The Mirror of Galadri-hell
Frieda woke up startled from a bad dream about Mother Theresa and severed thumbs that night, only to find Sam fast asleep with his head on Frieda's chest and his hand on his thigh. It was just too much for one hobbit too handle, he managed to push Sam off him and then went for a walk through L'oreal. He sat down at the top of a grassy slope and took the One Bong out of his pocket. He knew the Nazgul would never get him here, the borders of Lothl'oreal were well protected. So, he sparked up.
"You shouldn't smoke you know…" Galadri-hell said, appearing from nowhere and sitting down next to him. "It's not a nice hobbit." She laughed at her own joke and said, "Man, I kill myself." She cleared her throat with an air of seriousness and asked, "Will you look into the Mirror?"
"What will I see?"
Galadri-hell giggled. "Your reflection, jackass!" She laughed again. "No, seriously, even the wisest cannot tell. For the Mirror shows many things: things that were, things that are and some things that… erm… I forget. But my point is… erm… I forget that too. Just look in the Mirror, OK?"
"Why?"
"I don't know. Just do it, it's fun."
"Galadri-hell, have you been drinking again?"
Galadri-hell stood staring blankly into space for a while, her head swaying from side to side like a charmed snake. "Of course not, Rex." She replied.
"Who's Rex?"
Galadri-hell shrugged. "OK, here's the deal, you get to look into the Mirror, and see your entire future, if you give me your little friend's phone number…"
"Which friend's phone number?"
"Oh, you know, the blonde one, hangs around with you all the time."
"Sam?"
Galadri-hell nodded eagerly.
This time it was Frieda who laughed. "You fancy SAM? He would never go out with you!"
"Why not? How come he likes you but he doesn't like me?"
"Because I have a cock."
An awkward pause.
"Good point," Galadri-hell sighed. "But still… I had this feeling he was coming on to me and I just thought…"
"What about Celibate?"
"Who?"
"Your husband."
"Oh! No, Sam wasn't coming on to him…"
"No! I mean, why would you want Sam's number if you've already got a husband?"
"I think my husband's name should give you some clue. Jeez, I haven't had sex since like the First Age when me and Elbong got really drunk and- er… I'm gonna pretend I never said that."
"OK, I'll pretend I never heard it."
After another awkward pause, Frieda offered the spliff to Galadri-hell. "You wanna hit this shit?"
Galadri-hell looked shocked. "You offer it to me freely." She whispered. "I do not deny that my heart has longed greatly for this…"
"Don't they have drugs here in Lothl'oreal?"
Galadri-hell didn't hear him. To put it quite fankly, she turned into a big freaky ass monster thing and started screaming something about "In place of a dark lord, you would have a QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TRECHEROUS AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!"
Then she vomited violently all over the place and passed out on the floor.