Harry Potter: Under The Cloak
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~* this is a lil twisted story me and a couple of my friends made up, so be warned! lots of laughs if you're into my kind of humor and a bunch of SLASH and other crazy stuff!* READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!* ~
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"Stop calling Hermione a Mudblood you asshole!" Harry Potter yelled in defense of one of his best friends, Hermione Granger as he whipped out his wand.
"Oh I'm scared Potter! Whatcha gonna do, attempt to hit me with one of your crapy spells? Anyways, why shouldn't I call Granger what she is?" Draco Malfoy spat back smugly. Of course Draco didn't mean to hurt Hermione's feelings at all, and she knew this. They have been going out for the past year and a half and cunningly have hidden it from all others. This was another of their theatrical performances to rid all people from the cruel notion of them actually liking each other. Draco also had his wand out ready for battle. Harry went red with anger. Hermione was desperately trying to calm him down and stop him from doing something stupid, like duel Malfoy. This was all in vain, of course. Young Potter's pride was too strong to give into logic.
"Expelliarmus!" Harry cast the spell. Draco dodged the spell and was just about to cast his attack, but he was abruptly interrupted by the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledor.
"Harry, Draco my office now." Dumbledor said calmly but they could tell that he was mad. The two boys followed the tall and fragile looking man to his office. They noticed that Dumbledor was muttering something under his breath that grew louder and louder as they crossed the Headmasters office.
"Yesssss, I'll switch them...yesss...they'll never know. It shall be perrrrfect. Muahaha." Dumbledor was now scheming out loud as he sat down in his desk chair, in a very evil and insane voice. Harry and Draco didn't sit down, they were listening to what Dumbledor was saying.
"We're right here." Harry said and looked at his headmaster curiously.
"Oh!.....Good Evening. Do sit down." Dumbledor replied.
"No thanks...I'd rather stand....by the door..." Draco said and stepped back a few times, Harry did the same.
"Now, now boys there is nothing to fear." Dumbledor motioned them to sit, they remained where they were. "SIT NOW!" he suddenly yelled. Harry and Draco jumped and almost ran to their seats. They were quite alarmed. Dumbledor returned to his "normal" self and punished them for their unbecoming behavior. They were soon dismissed. When they were in the hall, Draco asked Harry if he thought that Dumbledor planning something.
"Naaah. Dumbledor is too nice and old. He wouldn't do anything evil." Harry replied very sure of himself.
~Meanwhile in Dumbledor's office...
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! They'll never know! And at night too! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!"
It was old, fragile and nice Dumbledor plotting his evil scheme of something....well evil.
~Back in the Halls....
"Hey, Potter, did you just hear something? Something like maniac laughter?" Draco asked.
"No..." Harry answered.
"Must have been the wind." Draco mumbled and the two boys returned to their house dormitories.
* * *
The next morning when Draco woke up to very new surroundings. He was not in his usual green dungeon chambers, he was in a red circular tower dormitory. Everything was fuzzy and out of focus.
"Waaah! What the hell! I'm blind! I'm blind!" he yelled and stretched out his arms trying to find out where he was.
"Shut up Harry! Some people here are trying to sleep in damn it!" some one yelled from another bed in the room. 'What? Did that kid just call me Harry?' Draco thought as he accidentally reached over to a bedside table and happened to touch a pair of glasses. He put them on and everything came into focus. He was in Gryffindor Dormitories. But how? Draco looked over to the mirror on the side of the wall, he screamed and toppled off the bed when he saw his reflection. HE WAS HARRY POTTER.
* * *
Harry awoke shivering. He opened his eyes and noticed that he wasn't in Gryffindor Tower anymore. His room looked like a dungeon...Slytherin Dormitories! 'How the hell...' Harry thought as he got up from bed. He looked in the mirror by the bed. What he saw amazed him.
"I'm HOT! Wait a second...Ahhh! Draco!" Harry screamed and fell to the floor. Slowly he regained his composure and closely studied himself. 'Yup, defiantly Draco. But how, and when! Hey hold on, I'm Draco. Wonder if he wears boxers or briefs.' Harry thought and got up, and opened a wardrobe drawer.
"Ahhh! My eyes!" Harry yelped out in shock and horror. Draco's underwear drawer was full of florescent coloured boxers, that had flowers and little baby animals on them. Harry immediately shut the drawer.
"Scared for life I am." Harry said to himself and attempted to steady his breathing.
* * *
The two very confused and scared boys somehow managed to get through breakfast without anyone noticing anything. Although Harry didn't understand why Hermione kept on looking at him funny, all the way at Slytherin table. Draco was also very confused when Ron Weasley kept on touching his arm and kind of flirting with him. Harry and Draco met each other in a hall on their way to Transfiguration.
"You! YOU DID THIS!" Harry yelled at Draco, who was in his body.
"I DID NOT! WHY WOULD I PUT MYSELF IN SUCH AN UGLY BODY POTTER!" Draco yelled back to Harry who was in his body.
"Then who the hell did this, this this digusting, evil, disturbing, horrible, the list goes on." Harry said getting redder and redder with anger.
"I say Dumbledor, he was plotting something. I swear I heard him say "switch their bodies" and "at night" ." Draco said.
"I doubt that moron, Dumbledor is too nice, elderly and fragile."
~Meanwhile in Dumbledor's office....
"267, muahahaha...268, muahahaha...269, muahahaha..."
Elderly, nice and fragile Dumbledor was on the floor of his office counting his push ups and laughing insanely in between.
~Back in the halls....
"I'm not a frikin moron dumbass! Now get out of my way Potter." Draco hissed and walked into Transfiguration classroom. He looked around to see where he could sit. Draco noticed that Ron was motioning him to sit beside him in a disgustingly flirty way. Ron was patting the desk strangely. Draco got scared and realized something. 'Holy shit! Potter is a fag!' Draco thought as he turned away to sit with Crabbe and Goyle, who just shrugged at the site of Harry Potter sitting down beside them. Ron looked hurt and whimpered.
Harry looked around to where he could sit after storming into the classroom behind Draco. He went to sit beside Ron, who looked sad. When he sat down, Ron started yelling and threatening him.
"Get away Malfoy! Leave me alone!" Ron shouted. Harry did as his boyfriend said, of course Ron didn't know that it was Harry inside of Draco's body. Harry had a thought to tell him, but then the opportunity of getting some really good dirt on Draco over powered his first idea. He instead sat down beside Hermione who was motioning him to her, in a sort of flirty manner. Harry was surprised at this but he did not come to the notion of Hermione and Draco dating.
When Transfiguration ended, the Gryffindors and Slytherins had Potions together. Harry noticed that Snape was being nice to him for once, he wondered why and then looked down on Draco Malfoys pale hands. 'Oh. That's why.' he thought. Draco on the other hand almost mouthed off to Snape for treating him with such disrespect, but fortunately remembered that he was in Harry Potter's body and that no one knew that it was in fact Draco Malfoy in there. Snape walked over to Neville to torture the pathetic specimen of a wizard, as he thought.
"Mr. Longbottom, lets see if you were paying attention to the lesson. Pour a drop on your toads head." Snape ordered. Neville frowned and grabbed his toad. He cowered over it.
"NOOO! Trevor my precious! MY PRECIOUS!" he hissed in an abnormally high and crackly voice. Neville jumped off his stool and ran to the back corner of the class. He sat down, hid his toad with his body and rocked back and forth and continued to mutter, "My Precious." Snape looked at him curiously and then mumbled, "Just like his parents..." and walked away.
The rest of the day went by slowly and dully. At 10:30 at night, Harry received a letter from Lucius.
Deatheater meeting in Chamber of Secrets tonight at eleven. Be there or die. You know what the portkey is.
Your Father,
Lucius Malfoy
"No I don't! No I don't! No I don't!" whimpered Harry as he read the last sentence of the short letter. "But I know who does!" Harry had to get to Draco, before it was too late. Harry ran to his room to put the letter in his drawer, as he came in he saw an unlikely sight to be seen. Hermione was laying on Draco's bed in only her undergarments.
"Ahhh! Hermione!" Harry screamed in surprise and turned his head not to see anything and also going red.
"Draco!" she exclaimed cheerfully.
"What are you doing here?" Harry still not looking at her.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.
"Uhhhh....I gotta get a .....drink! Yeah bye!" Harry said and ran off to find Draco.
~Meanwhile in Gryffindor Tower....
Draco was tired and entered Harry's dormitory and walked over to Harry's bed. He pushed aside the covers and jumped back in horror. There was Ron, only in his undergarments in Harry's bed.
"Daaahh!! Put SOMETHING ON DAMN IT!" Draco yelled in disgust. Ron gaped at his boyfriends sudden change of emotions.
"B-but Harry!" Ron whimpered, stood up and walked closer to Draco.
"Ahhh! Don't get near me!" Draco yelled and ran out of Gryffindor Tower. He ran through the halls trying to erase the memory of what he just saw. He wasn't looking where he was going and he ran into someone.
"Potter!" Draco yelled.
"Malfoy!" Harry yelled back. This was quite a strange scene, since from a spectators view, Draco just called out his own name just like Harry.
"What the hell is Hermione doing in your bed Draco!" Harry asked as he got up. Draco's eyes grew wide, then he regained his composure.
"Nootthhiinngg...."Draco replied suspiciously.
"Huh?...hold on..." It finally hit Harry. He gasped and pointed. "Y-you and H-hermione!!! No!" he yelled. Draco rolled his eyes.
"You're such a fruit cake Potter! Should have known, but Weasley? Really, not the best choice..." Draco hissed.
"Shut up Malfoy. Oh by the way I kinda need your help." Harry said timidly. Draco raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" Draco asked.
"Yeah...I got a not from your father saying there's a deatheater meeting and I need to find the Portkey. You know where it is!" Harry explained.
"Oh! Yeah I know where it is. But what makes you think I'll tell you?" Draco said.
"Malfoy! I need to go!" Harry begged.
"Why? So that you can get information for your little pathetic Order? Not a chance Potter." Draco continued.
Harry sighed, "Name your price."
"Well well, Potty decided to play it my way...ha. When I get my body back I want you to bow down to me every time you see me and say Draco Malfoy is the hottest man alive." Draco sneered. Harry snorted, Draco punched him in the nose.
"Hey!" Harry yelped in pain.
"Do you want me to help you or not?" Draco retorted.
"Fine...I'll say that..." Harry replied with great difficulty. Draco grinned evilly.
"So, what will you say?"
"Grr...hey I'm doing you a favour! If I don't go your father will kill you!" Harry said.
"Correction, my father will kill you." Draco said.
"Ugh your right. But you'll be stuck as Harry Potter for the rest of your life!" Harry said. Draco shuddered at the thought. "So how will we get out of this anyways?" Harry asked.
"Well, we can always ask Dumbledor right?" Draco answered unsure of himself.
"I guess...yeah he'll help us. So what's the port key?" Harry asked.
"First say it." Draco insisted.
"Ugh...Draco Malfoy...is...the...hottest...man...alive...I'll get you for this!" Harry spat.
"Heh, good enough. Now the port key is a black quill in my top bedside drawer. Use it at 11 tonight. Got that through your thick skull Potter?" Draco explained.
"Yeah yeah." Harry looked at his watch. "Holy Mother of Chickens! It's 10:50! I gotta get going!" he yelled out and ran off towards Slytherin Dungeons. Harry entered Draco's bedroom, thankfully Hermione was gone, and opened the top drawer. He saw the black quill. Harry glanced at his, no, Draco's watch. It was 10:59. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
"Ok this is it." he told himself and grabbed the portkey. It swung him forward and backwards in a violent gust of wind. Then a second later Harry found himself in the Chamber of Secrets, but it was different to say the lest.
"Lovely flowers, lovely colours!" cried a frolicking...Voldemort? Harry rubbed his eyes in case he was seeing things wrong. Nope, it was Voldemort in pink flowered robes, prancing around the Chamber, enchanting flora decorations and brightly coloured fabric decorations. There were about 10 tables spread around a small stage, each equipped with a vase with teapots and teacups.
"Uhh...am I in the right place?" Harry asked timidly. Voldemort turned and smiled.
"Oh you're the first one! How exciting and Draco Malfoy too! Please come and sit down." said Voldemort in a high pitched squeaky voice. Harry shuttered. He definitely not the way he remembered the murder of his parents. Harry sat down at one of the front tables. After a few moments many hooded wizards and witches apparated into the chamber, including Lucius Malfoy. Lucius sat beside Harry, or what he thought was his son.
"Good that you decided to come son." he said in his usual arrogant voice.
"R-r-right father." Harry replied. He was unsure of how to reply. Lucius looked at him like he was a piece of dirt.
"Scared to meet the Dark Lord for the first time eh? Pathetic. I thought better of you." Lucius spat.
"B-but I already met him, he's over there." Harry pointed to Voldemort. Lucius rolled his eyes.
"Draco, why do I have to explain this again. That is not our Dark Lord. Well not our true Dark Lord at least." Lucius explained. Harry gaped.
"What? Then who-" Harry asked but was interrupted.
"Not now you stupid boy, he has come." Lucius said and stood up. Harry did the same. He looked up and gasped at what he saw. It was Dumbledor. The whole room filled with deatheaters bowed to their, master. Harry did eventually when the shock went away. 'But how...' Harry thought. Dumbledor stood there for a second then held out his hand to Voldemort signaling him to come. Voldemort took it.
"My love." Dumbledor said. Harry chocked. 'WHAT! T-t-there together!' he thought. Voldemort stepped up on the stage and clung to Dumbledor. They smiled at each other and Harry was about to throw up.
"My faithful followers, I will have to leave you for a few minutes unfortunately but will be back soon..." Dumbledor told them all and winked at Harry. He took out his wand and muttered a spell under his breath and Harry, Dumbledor and Voldemort disappeared in front of the hole room.
They re-appeared in a small meadow surrounded by the Forbidden forest, at least that is what Harry thought. He got up from the ground and looked around. He saw Hermione, Ron, Draco, Dumbledor and Voldemort all getting up from the ground. The teenagers were looking around suspiciously, then Dumbledor started.
"Well since we are all here now, I think I, no we need to explain a few things." Dumbledor said and put his arm around Voldemort. The other three teenagers gasped, but Harry was already used to this. He merely shut his eyes.
"Harry," Dumbledor turned to Draco - looking Harry. Ron and Hermione looked at each other confused. "I killed your parents, not Voldie-bud..." Dumbledor paused. Harry and co. flinched at the horrid nickname. "I only used his name and a polyjuice potion to look like him. I have been the Dark Lord all this time." he explained. They all gasped, except Voldemort and Dumbledor himself.
"Secondly, Voldie-bud and I are getting married." Dumbledor beamed. The four teenagers cried in horror and tried to regain balance. This was all too much.
"Thirdly, Voldemort you have something to say." Dumbledor said.
"Hermione, I am your father." Voldemort said. Hermione fainted.
"Enervate!" Ron yelled and she re-awoke. She got up slowly.
"Pathetic mudblood, you are so weak!" Voldemort sneered.
"Hold on, if you are my father, then I'm not a mudblood!" Hermione cried.
"Oh...welcome to the family dear." Voldemort corrected himself.
"And fourthly, Harry and Draco, please step forward." Dumbledor commanded. They did as he said. "I'm must apologize...no I won't apologize for turning you two into each other." Dumbledor swished his wand and they turned back into their original selves. Hermione and Ron gasped.
"Y-you! That's why! EWWWWW! Draco saw...AH!" Ron shouted. Hermione was for once in her life speechless.
Draco shrugged. "It was horrible for me too."
"Finally back to myself again." Harry said. Then he noticed something in the bushes not far from them. They all turned to see what it was. It was Neville hopping around like an ape, holding Trevor.
"My Precious, my precious!" he mumbled as he wobbled away.
"Right..." Draco said. They all turned back to each other.
"Just like his parents..." Dumbledor commented.
"Well anyways...Dumbledor why did you change me and Malfoy into eachother?" Harry asked.
"I dunno. It just felt like the right thing to do." Dumbledor answered.
"Are you mentally insane?" Draco asked.
"It comes and goes."
THE END
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So that's it! Mentally damaged yet? Hope so. Thanks everybody that helped in the making of! Special thanks to: Sarah and Allison. Be sure to check out my other fanfic called "Que Sera Sera". Its about a Original Character, her best friend and James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter! Oh and some more OC's! tis great and mushy by the 11th chapter! yessss. lol well see ya'll later!