TITLE: The Xperiment
AUTHOR: Beaubier
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL: xbeaubier@hotmail.com
PERMISSION TO ARCHIVE: You're joking, right?
CATEGORY: Humor/Romance
RATINGS/WARNINGS: Rated R, adult
situations. Yes, all of these pairings are utterly, completely homosexual. They
are also horrifically ooc. Lots implied, not much is actually said, however. If
you are a literal Biblical Christian, skip chapter 3. It's not offensive to
anyone else, but certain of you may find it to be so.
SUMMARY: The 5 funniest, or strangest pairings I could come up with, from
Uncanny or Xtreme X-Men teams at the moment. Includes Cannonball, Iceman,
Jubilee, Gambit, Nightcrawler, Sage, Northstar, Husk, Archangel, and Rogue. Not
necessarily in that order.
DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine. They belong to Marvel. I'm sure
they're particularly happy about that, right now.
NOTES: I admit it, slash rather fascinates me. This is a bit of a joke, in case
you hadn't noticed, because I'm well aware that none of it would happen. In
fact, I purposely made the pairings less and less believable, coming up with
the strangest ones I could. It was something of a challenge to myself. Starts
out almost possible, ends up simply ludicrous. The characterizations are
caricatures. Some seem a bit serious, but it's all in good fun. I was just
curious, if I could pull it off.
Turns out, I can't, really.
Ah well, I had a laugh anyhow.
Soundtrack courtesy of
Supergrass, The Charlatans UK, Massive Attack, Marilyn Manson, and Spacehog.
'Cause what's a little romance without a little music?
i'll tell you stories that you won't
understand
i'll have you eating from the palm of my hand
i'm gonna push you further into my dream
the back of every head holds something obscene
-Supergrass, "Mary"
Bobby grinned down into his lap. The oldest trick in the book. The old porn mag in the text book number. This should be enough to get him through the meeting, to make it look like he was paying attention to something, at least. God knew he didn't have the attention span at the moment to listen to the boring convention speaker, the least he could do was to look like he was following along.
He heard someone behind him, and had seen Warren in the kitchen recently. Assuming it was him, he said, "Hey, c'mere and look at how brilliant I am, War—"
But he stopped, when he turned to look. Because it wasn't Warren at all, but Jean-Paul Beaubier.
The one man in the house who would probably not be impressed by the contents of the magazine.
He grumbled to himself and turned back around, returning to the job of securing the Playboy neatly inside the folder they'd sent him.
Jean-Paul, however, was apparently intrigued. "Disappointed are we, Drake?" He smirked, coming to look over the younger man's shoulder.
"Yeah, was gonna show Warren my handy-work," Bobby wasn't bothered, continuing his work diligently, biting his lip as he often did when he was concentrating.
"If you're so proud of it, show me," he suggested flippantly, leaning on the back of Bobby's chair now.
He smelled like aftershave and clean… the smell of green soap and laundry detergent and Polo Sport. Bobby had always liked that particular cologne. He made a mental note to get himself a bottle, next time he was out. "Not the sort of thing you're gonna be impressed with, JP."
"On the contrary," the Canadian leaned down now, so that his head was next to Bobby's, the heat from his cheek evident on the other man's now. Bobby was always just a little cold, after all. "That's some fine craftsmanship, mon ami. What is this, conference materials?"
"Yeah," Bobby was surprised to find himself mildly distracted by the proximity of Jean-Paul's pretty face. Not quite as distracting as the centerfold he had opened on his lap, but distracting nevertheless. "Gotta go to some stupid tax thing, get a certificate to hang on the wall in my office. You know, for when I go back to the accountant thing full time."
"Hmmm," the other man seemed to be considering carefully the image presented to him. A fully developed, tanned, gorgeous piece of young woman.
Bobby wrinkled up his nose, "You really get nothing from that, huh?"
"Honestly…," Jean-Paul seemed to be considering, leaning a little closer now, so that his chin almost rested on Bobby's shoulder, "no. Not even a little."
"Christ that's nuts," the younger man laughed. "She's hot."
She was really, really hot.
"Well, to each his own, that is the saying, non?"
Though he was loathe to admit it, he thought if she had that accent JP was sporting, she'd be even hotter. "So if that was some guy, you'd be totally into this right now?"
"Depends on the guy," Jean-Paul was still near to him, still seeming to consider the woman carefully.
Bobby turned to face him, "So, like, if I jumped up right now and did a little dance, that'd be totally hot?" He was being ridiculous now, but Jesus, how could he not feel anything from that chick?
Jean-Paul returned the gesture, turning so that their noses were very, very, near to each other.
Good god, his eyes were blue. And amazingly… he didn't think he could look away if he tried.
"I don't know," his lightly accented answer came, with a slight smile. "Why don't you try it, and I'll let you know."