Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe…
Ganja went back inside Dildo's house and looked down at the One Bong lying on the floor, smoking gently as Ganja picked it up, inhaling the sweet tempting fumes that wafted from it…
Half an hour later, Ganja sat in front of the fire, so stoned he didn't even hear Frieda come crahing through the door, looking for Dildo.
"He's gone, hasn't he?" He asked, looking around the empty house.
Ganja didn't seem to hear him.
"He talked for so long about leaving. I never thought he'd actually do it. I just thought he was drunk. Where did he go, Ganja?" Frieda walked up to Ganja's armchair. "Ganja?"
Ganja shook himself and looked at Frieda. "He's gone to stay with the elves," he told him. "He's left you Slag End." He reached for the envelope on the mantlepiece, shoved the spliff inside and sealed it. "Along with all his possessions…"
"What's that?" Frieda asked, pointing at the envelope.
"Oh this? It's nothing, it's just-"
Frieda snatched the envelope out of Ganja's hands and sniffed it. At once, his eyes crossed over and he danced in a circle around the room, clapping his hands in delight and squealing in triumph. The envelope fell to the floor. Ganja bent down to pick it up and Frieda got the wrong idea…
"Take it, Ganja! Take it!"
"Frieda, get outta there!"
"Fine, you do me!"
"You cannot offer me your ring!"
"I'm giving it to you!"
"Don't tempt me, Frieda! And you can't open that envelope! Inside is the One Bong, rolled by the dark lord Sauron."
"But Sauron was destroyed…"
Ganja shook his head. "The spirit of Sauron endured. His life force is bound to the spliff and the spliff survived. Sauron is back, Frieda. All he needs is this spliff, to cover all the land in a second darkness. You've got to keep it secret, keep it safe."
"Alright, we'll keep it hidden. We never speak of it again. Nobody knows it's here, do they?"
Ganja kept his eyes to the floor, shuffling his feet nervously."Do they, Ganja?"
"There was one other who knew Dildo had the spliff. I looked everywhere for the creature Roll 'Em but it seemed the enemy got to him first. Amidst the screams and inane babble, they extracted two words: Shire. Slaggins."
"Shire… Slaggins… But- but that would lead them here!"
"Duh! No shit, Frieda! God, sometimes you're just so thick, I-" He suddenly stopped. He had heard a noise coming from the open window. The bushes began to rustle and Ganja leaned out of the window and poked at them with his staff. He heard a muffled shout from inside them and pulled a boy out of the bushes and threw him onto the table. It was Samwise Ganjaleaf, who looked terrified but was secretly enjoying being pinned to the table by an old man.
"CONFOUND YOU, SAMWISE GANJALEAF! HAVE YOU BEEN EAVESDROPPING?"
"I ain't been dropping no eaves, sir, honest! I thought I heard gay sex going on and I thought I'd come and watch- er, I mean investigate…"
"A little too early for masturbation, don't you think?"
"I-I heard raised voices…"
"What did you hear? SPEAK!"
"N-Nothing of importance. That is I heard a great deal about a spliff and a dark lord and something about the end of the world… Oh please, Mr Ganja, don't turn me into anything… unnatural"
"No…" Ganja said, smiling at Frieda. "Perhaps not." He leaned forward and whispered into Sam's ear. "I've thought of a better use for you…"