If You Wannabe My Lover…
Frieda stood on the riverbank and looked out across the lake, then he looked down at the spliff in his hand and thought back to what he had said to Ganja in Gore-ia.
'I wish the Bong had never come to me... I wish none of this had happened…'
'So do all who live to see such times, Frieda, but that is not for them to decide. All we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us…'
(Actually folks, that's not what Ganja really said, is it? I believe his exact words were, "Yeah well, life's a bitch and then you marry one." But we'll let Frieda have his moment, yeah?)
So, inspired by these words (that were never really said), Frieda put the spliff back into his pocket, pushed one of the boats into the water and set off across the lake.
"NO, NO, NO!" A familiar voice shouted. "FRIEDA! Frieda!"
"No, Sam…" Frieda whispered as he rowed away.
But Sam determinedly began to wade through the water towards Frieda's boat.
"Go back, Sam! I'm going to Skegness alone!"
"Of course you are! And I'm coming with you!"
"That doesn't make sense you dumbass!"
Sam suddenly began to splash about like a great big idiot in the water.
"Sam, you can't swim!"
Obviously he couldn't because then Sam began to drown.
"SAM!"
Sam disappeared under the water. Frieda shrugged and continued rowing as if nothing had happened, as if his best friend and potential lover hadn't just drowned in a lake.
Sam suddenly emerged from the water. "Frieda?"
Frieda stopped rowing and turned his head. "Yes, Sam?"
"This is the part where your supposed to save me."
Frieda giggled. "Oh right…"
Sam disappeared under the water again and this time, Frieda reached into the water and pulled Sam back out. He pulled him aboard (nearly capsizing the boat in the process) and stared at him.
"You… stupid… bastard….Sam…" Frieda panted. "What the… hell…did…you do…that…for?"
"I made a prromise, Mr Frieda." Sam explained, spitting all over Frieda's face. "A prromise. Don't you lose him, Samwise Ganjaleaf. And I don't mean to… I don't mean to…"
"Oh Sam," Frieda smiled. "Giz a snog."
After a rather disgusting display of gay snoggosity from Frieda and Sam, Frieda took up the oars and said, "Come on, let's go."
They rowed to the other side of the lake and walked side by side through the wilderness. Then, they climbed up a rocky mountain and looked out at the mass of twisted roller coasters in the distance.
"Skegness…" Frieda sighed. "I hope the others find a safer route."
"Stoner'll look after them."
"I don't suppose we'll ever see them again."
"We may, Mr Frieda. We may…"
"Sam…" Frieda smiled and turned to his best friend. "I'm glad you're with me."
Sam grinned from ear to ear and as Frieda began to walk down the mountain, he watched Frieda's arse bounce as he walked and knew he was glad to be with him too…
TO BE CONTINUED.
(As soon as I get Two Towers on DVD…)