The Pass Of Caradhras
And so, Ganja the Wizard, Frieda Leaf, Aroporn, Gimpli, Legohash, Borrow-mir, Very Merry, Pipe-in and…………. Sam made their way up the snowy slopes of the mountain Caradhras.
Frieda ran to catch up with Sam. "Please forgive me," he said quietly.
"Hmmm…let me see, NO."
"Oh come on, Sam! I said I'm sorry like a million times, what else do you want me to say?"
"How about 'I'm moving to Rohan, Sam'? 'I'm going to jump off this mountain, Sam'? Anything that'll cheer me up!"
"Fine!" Frieda replied firmly. "I WILL jump off the fucking mountain then!" He ran to the edge of the cliff and was just about to jump when…
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Sam leapt forward and pulled Frieda back, both them landed in a heap in the snow.
"I forgive you!" Sam whimpered. "I forgive you, just please don't do anything like that again!"
Frieda nodded and suddenly realised that the One Bong had fallen out of his pocket. He searched frantically in the snow for it, then turned around, just in time to see Borrow-mir pick it up, gazing at it in awe…
"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt…over so small a thing…" He lifted the spliff towards his lips and pulled a lighter out of his pocket with his other hand…
"Borrow-mir." Aroporn said firmly.
Borrow-mir snapped out of it and looked up.
"Give the Bong to Frieda…"
Borrow-mir looked at Frieda, then at Aroporn, then at the Bong in his hand. "As you wish," he said reluctantly, holding the Bong out to Freida, who snatched it back off him and stuffed it into his pocket. "I care not." He ruffled Frieda's hair, turned back round and carried on up the mountain.
Legohash somehow managed to walk on top of the snow, while everybody else had to force their way through it.
"Hey, Legohash, how do you walk on top of snow like that?" Asked Gimpli.
Legohash turned around and smirked. "It's called a diet. You should start one. Actually Gimpli, you should stop eating altogether, because when you don't eat, your body starts to eat itself, and if you stop eating for long enough, maybe your body will eat your ass…" He turned back round, leaving Gimpli and the hobbits looking shocked.
Very Merry made a buzzing noise. "Ouch, he's a stinger."
"Vain bastard…" Gimpli muttered.
"Legohash didn't hear that, but he did hear something else. "There is a fell voice in the air…" He said..
They all listened.
"For the last time, Ganja!" A deep voice boomed. "Give me back my PRUNE JUICE!!!!!!!"
"It's SARUCAN!!!!!"
Sarucan stood on the Pinnacle of Orthanc, bellowing out incantatons and spells on the mountain. Soon, a violent storm began and Aroporn was the first to wuss out. "This pass is too dangerous!" He yelled through the thunder. "Ganja! We must turn back!"
"No!"
"We could make for the gap of Rohan, and take the west road through my city!" Borrow-mir suggested.
"But the gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!"
"Oh, shut up, Aroporn! You just don't wanna go back ot Gondor because you're supposed to be King! And everybody will hate you because you abandoned them!"
"Shut up!"
"No you shut up, you loser!"
"Oh, whatever Madonna Wannabe!"
"Oh that is SO old, Aroporn!"
"SHUT UP!"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Leg waxer!"
"Eyebrow plucker!"
"Lady!"
"Tramp!"
"Both of you stop that!" Gimpli ordered. "If we cannot pass over the mountain, why not go under it?" Let us go through the Mines of Gore-ia."
'Gore-ia…'Ganja heard Sarucan's voice inside his head. 'You fear to go into those mines. The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the tunnels of Khazad-Dum…Shadow and flame…'
"Let the Bong Bearer decide…" Ganja said. "Frieda?"
"Erm…"
"You have three lifelines."
"Oh, ok, can I ask the audience?"
"Yup. Alright guys, what do you think?" Ganja asked, turning to the others. "Should we go over the happy little mountain and have fun playing in the snow, or shall we go through the dirty, dark old mines and probably never come out alive?"
Everybody, even Gimpli chose the mountain route. But Frieda was too stoned to care and said, "We will go through the mines."
Ganja sighed and took a long drag from his cigarette. "So be it."