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Spike collapsed to the ground, his non-beating heart, feeling as if it was, breaking from the thought and the site of his love, Buffy, lying there dead.
Dead!
His chest pulling, his body convulsed, if he needed to breathe, he knew that he would have no breath within him. And he started to cry as he thought that he would never see Buffy alive again, would never get to fight with her and trade insults with her again, never get another kiss from her, given freely as she had once done, never get the chance to show her that he was worthy of earning her love, nothing--it was all over.
And the worst was-he never knew how she had really truly felt about him, the changes in him, and after her initial shock of his feelings toward her, what had she felt at the end.
And he now would never know.
Spike couldn't even try to hold his head up and not act like he wasn't devastated.
He put his head in his hands and cried deeply.
Minutes later, small hands pulled him into an embrace, and he heard Dawn's, shaky and tearful voice, tell him, "I know Spike, I know. Come here."
Spike didn't move at first, then Dawn tugged him again and without word, he turned and sat in her arms, with his head at her chest. Tears coursing down his face, while his body was racked with sobs.
Willow and Tara turned to the grieving pair, and they squatted down near both of them.
Willow pulled both Spike and Dawn into her arms and held them both, while Tara held her.
Giles and Xander were rooted to their spots. They couldn't even begin to comprehend what they were seeing with their own eyes. First the horrible scene of the best Slayer's death and then the former big bad, shaking with grief over it.
Xander slowly put Anya down, and walked over to the huddled group. He pulled up Tara and Willow and hugged them both. Then he picked up Dawn and held her close, kissing her forehead. Next, he squatted down next to Spike, who just held his head down, tears still running freely, for all his barriers were gone in his grief.
Xander pulled him up to his feet, without making any comment. Spike moved like an automation, his eyes glazing over, loosing focus.
Xander shook him.
When Spike finally looked up into Xander's face, he expected to see some sort of mocking expression.
So he was surprised when Xander pulled him into his arms for a quick hug, before releasing him and looking him in the eye.
Xander, looking into his eyes said, finally,
"I thought you only wanted to have sex with her. And the big brother in me told me that another vampire for her was the worst way she could possibly go. Then no matter what you did to prove us wrong, I thought that there was no way that you could truly have feelings for her."
Spike turned his head, his whole body bristling with anger and annoyance.
"But..."
Spike turned back to look at Xander.
"I was wrong! You truly did love her. I know that you'll miss her as much, if not more than we do. And, man...I'm...SORRY," Xander said putting so much feeling into that word, that Spike understood that he didn't only mean about the Spike having feelings for Buffy, but also every mean thing he had ever said to him at all.
Spike nodded and though there were many things he could have said, he, in a quick and surprising mood and action, pulled Xander into his embrace for a quick hug before releasing him.
Xander blinked...and then patted him on his back in a comforting way.
Which reminded Spike so much of a similar way he had comforted Buffy a few months ago...which sent him crashing to the floor filled with grief over his now dead beloved.
They had been talking off on the side while Giles had squatted down next to Buffy's lifeless body. There her Watcher had gathered her in his arms, tears running unchecked down his face. This girl had meant more to him than just some Slayer, chosen to do her duty. She had been so many things to him. The Slayer who he had been sent to train. The young rebel who had tried so hard to defy him at first. The young student who had looked to him for answers. And last, but not least, the daughter that he'd never had, but had always wanted. All she was and had been...was now gone.
Giles had figured that of all of them, she would be one of the few to survive. He would have never thought that she would be the only casualty in their crowd. He thought he might have been the one to die...because once that portal had opened, he would have had to done his duty and tried to kill Dawn. But she had sacrificed her life, at the last minute; to save all her loved ones and the world.
Giles held her as all his memories of times gone past came rushing through his head.
Tara, after seeing that Willow, Spike, and Dawn, with Xander staring down at them, were all together, came over to Giles and gave him a quick hug, tears running down her face.
She leaned over Buffy and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I'll miss you Buffy, you were always very nice to me," she whispered to the body.
Spike, hearing her whispered words, turned towards them and faster than any of them could blink, he was besides the body, moving Giles away, and pulling Buffy's lifeless and starting to get cold, body into his embrace, crying desperately the whole while.
"God Buffy, you can't be dead. Get up luv. GET UP!!!" he said, almost shaking her.
Xander, realizing that the poor vamp was going to break, pried him away, ignoring the vamped out face of Spike when he had pulled Buffy out of his arms.
"Give 'er back. She's mine...give 'er back!!"
Spike was beyond it. All he was thinking about was having her in his arms. Maybe he could trade his life for hers...that was it.
He let Xander pull Buffy away and then stepping back from them all, looked up to the sky.
"Is that what you bloody wankers want? You want me to trade. My life for hers. Then take it...just give her back. Please. I can't live like this. She's needed here. I need her. Don't torture us this way. You want to punish me for being a demon, fine...send me to Hell...I'll go willingly. You want to dust me. Then do it. Just please bring her back. Please!!" he yelled, dropping to his knees again.
His only answer was the silence, with the background of the girls' crying and some of the lost souls moaning or Glory's minions, dying.
Dawn, lifting her tear stained face to the sky, saw the approaching daylight. She had just recently lost two of her loved ones. Her mother, a few months ago...and now, her sister. She only had the few people gathered around her left (an ex Watcher, two witches, a young normal brunette guy, a thousand year old ex-demon, and a peroxided blonde vampire). These were her people. And these were the people her sister, in her last dying words, had said that she was now to look out for.
Wiping away her tears, she straightened her shoulders, and moved to where Spike sat hunched down on the ground. She pulled at him, but he gently batted her away.
"Spike."
"Leave me alone nibbl't"
"No...get up Spike. We have to go."
"I'm not going anywhere until they give her back."
"Spike...we have to go...the sun's coming up."
"I don't care."
"But you'll burn."
"I said I don't care Little Bit. I'm not going anywhere."
"But if you don't move...you'll die."
Spike seemed to consider that, he looked up finally, and said, in a slightly more cheerful sort of way,
"If I die, do you think I'll see her again."
"You are so not going to die."
"I'm not moving Nibblet...and you can't make me."
"I don't have to. You're coming because you promised Buffy you would protect me. You're not going to break your word to my sister are you. She trusted you."
"I...," Spike remembered how back at the house...only a few hours ago, the conversation he had had with Buffy
Buffy: You know we're not all going to make it.
Spike: I know...I always figured I'd go down fighting.
Buffy: I'm trusting you... to look after Dawn
Spike: To the end of the world, even if that happens to be tonight.
Damn, he had promised. And he would keep his promise to his love. He'd keep her sister safe. But he couldn't help wishing that he could have kept her safe too.
"Okay Little Bit, Your right...I made your sis a promise that I'd look after you, to the end of the world. Not that I would need the promise to do it...I'm kinda fond of you."
Dawn gave him a watery smile.
Spike got up, and walked over to Buffy's body, he leaned forward and kissed her cooling lips and whispered, "I'll keep my promise, my love. I'll watch over your little sis. I miss you, though. God Buffy, I love you so much!!! I'll always love you!!!"
Then he gently handed her back to Giles, and after telling them that he was going to take Dawn home, he swooped and picked up Willow, and kissed her forehead, and told her that he'd be at Dawn's home if they need them.
Willow nodded sadly, and Tara embraced her again.
Spike started towards where Dawn waited at the door, holding her clothes in her arms, and then stopped and went over to where Anya was.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm a little dizzy...and my head hurts, and I'm very sad about Buffy dying, but I think I'm fine other than that."
Spike nodded and patted her gently, then walked over and collected dawn on his way out.
At the door he looked at Xander.
"Keep me posted."
"Will do...Fang Boy," Xander said trying hard to impart some humor in a dreary situation.
Spike gave him a half smile, for Xander's comment lacked his usual malice, it now held a bit of respect and was just general teasing.
"You do that...Wanker."
Xander felt himself smile a little at that...and then turned back to the matter at hand, while Spike and Dawn left and headed home.
TBC….