He sat up straight in bed, and rubbed his eyes trying to wipe away the images left on his mind's eye. He kicked the tangled sheets of his legs, and cursed out loud, "God dammit!"
It had been over a week since the accident, and things had been slowly getting back to normal. But, at night when I'm alone the images flooded back. They usually didn't come until I'm deep into sleep. The time when I'm usually dreaming about things like girls on trampolines or saving someone's life. It's like someone takes over my mind, and throws back in time. It usually started out the same. I'm working on a young couple with Kim when I hear Lt. Johnson yell to Taylor. "She's such a pain in the ass," I think to himself when I heard Johnson tell Alex for the umpteenth time to get off the car.
Then there would be that loud noise, which always came first. That sound that gives me chicken skin. Almost like a crack of thunder, only more powerful. Everything moved in slow motion, I feel a blast of heat of the side of my face and I turn to see what was going on. I see her small body fly into the air; I see the flames shooting all over the place. Then that thump... that was the worst. I hear it once, and then again. Her body hitting the cement full force, not once but twice. First her torso, then her legs.
We all ran towards her, and stopped when we got closer to her, she laying there in two. Her piercing blue eyes looked up at her group of friends. She looks at all our faces, I guess she's looking for someone's face to tell her she's Ok. "How am I do?" she usually asks. I stand there looking at for what feels like forever when I realize, no one else is going to do anything. I bend down, and take her hand in mind; I don't remember what I say. Her eyes meet mine, and she focuses in on me. She knew how she was doing, and she knew she was going to die. For some reason, she picks me... not Ty, or Kim. She tells me, "Tell my mother it didn't hurt." She trusted me with her dying words.
It usually goes like that. Sometime it changes. Sometimes, I know what's going to happen before it does. I yell at her to get off the car, and I yell at Lt Johnson to move out of the way. "Get off the damn car Alex!" But, she never listens and Lt. Johnson never hears me. The other night I climbed on the car to pull her off, I tried to save her. But, the car exploded still. She still died. It's like no matter what I do, I can't save her. Sometimes I don't bend down, and reach for her hand. I stand there, and she yells at us "Why aren't you doing anything?"
Three dreams are enough for tonight I decide. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and look over at the clock. 4 in the morning, that's an hour more then last night. I walk out into living, and flop onto the couch. I turn on the TV, making sure the volume is low enough not to wake up Ty. I settle on watching a rerun on Nick at Nite. Cheers comes on,
"You wanna go where everybody knows your name,
You wanna go to where people know people are all the same,
You wanna go where everyone knows your name,"
Ted Danson is fighting Shelley Long over something. I start to think more about that night, not about the accident but about everything. When Jerry was shot, I was so jealous. Everyone came together, like a family. And I wanted to be part of them, but I wasn't. I was on the outside looking in. Then Bobby, when Bobby died things were a little different. I felt bad, but I didn't cry. Everyone sat around at the house talking about Bobby the next few days, and there I was again... on the outside looking in. Alex made things different, when she looked at me and trusted me with her last words I felt like I belonged. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a family. Tears, which were pretty much foreign to my body until a week ago, began to flood my eyes. I'm sure why I was crying. Am I crying for Alex, or crying for myself?
I heard Ty's door slide open,
"What are you doing up?" he asks.
I struggle to make up some excuse, "Uh, I had some bad Mexican for dinner. Kim was craving a triple bean burrito, so now I have heartburn. She knows that place gives my heartburn."
"Oh," Ty responses, I hope it buys it. "What are you watching?" he says sitting down next to me. I guess he didn't buy it.
"Cheers," I answer, "Diane is such a bitch."
We sit there in silence for the rest of the night. I never ask Ty what he was doing up, but sometimes when I wake up and he's already out here on the couch. I think he has the same dreams. I think we all do.
It had been over a week since the accident, and things had been slowly getting back to normal. But, at night when I'm alone the images flooded back. They usually didn't come until I'm deep into sleep. The time when I'm usually dreaming about things like girls on trampolines or saving someone's life. It's like someone takes over my mind, and throws back in time. It usually started out the same. I'm working on a young couple with Kim when I hear Lt. Johnson yell to Taylor. "She's such a pain in the ass," I think to himself when I heard Johnson tell Alex for the umpteenth time to get off the car.
Then there would be that loud noise, which always came first. That sound that gives me chicken skin. Almost like a crack of thunder, only more powerful. Everything moved in slow motion, I feel a blast of heat of the side of my face and I turn to see what was going on. I see her small body fly into the air; I see the flames shooting all over the place. Then that thump... that was the worst. I hear it once, and then again. Her body hitting the cement full force, not once but twice. First her torso, then her legs.
We all ran towards her, and stopped when we got closer to her, she laying there in two. Her piercing blue eyes looked up at her group of friends. She looks at all our faces, I guess she's looking for someone's face to tell her she's Ok. "How am I do?" she usually asks. I stand there looking at for what feels like forever when I realize, no one else is going to do anything. I bend down, and take her hand in mind; I don't remember what I say. Her eyes meet mine, and she focuses in on me. She knew how she was doing, and she knew she was going to die. For some reason, she picks me... not Ty, or Kim. She tells me, "Tell my mother it didn't hurt." She trusted me with her dying words.
It usually goes like that. Sometime it changes. Sometimes, I know what's going to happen before it does. I yell at her to get off the car, and I yell at Lt Johnson to move out of the way. "Get off the damn car Alex!" But, she never listens and Lt. Johnson never hears me. The other night I climbed on the car to pull her off, I tried to save her. But, the car exploded still. She still died. It's like no matter what I do, I can't save her. Sometimes I don't bend down, and reach for her hand. I stand there, and she yells at us "Why aren't you doing anything?"
Three dreams are enough for tonight I decide. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and look over at the clock. 4 in the morning, that's an hour more then last night. I walk out into living, and flop onto the couch. I turn on the TV, making sure the volume is low enough not to wake up Ty. I settle on watching a rerun on Nick at Nite. Cheers comes on,
"You wanna go where everybody knows your name,
You wanna go to where people know people are all the same,
You wanna go where everyone knows your name,"
Ted Danson is fighting Shelley Long over something. I start to think more about that night, not about the accident but about everything. When Jerry was shot, I was so jealous. Everyone came together, like a family. And I wanted to be part of them, but I wasn't. I was on the outside looking in. Then Bobby, when Bobby died things were a little different. I felt bad, but I didn't cry. Everyone sat around at the house talking about Bobby the next few days, and there I was again... on the outside looking in. Alex made things different, when she looked at me and trusted me with her last words I felt like I belonged. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a family. Tears, which were pretty much foreign to my body until a week ago, began to flood my eyes. I'm sure why I was crying. Am I crying for Alex, or crying for myself?
I heard Ty's door slide open,
"What are you doing up?" he asks.
I struggle to make up some excuse, "Uh, I had some bad Mexican for dinner. Kim was craving a triple bean burrito, so now I have heartburn. She knows that place gives my heartburn."
"Oh," Ty responses, I hope it buys it. "What are you watching?" he says sitting down next to me. I guess he didn't buy it.
"Cheers," I answer, "Diane is such a bitch."
We sit there in silence for the rest of the night. I never ask Ty what he was doing up, but sometimes when I wake up and he's already out here on the couch. I think he has the same dreams. I think we all do.