Harry sat on his bed. He had been sitting there for quite a while now, only getting up to open the window for Hedwig from her nightly outings. He was looking at the photo album that Hagrid had given him four years ago. It was flipped to the picture of his parents' wedding, including Sirius himself. There he was, laughing, oblivious to the fact that soon, his best friend would die, that he would be sent to Azkaban because of a friend's betrayal, that his life would end……………
Harry closed his eyes as they started to fill up, yet again, with tears.
Get a grip, he told himself. Sirius wouldn't have wanted you to be all sad and moody, he would have wanted you to be happy and proud.
But Sirius isn't here anymore, is he? A small voice inside Harry's head answered. No, he's dead. Gone. Swept away with the wind. For you. He died for you're miserable life. Because he cared. Did you ever care? No, you didn't want him to come to Hogsmede, you didn't get to spend any "last-minute" time with him, didn't you realize that he wouldn't get caught? He's not stupid! Or………he wasn't………
Why Sirius? Why not someone else? Why couldn't the curse have missed Sirius, and hit, well, Alistor Moody for all he cared. But it had to be Sirius, the one person who acted as a parent to Harry. The one person that Harry cared about the most, maybe even more than Ron and Hermione.
So many things could have happened to change it, so many…………If only Harry had discovered the two-way mirror beforehand. Why hadn't he at least opened it to see what it was? How could he have forgotten about it so easily? Or if he had called louder for Sirius at the Black house. What if Harry had let Dolohov fire the spell at Sirius? He'd be hurt, but not dead! It was all his fault. Harry's. Not Dumbledore's, but Harry's. He should have known that Sirius wouldn't be stupid enough to leave the house and be captured by Voldemort. Didn't everyone say that he and James Potter were the cleverest students?
Why hadn't he listened to Hermione? She was right………she's always right. If he, Harry, had practiced Occlumency every night, and whenever he could, Sirius would still be alive, because Harry wouldn't have had that stupid dream about Voldemort torturing Sirius. He should have been nicer to Kreacher. Hermione was right yet again. If Harry was nicer to Kreacher, than Kreacher would have appreciated him more, wouldn't he? And he might've told Harry the truth, or not have gone to the Malfoy's at all!
Harry jumped as Hedwig suddenly flew to his shoulder and gave a soft hoot. He stroked her softly, and sighed.
"You're lucky, Hedwig," He told her. "You have nothing in you're life to worry about. You're free. You have absolutely no worries in you're life."
I'm not so lucky, Harry thought. I'm trapped. Trapped by guilt, but not unfair guilt. Trapped by emotions, but not just any emotions. It was agony, and anger. Anger at Bellatrix Lestrange for being so evil as to take something so good from Harry's life, and at Sirius himself, for leaving Harry. But deep down, Harry knew that it was not Sirius' fault. He would get back at Bellatrix, wait and see………
Hedwig nipped at Harry's nose softly, and made to leave again.
"Wait, don't go yet. I have a letter to send."
Hedwig looked a little annoyed for being delayed, but stayed.
Harry took a piece of paper and wrote:
Ron,
I hope that this dosen't sound too rude to your mum, but is it okay for me to come over to the Burrow sooner than usual? I'm feeling a little cramped up here at the Dursley's. Thanks, and I'll see you soon.
Harry
Harry folded the paper up, and gave it to Hedwig. He hoped that Ron knew that "cramped up" meant that he felt alone, with no one to confide in about his feelings.
"It's for Ron," he told her.
She lifted her wings and soared, once again, out into the deep blue night sky.
And he was alone again. With nothing but grief for company.
Harry stared at the picture again, Sirius was still laughing.
It was all his fault.
Sirius wouldn't have wanted him to cry, but still, and tears came.
~*~
Okay, I hope that was good in a few of your eyes, lol. Anyways, I was soooo sad when J.K. Rowling took him away!!! But in some interview, I heard that she was crying too, and said that she "HAD TO" so, we'll see in the next book! Lol. I can't wait for it to come out!! Anyways, please review! AND CHECK BACK because I'll be updating!! :-D