Title: Tears In The Dark
Author: Amy ^^ [Current FF.N name- Bugnuks And Crossbows]
Genre: Angst/General [...Looky! Its not just Angst XD]
Rating: R
Warnings: Attempted suicide, dark thoughts, shounen-ai [....Gotta love it!]
Pairings: ....... There are pairings, but by now you probably know my
prefered pairings- K/O/K [AND THIS TIME!] R/Y
Disclaimers: I can't draw well enough to own Weiß ;_;
Summary: Blaming himself for the death of his love, a young man decides life
just isn't worth it anymore. Hehe, the last part is just plain pointless ^^"
Tears
in the
Dark
It was impossible…
The knife slid carefully across his wrists.
It was impossible to keep his sanity in the never-ending circle of death.
Too long had he quavered along this boundary, waiting for something…
something that would never be his.
It cut deeply into his skin, drawing from it the crimson liquid of life.
Too long had he hoped that one day he'd wake from his slumber to find the
darkness behind Weiß to be nothing but a dream. But truthfully, it was so
real it killed.
Further into his wrist now, he couldn't feel any pain, though, his wrists
were already numb.
It hurt to know his teammates were suffering, but that had nothing to
compare to his own growing insanity. He used to dream that it was true, the
front that Omi put up, the pure happiness and dedication to the world. And
that front, together with the person the boy truly was, was what endeared
the boy in his mind.
He ran his bloodied wrist under cold running water, dyeing the crystal clear
liquid, red.
Now he merely dreamt of a reprieve from the darkness of the world. He wished
his teammates luck, wherever life would take them, wherever the darkness
would hide them, and wherever their hearts would leave them. His reprieve
would soon be reality.
Knife in his other hand, his other wrist was driven into by the knifes
sharpened point.
He used to think he was strong, that nothing could take him down, but not
anymore. Omi had somehow managed to keep his confidence high, to keep him in
that mind of immorality with his own seemingly immortal youth. But as the
boy lay in the hospital, pale from loss of blood, he realized just how
mortal the both of them were, how much more he should have protected the
little angel.
Indirectly he had injured Omi, and Omi would probably pay the price with his
life. According to the doctor, the knife wound to his stomach was sever. It
had punctured his stomach, releasing acids into the rest of his system,
acids that had caused still more damage. And it was all his fault.
If he'd been paying attention last mission, he would've heard Omis warning,
he would've heard him screaming at him to turn around. If he'd heard the
little bishounen, he would have turned around and been able to save himself
from the projectile knife. But he'd been distracted.
He hadn't even had time to brace himself before Omis body had knocked him to
the floor. The blonde had shot a bolt through the mans neck and made a small
noise of pain before hitting the ground, not far from where he was laying.
"You… ok?" the blonde had questioned with a weak smile.
"Hai, but your not… We've got to get you out of here."
"I'll be ok," Omi mumbled, wincing as he was picked up.
He ran out of the building quickly, the others at his heels. The only
thoughts going through his head were those that involved getting Omi to the
hospital, as fast as possible.
No one had bothered to remove the knife for fear of causing more damage,
since it was imbedded hilt deep into Omis stomach. Also, unlike the others,
he didn't bother stopping home first. Instead, he drove Omi straight to
Kritikers main hospital.
He sat in the waiting room, while Omi was taken to the emergancy room. He
felt extremely guilty for Omis injuries, his whole mind went into shock when
the doctor said it wasn't likely that Omi would live the night, which
explained why he didn't realize that it was tears hitting his hands, not
raindrops.
He'd be responsible for his angels death, it was like some cruel joke, and
he didn't want to believe.
He sat with Omi for several minutes-or perhaps it was hours. It didn't
matter, it was a small hope of his that Omi would wake, and he could
apologize and tell him over and over again how much he loved him. But the
blonde continued the sleep.
His legs gave way, now, and he fell, the hard marble rushing up to meet him.
Once the other two boys arrived, he left, back home, to wallow in his misery
and think over his God-forsaken life. In the end, this was what it came down
to, and he could see no better way to die.
After tonight, Weiß would be without their research and computer expert, as
well as their leader, and he was to blame. And after tonight, only two
members of Weiß would still exist.
Somewhere in the distance h could hear voices. They were home, but by the
time they found him, it would be too late. But then again, he wasn't
counting on them looking for him right away.
*~*
When next he woke, the room seemed to glow. Everything was an eerie white.
For a minute he thought he was dead, right up until the heart monitor
beeped.
With a sigh he tore his eyes from the ceiling to look at his surroundings.
The curtains of the window were open, letting the sunlight in, which must
have been the cause of the glowing appearance of the room. The window was
also slightly open.
The next thing he noticed was red hair against a white wall, and the quiet
breathing of the very same red head. Further more, a blonde as asleep in his
lap. Both Ran and Yohji.
They looked so sweet laying there, that no one could have ever guessed they
were assassins without knowing already. Continuing his speculation of his
surroundings, he was soon faced with a large shock. Large, sad blue eyes
were watching him.
"I'm glad your awake, Ken-kun.." Omi spoke quietly, probably not just
because their teammates were asleep.
"O-Omi!" the look of sheer shock on his face was plainly obvious.
"What were you thinking, Ken-kun?" Omi continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "I
was trying to prevent your death, then you'd go and do something so stupid
as to throw your life away? I thought you were smarter than that…"
He was right, obviously, he was always right. That would have meant Omis
death had been a waste, how stupid of him. But Omi had somehow made it..?
"Y-you-But-Your alive!"
"Hm, that I am. But only because I wasn't going to give up so easily! Plus,
I told you I'd be alright, ne?"
"Alright enough to be disabled for three months." Ran said from his seat, he
had, apparently, woken up. But he made no move to dislodge the still
sleeping Yohji, which Ken found slightly curious. Instead, the red head was
petting Yohjis hair.
He'd question this further later, but right now, Omi was awake. Awake and
alive.
"Three months?" Ken turned his attention back to Omi, who promptly plopped
into the pillows.
"Hai, three months out of commission, gosh darn it…"
"And what, pray tell, do you plan to do for three months?"
"Get better?" was his small response from somewhere in the pillows.
"You better…" Ken smiled a bit.
The three members of Weiß who were awake stayed silent until Yohji woke, at
which point Ran pulled Yohji out of the room to let the younger boys talk
freely with one another.
"Omi..?"
"Hai..?" he turned to look at Ken, smiling a little.
"I know that of all the times I could've said this, this is one of the
strangest.. but, if I don't say this now, I might never," Omi watched and
listened patiently as he babbled a little, then smiled.
"You had something you wanted to say..?"
"Hai.." Ken laughed a little. "I just wanted to say.. to tell you… well.. I
love you."
Omi blinked a little, then shook his head. "I'm sorry, I just zoned out
there for a minute there. I had this crazy dream where you said you loved
me…"
"I did.." Ken said, slightly amused.
"…..Ken-kun…." Omis face lit up like that of a child on Christmas. "I'd hug
you if I could walk that far!"
Ken grinned. "Guess its lucky for me that I can walk that far, ne?"
Omi shuffled over a bit and patted the bed, inviting Ken to come sit with
him, which he did. Once he'd sat down, his arms moved instinctively around
the boys waist, while Omis arms surrounded Kens neck, without strength.
It hurt to see the boy so helpless, but at least now, Omi was his. His to
protect, to hold, and to love. And, God help him, he would.
"I'm sorry I made you worry…" Omi mumbled into his shoulder. "But.. I didn't
want you to get hurt."
"Nnn…" Ken made a noise into the younger boys hair.
"Are you falling asleep again..?" Omi snickered.
"Nuh uh.." again Kens reply was muffled by Omis hair. "You smell nice.. its
like an aphrodisiac.."
"That was random.." Omi smiled.
"Well… at least its true.." Ken mumbled again, with a yawn.
Omi smiled softly and petted Kens hair. "If your tired, sleep."
"Mmm…." Ken was three steps ahead of him.
*~*
It was about four months later, and both Ken and Omi were getting suspicious
of Rans uncharacteristic affection for an overly happy Yohji. As Yohji
practically skipped into the kitchen, both boys frowned.
"Yohji-kun, what on earth is going on here?" Omi demanded, hands on his
hips, while Ken munched on a piece of the blondes forgotten toast.
"Hmm? What'cha mean, chibi?" Yohji blinked at Omi, and set to work making
coffee.
"Not –only- is it before nine, and you're up without having to be told to
get up, but your cheery and you've yet to have any coffee. You've done that
six times this month…"
"And please note its only the sixth.." Ken mumbled around the aforementioned
piece of toast.
"Hai! And you did it all of last month, too!"
"…So?"
"-So- whats going on? Somethings up and your not telling us about it!" Omi
huffed. "Bet you'd tell Aya-kun. Heck! He probably knows already!"
"Your on to something, chibi, keep thinking and you'll figure it out!" Yohji
finished his coffee and left the room, leaving a confused Omi behind.
"Nani…?"
"I'm telling ya, 'Mittchi, Aya and Yohji have something going on between
them, and they don't want us to know about it!"
"Why no~t?" Omi sighed, taking a seat beside Ken, before laying his head on
the older boys shoulder.
"Probably because their afraid we'd go into shock if we ever found out Aya
has a heart," Ken snickered, while Omi rolled his eyes.
"Whatever you say, Ken-kun.."
"Well, I say so. How is…?" Kens hand ran along the quite visible scar on
Omis stomach, lightly.
"It doesn't hurt.. its fine.." Omi moved, so Kens hand was no longer
touching his stomach.
He'd been like that since they got out of the hospital, avoiding the subject
of his injury like a plague-Then again, Ken was the same way with avoiding
talking about the scars on his wrists. Not that they wouldn't ask each other
about them, it was habit to, in fact, but it made both slightly
uncomfortable.
"…You stole my toast.." Omi pouted.
"Heh, you weren't eating it!"
"But you still stole it, you thief.."
"I'm not a thief! You said you'd make food, then you just made toast, so I
only stole the food you said you'd make for me in the first place!" Ken
argued.
"..But it was -my- toast!" Omi pouted more, oblivious to the redhead
standing in the doorway with a raised eyebrow. "I want it ba~ck!"
"…I'm afraid I can't exactly give it back, 'Mittchi!" Ken snickered.
"…Then I want payment! Payment, you hear?" Omi demanded again-He seemed to
be rather bossy this morning.
"Payment, hmm? Such as…?"
"I get to be se~me!" Omi grinned at Ken, then bounced out of the room-but
not before freezing to give Ran a large cheery smile.
"….HEY! Omi! Come back here!" Ken blinked. When had he agreed to that?
"Om-Oh, 'morning Aya.. Omi!" Ken followed the younger boy, obviously
oblivious to the fact that Ran had just heard Omis declaration.
By about the time he reached the stairs, he was forced to pause. He was
missing something, but what?
Looking back at the kitchen, he noticed Ran was still standing where he had
been, blinking thoughtfully. Brain cogs could be heard moving slowly, before
Ken gasped a little. Ran had been there during Omis declaration!
"Great…." Ken mumbled absently, heading up the stairs to find Omi.
"Absolutely wonderful…" He sat with Omi for a few minutes after telling him,
and having him snicker a bit.
"According to Yohji-kun, its true that he and Aya-kun are together, isn't it
sweet?" Omi smiled cheerfully.
"Yeah, I suppose…"
"I give Yohji-kun three minutes to get up here and start bugging you…" Omi
said, looking at the clock.
"Would Aya have really told him?"
"….I tell you everything, ne? Of course Aya-kun will!"
Sure enough, three minutes later, the door opened and Yohji stuck his head
in. "-So- Ken-ken! Chibis gonna be seme, huh?"
"Yohji…"
"That's great! Welcome to the uke club, Kenken!" Yohji snickered dashing
down the hall, quickly followed by Ken, while Omi was in a fit of laughter
on his bed.
As they ran through the living room, Ran didn't so much as flinch as the two
of them darted past, Ken with a rolled up newspaper in hand.
Life was back to normal in the Koneko no sumi ie.
Author: Amy ^^ [Current FF.N name- Bugnuks And Crossbows]
Genre: Angst/General [...Looky! Its not just Angst XD]
Rating: R
Warnings: Attempted suicide, dark thoughts, shounen-ai [....Gotta love it!]
Pairings: ....... There are pairings, but by now you probably know my
prefered pairings- K/O/K [AND THIS TIME!] R/Y
Disclaimers: I can't draw well enough to own Weiß ;_;
Summary: Blaming himself for the death of his love, a young man decides life
just isn't worth it anymore. Hehe, the last part is just plain pointless ^^"
Tears
in the
Dark
It was impossible…
The knife slid carefully across his wrists.
It was impossible to keep his sanity in the never-ending circle of death.
Too long had he quavered along this boundary, waiting for something…
something that would never be his.
It cut deeply into his skin, drawing from it the crimson liquid of life.
Too long had he hoped that one day he'd wake from his slumber to find the
darkness behind Weiß to be nothing but a dream. But truthfully, it was so
real it killed.
Further into his wrist now, he couldn't feel any pain, though, his wrists
were already numb.
It hurt to know his teammates were suffering, but that had nothing to
compare to his own growing insanity. He used to dream that it was true, the
front that Omi put up, the pure happiness and dedication to the world. And
that front, together with the person the boy truly was, was what endeared
the boy in his mind.
He ran his bloodied wrist under cold running water, dyeing the crystal clear
liquid, red.
Now he merely dreamt of a reprieve from the darkness of the world. He wished
his teammates luck, wherever life would take them, wherever the darkness
would hide them, and wherever their hearts would leave them. His reprieve
would soon be reality.
Knife in his other hand, his other wrist was driven into by the knifes
sharpened point.
He used to think he was strong, that nothing could take him down, but not
anymore. Omi had somehow managed to keep his confidence high, to keep him in
that mind of immorality with his own seemingly immortal youth. But as the
boy lay in the hospital, pale from loss of blood, he realized just how
mortal the both of them were, how much more he should have protected the
little angel.
Indirectly he had injured Omi, and Omi would probably pay the price with his
life. According to the doctor, the knife wound to his stomach was sever. It
had punctured his stomach, releasing acids into the rest of his system,
acids that had caused still more damage. And it was all his fault.
If he'd been paying attention last mission, he would've heard Omis warning,
he would've heard him screaming at him to turn around. If he'd heard the
little bishounen, he would have turned around and been able to save himself
from the projectile knife. But he'd been distracted.
He hadn't even had time to brace himself before Omis body had knocked him to
the floor. The blonde had shot a bolt through the mans neck and made a small
noise of pain before hitting the ground, not far from where he was laying.
"You… ok?" the blonde had questioned with a weak smile.
"Hai, but your not… We've got to get you out of here."
"I'll be ok," Omi mumbled, wincing as he was picked up.
He ran out of the building quickly, the others at his heels. The only
thoughts going through his head were those that involved getting Omi to the
hospital, as fast as possible.
No one had bothered to remove the knife for fear of causing more damage,
since it was imbedded hilt deep into Omis stomach. Also, unlike the others,
he didn't bother stopping home first. Instead, he drove Omi straight to
Kritikers main hospital.
He sat in the waiting room, while Omi was taken to the emergancy room. He
felt extremely guilty for Omis injuries, his whole mind went into shock when
the doctor said it wasn't likely that Omi would live the night, which
explained why he didn't realize that it was tears hitting his hands, not
raindrops.
He'd be responsible for his angels death, it was like some cruel joke, and
he didn't want to believe.
He sat with Omi for several minutes-or perhaps it was hours. It didn't
matter, it was a small hope of his that Omi would wake, and he could
apologize and tell him over and over again how much he loved him. But the
blonde continued the sleep.
His legs gave way, now, and he fell, the hard marble rushing up to meet him.
Once the other two boys arrived, he left, back home, to wallow in his misery
and think over his God-forsaken life. In the end, this was what it came down
to, and he could see no better way to die.
After tonight, Weiß would be without their research and computer expert, as
well as their leader, and he was to blame. And after tonight, only two
members of Weiß would still exist.
Somewhere in the distance h could hear voices. They were home, but by the
time they found him, it would be too late. But then again, he wasn't
counting on them looking for him right away.
*~*
When next he woke, the room seemed to glow. Everything was an eerie white.
For a minute he thought he was dead, right up until the heart monitor
beeped.
With a sigh he tore his eyes from the ceiling to look at his surroundings.
The curtains of the window were open, letting the sunlight in, which must
have been the cause of the glowing appearance of the room. The window was
also slightly open.
The next thing he noticed was red hair against a white wall, and the quiet
breathing of the very same red head. Further more, a blonde as asleep in his
lap. Both Ran and Yohji.
They looked so sweet laying there, that no one could have ever guessed they
were assassins without knowing already. Continuing his speculation of his
surroundings, he was soon faced with a large shock. Large, sad blue eyes
were watching him.
"I'm glad your awake, Ken-kun.." Omi spoke quietly, probably not just
because their teammates were asleep.
"O-Omi!" the look of sheer shock on his face was plainly obvious.
"What were you thinking, Ken-kun?" Omi continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "I
was trying to prevent your death, then you'd go and do something so stupid
as to throw your life away? I thought you were smarter than that…"
He was right, obviously, he was always right. That would have meant Omis
death had been a waste, how stupid of him. But Omi had somehow made it..?
"Y-you-But-Your alive!"
"Hm, that I am. But only because I wasn't going to give up so easily! Plus,
I told you I'd be alright, ne?"
"Alright enough to be disabled for three months." Ran said from his seat, he
had, apparently, woken up. But he made no move to dislodge the still
sleeping Yohji, which Ken found slightly curious. Instead, the red head was
petting Yohjis hair.
He'd question this further later, but right now, Omi was awake. Awake and
alive.
"Three months?" Ken turned his attention back to Omi, who promptly plopped
into the pillows.
"Hai, three months out of commission, gosh darn it…"
"And what, pray tell, do you plan to do for three months?"
"Get better?" was his small response from somewhere in the pillows.
"You better…" Ken smiled a bit.
The three members of Weiß who were awake stayed silent until Yohji woke, at
which point Ran pulled Yohji out of the room to let the younger boys talk
freely with one another.
"Omi..?"
"Hai..?" he turned to look at Ken, smiling a little.
"I know that of all the times I could've said this, this is one of the
strangest.. but, if I don't say this now, I might never," Omi watched and
listened patiently as he babbled a little, then smiled.
"You had something you wanted to say..?"
"Hai.." Ken laughed a little. "I just wanted to say.. to tell you… well.. I
love you."
Omi blinked a little, then shook his head. "I'm sorry, I just zoned out
there for a minute there. I had this crazy dream where you said you loved
me…"
"I did.." Ken said, slightly amused.
"…..Ken-kun…." Omis face lit up like that of a child on Christmas. "I'd hug
you if I could walk that far!"
Ken grinned. "Guess its lucky for me that I can walk that far, ne?"
Omi shuffled over a bit and patted the bed, inviting Ken to come sit with
him, which he did. Once he'd sat down, his arms moved instinctively around
the boys waist, while Omis arms surrounded Kens neck, without strength.
It hurt to see the boy so helpless, but at least now, Omi was his. His to
protect, to hold, and to love. And, God help him, he would.
"I'm sorry I made you worry…" Omi mumbled into his shoulder. "But.. I didn't
want you to get hurt."
"Nnn…" Ken made a noise into the younger boys hair.
"Are you falling asleep again..?" Omi snickered.
"Nuh uh.." again Kens reply was muffled by Omis hair. "You smell nice.. its
like an aphrodisiac.."
"That was random.." Omi smiled.
"Well… at least its true.." Ken mumbled again, with a yawn.
Omi smiled softly and petted Kens hair. "If your tired, sleep."
"Mmm…." Ken was three steps ahead of him.
*~*
It was about four months later, and both Ken and Omi were getting suspicious
of Rans uncharacteristic affection for an overly happy Yohji. As Yohji
practically skipped into the kitchen, both boys frowned.
"Yohji-kun, what on earth is going on here?" Omi demanded, hands on his
hips, while Ken munched on a piece of the blondes forgotten toast.
"Hmm? What'cha mean, chibi?" Yohji blinked at Omi, and set to work making
coffee.
"Not –only- is it before nine, and you're up without having to be told to
get up, but your cheery and you've yet to have any coffee. You've done that
six times this month…"
"And please note its only the sixth.." Ken mumbled around the aforementioned
piece of toast.
"Hai! And you did it all of last month, too!"
"…So?"
"-So- whats going on? Somethings up and your not telling us about it!" Omi
huffed. "Bet you'd tell Aya-kun. Heck! He probably knows already!"
"Your on to something, chibi, keep thinking and you'll figure it out!" Yohji
finished his coffee and left the room, leaving a confused Omi behind.
"Nani…?"
"I'm telling ya, 'Mittchi, Aya and Yohji have something going on between
them, and they don't want us to know about it!"
"Why no~t?" Omi sighed, taking a seat beside Ken, before laying his head on
the older boys shoulder.
"Probably because their afraid we'd go into shock if we ever found out Aya
has a heart," Ken snickered, while Omi rolled his eyes.
"Whatever you say, Ken-kun.."
"Well, I say so. How is…?" Kens hand ran along the quite visible scar on
Omis stomach, lightly.
"It doesn't hurt.. its fine.." Omi moved, so Kens hand was no longer
touching his stomach.
He'd been like that since they got out of the hospital, avoiding the subject
of his injury like a plague-Then again, Ken was the same way with avoiding
talking about the scars on his wrists. Not that they wouldn't ask each other
about them, it was habit to, in fact, but it made both slightly
uncomfortable.
"…You stole my toast.." Omi pouted.
"Heh, you weren't eating it!"
"But you still stole it, you thief.."
"I'm not a thief! You said you'd make food, then you just made toast, so I
only stole the food you said you'd make for me in the first place!" Ken
argued.
"..But it was -my- toast!" Omi pouted more, oblivious to the redhead
standing in the doorway with a raised eyebrow. "I want it ba~ck!"
"…I'm afraid I can't exactly give it back, 'Mittchi!" Ken snickered.
"…Then I want payment! Payment, you hear?" Omi demanded again-He seemed to
be rather bossy this morning.
"Payment, hmm? Such as…?"
"I get to be se~me!" Omi grinned at Ken, then bounced out of the room-but
not before freezing to give Ran a large cheery smile.
"….HEY! Omi! Come back here!" Ken blinked. When had he agreed to that?
"Om-Oh, 'morning Aya.. Omi!" Ken followed the younger boy, obviously
oblivious to the fact that Ran had just heard Omis declaration.
By about the time he reached the stairs, he was forced to pause. He was
missing something, but what?
Looking back at the kitchen, he noticed Ran was still standing where he had
been, blinking thoughtfully. Brain cogs could be heard moving slowly, before
Ken gasped a little. Ran had been there during Omis declaration!
"Great…." Ken mumbled absently, heading up the stairs to find Omi.
"Absolutely wonderful…" He sat with Omi for a few minutes after telling him,
and having him snicker a bit.
"According to Yohji-kun, its true that he and Aya-kun are together, isn't it
sweet?" Omi smiled cheerfully.
"Yeah, I suppose…"
"I give Yohji-kun three minutes to get up here and start bugging you…" Omi
said, looking at the clock.
"Would Aya have really told him?"
"….I tell you everything, ne? Of course Aya-kun will!"
Sure enough, three minutes later, the door opened and Yohji stuck his head
in. "-So- Ken-ken! Chibis gonna be seme, huh?"
"Yohji…"
"That's great! Welcome to the uke club, Kenken!" Yohji snickered dashing
down the hall, quickly followed by Ken, while Omi was in a fit of laughter
on his bed.
As they ran through the living room, Ran didn't so much as flinch as the two
of them darted past, Ken with a rolled up newspaper in hand.
Life was back to normal in the Koneko no sumi ie.