"All I Wanted", By Ryoubakurafan013
Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, I wouldn't be sitting here, writing this. I'd be putting all my little ideas into action inside the Yu-Gi-Oh world, and Ryou/Bakura would be the ULTIMATE PAIRING!!!
Warnings: NCS, people!! And thematic elements, I think they're called. Very in-character Mariku. (Yes, this means that the villain is still here, for those of you who were hoping for romance instead of angst.) Also, this entire chapter was written and edited while I was listening to the Yu-Gi- Oh! Soundtrack, so it might seem a little bit... weird, and not written in my usual style, (Usual meaning angst-ish with semi-happy chapter ending [sometimes happy].) so be warned.
Pairings: Semi-consensual Malik/Mariku, and sorta Ryou/Bakura.
A bit of a forewarning: I don't know a whole lot about the episodes when Malik has his "mental breakdown" at ten years old, so I may be unintentionally making some of this up. This is just how I think that my version of Mariku came to life.
*****Bakura's POV*****
Gods, sometimes I don't think that Malik knows he's being too kind. I can take care of myself, and Ryou, without his help. The only things that are preventing me from walking out and going back home are A - I can't walk in Ryou's body, and am not letting him out of the soul room any time soon; and B - Even if my/his back weren't so sore from the rape, I still don't know how we got here, and therefore have no idea where home is.
So, I'm just going to bite my tongue, put up with Malik's constant routines of checking in on me to make sure I have everything I need, and wait for Ryou's/my body to heal. Problem is, I haven't been known for patience. But practice makes perfect, or so they say.
In fact, there seem to be a lot of problems. For one, I don't completely trust Malik. I mean, he appears nice, but you can't tell by someone's outward attitude what they're really like on the inside. So naturally, I'm a bit worried. Plus, there's the fact that I can hear him laughing for no apparent reason, and that's just creepy. I'm thinking that he's a bit on the crazy side, not that I'm not. Maybe I should just stop being so apprehensive about the boy. I mean, Ryou has told me several times that Malik is his best friend, and they have shared a lot, I'm sure. I think that he knows more about my hikari than I do, which also scares me. But... could it be that I'm being a bit too overprotective?
I think it's safe to say that being overprotective is better than not protective enough.
But what's even scarier is the fact that Ryou has made his own soul room, and shut himself up inside of it. Sure, the door is wide open, but the inside of the room is like a storm. Long ago, when Ryou didn't know that he had his own soul room, I would go in there and sit, watching the fluffy white clouds move slowly across the pale blue sky, for this part of his mind was the most pure and innocent. But now, there are blood-red clouds, the sky is pitch-black, and an occasional bolt of lightning flashes in the haze. And there is fog; a thick, crimson miasma. And it really scares me.
I have the ability to read souls. Now I wish I didn't. I know what everything my light's soul room represents. Clouds symbolize the status of someone's soul. Ryou's is now lost in darkness. The lightning signifies that he is trying to find a light somewhere, but his soul cannot. The reason for this is the fog. The thick haze tells me that a part of Ryou is already dead. I'm guessing it's his non-physical heart, the one that enables you to love. This means that my hikari has no hope, and therefore a part of him has given up, while a part of him is still trying to find a way out of this. He's lost in his own soul room.
Being lost in your own soul room is definitely not a good thing. Sure, if you're lost in someone else's soul room, that's a different thing, but in your own? That's bad. That means you're slowly dying inside, and when that happens... I don't want to think about this anymore. So that's it; I'm going back in there and I'm going to find Ryou, no matter what.
*****Normal POV*****
Bakura's soul left his hikari's body and went into the Sennen Ring, in hopes of finding Ryou and bring him back out of the blackness that had become his soul room. At the same moment, our favorite blonde Egyptian came into the room to check up on said yami. "Must be asleep," he mused, peering down at Ryou's unconscious body amusedly. "Funny... I thought that I heard talking in here a few minutes ago. Though, he could've been talking in his sleep..." Malik shrugged.
"It certainly wouldn't surprise me."
Malik froze. "Wh-wh-what...?"
"I said, 'It certainly wouldn't surprise me'. Didn't you hear me the first time, hikari?"
The teen whipped around to face the intruder, and gasped. "What are you doing here?! I sent you to the Shadow Realm! You should be gone!!" he screamed, backing up into the bed as Mariku advanced towards him. This proved to be a bad thing on the hikari's part, for the dark one pushed the other down, effectively trapping his hands above his head with one hand, and tracing the outline of Malik's lips with a single finger on the other. "Please, don't do this... not here," the teen begged, squirming helplessly as his yami lay gently on top of him.
"Shh... I wouldn't think of doing it here, Malik. Not with Bakura here. We'll take this somewhere... where you can't be heard or seen." The spirit smiled wickedly, exposing his pearlescent teeth.
"Noooo..." Malik moaned in protest, struggling again. "Please... don't!"
"And why ever not?" Mariku questioned, letting Malik go, only to pick him up and heave him over his shoulder, much as one would do if they were carrying a large sack of potatoes. The hikari grunted as the wind was knocked out of him by the older's actions. "You've been a very bad boy. It took me forever to get out of the Shadow Realm this time." Mariku chuckled. "You sealed me in there nicely. Would've kept Bakura in there for a decade before he managed to get out. But I'm so much stronger, since I didn't have to spend five thousand years in the shadow realm." He threw his hikari down on a bed, in the bedroom opposite the one that Ryou's body lay unoccupied.
The teen frowned up at him, looking a bit frustrated. "But how did you get out??"
Mariku smirked again. "My dear Malik... you must know the answer to that question." He pinned Malik's arms above the hikari's head once again. "You created me, you know. You made me the way I am."
*****Malik's Flashback*****
Father hurt me. I knew that my time would come one day, and dreaded every day as it came, knowing that my tenth birthday would be coming soon. And today, it came, and went. I had no celebration - we've never really celebrated anything as it is - but today there wasn't even a "Happy birthday, dear," except from Rashid. But I'll bet he felt obligated to say it.
All this is far from the point. It's amazing that I can still think... The sleep that I got today, after Father hurt me, must've helped me, because I couldn't think straight earlier.
I can believe that my father would do this to me. I mean, I have read in fairy tales about little boys and girls that have very nice parents. But my mother died when I was three years of age, and Father has always been cruel to Isis and Rashid, though he doesn't hate them so much as just having a strong dislike for them. He hates me. And now, I do fear that I hate him as well.
Is it even my birthday anymore? I mean, I have no idea how long I've slept. Maybe it's early morning? I cannot tell, because we are all completely closed off from the outside world, with no connections to what's happening above us. We are underground. There is no way of knowing what hour it is, unless I look at the clock inside Father's study... but I am not about to go in there.
So, happy birthday to me, I guess. And what do I get for being ten? Ha, according to the tales I've read, little girls received candies for their birthdays, and by the age of ten, boys were rewarded with their first carving knife. Well, I certainly got a knife. But it wasn't in the way anyone else would've received it, and it still belongs to my father. Only now, it is covered with my blood, unless he has washed it since he hurt me so badly.
I'm afraid to turn over onto my back, because it may still be bleeding. Right now, there is only a very dull pain registered in my mind, but that doesn't mean that there isn't more than that. I have always been rather immune to being hurt, as it happens all the time. Father is abusive to me, but only when neither Isis nor Rashid are watching. If they were, they would probably try to stop him, and not respect him as much. My adoptive brother thinks he knows everything about me, but he does not.
But my supposed immunity disappeared when Father carved the hieroglyphics onto my back, the "prophecy of the pharaoh", as he has often called it. He thought that because his own father carved it into his back, that he should carve it into mine. But he is wrong, for there will be no pharaoh. That Yami person will not be coming in my lifetime, or in my children's lifetime, nor my grandchildren's. There will be no "return of the pharaoh". Not now, not ever. That prophecy thing is just a lot of nonsense. And because of this stupid belief among us Ishtars, I wish my father to be dead.
I have many wishes right now, wishes that, if I were another person, in another place, I wouldn't even think about. I wish that I could have someone to protect me; someone who, if my father or anyone else would try to kill him, would not die. I want him to look like me, but I don't want him to be as helpless as I've become. I want him to be strong, and I want him to come and save me, whenever I am in trouble.
I'm getting sleepy again. Must be the pain that I can't feel in my shut-off state of mind. So now, I shall close my eyes, and pray to the gods that my protector will come. Closing my eyes, I silently hope that Ra is listening to my pleas.
Now I am dreaming, but I don't really care. I look all around me, and see nothing but this dark void. There is a kind of purplish-silver mist all around, and I call out, and of course, I hear no echoing response, because there is nothing for my voice to reverberate off of. Nothing for miles, possibly for eternity. Just darkness, and this purple fog, and nothing else... wait.
In my dream, there is a hooded figure, standing solitary in the middle of the darkness and fog. He, or she, or possibly it, just appeared out of nowhere, but is now beckoning to me in some strange way. It's like he/she/it is calling out to me, except I cannot hear it. I can feel this call; it's an irresistible, nameless urge, and I have to go to this... thing. So I do.
{Come to me, Malik...}
I yelp and jump backwards, surprised. The "thing" talked! But it didn't speak as a normal human would; it asked the question inside my mind!
{Malik... do not be afraid of me. Come to me.}
I begin to back away, but the figure floats towards me, its arms outstretched as if to embrace me. "Who are you? What do you want with me?!" I turn and begin to run away from the thing.
{I only want to save you from your pain, Malik. Do not run from me.}
This makes me stop. "What do you know about my pain?" I ask, afraid to turn around and face the hooded creature.
{I know everything about you, Malik, for you created me. You cannot run from something that you yourself have created. You cannot make me go away, so why run from me? Instead, let me help you.}
I can feel its arms wrap around me, holding me. "NO! Please, leave me alone!" I jerk away and whirl around to face the dark figure, just as it lifts its hood up, revealing... a face that looks just like mine! Well, not exactly like mine, I guess; but he has very similar features to mine. His skin is as dark, his hair as golden, and his eyes as violet as mine, but he also looks much older than I-fifteen, perhaps. Wait a minute... Why am I even thinking about this?! Am I or am I not supposed to be running from him?
The strange thing is... I don't want to run anymore...
I'm caught in between fear and delight. Could Ra have answered my prayer to him? Might this man be my protector? Only one way to know... "Who are you?" I ask him once again.
{I am the darkness that exists deep within your mind. When your soul cried for help, I was born. And so, it seems Ra has answered your prayers.}
His arms wrap around me once more, and I close my eyes tightly, refusing to cry. My back hurts again... "Sleep now, child, and let me take care of what needs to be done." I barely register his actual voice, as I am suddenly overcome by sleep, reality drifting away...
*****Normal POV*****
Malik shut his eyes in defeat. "I know... I made you strong, practically invincible... Do as you please. There isn't anything I can do to stop this."
"That's what I wanted to hear," Mariku murmured into his hikari's ear, as clothing was taken from both of them and thrown to the floor without care.
*****Ryou's POV*****
It's so dark in here, so cold. What I wouldn't give to see the sunlight right about now... Sure, there's all this lightning, but it isn't the kind of light that I'd like to see. And there's all this red smog. It's making me choke... ugh.
I'm huddled up in a corner, naked and cold, so much that I can hardly feel my whole body. Shivering, I try to stand, but it's as if I don't have the will anymore. Before this, I had been walking around, hopelessly trying to find my way out of wherever it is that I am. But I have given up; there is no way out.
Now, I can't even remember anything about my life before. All I can think of is how long I've been stuck here - it seems as if I've been here forever. I know that's not really true, but I'm almost ready to believe it...
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After-notes: Aww, I'm sorry it had to end there. And that this took so long... I was dragged off to Alabama for a week and a half with my family, and then I created a new screen name on AOL, so that I had to copy and paste every single place from my favorite's list on the other account. But now, I'm back, and there will be more frequent updates on this.
One more thing... Please go check out a fic that I've had the utmost privilege to beta. It's called "Angel Dust" and is also Ryou/Bakura angst, written by one of my very best friends, who got me interested in writing fanfiction. It would mean a lot to the both of us if you would read the first two chapters that she has out and leave a review! Thank you in advance!
Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, I wouldn't be sitting here, writing this. I'd be putting all my little ideas into action inside the Yu-Gi-Oh world, and Ryou/Bakura would be the ULTIMATE PAIRING!!!
Warnings: NCS, people!! And thematic elements, I think they're called. Very in-character Mariku. (Yes, this means that the villain is still here, for those of you who were hoping for romance instead of angst.) Also, this entire chapter was written and edited while I was listening to the Yu-Gi- Oh! Soundtrack, so it might seem a little bit... weird, and not written in my usual style, (Usual meaning angst-ish with semi-happy chapter ending [sometimes happy].) so be warned.
Pairings: Semi-consensual Malik/Mariku, and sorta Ryou/Bakura.
A bit of a forewarning: I don't know a whole lot about the episodes when Malik has his "mental breakdown" at ten years old, so I may be unintentionally making some of this up. This is just how I think that my version of Mariku came to life.
*****Bakura's POV*****
Gods, sometimes I don't think that Malik knows he's being too kind. I can take care of myself, and Ryou, without his help. The only things that are preventing me from walking out and going back home are A - I can't walk in Ryou's body, and am not letting him out of the soul room any time soon; and B - Even if my/his back weren't so sore from the rape, I still don't know how we got here, and therefore have no idea where home is.
So, I'm just going to bite my tongue, put up with Malik's constant routines of checking in on me to make sure I have everything I need, and wait for Ryou's/my body to heal. Problem is, I haven't been known for patience. But practice makes perfect, or so they say.
In fact, there seem to be a lot of problems. For one, I don't completely trust Malik. I mean, he appears nice, but you can't tell by someone's outward attitude what they're really like on the inside. So naturally, I'm a bit worried. Plus, there's the fact that I can hear him laughing for no apparent reason, and that's just creepy. I'm thinking that he's a bit on the crazy side, not that I'm not. Maybe I should just stop being so apprehensive about the boy. I mean, Ryou has told me several times that Malik is his best friend, and they have shared a lot, I'm sure. I think that he knows more about my hikari than I do, which also scares me. But... could it be that I'm being a bit too overprotective?
I think it's safe to say that being overprotective is better than not protective enough.
But what's even scarier is the fact that Ryou has made his own soul room, and shut himself up inside of it. Sure, the door is wide open, but the inside of the room is like a storm. Long ago, when Ryou didn't know that he had his own soul room, I would go in there and sit, watching the fluffy white clouds move slowly across the pale blue sky, for this part of his mind was the most pure and innocent. But now, there are blood-red clouds, the sky is pitch-black, and an occasional bolt of lightning flashes in the haze. And there is fog; a thick, crimson miasma. And it really scares me.
I have the ability to read souls. Now I wish I didn't. I know what everything my light's soul room represents. Clouds symbolize the status of someone's soul. Ryou's is now lost in darkness. The lightning signifies that he is trying to find a light somewhere, but his soul cannot. The reason for this is the fog. The thick haze tells me that a part of Ryou is already dead. I'm guessing it's his non-physical heart, the one that enables you to love. This means that my hikari has no hope, and therefore a part of him has given up, while a part of him is still trying to find a way out of this. He's lost in his own soul room.
Being lost in your own soul room is definitely not a good thing. Sure, if you're lost in someone else's soul room, that's a different thing, but in your own? That's bad. That means you're slowly dying inside, and when that happens... I don't want to think about this anymore. So that's it; I'm going back in there and I'm going to find Ryou, no matter what.
*****Normal POV*****
Bakura's soul left his hikari's body and went into the Sennen Ring, in hopes of finding Ryou and bring him back out of the blackness that had become his soul room. At the same moment, our favorite blonde Egyptian came into the room to check up on said yami. "Must be asleep," he mused, peering down at Ryou's unconscious body amusedly. "Funny... I thought that I heard talking in here a few minutes ago. Though, he could've been talking in his sleep..." Malik shrugged.
"It certainly wouldn't surprise me."
Malik froze. "Wh-wh-what...?"
"I said, 'It certainly wouldn't surprise me'. Didn't you hear me the first time, hikari?"
The teen whipped around to face the intruder, and gasped. "What are you doing here?! I sent you to the Shadow Realm! You should be gone!!" he screamed, backing up into the bed as Mariku advanced towards him. This proved to be a bad thing on the hikari's part, for the dark one pushed the other down, effectively trapping his hands above his head with one hand, and tracing the outline of Malik's lips with a single finger on the other. "Please, don't do this... not here," the teen begged, squirming helplessly as his yami lay gently on top of him.
"Shh... I wouldn't think of doing it here, Malik. Not with Bakura here. We'll take this somewhere... where you can't be heard or seen." The spirit smiled wickedly, exposing his pearlescent teeth.
"Noooo..." Malik moaned in protest, struggling again. "Please... don't!"
"And why ever not?" Mariku questioned, letting Malik go, only to pick him up and heave him over his shoulder, much as one would do if they were carrying a large sack of potatoes. The hikari grunted as the wind was knocked out of him by the older's actions. "You've been a very bad boy. It took me forever to get out of the Shadow Realm this time." Mariku chuckled. "You sealed me in there nicely. Would've kept Bakura in there for a decade before he managed to get out. But I'm so much stronger, since I didn't have to spend five thousand years in the shadow realm." He threw his hikari down on a bed, in the bedroom opposite the one that Ryou's body lay unoccupied.
The teen frowned up at him, looking a bit frustrated. "But how did you get out??"
Mariku smirked again. "My dear Malik... you must know the answer to that question." He pinned Malik's arms above the hikari's head once again. "You created me, you know. You made me the way I am."
*****Malik's Flashback*****
Father hurt me. I knew that my time would come one day, and dreaded every day as it came, knowing that my tenth birthday would be coming soon. And today, it came, and went. I had no celebration - we've never really celebrated anything as it is - but today there wasn't even a "Happy birthday, dear," except from Rashid. But I'll bet he felt obligated to say it.
All this is far from the point. It's amazing that I can still think... The sleep that I got today, after Father hurt me, must've helped me, because I couldn't think straight earlier.
I can believe that my father would do this to me. I mean, I have read in fairy tales about little boys and girls that have very nice parents. But my mother died when I was three years of age, and Father has always been cruel to Isis and Rashid, though he doesn't hate them so much as just having a strong dislike for them. He hates me. And now, I do fear that I hate him as well.
Is it even my birthday anymore? I mean, I have no idea how long I've slept. Maybe it's early morning? I cannot tell, because we are all completely closed off from the outside world, with no connections to what's happening above us. We are underground. There is no way of knowing what hour it is, unless I look at the clock inside Father's study... but I am not about to go in there.
So, happy birthday to me, I guess. And what do I get for being ten? Ha, according to the tales I've read, little girls received candies for their birthdays, and by the age of ten, boys were rewarded with their first carving knife. Well, I certainly got a knife. But it wasn't in the way anyone else would've received it, and it still belongs to my father. Only now, it is covered with my blood, unless he has washed it since he hurt me so badly.
I'm afraid to turn over onto my back, because it may still be bleeding. Right now, there is only a very dull pain registered in my mind, but that doesn't mean that there isn't more than that. I have always been rather immune to being hurt, as it happens all the time. Father is abusive to me, but only when neither Isis nor Rashid are watching. If they were, they would probably try to stop him, and not respect him as much. My adoptive brother thinks he knows everything about me, but he does not.
But my supposed immunity disappeared when Father carved the hieroglyphics onto my back, the "prophecy of the pharaoh", as he has often called it. He thought that because his own father carved it into his back, that he should carve it into mine. But he is wrong, for there will be no pharaoh. That Yami person will not be coming in my lifetime, or in my children's lifetime, nor my grandchildren's. There will be no "return of the pharaoh". Not now, not ever. That prophecy thing is just a lot of nonsense. And because of this stupid belief among us Ishtars, I wish my father to be dead.
I have many wishes right now, wishes that, if I were another person, in another place, I wouldn't even think about. I wish that I could have someone to protect me; someone who, if my father or anyone else would try to kill him, would not die. I want him to look like me, but I don't want him to be as helpless as I've become. I want him to be strong, and I want him to come and save me, whenever I am in trouble.
I'm getting sleepy again. Must be the pain that I can't feel in my shut-off state of mind. So now, I shall close my eyes, and pray to the gods that my protector will come. Closing my eyes, I silently hope that Ra is listening to my pleas.
Now I am dreaming, but I don't really care. I look all around me, and see nothing but this dark void. There is a kind of purplish-silver mist all around, and I call out, and of course, I hear no echoing response, because there is nothing for my voice to reverberate off of. Nothing for miles, possibly for eternity. Just darkness, and this purple fog, and nothing else... wait.
In my dream, there is a hooded figure, standing solitary in the middle of the darkness and fog. He, or she, or possibly it, just appeared out of nowhere, but is now beckoning to me in some strange way. It's like he/she/it is calling out to me, except I cannot hear it. I can feel this call; it's an irresistible, nameless urge, and I have to go to this... thing. So I do.
{Come to me, Malik...}
I yelp and jump backwards, surprised. The "thing" talked! But it didn't speak as a normal human would; it asked the question inside my mind!
{Malik... do not be afraid of me. Come to me.}
I begin to back away, but the figure floats towards me, its arms outstretched as if to embrace me. "Who are you? What do you want with me?!" I turn and begin to run away from the thing.
{I only want to save you from your pain, Malik. Do not run from me.}
This makes me stop. "What do you know about my pain?" I ask, afraid to turn around and face the hooded creature.
{I know everything about you, Malik, for you created me. You cannot run from something that you yourself have created. You cannot make me go away, so why run from me? Instead, let me help you.}
I can feel its arms wrap around me, holding me. "NO! Please, leave me alone!" I jerk away and whirl around to face the dark figure, just as it lifts its hood up, revealing... a face that looks just like mine! Well, not exactly like mine, I guess; but he has very similar features to mine. His skin is as dark, his hair as golden, and his eyes as violet as mine, but he also looks much older than I-fifteen, perhaps. Wait a minute... Why am I even thinking about this?! Am I or am I not supposed to be running from him?
The strange thing is... I don't want to run anymore...
I'm caught in between fear and delight. Could Ra have answered my prayer to him? Might this man be my protector? Only one way to know... "Who are you?" I ask him once again.
{I am the darkness that exists deep within your mind. When your soul cried for help, I was born. And so, it seems Ra has answered your prayers.}
His arms wrap around me once more, and I close my eyes tightly, refusing to cry. My back hurts again... "Sleep now, child, and let me take care of what needs to be done." I barely register his actual voice, as I am suddenly overcome by sleep, reality drifting away...
*****Normal POV*****
Malik shut his eyes in defeat. "I know... I made you strong, practically invincible... Do as you please. There isn't anything I can do to stop this."
"That's what I wanted to hear," Mariku murmured into his hikari's ear, as clothing was taken from both of them and thrown to the floor without care.
*****Ryou's POV*****
It's so dark in here, so cold. What I wouldn't give to see the sunlight right about now... Sure, there's all this lightning, but it isn't the kind of light that I'd like to see. And there's all this red smog. It's making me choke... ugh.
I'm huddled up in a corner, naked and cold, so much that I can hardly feel my whole body. Shivering, I try to stand, but it's as if I don't have the will anymore. Before this, I had been walking around, hopelessly trying to find my way out of wherever it is that I am. But I have given up; there is no way out.
Now, I can't even remember anything about my life before. All I can think of is how long I've been stuck here - it seems as if I've been here forever. I know that's not really true, but I'm almost ready to believe it...
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After-notes: Aww, I'm sorry it had to end there. And that this took so long... I was dragged off to Alabama for a week and a half with my family, and then I created a new screen name on AOL, so that I had to copy and paste every single place from my favorite's list on the other account. But now, I'm back, and there will be more frequent updates on this.
One more thing... Please go check out a fic that I've had the utmost privilege to beta. It's called "Angel Dust" and is also Ryou/Bakura angst, written by one of my very best friends, who got me interested in writing fanfiction. It would mean a lot to the both of us if you would read the first two chapters that she has out and leave a review! Thank you in advance!