"Guy?" Russ pounded on the bedroom door.
He silently cursed his girlfriend for not coming up here to wake the kid up herself. His mock anger quickly turned into a smile, just at the thought of Julie however.
"GUY!" Russ yelled, finally just opening the door.
He was surprised to see the bed empty, and a light on in the bathroom. What was weird, was that the bathroom door was wide open. Russ prayed that Guy was just washing his face, and not using the toilet or showering.
"Guy?" he queried, stepping closer to the bathroom.
He could faintly smell something a bit metallic.
"Ah shit," Russ mumbled, quickly screaming for his brother, for anyone to call 911.
There, on the cold bathroom floor, was Guy, his eyes glazed over, nothing but red smeared all over the pristine porcelain. Russ could easily see that not just one, but both wrists were slashed. Immediate reaction was to feel for a pulse, and he nearly cried when he felt it. It was faint but he felt it.
"Why do I have to call 911?" his brother came into the room, but upon seeing the mess in the bathroom, he quickly dialed it on the portable.
"Russ? What's wrong?" Russ could hear Julie inside the bedroom.
"Don't come near the bathroom Jules," he said, warning her.
"Why?"
"Just don't," Russ admonished, "Go wait in another room," he moved around the bathroom, quickly finding pillow cases to wrap around Guy's wrist.
When he heard the high pitched shriek, he knew that Julie hadn't listened.
"Julie, you don't want to be here," Russ stepped out of the bathroom and pushed her away.
She couldn't tear her eyes away from Guy's limp body, laying alone, on the floor.
"Please," Russ whispered, placing his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back into the bedroom.
She backed up slowly, unable to take her eyes off of the lonely boy. As she stepped backwards, she tripped and fell. She burst into tears when she saw was she tripped over.
A picture of Guy and Adam at Christmas.
"Mr Tyler?" a doctor came out to the waiting room, where Russ and Julie were waiting.
"Is he gonna be okay?" Julie spoke quickly.
"He's going to recover just fine. We will have to keep him under observation for the next 72 hours, in the psych ward. It's standard procedure with all unsuccessful suicide patients," the doctor's voice was even.
Russ nodded, "Can we see him?"
"Yes, he's in curtain number 4," the doctor pointed down the hall, and Julie and Russ practically flew to the correct curtain.
"Guy!" Julie refrained from throwing her arms around him.
Guy managed a weak smile.
"Hey," he squeaked out.
"Dude man, we thought we lost you there for a minute," Russ said from the foot of the bed.
Guy nodded. He was so tired.
Julie pulled up a chair next to him, and took his hand, "We haven't called your parents yet ... did you want us to?"
Guy shook his head no.
"Okay, we won't," Julie agreed.
"What about Adam?" Russ asked, "Do you want us to call him?"
Guy's eyes widened, and he vehemently shook his head no, and squeaked out a "no one please."
Julie patted his upper arm.
"We're worried about you Guy. We're always here for you, you know that," Julie spoke tenderly.
"They're transferring you to the psych ward, for 5 days observation," Russ sighed, "After that, you're more than welcome to come back to my place."
Guy smiled, "I'd like that."
"Excuse me? Visiting hours are over, he needs his rest," a nurse popped her head in the curtain.
Julie and Russ looked back at Guy, and began to stand.
"We'll be back first thing in the morning," Russ said, tapping Guy's leg.
Guy, however, wouldn't let go of Julie's hand, "I'm scared," he whispered.
"I know you are sweetheart," Julie said slowly, "I can't stay with you, but I'll be back, I promise."
She wanted to stay so badly, but she knew it would be better for him to have some time alone.
Guy watched his friends leave the room, and he closed his eyes, thinking about what had happened.
He just wanted to stop the pain.
The pain of Connie's death. The pain of Adam leaving him when he needed him the most. There was so much, boiling beneath his skin, he needed to release it. He had started by cutting himself on his hip, and it had felt good. He felt a release, as if all those emotions that had been bottled up, were finally being purged. And then, as he closed his eyes, and leaned back against the wall of the shower, the blood trickling down his leg, he saw Adam in his mind.
And Adam was disappointed in Guy.
Guy suddenly felt ashamed at what he had done. He remembered Adam's words right before he left for L.A., "You're stronger than this." Adam was right, Guy was stronger than this. At least had been.
And there he was, cutting himself into a statistic.
Now, Guy laid in a hospital bed, after having committed a most cowardly act. And he couldn't bring himself to tell the one person that mattered the most. He couldn't tell Adam, what would he think? He didn't want to face the disappointment that he knew would be written across Adam's face.
He was weak, and he was broken.
That night, Guy slept uneasily, nightmares of Connie and dreams of Adam mixed inside his head. He awoke at one point, and staring into the darkness, or as much darkness a hospital could provide, he wondered.
He wondered if this was what Connie felt like, before killing herself.
He wondered if she too felt scared, weak, and worst of all, alone.
Guy finally fell asleep last night, a deep sleep at that. He slept through breakfast, and when he finally woke up, he was in a different room.
"They must of moved me," he said to himself quietly, sitting himself up.
"Hey hey sleeping beauty," Russ quipped, upon seeing the movement from the bed.
Guy forced a smile. He didn't want to deal with anyone.
"So," Julie plopped down on the bed next to him, acting as if nothing had happened.
For a moment, that's how Guy wanted it, that nothing happened. But what Julie said next showed it was anything but.
"I called your mom last night, and after an hour of convincing her that it was an accident, and to not worry, I managed to keep your parents from flying out here. However, I agreed to get you to call them. They said if you don't call by tonight, they're flying out," Julie looked optimistic, "I tried."
"You didn't have to call them at all," Guy was perturbed. Why did she have to go and do that? Why couldn't she respect his wishes?
But when he looked at her, as she babbled on about something or other, he realized, she was just being a friend.
She looked back at him with expectant eyes.
"What?" Guy asked.
Julie looked at Russ, and he shrugged.
"Do you wanna talk about what happened?"
Guy sighed, it'd have to come out eventually, right? But hell, he was embarrassed of the truth. Would his friends believe him?
"No."
"How about you call your parents?" Julie offered.
"Thanks, but no thanks," Guy patted his blanket down, "I just want to be alone."
Russ looked slightly offended, while Julie just nodded.
She lifted herself off the bed, and gathered her things, which really just included her bag and sweater, "We're coming back tomorrow," she smiled, "Don't think you can get rid of us that easily."
"Whatever," Guy mumbled after them, fixing his gaze on the tree outside.
"Hey Guy," Dr. Willis popped in the room, "I brought someone who wants to talk to you," he said, gesturing to the man behind him, "Dr. James Gordon."
Guy looked up from the hem of his blanket, and gave Dr. Gordon a good look. He was dressed in khakis, and buttoned down shirt, with it's sleeves rolled up. He looked like an okay guy.
"Hello Guy, name's James," he said, pulling himself a chair.
"Hi," Guy said warily. Stupid therapists. He didn't need a therapist, he just needed to feel whole again.
Dr. Willis nodded, and ducked out of the room, letting the two be.
"So Guy, why don't you tell me about yourself?"
Guy rolled his eyes. Was he serious? Didn't he have everything that he wanted to know on his little pad of ... wait. Guy noticed this guy didn't have a paper, nor a pen. He was just here.
"Name's Guy. I'm from Minnesota, and I'm gay," Guy said spitefully, emphasizing the gay part.
"That's a start."
Guy huffed, "Hmm."
"Are you seeing anybody?"
"Not sure."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I was, for over three years now, but two weeks ago, he dropped me off at my house, told me we needed space, and left. So I'm not sure."
"Is that why you did this?"
"Because of Adam? No way. I could never hurt him like that."
"But he hurt you, didn't he?"
Guy shrugged, "Yea, but he was right."
"Is that why you're here, in Los Angeles?"
"I needed time. He was right about us needing space, except it was really me. Now, I just don't know how to go back to him."
"What did you need time from? Did you get into a fight?"
"My ex-girlfriend, I guess you could call it childhood romance, killed herself this past April."
James was silent.
"It did a number on me. We've been broken up for years now, but I never realized how much I missed her till she was gone, she was my best friend. In her note, she said it was because she loved me. Well, that fucked with my head, and I said some shit to Adam that I shouldn't have, and then he said I needed time to grieve, so he left me. He's waiting for me to come back, I know it."
"Do you love Adam?"
Guy took his turn to be silent. From day one he knew he loved Adam. It had always been Adam.
Guy nodded slowly.
"Then what's the problem?"
"Every time I close my eyes, I see her, in pain, suffering. I feel like I betrayed her. But I was dealing. It was when I felt I was so close to losing Adam that I just wanted to die. Not literally, just, start over. Keep in touch with Connie, and keep Adam."
James nodded, his eyes fixed on Guy.
"I came out here, after telling Adam that it didn't feel right. God, I don't even know what I was caught up in, everything with him feels right, is right. But so, I came out here, and while holed up in my friend's house, I saw a special on cutting. And that night, I tried it, in the shower, on my hip," Guy was surprised he had opened up so easily.
"And it felt good. I felt better. And I honestly, was done with it right there. I was ready to go back to Adam. But then, I don't know, something happened inside of me. Two days later, I tried it again. I don't know what made me chose my wrists. Honestly, I was thinking about Adam the whole time. He's got a fucked up wrist, from hockey, and I don't know, maybe I wanted to feel closer to him, and that's why I chose it. But I cut too deep. And I cried. I couldn't stop the bleeding. I tried, I did try. It wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to feel better. I just wanted Adam to hold me, and I couldn't have that!" Guy cried.
The tears were flowing freely down his cheek, and he wiped at them stubbornly with his sleeve.
"All I could think of, as I tried to stop the bleeding, was if this was how Connie felt, weak, scared, and alone. God, I felt so alone. But I knew I wasn't. I knew I had Julie and Russ, and Adam. That I'd always have Adam. And all I want to do is go see him."
"Why can't you?"
"Because."
"Have you called your parents?"
"No. I don't want them to know. There's nothing for them to know. I didn't cut my wrists with the intention of suicide. That thought never crossed my mind. I just," he looked away, "I needed to find an outlet."
"Why can't you see Adam?"
"Because, he'll think I'm weak. And I'm never weak. And when I told him I was leaving, as he begged me to stay, he said I was stronger than this. And this," Guy shoved his wrists into James' face, "Is weak."
"If Adam loves you, he'll be there for you. He'll be upset that you didn't tell him."
Guy took a deep breath, "I think I want to wait until I see him. I mean, this," he waved his arms around the room, "All this is embarrassing. I'm not suicidal. I could never leave Adam like that. He needs me."
"Why does he need you?" James asked quietly.
"Because I love him. Because I make him feel safe," Guy whispered.
He'd never been so frank about his relationship with Adam to anybody, not even Julie or Russ.
James sat back in the chair. James had been in psychology for nearly 20 years now, and not once had he talked to a patient that had tried to commit suicide, and in the first discussion, days after the incident, did the patient outright say, "I did not attempt suicide. I needed Adam." And actually mean it. Guy, was doing everything that James had never seen before. Guy knew where he stood in the world. He knew he had people he could go and talk to. It was just a matter of getting through to them. This wasn't a cry for death. It was a cry of "I'm going to hurt myself just a little, so you will notice me." If Guy had any problem that needed help, it was that he needed relationship counseling, only for the fact, he can't find a way go back to his boyfriend, who loves him.
James was still trying to figure out why Guy couldn't go back to Adam, "Guy, can I be frank?"
"Sure."
"Has Adam ever abused you? Hit you or verbally abused?"
Guy was quick to answer, "God no. Adam and I, we played pee-wee hockey. We've known each other since we were ten. We had always been friends, and then, he told the Ducks, our team, he was gay. And it was all cool. He was with another team member, Charlie, and they ended up having a rough breakup, because Charlie didn't think he was gay. At this time, Adam had a bad wrist injury, but wanted to learn lefty. That's when me and Adam started. I always had a thing for Adam. But he took his breakup with Charlie pretty hard, I helped him through it. And a few weeks ago, he had pneumonia, and I was there for him. He'd never lay a finger on me. Hell, he can't even kill a fly, he says it's too cruel."
"So then," James spoke thoughtfully, "If you've always been there for him, why do you think he won't return the favor and be there for you?"
"He will. That's the thing."
James raised an eyebrow.
Guy sighed, "Okay, in a, let's call it, normal, relationship, the male and the female are together. The males protect the females, that's how it goes. It hurts their egos when the females protect the males. It's just, I don't know, a guy thing. Well, in my normal relationship, I protect Adam. It's just always ended up that way. I know he's fully capable of protecting me. But..." Guy trailed off.
James drummed his fingers once on the arm of the chair.
"He's still sick. He needs to get better, and get healthy."
"I see ..." James shook his head. This kid was incredible. Here he was, scared and appearing lonely, and all he wanted was his boyfriend at his side. But he was still putting his boyfriend's health over his.
"Guy," James started, "You need to get over your pride, and if you need him to feel better, go for it. Sick or not, he's still going to be able to love you. Being sick doesn't affect that."
Guy shrugged his shoulders.
"Do I have to stay?" he asked.
James shook his head, "You don't belong here. And upon this little conversation here, I don't think you are suicidal at all," James stood. He pulled out his wallet, and handed Guy a card.
"If you ever want to talk though, give me a call. You're a great kid," James smiled.
"So, I can go back to Russ'?"
"If that's where you want to go. Honestly, in my professional opinion, you need to go to Adam."
"Thanks James," Guy smiled, flipping the card between his fingers.
"I'll check up on you tomorrow before they discharge you," James headed for the door, "Oh, and Guy?"
"Yea?"
"Call your parents. They deserve to know."
"I will," Guy said. For the first time in about two weeks, Guy felt good. He knew where he stood, or in this case, laid. He now just needed the balls to do something about it.
He closed his eyes, pulling the sheets up to his chin.
However, he flashed his eyes open so quick. All he could see was Connie, laying in the Tyler's bathroom, where he had been, laying in a pool of blood.
Maybe he wasn't alright after all.