The Lord of the Bongs: The Helloship of the Bong

by gozzygozzygimli

With the help of a courageous helloship of friends and allies, Frieda Leaf embarks on a perilous mission to destroy the legendary One Bong. Hunting Frieda are servants of the Dark Lord, Floweron, the Bong's evil creator. If Floweron reclaims the Bong, Mid

3. ExBoyfriends

Ex Boyfriends

No sooner had Ganja knocked on the door, than he heard Dildo shout, "NO THANKYOU! I DON'T WANT ANY MORE CHRISTMAS CAROLLERS, TRICK OR TREATERS OR PENNY FOR THE GUYERS!!!!!"

"And what about ex-boyfriends?" Ganja asked, smiling.
The door flung open at once. "Henry?" Dildo looked up. "Oh, Ganja it's you!"

"Dildo Slaggins…" Ganja smiled, hugging him. "One hundred and eleven years old, you haven't aged a day!"
"Oh please, you say that to all the hobbits around here!" Dildo laughed. He invited Ganja inside. "Tea? Or perhaps something a bit stronger? I've got some acid left over from- actually better not, after the cesspool incident…"
"Just tea thank you…" Ganja said politely. He said down, waiting patiently as Dildo rushed around the kitchen making the tea.

Ganja waited a very long time for Dildo's return but soon, his patience wore thin and Ganja entered the kitchen to investigate…

He found Dildo sitting under the table, smoking an enormous spliff. A spliff he recognised as the One Bong, rolled by the dark lord Sauron.
"I think you've been smoking that for quite long enough," Ganja said, trying to reason with Dildo, who was so stoned he kept yelling at the flowerpots on the windowsill because they were 'looking at him funny'.

"You want it for yourself!" Dildo shouted.
"DILDO SLAGGINS!" Ganja yelled with such ferocity, Dildo whimpered and hid behind the cupboard. "DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU…" He calmed down in an instant and smiled faintly. "I'm trying to help you."
Dildo began to cry.
"I'm sorry," Ganja said, hugging him. "I've got PMS. Even after my sex change I still get them from time to time…"
Dildo sniffed and looked up at Ganja. "I've got something that'll mellow you out…" He smiled.

Twenty minutes later…

Dildo and Ganja sat on the hill that overlooked the field where Dildo's 111th birthday party would be taking place that night, and passed the One Bong between them.
"That's some good shit," Ganja chuckled, passing the joint back to Dildo.
"I know. And you know what the best part is? It NEVER runs out. I've had it for nearly… uh… what's 8 times 4?"
Ganja burst out laughing and couldn't control himself for ages.

At that moment, a truck full of whores pulled up by the field and jumped out, giggling and asking, "Where's our birthday boy?"
Dildo smiled, stubbed the spliff out on the grass, put it back in his pocket and stood up. "Ganja, my old friend…" He said. "This should be a night to remember…"