A Knife In The Dark
It was a few days later, when Stoner led them up the great watchtower mountain of Weathertop, that disaster struck. Stoner had gone for a walk, leaving them with a few elvish blades in case any enemies came across their hideout. Frieda, completely bollocksed by the events that he had gone through since Dildo's party, had settled down to sleep. But when he woke up, he saw Sam, Very Merry and Pipe-in gathered around a large fire, cooking food.
"What are you doing?!" Frieda shouted, sitting up.
"Pork chops, sausages, nice crispy bacon!" Very Merry replied, stuffing his face.
"We saved some for you, Mr Frieda." Sam said, offering Frieda a bowl.
"I'm vegetarian, you wankers!" Frieda shouted. "Put it out, you fools! Put it out!" He stamped out the fire, causing an uproar between the other hobbits.
"Oh, that's nice! Ash on my tomatoes!"
"Just because you're vegetarian, doesn't mean you can spoil our dinner!"
Their argument was cut short by an earth-shattering scream. The Nazgul had seen their fire and heard their shouts and were now galloping up the mountain towards them.
"Shit!" Frieda cried, pulling out his sword. The others did the same. "RUN!"
They turned and ran through the cave, up the stone steps and into a large clearing, where there was no escape. (Quite stupid really. And not very good for health and safety reasons…)
Frieda gasped in horror as the nazgul closed in on them. They pushed the other hobbits aside and walked slowly towards Frieda who backed away in fear. Then he dropped his sword and ran, only to trip over and fall to the ground. (Stupid fat hobbit) Not knowing what else to do, he reached into his pocket and took out the Bong. One of the Nazgul slowly turned it's hooded head towards him, pulled out it's sword and ran to him. Frieda crawled away, terrified, until he was cornered. Just as the Nazgul leaned over him, raising his sword for the final blow, Frieda quickly skinned up and a protective cloud of smoke surrounded him, making it impossible for the Nazgul to see him. But through these clouds, Frieda saw the Nazguls in a new form. They were thin, white and ghostly apparations with bony, chiseled faces and rustic crowns perched on their skulls. The nearest one held out his bony hand, trying to take the Bong off Frieda. But Frieda drew his hand back and in anger, the Nazgul thrust his sword into Frieda's chest.
But then suddenly, a yell echoed throughout the mountain and before the Nazgul could turn properly to see who it was, Stoner sprang on them, weilding his sword and torch, attacking every Nazgul that approached him. While Stoner fought them off, Frieda struggled to stub out the spliff and when he finally did, the wound he had received finally kicked in and he screamed like hell.
"Frieda!" Sam cried, rushing to his side.
"Oh, Sam…" Frieda whispered.
Sam grinned from ear to ear at this affection and momentarily forgot Frieda's danger.
Meanwhile, Stoner had successfully managed to set all the wraiths on fire with the help of a 'little' lighter fluid. Once they were taken care of, Stoner also went to see how Frieda was doing.
"Help him, Stoner!" Sam said.
Stoner looked at the sword at Frieda's side. "He's been stabbed by a Skegness blade." The sword suddenly turned to ashes. "This is beyond my skill. He needs elvish medicine." He picked Frieda up and carried him back down the mountain. The others followed.
"We're six days from Rivenhell!" Sam protested. "He'll never make it!"
A few hours later, when they were deep in the forests, Sam brushed Frieda's cheek gently, pretending he was checking how he was doing.
"He,s- uh, he's going cold!"
"Is he going to die?" Pipe-in asked tearfully.
"He's passing into the shadow world." Stoner replied. "He'll soon became a wraith like them. Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?"
"Athelas?"
"Kingsfoil."
"Aye, Kingsfoil, sir. It's a weed."
"Go get some. We all need to chill out a bit."
So both Sam and Stoner set off into the forest in search of the plant. But just when Stoner had found some, he felt a dagger held to his throat and looked up.
"What's this?" The female voice above him said mockingly. "A Ranger caught off his guard?"