Disclaimer: All Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: the Series characters
belong to Joss Wheadon and Mutant Enemy. Like so many others, I'm just
playing in his sandbox.
Author's Notes: I heartily apologize to BloodyMiri, MadRog, Kantarya, and
all the other fic writers who helped inspire this story, and inspired the
various Buffys, Spikes, Willows, Xanders, Anyankas, and Taras who collide
in this mess I'm working on.
Author's Notes (2): And further, I'd like to apologize that these chapters
are so short, so far, and that it's so long between updates. I have to
upload these via a friend's computer, lacking internet capability at the
moment.
Without Shrimp, ch. 5
Sunnydale, 2000.
"Mom, what're you doing?"
"After I have that MRI, I'm seeing my lawyer about making a Will. If anything happens later on, I want you and Dawn to be okay." Just in case Dawn's warning came true anyway.
"Oh, god, Mom! I just realized! Where was the Tara from the future? And you? Where -" Then she knew. The other Buffy and Dawn, why they seemed to hover over Joyce so anxiously, as if she was going to disappear like a popped soap bubble. And why the future Willow got so pale when Tara showed up, late for the Scooby meeting.
The Magic Box
"So, I- I take it you k- kind of m- missed me?"
"Tara," Willow said, looking sadly over to her younger self, "You're the light in my life, you were my anchor when things went bad. You were the reason I straightened out after Rack addicted me to Dark Magiks, even if it was only because you left me because of my problem."
"I l- left you?"
"You had to. I was using magic too much, for the wrong reasons. Quick fixes, doing things that should have been done in their own time, at their own pace."
"Wait, magic isn't like a drug, how could we get addicted to it?" Younger Willow asked, worried sounding.
"As far as I can tell, Rack was somehow tainting the power, warping it to cause an addictive effect. And we never really needed the power he gave us anyway, except in our own minds. We brought Buffy back, we teleported a Hellgod against her will, we activated every single potential Slayer in existence into Slayerhood. Well, we had to tap into the magic of the Scythe of the Slayers for THAT."
"We're THAT powerful?"
"Willow, I told you, your power shines through your aura." Tara said with a smile. Then the smile faded. "Okay, so that's the good news. Now for the bad. Tell me, Willow, how much longer do we have? You're not that much older than MY Willow, but you look at me so sadly, and you're on the edge of crying. You never said that we broke up, so, when do I die?"
The redheaded wicca bowed her head, and the tears she'd been fighting spilled over. Tara reached across and pulled the older version of her lover to her.
"We- we have- two- two years! Two short years, and a stray bullet from Warren Mears, of all people, goes through our window, and-"
"NO!" The younger Willow screamed, and ran outside, also in tears.
Present day Willow stood up, about to go after 2000 Willow, when Tara laid her hand on present day Willow's wrist.
"No, Willow. This is something your other you needs to work out for yourself. The question is, now that she knows, will MY Willow have second thoughts about loving m- me now that we know that it isn't going to go anywhere?"
"Tara McKay, don't you EVER let me hear you say that about what we had! I love you with my entire being! And one more thing, (I don't remember if we have done this yet, your time, so bear with me), you are NOT a demon! That's just bull-crap your father fed you to keep you under his thumb! Heck, Spike proved it, when he punched you in the nose to check, and his chip definitely went off!"
"It did? I- I mean, it- it will?"
Willow smiled. "Yeah, baby, it did, and it will, if he ever does it, this time around." She reached over and held Tara (Warm, living, breathing Tara! Goddess, how I missed her!) close.
"I'm going to have to thank Spike, then, which is kind of funny, to thank someone for hitting you." Tara smiled. "But th- that's Sunnydale for you." Then she got a serious look on her face. "Willow, I have two questions I need to ask you. And no side-stepping or going all Avoid-y Willow on me. Promise?" Willow bit her lip nervously. She was afraid of where this might be going. "P-PROMISE, Willow?"
"o- okay, Tara.." Willow replied, studying her own shoes in seeming fascination.
"Goddess, I don't know which of these is the harder of the two to ask." Deep breath. "Okay. Did Warren eventually pay for murdering me? Did he go to jail?" Willow seemed to shrink in on herself. "Willow? He didn't go free did he? Did he escape, or something? Willow?"
"He- he didn't go to jail, Tara.. but he paid." Willow's voice was all but a whisper.
"Did Buffy? Or Spike? Did they?" She couldn't bring herself to say the words 'kill him'.
"i did"
No. She couldn't have heard that. Willow , her Willow, sweet, gentle Willow couldn't have..
"i killed warren mears, tara." Willow whispered. "i'm sorry if this hurts you, tara, but he deserved to die for hurt- killing you." Her voice began to regain strength as she kept talking. "He took away everything in my life that was innocent and good, and I know I had no right to do it, but Buffy wouldn't see past the fact that he was human, even if he was a murderer, and Spike was gone, so he couldn't do it, so I had to reach down into the darkest part of my soul, and-" Willow crumpled at Tara's feet, crying, knowing that Tara, sweet, gentle Tara, Dawnie's substitute Mom, could never forgive her for that.
Warm gentle arms wrapped around Willow's shoulders. Willow looked up into Tara's worried gaze. Honey scented lips brushed across her temple, the lightest of kisses.
"Willow, listen to me. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. You were hurting, grieving, and none of your friends could make it better, Buffy was refusing to help. Sometimes I think Xander's comic-book sensibilities rubbed off too much onto Buffy. BUT, " she said with a mommy-type glare, "You're right, what you did was wrong. We both know this. But I forgive you. I know I probably would have done..whatever it was you did to him, in your place, if he'd shot you, instead."
"I love you, Tara." Willow murmured into Tara's shoulder.
"Willow?" At the red head's murmured 'm-hmmm?', she whispered, "H- have .. is there anyone in your life now? If I'm not there, anymore, I don't want you to be alone. You have too much love to give, Willow. And no-one should be alone. I- is there someone?"
"Well, there..was someone. But Kennedy, well, I'm beginning to realize she's just a rebound kind of thing. She pretty much just shoved her way into my life, and she's so self-centered, and she's nothing at ALL like you. And I'm beginning to get So tired of all the fights."
"Are you sure, Willow? I mean, are you fighting with her just because she does things y'know, not like Tara would have done?" Tara asked.
"No, it's deeper than that. We just don't.. mesh as well."
Tara got quiet. Then she softly asked, "and Xander? Why not him. You still love him, I know, don't deny that."
"But- but Tara, hello? Gay now?" Willow asked, shocked that her lover would ask that. Then Tara began laughing, soft chuckles.
"Oh, Willow, sometimes you can be so innocent. Goddess, I love you. But Wills, that is the one thing you've said that I always had to fight laughing over. Sexuality doesn't work that way, my love, it's not like a switch you can flip, from straight to gay, like the power switch on your lap-top." She sat up, holding Willow by the shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. "I know you love me, Willow, I never, ever doubt that, but you loved Oz as much as you loved me, remember?" As Willow started to object, she continued. "Don't deny it, my Willow-tree, I was there for that, remember? I remember the struggle you made over the choice between Oz and me. You loved us both, equally, and you could have just as easily chosen him." Willow started to object, but Tara cut her off. "Don't deny it, Willow. And I know you love Xander. You told me about the whole Fluke incident, remember? If he hadn't ignored you all those years, you two would probably be together. And you'd probably be scoping out other girls at the mall, along with him, like you told me you used to secretly do back in High- School."
"See, Tara, gay!" Willow said, triumphantly.
"No, Willow, Bi. You're bisexual, not straight, not gay, you're Bi. You just feel that it's wrong to be in love with more than one person at a time, and you've subconsciously extended that to include perceptions of orientation as well. Buffy is studying psychology, too, right? She could have told you that, except she's trying to not psychoanalyze her friends."
"But-"
"Look, I'm not saying you and Xander need to jump into bed together, not right away, but once he stops mourning Anya, you and he might start to have feelings for each other once again. If you do, be honest with yourself, my love; don't cut yourself off from love because of some memory of me. I love you too much to want to see you alone needlessly."
Willow thought back to Xander's words atop Kingman's Bluff, when he stopped her from destroying the world. When the chips were down, he'd bared his very soul to her, and he'd meant every word he'd said. Including the four words that had stopped her in her tracks. 'I love you, Willow." When she'd come back from England, they'd steadfastly ignored the words, especially after Kennedy, but the words remained.
"Tara, I love you. I'll always love you. And I'm glad I finally got to make peace with, well, us. And losing us. I missed you, and I'll always miss you. But I think we need to go find YOUR Willow, before something happens to her."
"Okay." And the two walked to the door holding hands.
Ben walked out to his Jaguar, trying to ignore the feeling SHE wanted out again. Luckily, SHE was probably less likely, since it was raining, and SHE hated getting her hair wet. Glory. Glorificus, the Hell God he had to share his body with. It was only recently SHE'd been able to access enough power to transform his body into hers when she took over, before then, he'd though he was suffering from multiple personality disorder, or something.
He put his key into the lock, turned it, opened the door, then slid into the drivers seat. The car started, and he put the jag into reverse..
The explosion thundered across the wet hospital parking lot. Bits of burning metal and fiberglass rained down to the pavement.
And a blond-haired vampire slid the radio-controlled detonator back into the pocket on his duster. The chip had barely twinged at all, the trap had been laid hours before, and pressing a button had no intrinsically harmful connotation, when he wasn't directly pointing a weapon at someone, or physically attacking them.
"Sod the mercury switch. This was more satisfying." Spike lit his cigarette, and strolled off into the rainy night.
TBC
Without Shrimp, ch. 5
Sunnydale, 2000.
"Mom, what're you doing?"
"After I have that MRI, I'm seeing my lawyer about making a Will. If anything happens later on, I want you and Dawn to be okay." Just in case Dawn's warning came true anyway.
"Oh, god, Mom! I just realized! Where was the Tara from the future? And you? Where -" Then she knew. The other Buffy and Dawn, why they seemed to hover over Joyce so anxiously, as if she was going to disappear like a popped soap bubble. And why the future Willow got so pale when Tara showed up, late for the Scooby meeting.
The Magic Box
"So, I- I take it you k- kind of m- missed me?"
"Tara," Willow said, looking sadly over to her younger self, "You're the light in my life, you were my anchor when things went bad. You were the reason I straightened out after Rack addicted me to Dark Magiks, even if it was only because you left me because of my problem."
"I l- left you?"
"You had to. I was using magic too much, for the wrong reasons. Quick fixes, doing things that should have been done in their own time, at their own pace."
"Wait, magic isn't like a drug, how could we get addicted to it?" Younger Willow asked, worried sounding.
"As far as I can tell, Rack was somehow tainting the power, warping it to cause an addictive effect. And we never really needed the power he gave us anyway, except in our own minds. We brought Buffy back, we teleported a Hellgod against her will, we activated every single potential Slayer in existence into Slayerhood. Well, we had to tap into the magic of the Scythe of the Slayers for THAT."
"We're THAT powerful?"
"Willow, I told you, your power shines through your aura." Tara said with a smile. Then the smile faded. "Okay, so that's the good news. Now for the bad. Tell me, Willow, how much longer do we have? You're not that much older than MY Willow, but you look at me so sadly, and you're on the edge of crying. You never said that we broke up, so, when do I die?"
The redheaded wicca bowed her head, and the tears she'd been fighting spilled over. Tara reached across and pulled the older version of her lover to her.
"We- we have- two- two years! Two short years, and a stray bullet from Warren Mears, of all people, goes through our window, and-"
"NO!" The younger Willow screamed, and ran outside, also in tears.
Present day Willow stood up, about to go after 2000 Willow, when Tara laid her hand on present day Willow's wrist.
"No, Willow. This is something your other you needs to work out for yourself. The question is, now that she knows, will MY Willow have second thoughts about loving m- me now that we know that it isn't going to go anywhere?"
"Tara McKay, don't you EVER let me hear you say that about what we had! I love you with my entire being! And one more thing, (I don't remember if we have done this yet, your time, so bear with me), you are NOT a demon! That's just bull-crap your father fed you to keep you under his thumb! Heck, Spike proved it, when he punched you in the nose to check, and his chip definitely went off!"
"It did? I- I mean, it- it will?"
Willow smiled. "Yeah, baby, it did, and it will, if he ever does it, this time around." She reached over and held Tara (Warm, living, breathing Tara! Goddess, how I missed her!) close.
"I'm going to have to thank Spike, then, which is kind of funny, to thank someone for hitting you." Tara smiled. "But th- that's Sunnydale for you." Then she got a serious look on her face. "Willow, I have two questions I need to ask you. And no side-stepping or going all Avoid-y Willow on me. Promise?" Willow bit her lip nervously. She was afraid of where this might be going. "P-PROMISE, Willow?"
"o- okay, Tara.." Willow replied, studying her own shoes in seeming fascination.
"Goddess, I don't know which of these is the harder of the two to ask." Deep breath. "Okay. Did Warren eventually pay for murdering me? Did he go to jail?" Willow seemed to shrink in on herself. "Willow? He didn't go free did he? Did he escape, or something? Willow?"
"He- he didn't go to jail, Tara.. but he paid." Willow's voice was all but a whisper.
"Did Buffy? Or Spike? Did they?" She couldn't bring herself to say the words 'kill him'.
"i did"
No. She couldn't have heard that. Willow , her Willow, sweet, gentle Willow couldn't have..
"i killed warren mears, tara." Willow whispered. "i'm sorry if this hurts you, tara, but he deserved to die for hurt- killing you." Her voice began to regain strength as she kept talking. "He took away everything in my life that was innocent and good, and I know I had no right to do it, but Buffy wouldn't see past the fact that he was human, even if he was a murderer, and Spike was gone, so he couldn't do it, so I had to reach down into the darkest part of my soul, and-" Willow crumpled at Tara's feet, crying, knowing that Tara, sweet, gentle Tara, Dawnie's substitute Mom, could never forgive her for that.
Warm gentle arms wrapped around Willow's shoulders. Willow looked up into Tara's worried gaze. Honey scented lips brushed across her temple, the lightest of kisses.
"Willow, listen to me. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. You were hurting, grieving, and none of your friends could make it better, Buffy was refusing to help. Sometimes I think Xander's comic-book sensibilities rubbed off too much onto Buffy. BUT, " she said with a mommy-type glare, "You're right, what you did was wrong. We both know this. But I forgive you. I know I probably would have done..whatever it was you did to him, in your place, if he'd shot you, instead."
"I love you, Tara." Willow murmured into Tara's shoulder.
"Willow?" At the red head's murmured 'm-hmmm?', she whispered, "H- have .. is there anyone in your life now? If I'm not there, anymore, I don't want you to be alone. You have too much love to give, Willow. And no-one should be alone. I- is there someone?"
"Well, there..was someone. But Kennedy, well, I'm beginning to realize she's just a rebound kind of thing. She pretty much just shoved her way into my life, and she's so self-centered, and she's nothing at ALL like you. And I'm beginning to get So tired of all the fights."
"Are you sure, Willow? I mean, are you fighting with her just because she does things y'know, not like Tara would have done?" Tara asked.
"No, it's deeper than that. We just don't.. mesh as well."
Tara got quiet. Then she softly asked, "and Xander? Why not him. You still love him, I know, don't deny that."
"But- but Tara, hello? Gay now?" Willow asked, shocked that her lover would ask that. Then Tara began laughing, soft chuckles.
"Oh, Willow, sometimes you can be so innocent. Goddess, I love you. But Wills, that is the one thing you've said that I always had to fight laughing over. Sexuality doesn't work that way, my love, it's not like a switch you can flip, from straight to gay, like the power switch on your lap-top." She sat up, holding Willow by the shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. "I know you love me, Willow, I never, ever doubt that, but you loved Oz as much as you loved me, remember?" As Willow started to object, she continued. "Don't deny it, my Willow-tree, I was there for that, remember? I remember the struggle you made over the choice between Oz and me. You loved us both, equally, and you could have just as easily chosen him." Willow started to object, but Tara cut her off. "Don't deny it, Willow. And I know you love Xander. You told me about the whole Fluke incident, remember? If he hadn't ignored you all those years, you two would probably be together. And you'd probably be scoping out other girls at the mall, along with him, like you told me you used to secretly do back in High- School."
"See, Tara, gay!" Willow said, triumphantly.
"No, Willow, Bi. You're bisexual, not straight, not gay, you're Bi. You just feel that it's wrong to be in love with more than one person at a time, and you've subconsciously extended that to include perceptions of orientation as well. Buffy is studying psychology, too, right? She could have told you that, except she's trying to not psychoanalyze her friends."
"But-"
"Look, I'm not saying you and Xander need to jump into bed together, not right away, but once he stops mourning Anya, you and he might start to have feelings for each other once again. If you do, be honest with yourself, my love; don't cut yourself off from love because of some memory of me. I love you too much to want to see you alone needlessly."
Willow thought back to Xander's words atop Kingman's Bluff, when he stopped her from destroying the world. When the chips were down, he'd bared his very soul to her, and he'd meant every word he'd said. Including the four words that had stopped her in her tracks. 'I love you, Willow." When she'd come back from England, they'd steadfastly ignored the words, especially after Kennedy, but the words remained.
"Tara, I love you. I'll always love you. And I'm glad I finally got to make peace with, well, us. And losing us. I missed you, and I'll always miss you. But I think we need to go find YOUR Willow, before something happens to her."
"Okay." And the two walked to the door holding hands.
Ben walked out to his Jaguar, trying to ignore the feeling SHE wanted out again. Luckily, SHE was probably less likely, since it was raining, and SHE hated getting her hair wet. Glory. Glorificus, the Hell God he had to share his body with. It was only recently SHE'd been able to access enough power to transform his body into hers when she took over, before then, he'd though he was suffering from multiple personality disorder, or something.
He put his key into the lock, turned it, opened the door, then slid into the drivers seat. The car started, and he put the jag into reverse..
The explosion thundered across the wet hospital parking lot. Bits of burning metal and fiberglass rained down to the pavement.
And a blond-haired vampire slid the radio-controlled detonator back into the pocket on his duster. The chip had barely twinged at all, the trap had been laid hours before, and pressing a button had no intrinsically harmful connotation, when he wasn't directly pointing a weapon at someone, or physically attacking them.
"Sod the mercury switch. This was more satisfying." Spike lit his cigarette, and strolled off into the rainy night.
TBC