Author: Hilda
Title: Solace
Warnings: shounen ai, fluffiness, annoying nervous ranting; later on, you will be treated to some nice angst, self-injury etc., etc.
Pairings: 2x4 (more so later on)
Disclaimer: *points to Gundam Wing* ...no, just no.
Archive: If you are delusional and for some reason want it, sure - just e- mail me and tell me what the heck to do... n_n;;
Author's Note: My fragile psyche doesn't appreciate flames, so if it's not **constructive** criticism, please keep it to yourself...
//blahblah// = random thoughts, because I'm lazy/irregular - they won't be marked like that if they fit into the narration...
[5]
The rest of the morning had passed in an uneventful manner. Wufei had managed to escape to his room and lock the door and windows before Shinigami could maul him to death. Trowa had disappeared as per usual, and Duo was presumably off torturing Heero, his other source of glee. For once in his life, Quatre was beginning to wish the brunette terrorist would bother him...
The blond boy sighed, barely visible behind a stack of Winner paperwork. " I wonder if I've ever been this bored in my life..." he mused quietly to himself, resting the pale face on his left hands upturned palm. His right hand was currently occupied with trying to master the elusive "Pen Flip" that his sister's Debate friends had once tried to teach him [1]. Instead of twirling gracefully around his thumb as it was supposed to, the stubborn writing utensil was being repeatedly dropped to the desk, floor, and anywhere else other that back into his waiting hand. Quatre sighed again, set the battered pen down, and began to twist idly in his desk chair. "I bet it's really nice outside," he commented, a slight hint of disdain in his voice as he looked back at the large-paned window behind him. Getting up, he moved to where the sunlight danced through the curtains.
Looking out, Quatre was met with the superbly maintained gardens of his main estate. He could see that the crimson roses were in full bloom and were as beautiful as they had been in years past. Smiling pleasantly to himself, Quatre let his head rest against the cool windowpane, allowing for just a few more moments of relaxation. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply and let his mind unfocus. Just when the knot of tension was finally working itself from his stomach, someone sighed loudly behind him. Quatre's eyes open wide as he jumped and turned to find Duo settling himself into the desk chair.
"D-duo! You scared me - I wasn't expecting anyone..." A small gasp passed his delicate lips. "...Are you alright?" Quatre gazed nervously into Duo's slightly clouded eyes. The braided pilot fell lax in the chair and began to turn in bored circles.
"I'm okay..."
The worn chair screeched unpleasantly through the silence as Duo turned again and again, focusing on the ground and drumming his fingers absentmindedly on the leather. The blonde, heart still beating faster than could be deemed normal, watched Shinigami... It was impossible to read his down-turned face. The blonde continued to watch his as an uncomfortable silence fell upon the room, penetrated only by the methodic creaking of the chair. As the chair swung around to face Quatre again, two black-socked feet slowed the motion to a stop. Duo looked up, although his gaze was still clouded and seemingly directed somewhere to the right of the smaller boy's head. The amethyst eyes seemed to be having trouble focusing on the world around him.
Suddenly, Duo pulled himself out of the chair and flopped carelessly against the occupied windowsill. Quatre blinked and simply watched as Duo bent to rest his chin on his hands. He had no idea how he should be acting around the preoccupied being that leaned next to him. Duo offered a strangely hollow smile as he gazed through the window. "The roses are out... I really hope they stick around." A brief pause, and then he continued. "I'm not really a flower kinda guy, but roses... damn, those really things really get to me..." The amethyst eyes were half-lidded and calm, but there was a bite to the pilot's voice. "How about you Quat', you big on flowers?"
Quatre turned to further examine the boys profile as he gazed outside. "Oh yes - I, I'm particularly fond of lilies myself, but those roses are as elegant and regal as plants come, I think..." The blonde turned back to join in the examination of the gardens once more. They stood in silence for a while, but fortunately it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been. The small blonde found himself relaxing as he shared the view with his friend. He hoped Duo was deriving some form of enjoyment from this as well.
After a few minutes, the brunette spoke again. "Flowers... heh. Heero doesn't like them. He thinks they're pointless; at least that's what he tells me. He thinks that nature shouldn't be kept simply for "aesthetic admiration"." Quatre continued to stare downwards through the window as his mind searched for the source of the bitterness in Duo's words. The pale skin around Shinigami's plush lips twitched slightly. The blonde sensed something that felt very much like pain radiating from the boy. They stood idle against the glass once more before the lips parted to speak again. "Heero's smart about a lot of things... He just doesn't appreciate pointless stuff like flowers..." He stopped and sighed dejectedly, almost as if recalling a losing battle with the stern-faced pilot of the zero system. Quatre decided that he shouldn't push the matter, but just as he was dismissing the sad sigh, amethyst eyes blinked and Duo's determined voice pierced the air. "You know what, Quatre? I think that Perfect Soldier is wrong..." His eyes shone with an odd gleam that struck Quatre as a little scary. "He can think whatever he damn-well pleases, but I think that anything that makes people happy is worth having around. I mean, shouldn't that be what living is about? Being happy, I mean..." The amethyst eyes dulled once more as he trailed off, and Quatre could be absolutely sure that there were tears forming in them. The nervous feeling took root in the blonde boys chest once more as he stumbled over his own words. "Of course! Well, I mean, to a certain extent... If you're not happy, then there isn't much to live for, er, well, I mean it would make it very hard to live, if you weren't happy, but that's not to say that depressed people don't have reasons to live... Oh, you know what I mean, I'm sure..." Duo didn't seem to realize how uncomfortable he was making Quatre, which was most likely why he could ask his next, even further unnerving question.
"Do you ever think about life, Quat?" The blonde faltered nervously. Why on earth was Duo asking such questions? He decided to be more careful with this answer than he was with his last. "...Well, honestly, I'm not sure." He stared down at his hands and clenched them, nails gently digging into soft palms. "I guess I do... like when I pilot a Gundam, I think about the lives of other soldiers... I think about their lives and whether it is my place to end them. I'm sure we all think about things like that..." He glanced cautiously over at the brunette whose only response was a quite "Oh..." Quatre bit his lip. Had he said the wrong thing? It didn't seem like Duo had gotten the answer he was looking for. The anxious blonde made another stab at conversation. "How about you - do you wonder about things like life?" He immediately regretted saying anything, as he had clearly hit a nerve. Duo continued to direct his gaze outward as if nothing had changed, but Quatre could sense a new level of apprehension arise within the black-clad boy. Then it was gone, shoved beneath the surface once more as Duo threw on a mask of fake amiability.
"Oh not really! I was just wondering, Q-man; I'm surprised you even asked... Besides - you're the angel who would know about that kinda thing!" He winked, a shadow of his old mischievous grin crossing his face. Quatre, who had turned to watch him, blushed unconsciously. //Why does that sound so familiar?// Before he could ask Duo anything else, the brunette smacked him good-naturedly on the shoulder and plastered an even bigger grin on his face. As he bounded out of the room, Duo called out in a singsong voice penetrated by demonic laughter. "Come on Quat - of COURSE I would never think about silly things like *life*!" He stopped at the door and turned abruptly to face the blonde once more. He stood with a disturbing matter-of- fact posture as he called back proudly: "Didn't-cha know that Shinigami only dwells in matters of death?!" There was an almost cruel gleam in his eyes despite the obvious smile. He cackled once more and skipped off down the hallway, humming to himself.
Quatre blinked, slightly bewildered by the whole encounter.
"What just happened there...?"
But before he could dwell on the bipolar nature of their conversation, another realization hit Quatre square in the stomach. "Oh no..." he whispered softly to the room.
//He called me an angel.//
Quatre's eyes grew wide as he stumbled over and sank into his desk chair.
//In his dream an angel kissed him... *I* kissed him...//
The delicate face sunk into upturned hands as Quatre tried to control the panic growing within him.
//He knows.//
TBC
[1] - Yes, the Pen Flip is real. In fact, it's a trademark of the Wichita East Debate and Forensics squad. It can take days of solid flipping before one masters the technique. Chock this one up to boredom and an homage to my Forensics successes (we're ignoring the Debate failures, OK? -_-)
Well, sorry that that hunk of nonsense took almost 6 months to write. Actually, I haven't worked on it much until today, but you know what I mean. I just now started getting time to write, but I won't be completely free until the end of June *kicks summer government* Anyways, sorry for making you wait. The other chapters should come faster since they'll be a lot of fun to write (fun for me, at least -_-;; ) and are planned out with some dialogue already written. I don't really hit writers block until the ninth chapter, and that's still a ways off. Ah, we get pretty heavy on the angst next chapter, but nothing compared to chapter eight. Buahahaha n_n Just hang in there - the angst, self-injury and 2x4 love will come soon enough...
P.S. - If there are any glaring grammatical errors, repetitive word usages, etc. please tell me. I'd like to make reading this story as enjoyable as I can for you guys...
Title: Solace
Warnings: shounen ai, fluffiness, annoying nervous ranting; later on, you will be treated to some nice angst, self-injury etc., etc.
Pairings: 2x4 (more so later on)
Disclaimer: *points to Gundam Wing* ...no, just no.
Archive: If you are delusional and for some reason want it, sure - just e- mail me and tell me what the heck to do... n_n;;
Author's Note: My fragile psyche doesn't appreciate flames, so if it's not **constructive** criticism, please keep it to yourself...
//blahblah// = random thoughts, because I'm lazy/irregular - they won't be marked like that if they fit into the narration...
[5]
The rest of the morning had passed in an uneventful manner. Wufei had managed to escape to his room and lock the door and windows before Shinigami could maul him to death. Trowa had disappeared as per usual, and Duo was presumably off torturing Heero, his other source of glee. For once in his life, Quatre was beginning to wish the brunette terrorist would bother him...
The blond boy sighed, barely visible behind a stack of Winner paperwork. " I wonder if I've ever been this bored in my life..." he mused quietly to himself, resting the pale face on his left hands upturned palm. His right hand was currently occupied with trying to master the elusive "Pen Flip" that his sister's Debate friends had once tried to teach him [1]. Instead of twirling gracefully around his thumb as it was supposed to, the stubborn writing utensil was being repeatedly dropped to the desk, floor, and anywhere else other that back into his waiting hand. Quatre sighed again, set the battered pen down, and began to twist idly in his desk chair. "I bet it's really nice outside," he commented, a slight hint of disdain in his voice as he looked back at the large-paned window behind him. Getting up, he moved to where the sunlight danced through the curtains.
Looking out, Quatre was met with the superbly maintained gardens of his main estate. He could see that the crimson roses were in full bloom and were as beautiful as they had been in years past. Smiling pleasantly to himself, Quatre let his head rest against the cool windowpane, allowing for just a few more moments of relaxation. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply and let his mind unfocus. Just when the knot of tension was finally working itself from his stomach, someone sighed loudly behind him. Quatre's eyes open wide as he jumped and turned to find Duo settling himself into the desk chair.
"D-duo! You scared me - I wasn't expecting anyone..." A small gasp passed his delicate lips. "...Are you alright?" Quatre gazed nervously into Duo's slightly clouded eyes. The braided pilot fell lax in the chair and began to turn in bored circles.
"I'm okay..."
The worn chair screeched unpleasantly through the silence as Duo turned again and again, focusing on the ground and drumming his fingers absentmindedly on the leather. The blonde, heart still beating faster than could be deemed normal, watched Shinigami... It was impossible to read his down-turned face. The blonde continued to watch his as an uncomfortable silence fell upon the room, penetrated only by the methodic creaking of the chair. As the chair swung around to face Quatre again, two black-socked feet slowed the motion to a stop. Duo looked up, although his gaze was still clouded and seemingly directed somewhere to the right of the smaller boy's head. The amethyst eyes seemed to be having trouble focusing on the world around him.
Suddenly, Duo pulled himself out of the chair and flopped carelessly against the occupied windowsill. Quatre blinked and simply watched as Duo bent to rest his chin on his hands. He had no idea how he should be acting around the preoccupied being that leaned next to him. Duo offered a strangely hollow smile as he gazed through the window. "The roses are out... I really hope they stick around." A brief pause, and then he continued. "I'm not really a flower kinda guy, but roses... damn, those really things really get to me..." The amethyst eyes were half-lidded and calm, but there was a bite to the pilot's voice. "How about you Quat', you big on flowers?"
Quatre turned to further examine the boys profile as he gazed outside. "Oh yes - I, I'm particularly fond of lilies myself, but those roses are as elegant and regal as plants come, I think..." The blonde turned back to join in the examination of the gardens once more. They stood in silence for a while, but fortunately it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been. The small blonde found himself relaxing as he shared the view with his friend. He hoped Duo was deriving some form of enjoyment from this as well.
After a few minutes, the brunette spoke again. "Flowers... heh. Heero doesn't like them. He thinks they're pointless; at least that's what he tells me. He thinks that nature shouldn't be kept simply for "aesthetic admiration"." Quatre continued to stare downwards through the window as his mind searched for the source of the bitterness in Duo's words. The pale skin around Shinigami's plush lips twitched slightly. The blonde sensed something that felt very much like pain radiating from the boy. They stood idle against the glass once more before the lips parted to speak again. "Heero's smart about a lot of things... He just doesn't appreciate pointless stuff like flowers..." He stopped and sighed dejectedly, almost as if recalling a losing battle with the stern-faced pilot of the zero system. Quatre decided that he shouldn't push the matter, but just as he was dismissing the sad sigh, amethyst eyes blinked and Duo's determined voice pierced the air. "You know what, Quatre? I think that Perfect Soldier is wrong..." His eyes shone with an odd gleam that struck Quatre as a little scary. "He can think whatever he damn-well pleases, but I think that anything that makes people happy is worth having around. I mean, shouldn't that be what living is about? Being happy, I mean..." The amethyst eyes dulled once more as he trailed off, and Quatre could be absolutely sure that there were tears forming in them. The nervous feeling took root in the blonde boys chest once more as he stumbled over his own words. "Of course! Well, I mean, to a certain extent... If you're not happy, then there isn't much to live for, er, well, I mean it would make it very hard to live, if you weren't happy, but that's not to say that depressed people don't have reasons to live... Oh, you know what I mean, I'm sure..." Duo didn't seem to realize how uncomfortable he was making Quatre, which was most likely why he could ask his next, even further unnerving question.
"Do you ever think about life, Quat?" The blonde faltered nervously. Why on earth was Duo asking such questions? He decided to be more careful with this answer than he was with his last. "...Well, honestly, I'm not sure." He stared down at his hands and clenched them, nails gently digging into soft palms. "I guess I do... like when I pilot a Gundam, I think about the lives of other soldiers... I think about their lives and whether it is my place to end them. I'm sure we all think about things like that..." He glanced cautiously over at the brunette whose only response was a quite "Oh..." Quatre bit his lip. Had he said the wrong thing? It didn't seem like Duo had gotten the answer he was looking for. The anxious blonde made another stab at conversation. "How about you - do you wonder about things like life?" He immediately regretted saying anything, as he had clearly hit a nerve. Duo continued to direct his gaze outward as if nothing had changed, but Quatre could sense a new level of apprehension arise within the black-clad boy. Then it was gone, shoved beneath the surface once more as Duo threw on a mask of fake amiability.
"Oh not really! I was just wondering, Q-man; I'm surprised you even asked... Besides - you're the angel who would know about that kinda thing!" He winked, a shadow of his old mischievous grin crossing his face. Quatre, who had turned to watch him, blushed unconsciously. //Why does that sound so familiar?// Before he could ask Duo anything else, the brunette smacked him good-naturedly on the shoulder and plastered an even bigger grin on his face. As he bounded out of the room, Duo called out in a singsong voice penetrated by demonic laughter. "Come on Quat - of COURSE I would never think about silly things like *life*!" He stopped at the door and turned abruptly to face the blonde once more. He stood with a disturbing matter-of- fact posture as he called back proudly: "Didn't-cha know that Shinigami only dwells in matters of death?!" There was an almost cruel gleam in his eyes despite the obvious smile. He cackled once more and skipped off down the hallway, humming to himself.
Quatre blinked, slightly bewildered by the whole encounter.
"What just happened there...?"
But before he could dwell on the bipolar nature of their conversation, another realization hit Quatre square in the stomach. "Oh no..." he whispered softly to the room.
//He called me an angel.//
Quatre's eyes grew wide as he stumbled over and sank into his desk chair.
//In his dream an angel kissed him... *I* kissed him...//
The delicate face sunk into upturned hands as Quatre tried to control the panic growing within him.
//He knows.//
TBC
[1] - Yes, the Pen Flip is real. In fact, it's a trademark of the Wichita East Debate and Forensics squad. It can take days of solid flipping before one masters the technique. Chock this one up to boredom and an homage to my Forensics successes (we're ignoring the Debate failures, OK? -_-)
Well, sorry that that hunk of nonsense took almost 6 months to write. Actually, I haven't worked on it much until today, but you know what I mean. I just now started getting time to write, but I won't be completely free until the end of June *kicks summer government* Anyways, sorry for making you wait. The other chapters should come faster since they'll be a lot of fun to write (fun for me, at least -_-;; ) and are planned out with some dialogue already written. I don't really hit writers block until the ninth chapter, and that's still a ways off. Ah, we get pretty heavy on the angst next chapter, but nothing compared to chapter eight. Buahahaha n_n Just hang in there - the angst, self-injury and 2x4 love will come soon enough...
P.S. - If there are any glaring grammatical errors, repetitive word usages, etc. please tell me. I'd like to make reading this story as enjoyable as I can for you guys...