does not mean that he had any right to do any of this to you, and I don't want to hear you say that again OK?"
Xander just looked at him guiltily. "And don't do that! It's *not* your fault! Not *any* of it! And so I'll have no more guilt or blame placed on you OK?"
Xander nodded.
"Right. That's better. Now, we were told that we shouldn't stay long, so we better be leaving. You gonna be OK?"
Xander looked at him, fear and shame apparent on his face, then he looked down and stammered, in an almost inaudible voice, "W-w-will you- will you stay with me? Please? I-I-I don't want to go to sleep on my own."
Spike looked at him in shock for a moment, before gently and affectionately brushing a stray lock of hair off Xander's forehead and replying, "Of course I'll stay with you. I'll stay as long as you need."
In reply, Xander just took his hand and squeezed it.
Spike then looked at Willow, who nodded in agreement, before turning to Buffy and Giles and saying, "Come on guys, Xander must be tired. Now we know he's ok, we might as well go home."
Then she turned to Xander and, placing a gentle kiss lovingly on his cheek, said, "I'll be back first thing in the morning. You feel better ok?"
Xander nodded, and squeezed her hand gently as she slowly moved away from the bed.
Buffy opened her mouth to object, but Willow saw it and stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed, resolve face firmly in place, and said "And if either of you dare to object to any of this in the mood that I'm in right now, I'll be giving Amy another companion OK?"
Buffy and Giles looked at Willow in shock. However, one look at her tired, drained and yet angry and determined face, they scuttled out of the door without another sound.
Willow nodded after them decisively, and Spike said, "Way to go Red! Way to stand up to the Slayer!"
Willow looked at him, the tiniest of smiles on her face, and said, "You look after him OK?"
Spike glanced at Xander, who seemed half-asleep by this time, and, a relieved smile crossing his face, replied, "Always. G'night Red."
"Goodnight Spike. See you tomorrow Xander."
In the midst of a wide, sleepy yawn, Xander replied, "Bye Wills."
And at that, she walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.
Spike turned back to Xander, and said, "You sleepy?"
While in the mist of yet another wide yawn, Xander replied with a sarcastic, "How did you guess?"
Spike chuckled appreciatively, and then stood to drag a chair over to the bed.
However, he had not taken more than one step away from the bed when Xander grabbed his wrist and asked, worry and fear apparant in his voice, "You're not leaving are you?"
Spike took the hand holding his wrist and squeezed it gently, before placing it back on the bed and replied, "No, never. I'm just getting a chair Xan. Don't worry. I said I'd stay as long as you needed me and I intend to keep that promise."
At that, Xander blushed, and Spike smiled, before going and dragging that chair over.
As she passed Spike, he clasped he shoulder for a second, and then leaned against the wall.
She stood next to the bed, the tear tracks still visible on her face. Her eyes filled with tears once again as she looked at her best friend in the entire world in a hospital bed, pasty-faced, and with tubes stuck into his arms.
Xander took one look at her face and opened his arms. She carefully hugged him back, and then, with a shiver, placed her head on his shoulder as her gates finally gave way and the tears started to fall.
Xander just stroked her hair and muttered soothingly in her ear, "Oh Wills. Shush Wills, shhh. It's not your fault Wills. It's not your fault."
With a deep breath, she sat up and, wiping her eyes looked at him and said, "But I didn't see. I didn't know. I should have known-" and the tears started to fall once more.
Xander pulled her down beside him on the bed, and ran a hand through her hair and across her cheek before saying - "You saw what I wanted you to see Wills. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to still see me as your childish and immature friend who couldn't stand up to his own father, even when he was bigger than him!"
"You, you didn't trust me?" she asked shakeingly.
"Oh no, no! It was never that! I was - I was -" Xander closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. When he opened his eyes again, Spike was standing on his other side, and he squeezed his shoulder gently, giving him the strength to carry on. He smiled at him in recognition before continuing.
"I was ashamed. Ashamed of what my father did to me, and ashamed that I let him do it, that I couldn't stop him."
At that, Buffy stepped forward. "But why didn't you tell us Xander? We could have something!"
"What? And have you notice that there was something wrong? However hard I tried to hide it, it was easy to see - even Spike could see it. You saw what you wanted to see Buffy. You all did. You wanted me to be fine, so I was fine. You were too wrapped up in your own problems to have the added worry of trying to cope with the fact that there was something wrong with your friend. That there was something inside me that caused my father to hate me so much that he did this to me. Tha-"
Spike cut him off. "Xander! I thought we'd gone through this already! Look, none of this is your fault. None of it! Just 'coz your father is a sick, alcoholic, psychopathic bastard does not mean that he had any right to do any of this to you, and I don't want to hear you say that again OK?"
Xander just looked at him guiltily. "And don't do that! It's *not* your fault! Not *any* of it! And so I'll have no more guilt or blame placed on you OK?"
Xander nodded.
"Right. That's better. Now, we were told that we shouldn't stay long, so we better be leaving. You gonna be OK?"
Xander looked at him, fear and shame apparent on his face, then he looked down and stammered, in an almost inaudible voice, "W-w-will you- will you stay with me? Please? I-I-I don't want to go to sleep on my own."
Spike looked at him in shock for a moment, before gently and affectionately brushing a stray lock of hair off Xander's forehead and replying, "Of course I'll stay with you. I'll stay as long as you need."
In reply, Xander just took his hand and squeezed it.
Spike then looked at Willow, who nodded in agreement, before turning to Buffy and Giles and saying, "Come on guys, Xander must be tired. Now we know he's ok, we might as well go home."
Then she turned to Xander and, placing a gentle kiss lovingly on his cheek, said, "I'll be back first thing in the morning. You feel better ok?"
Xander nodded, and squeezed her hand gently as she slowly moved away from the bed.
Buffy opened her mouth to object, but Willow saw it and stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed, resolve face firmly in place, and said "And if either of you dare to object to any of this in the mood that I'm in right now, I'll be giving Amy another companion OK?"
Buffy and Giles looked at Willow in shock. However, one look at her tired, drained and yet angry and determined face, they scuttled out of the door without another sound.
Willow nodded after them decisively, and Spike said, "Way to go Red! Way to stand up to the Slayer!"
Willow looked at him, the tiniest of smiles on her face, and said, "You look after him OK?"
Spike glanced at Xander, who seemed half-asleep by this time, and, a relieved smile crossing his face, replied, "Always. G'night Red."
"Goodnight Spike. See you tomorrow Xander."
In the midst of a wide, sleepy yawn, Xander replied, "Bye Wills."
And at that, she walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.
Spike turned back to Xander, and said, "You sleepy?"
While in the mist of yet another wide yawn, Xander replied with a sarcastic, "How did you guess?"
Spike chuckled appreciatively, and then stood to drag a chair over to the bed.
However, he had not taken more than one step away from the bed when Xander grabbed his wrist and asked, worry and fear apparant in his voice, "You're not leaving are you?"
Spike took the hand holding his wrist and squeezed it gently, before placing it back on the bed and replied, "No, never. I'm just getting a chair Xan. Don't worry. I said I'd stay as long as you needed me and I intend to keep that promise."
At that, Xander blushed, and Spike smiled, before going and dragging that chair over.