Disclaimer: We do not own The Matrix and we are not making money from this story. Like, really. Would you pay to read this?

A/N: We changed the format because fanfiction is really cracking down and we don't want to lose our reviews. We like the fuzzy feeling they produce. Also, we're aware of the fact that Trinity was not present at the time of Neo's interview with Morpheous. We just liked it that way. We also know that we mixed in bits from the latter two movies, which we don't own either. But enough: On with Chickens, Shiny Leather, and Hair Gel. Oh yes, please leave reviews, but no flames.

Chickens, Shiny Leather, and Hair Gel

Neo sat at his computer when the screen suddenly went blank and eerie green letters appeared on the screen.

Knock, knock, Neo. Someone is at your door.

Neo spun his chair to face the door. As he stared, a deep voice said from the other side, "Knock, knock, Neo."

He kicked his feet on the floor to make the chair spin and squealed gleefully, "Well, gee, whattaya know! Someone just knocked at my door!" He leapt up from the still moving chair with practised ease and flung open the door. Two people stood there, clad in black leather and inscrutable sunglasses. Undeterred by their dangerous appearance, Neo spoke, "You guys are good. Hey, are we playing a game?

The tall black man unclasped his hands and took a step forward, his leather creaking. "Just do as we say, Neo. Answer this question: Why did the chicken cross the road?"

The woman put a quelling hand on his arm. "Morpheous, you have to answer the Oracle's questions on your own. Don't involve him. Yet. Not until he's made his choice."

"That's it, Trinity! That's why the chicken crossed the road! It was its choice."

The woman turned her attention to Neo, looking at him from behind her glasses, which almost matched her leather for reflective qualities. "Neo, listen to me… It's okay to just say no."

"Say no to what?" Neo asked, confused.

Morpheous opened his hand to reveal two pills; one blue and one red.

Trinity answered as Neo stared at the capsules. "The pills, Neo. Really, do you know how much easier your life will be if you just say no? A lot easier, Neo. A lot."

Neo cocked his head. "Yeah, but they're so pretty. They look like Nyquil. How can you not want to swallow one?"

"Choose, Neo, choose," Morpheous urged.

"Hm. Eeny Meeny Miney Moe, catch a tiger by his toe…" Neo began.

Trinity turned to Morpheous and said in a disgusted undertone, "How can you think he's the One, Morpheous? He's doing eeny meeny miney moe, for god's sake."

"What's wrong with eeny meeny miney moe? I do it all the time!"

Trinity put her head in her hands.

"Hey, Neo," Morpheous said. "You get to wear a really cool coat if you join. See?" He twirled, swishing his coat expertly. That's why I joined. It's all about the clothes. Oh, and did I mention? Trin here wears those super shiny leathers all the time."

Neo looked up, his eyes going round. "Ooooh."

Trinity shot Morpheous an irritated look. "That information is not crucial to his decision."

"Yes it is! He was almost won over right there!" Morpheous argued, pointing to the contemplative Neo.

"I never really was into popping pills, but red is my favourite colour after black, so…" Neo shrugged.

"So…?" Morpheous echoed.

"Uh, do you have some water or something? I can't swallow it dry. Or how about a chewable?"

"Oh my god." Trinity put her head back in her hands.

"If you can struggle through swallowing a big red pill, you'll get to see how very striking you look in a long black coat," Morpheous said encouragingly. "And besides, who knows? Maybe Trinity will stop saying 'oh my god' long enough for you guys to fall in love and um, you know, feel… amorous."

"Oh my god," Trinity said, not bothering to look up.

Neo looked at her thoughtfully. "Well, you are kind of sexy, in a hair gel way. You like black leather, huh? What are your thoughts on handcuffs?"

She did look up. "Oh my GOD!"

"Well, the cops are after me here, so why not get away for a while? Okay, I'll take the pill."

Morpheous gave Neo the red pill. Neo popped it in his mouth and attempted to swallow it. He threw his head back, his throat working frantically. Trinity watched his Adam's apple bob with a detached fascination. When he began to gag, she stepped forward, rolling her eyes and sighing. She briskly administered the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Neo twitched and spat up the pill. He turned to look at Trinity with naked admiration.

"Give me some water!" he gasped enthusiastically. "I'm going to swallow that thing!" He shook his head, grabbed the glass of water that Morpheous offered, winked at Trinity, and took the red pill.

THE END