Dildo's Gifts
"My old sword, Thing. I love this sword, so if you don't bring it back I'll FUCKING KILL YOU!" Dildo said as he handed the blade to Frieda for his journey. "It plays 'Everybody Dance Now' when tourists are near. And it's times like that my lad, that you want to be extra careful… Now here's a pretty thing." Dildo lifted up a pearled suit of armour. "Mithril…"
"Oooh, is that that armour stuff that's as light as a feather but as hard as dragon scales?" Frieda asked.
"No," Dildo replied. "But it's great for clubbing. Let me see you put it on…"
Frieda nervously took off his shirt, glancing up at Dildo who was watching him keenly. As Frieda threw his shirt on the floor, the One Bong rolled out of his pocket and Frieda quickly picked it up.
It was too late though. Didlo had already seen it. "M-My old spliff!" He whispered, smiling faintly. "Oooh, I should very much like to smoke it again, one last time."
"Fuck off," said Frieda, stuffing the Bong back into his pocket.
"Rargggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dildo screeched. He pounced on Frieda and tried to take the spliff, but Frieda put up a good fight and managed to pin him to the floor.
Suddenly the door opened. "Mr Frieda, I thought you might like some-" Sam screamed in horror and dropped the packet of Sherbet Lemons to the floor. His precious Mr Frieda, topless and straddling his own uncle?! Had the world done a 180?
"Sam, I can explain!" Frieda protested, but Sam ran out of the room, crying his eyes out. "Shit," Frieda muttered. "Thanks a lot, Dildo, he would have put out as well!"
But Dildo wasn't paying attention, he was looking at the Sherbet Lemons, scattered all over the floor. "Anybody gonna eat those?" He asked.