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Chapter Nine: Of Acceptance and Admissions
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Sergeant Domitan hadn't even realized that he was chafing until his cousin hissed, "Would you stop that?"
Distractedly, Dom turned his head. "What?"
"Stop fidgeting," Neal snapped. "As if we're not all nervous enough already!" As if in agreement, his horse shifted his weight beneath him.
Dom cursed himself inwardly. As commander, he had to remain calm and focused. His men were taking their cues from him. If he appeared nervous, nothing would be done for their confidence.
Then again, there was very little to be confident about. At any moment this whole attack could come crashing down on their heads. For he and his men, well, they had chosen this life. But the refugees and the children, they deserved to live. It wasn't their fault that they had been caught up in this conflict. He had to make sure they all made it out of this mess all right.
This was not helping. Dom forced his thoughts in another direction. Instantly, Kel flashed through his mind's eye. How perfect she had felt in his arms, his chin resting on her head. The intoxicating smell of her hair, tantalizing him. Her adorable confusion as she had drawn away after what seemed like an eternity, utterly flustered with all traces of her Yamani mask gone.
He wondered why it was that only now, while she was heading into a fight that could very possibly take her life, that he had realized he loved her. Hopefully, Sakuyo was having a good laugh over this one, because it wasn't doing anything for Dom's state of mind. Well, as long as they both survived this relatively unscathed, he was going to tell her. He was not going to let this slip away.
If she survived.
All right. These thoughts were definitely not helping him at all. Think of something, Dom pleaded with himself. Anything! He was going to go crazy with waiting. While he sat here fretting, his lady knight and her band of refugees could already have been captured. Perhaps even now, Maggur was leering in Kel's face, taunting her, as she sat with her face as stone.
Shut up, he commanded himself. Meathead over there has the imagination, not you. Everything is fine. Fine. So think about something else.
The voice of the tutor that he and Neal had shared for years echoed through his head. [The average rainfall in the Great Southern Desert is six inches during the winter.]
He shook his head, murmuring, "Great Mithros, I have finally gone mad."
A short laugh sounded from his right. "You know, I would make a sarcastic comment, but I can't even think of one right now," his cousin said, with weary amusement.
A grin parted Dom's lips. "Did the world just stop spinning? Meathead doesn't have a sarcastic comment?"
"Oh, shut it," Neal scowled. He leaned closer, so that the other men couldn't hear, and continued, "You're worried about her too. Admit it."
Dom nodded almost imperceptibly, the sparkle leaving his eyes. His cousin studied him. His next question hit Dom out of the blue. "Do you really love her?"
The sergeant heard that, all right. Momentarily, it flashed across his mind to answer with a "What?" He could pretend that he hadn't heard the question and keep avoiding the emotions that he had been dancing around for years. Or he could realize that this was the time for acceptance.
He turned to look his cousin straight in the eye. "Yes," he said quietly.
Neal nodded. "Good. She needs that."
Dom hesitated. "Do you think she-?" He couldn't continue, but his cousin knew what he meant.
"Yes," Neal replied.
Dom turned back to look at the fortress ahead, trying to conceal a foolish grin. Despite himself, elation welled within him. He supressed them, knowing that Neal could be completely off the mark. But it was impossible for him not to hope at least a little, especially right now, when hope was so scarce.
He clapped his cousin on the shoulder in gratitude. Feeling that he was becoming too emotional for his own tastes, he added provocatively, "Thanks, Meathead."
As Dom had hoped, Neal yelped with outrage. "Dom, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-"
"Shush, Meathead," Dom said serenely as his men looked around with wide grins on their faces . "You'll alert the Scanrans to our presence."
Neal shut up, still fuming, as Dom grinned himself. There was nothing like some good old Meathead torture.
Unless it was finding out that Kel loved him back.
He heard the gates creak, cutting short his reverie. A moment later, the doors opened, punctuated by the breaking of two tables. The battle had begun.
Dom fought, with the clear coldness that fell on him during battle. Seeing two men run out of the barracks towards Kel, he rode them down, sword flashing. Though he knew he should feel pity, he could feel only disgust for the men who stole and killed innocent children for their own power.
At Kel's cry of "Dom! Behind you!" he spun around, to fend off a massive man with an ax coming straight at him. Wheeling his mare to the right, he feinted, then unhorsed another swordsman, Trickster finishing him off. Already, he could feel the tide turning. Victory was in their sight!
Kel seemed to feel it too. "Neal," she called. "I'm going to find Blayce."
Neal, occupied with healing Gil, nodded absently, but fear struck Dom. Quickly, he rode towards her, cutting down a Scanran who dared challenge him. "Kel," he called.
She turned, almost reluctantly, he thought. "Yes, Sergeant?" she inquired, plainly trying to remind him as well as herself that he had a job to do.
"Kel, you can't," Dom implored, reining his horse in beside hers. He stopped there, unable to put his feelings into words.
Her eyes were determined. "I have to." Seeing his next request, she forestalled it. "You can't come with me. You're commander if I don't make it back.
He knew there was no use in trying to dissuade her. If he had learned anything about Keladry of Mindelan, it was that when she determined to do something, she did it.
He wanted to tell her some of what was in his heart, but he didn't know how to say it. Finally, he settled for, "If you get yourself killed, I'll never forgive you."
She managed a smile and nodded hard. He could see her eyes glistening. Abruptly, she wheeled around and rode towards the innards of the fortress.
Sighing, Dom shook sweaty hair out of his eyes. "I hope she makes it back all right," he told no one in particular, before plunging back into the battle.
Everything was finished soon. Supporting his exhausted cousin, who as usual had tired himself out with healing, Dom looked around. His men were dragging away the dead bodies. Fanche was bandaging a stubborn Saefas, while Tobe and Loesia coaxed castle horses into submission.
Dom looked at his cousin, who was dead white. Worriedly, he forced Neal to choke down some water. His cousin waved him off, gasping, "Go find Kel."
Dom couldn't deny that he was tempted to do just that. "Don't be ridiculous. You can't even stand."
"I'll be fine," rasped Neal. "Just go. She needs you."
"All right." Dom handed him the water skin. "Drink," he ordered his cousin and ran off. He found Kel a few moments later, leaning against the wall, out cold. For a horrible instant, he thought she had been killed. Then, observing the rise and fall of her chest, he knew she would be all right. She needed a healer, though, and neither she nor Neal were in a fit state to walk.
Bending beside her, he gently wrapped her in his arms and hoisted her up, grunting a little under her weight. Her eyelids fluttered open despite his best efforts. "Dom?" she said hazily.
"Yes," he said softly, resisting the urge to bend down and kiss her. She looked oddly vulnerable in the dim light. "Did you finish him off?"
She nodded weakly before collapsing back into her faint. A surge of relief filled Dom, coupled with worry for his lady knight. Staggering, he carried her outside. Tobe and Fanche met him there. If they felt surprise at seeing their lady knight in such a compromising position, they said nothing. Tobe prepared a pallet out of blankets for her to lie on. With painstaking care, he lowered her down and tugged another blanket over her.
Dom wasn't aware that he was staring at her until Tobe tapped his shoulder. "Don't worry, Sergeant Dom. She'll be all right."
Dom nodded. He considered calling Neal, but then thought better of it. His cousin was half dead already, and Kel just needed a bandage. He tore some linen from his tunic, then briskly wrapped her wound. She stirred, but did not awaken. He studied her, lost in thought, until he was finally pulled away to assist with the other wounded.
He and his men had nearly finished building a funeral pyre when he caught movement in the corner of his eye. Turning, Dom found Kel struggling to sit up. Abandoning his task, he went to her, not without a great sense of relief that she was finally conscious. If he really had had to take command of this group, with her gone- He forestalled this thought.
"Hey," he greeted the lady knight, crouching down beside her. "How are you feeling?"
"Like hell," she croaked, as he helped her to sit up. Typically, her first questions were for her people. "Saefas?"
Dom pointed to where Fanche was helping the trapper onto a horse. Catching sight of another survivor, he grinned again. "Look who else made it through," he murmured to Kel. Their orange and gray feline friend, the one who had ridden in Dom's saddlebags, sauntered towards them. Kel smiled and the sight was like rain after a drought for Dom.
"The ladies-" she croaked, and couldn't go on. Quickly, he handed her his water bottle. She took a swig, finishing, "The ladies love you." He grinned.
Her eyes turned serious. "Dom, I-"
"Lady Kel!" Tobe, noticing that Kel had recovered, raced forward. "You're awake!"
Dom, who had always been quite fond of the boy, couldn't help feeling a surge of annoyance at being interrupted at this interesting time. And he couldn't help wondering what Kel had wanted to say to him and whether they were ever going to get a chance to talk without being interrupted.
~~~
Chapter Nine: Of Acceptance and Admissions
~~~
Sergeant Domitan hadn't even realized that he was chafing until his cousin hissed, "Would you stop that?"
Distractedly, Dom turned his head. "What?"
"Stop fidgeting," Neal snapped. "As if we're not all nervous enough already!" As if in agreement, his horse shifted his weight beneath him.
Dom cursed himself inwardly. As commander, he had to remain calm and focused. His men were taking their cues from him. If he appeared nervous, nothing would be done for their confidence.
Then again, there was very little to be confident about. At any moment this whole attack could come crashing down on their heads. For he and his men, well, they had chosen this life. But the refugees and the children, they deserved to live. It wasn't their fault that they had been caught up in this conflict. He had to make sure they all made it out of this mess all right.
This was not helping. Dom forced his thoughts in another direction. Instantly, Kel flashed through his mind's eye. How perfect she had felt in his arms, his chin resting on her head. The intoxicating smell of her hair, tantalizing him. Her adorable confusion as she had drawn away after what seemed like an eternity, utterly flustered with all traces of her Yamani mask gone.
He wondered why it was that only now, while she was heading into a fight that could very possibly take her life, that he had realized he loved her. Hopefully, Sakuyo was having a good laugh over this one, because it wasn't doing anything for Dom's state of mind. Well, as long as they both survived this relatively unscathed, he was going to tell her. He was not going to let this slip away.
If she survived.
All right. These thoughts were definitely not helping him at all. Think of something, Dom pleaded with himself. Anything! He was going to go crazy with waiting. While he sat here fretting, his lady knight and her band of refugees could already have been captured. Perhaps even now, Maggur was leering in Kel's face, taunting her, as she sat with her face as stone.
Shut up, he commanded himself. Meathead over there has the imagination, not you. Everything is fine. Fine. So think about something else.
The voice of the tutor that he and Neal had shared for years echoed through his head. [The average rainfall in the Great Southern Desert is six inches during the winter.]
He shook his head, murmuring, "Great Mithros, I have finally gone mad."
A short laugh sounded from his right. "You know, I would make a sarcastic comment, but I can't even think of one right now," his cousin said, with weary amusement.
A grin parted Dom's lips. "Did the world just stop spinning? Meathead doesn't have a sarcastic comment?"
"Oh, shut it," Neal scowled. He leaned closer, so that the other men couldn't hear, and continued, "You're worried about her too. Admit it."
Dom nodded almost imperceptibly, the sparkle leaving his eyes. His cousin studied him. His next question hit Dom out of the blue. "Do you really love her?"
The sergeant heard that, all right. Momentarily, it flashed across his mind to answer with a "What?" He could pretend that he hadn't heard the question and keep avoiding the emotions that he had been dancing around for years. Or he could realize that this was the time for acceptance.
He turned to look his cousin straight in the eye. "Yes," he said quietly.
Neal nodded. "Good. She needs that."
Dom hesitated. "Do you think she-?" He couldn't continue, but his cousin knew what he meant.
"Yes," Neal replied.
Dom turned back to look at the fortress ahead, trying to conceal a foolish grin. Despite himself, elation welled within him. He supressed them, knowing that Neal could be completely off the mark. But it was impossible for him not to hope at least a little, especially right now, when hope was so scarce.
He clapped his cousin on the shoulder in gratitude. Feeling that he was becoming too emotional for his own tastes, he added provocatively, "Thanks, Meathead."
As Dom had hoped, Neal yelped with outrage. "Dom, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-"
"Shush, Meathead," Dom said serenely as his men looked around with wide grins on their faces . "You'll alert the Scanrans to our presence."
Neal shut up, still fuming, as Dom grinned himself. There was nothing like some good old Meathead torture.
Unless it was finding out that Kel loved him back.
He heard the gates creak, cutting short his reverie. A moment later, the doors opened, punctuated by the breaking of two tables. The battle had begun.
Dom fought, with the clear coldness that fell on him during battle. Seeing two men run out of the barracks towards Kel, he rode them down, sword flashing. Though he knew he should feel pity, he could feel only disgust for the men who stole and killed innocent children for their own power.
At Kel's cry of "Dom! Behind you!" he spun around, to fend off a massive man with an ax coming straight at him. Wheeling his mare to the right, he feinted, then unhorsed another swordsman, Trickster finishing him off. Already, he could feel the tide turning. Victory was in their sight!
Kel seemed to feel it too. "Neal," she called. "I'm going to find Blayce."
Neal, occupied with healing Gil, nodded absently, but fear struck Dom. Quickly, he rode towards her, cutting down a Scanran who dared challenge him. "Kel," he called.
She turned, almost reluctantly, he thought. "Yes, Sergeant?" she inquired, plainly trying to remind him as well as herself that he had a job to do.
"Kel, you can't," Dom implored, reining his horse in beside hers. He stopped there, unable to put his feelings into words.
Her eyes were determined. "I have to." Seeing his next request, she forestalled it. "You can't come with me. You're commander if I don't make it back.
He knew there was no use in trying to dissuade her. If he had learned anything about Keladry of Mindelan, it was that when she determined to do something, she did it.
He wanted to tell her some of what was in his heart, but he didn't know how to say it. Finally, he settled for, "If you get yourself killed, I'll never forgive you."
She managed a smile and nodded hard. He could see her eyes glistening. Abruptly, she wheeled around and rode towards the innards of the fortress.
Sighing, Dom shook sweaty hair out of his eyes. "I hope she makes it back all right," he told no one in particular, before plunging back into the battle.
Everything was finished soon. Supporting his exhausted cousin, who as usual had tired himself out with healing, Dom looked around. His men were dragging away the dead bodies. Fanche was bandaging a stubborn Saefas, while Tobe and Loesia coaxed castle horses into submission.
Dom looked at his cousin, who was dead white. Worriedly, he forced Neal to choke down some water. His cousin waved him off, gasping, "Go find Kel."
Dom couldn't deny that he was tempted to do just that. "Don't be ridiculous. You can't even stand."
"I'll be fine," rasped Neal. "Just go. She needs you."
"All right." Dom handed him the water skin. "Drink," he ordered his cousin and ran off. He found Kel a few moments later, leaning against the wall, out cold. For a horrible instant, he thought she had been killed. Then, observing the rise and fall of her chest, he knew she would be all right. She needed a healer, though, and neither she nor Neal were in a fit state to walk.
Bending beside her, he gently wrapped her in his arms and hoisted her up, grunting a little under her weight. Her eyelids fluttered open despite his best efforts. "Dom?" she said hazily.
"Yes," he said softly, resisting the urge to bend down and kiss her. She looked oddly vulnerable in the dim light. "Did you finish him off?"
She nodded weakly before collapsing back into her faint. A surge of relief filled Dom, coupled with worry for his lady knight. Staggering, he carried her outside. Tobe and Fanche met him there. If they felt surprise at seeing their lady knight in such a compromising position, they said nothing. Tobe prepared a pallet out of blankets for her to lie on. With painstaking care, he lowered her down and tugged another blanket over her.
Dom wasn't aware that he was staring at her until Tobe tapped his shoulder. "Don't worry, Sergeant Dom. She'll be all right."
Dom nodded. He considered calling Neal, but then thought better of it. His cousin was half dead already, and Kel just needed a bandage. He tore some linen from his tunic, then briskly wrapped her wound. She stirred, but did not awaken. He studied her, lost in thought, until he was finally pulled away to assist with the other wounded.
He and his men had nearly finished building a funeral pyre when he caught movement in the corner of his eye. Turning, Dom found Kel struggling to sit up. Abandoning his task, he went to her, not without a great sense of relief that she was finally conscious. If he really had had to take command of this group, with her gone- He forestalled this thought.
"Hey," he greeted the lady knight, crouching down beside her. "How are you feeling?"
"Like hell," she croaked, as he helped her to sit up. Typically, her first questions were for her people. "Saefas?"
Dom pointed to where Fanche was helping the trapper onto a horse. Catching sight of another survivor, he grinned again. "Look who else made it through," he murmured to Kel. Their orange and gray feline friend, the one who had ridden in Dom's saddlebags, sauntered towards them. Kel smiled and the sight was like rain after a drought for Dom.
"The ladies-" she croaked, and couldn't go on. Quickly, he handed her his water bottle. She took a swig, finishing, "The ladies love you." He grinned.
Her eyes turned serious. "Dom, I-"
"Lady Kel!" Tobe, noticing that Kel had recovered, raced forward. "You're awake!"
Dom, who had always been quite fond of the boy, couldn't help feeling a surge of annoyance at being interrupted at this interesting time. And he couldn't help wondering what Kel had wanted to say to him and whether they were ever going to get a chance to talk without being interrupted.
~~~