A/N: Okay, I had this all published, but I didn't get any reviews! :-( Well, I think that it might be because when this was published, only the first chapter came out, and that was all the boring stuff about my little "comments" for readers before they started to read the thing. Lol. Anyways, I'll keep on writing, because with readers or not, I want to finish this story. So, here's Lupin!
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Remus Lupin ~ Howl at the MoonRemus paced in circle in his room. He had just read Hermione's letter. Remus knew that Hermione was right in a way, but she also just didn't understand the pain that he felt, or, he was sure, that Harry felt. Yes, it was true that if Remus and Harry tried to cope with their pain together, it would help.
But their pain was different.
Remus had lost his best friend, his last friend. James, gone. Peter, gone as a traitor. Now Sirius departed. He was the last one standing. And he was scared. What if he, too, was to go? He knew that the prospect of seeing his old friends would be great, but still, you can't help but to be scared of death.
And Harry? Harry had lost what was more like a parent. Sure, he and Sirius were friends, but in a more loving manner. A father-and-son manner. Sirius was the father Harry never had, and Harry was a replica of James. And Sirius was reminded of his best friend.
Sometimes, Remus felt jealous. Jealous that James and Sirius were so close, but that he did not have such a close friend. Sure, they included him in everything, they were worried about him when he disappeared every full moon, and they even took a huge risk in becoming and Animagus. But still, James and Sirius were closer than they were with Remus.
After James died, this feeling changed. Remus felt guilty for even wishing that one of them would be closer with him. But that feeling lasted only a few hours. The next day, he started believing the lie about Sirius being responsible. After Sirius was found innocent, Remus felt sorry. Sorry that Sirius had to suffer so much. He became even sorrier after Sirius died.
For it was his fault.
Remus was the person who did not persuade Sirius to stay at the Black house. Sirius protested once and Remus gave in. He shouldn't have. He should have made Sirius stay. But he didn't. Sirius was lost, because of him.
Sometimes, Remus felt so guilty that it almost felt like it was he, Remus, who had shot the curse at Sirius, causing him to fall through the veil. Although that wasn't true, Remus could not help feeling like that. He could not make the feeling of an empty, bottomless hole in his stomache go away. The feeling of grief, guilt, and anger. Grief at Sirius dying, guilt at being part of the reason, and anger at Bellatrix Lestrange, for being the whole reason.
Remus did not know how to reply to Hermione. He himself, did not know if he wanted to reflect on the memories of Sirius, with Harry or not. He did not know if he wanted company, or not.
So he wrote a letter to Dumbledore.
Albus,
Hermione Granger has just written to me, asking me to reminisce about Sirius with Harry. She says that he has been under a lot of stress lately, and that I would be the best one to cope with him. I know that parts of that is true, but I don't know if I am ready, or if Harry is. I am asking for your advice. How am I to grieve with this loss?
Remus
Remus stared at the letter he held in his hand. It seemed so unlike him, so childish. But he did not know how to say the words without getting a huge stab of pain.
He looked out at the cool, dark sky.
It was clear, with an addition of bright stars and a half moon.
Remus stared up at the moon. It was so bright and beautiful, yet unsatisfactory in his eyes.
He wished it was a full moon.
He wished that he could howl his agony.
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I hope that was good. I know that it was a little weird, but I really didn't know how to put his thought's otherwise. Lol. Please review!
