"Adam, are you coming? To the barbeque?" Anthony knocked on the door. He was a little upset that he came home to spend time with his brother, and for the past two weeks, all he did was sleep.


"Yea," Adam opened his door, freshly showered, shaven, and in clean clothes. Khaki pants and a white button down shirt to be exact, with sandals adorning his feet.


Anthony wasn't expecting for Adam to actually open the door, and was pleasantly surprised.


Apparently, Adam caught on to this.


"It's the Goldberg's, I gotta go. Besides, Greg asked me personally to make an appearance. I'm not gonna let them down," Adam forced a smile, and Anthony felt bad.


He could see his brother did not want to have to go and spend time with his friends, that so painfully reminded him of Guy. And Charlie might even be there.


"You can stick with me," Anthony smiled, wrapping an arm around his brother, pulling him out of the room.


"Adam!" his mom was surprised to see him up and about, in actual clothes.


"Hey," Adam's dad stood up, grinning, "You ready to go?"


"Yea Dad," Adam smiled grabbing his jacket from the hall closet. It may have been May, but in Minnesota, it was still a little on the cold side.


Adam's mom hung back, and wrapped an arm around her son.


"You look good sweetheart, pale, but healthy. You need to spend some time in the sun. Today's a good day for that," she said, fussing over her youngest son.





Philip Banks parked the car behind what looked to be the Averman's. Adam and Anthony climbed out of the back, Anthony holding the door for his mom.


It was the annual Goldberg Memorial Day Block Party Barbeque. Adam hadn't attended the year before, as he and Guy had spent the summer in Canada with Guy's family.


He hadn't seen his friends since the day after Connie's funeral, and then, he was with Guy. Oh gosh, he realized he was going to have to answer questions about Guy. And he didn't want to.


"Banks!!" Goldberg yelled from across the lawn, as the family walked onto the premises set aside for the barbeque.


Adam looked down, and mumbled to this brother, "I don't want to do this."


"Then don't. Just sit by me. We'll chat," he said.


Adam nodded at his brother's comment, and waved at Goldberg, but did not go near.





They had just sat back down with their food, when Adam felt warm breath on his neck, and heard his name being whispered in his ear.


He turned around quickly, and almost smacked his head into Charlie's face.


"Wanna go for a walk?" Charlie asked quickly, not wasting any time.


Adam looked over to Anthony, and back at Charlie, as if Anthony would have an answer.


"Charlie," Adam sighed.


"You look like you need a friend," Charlie said.


"Yea, well, so do you," Adam shot back, smiling for the first time in weeks.


He stood slowly. In all the time he had to himself, he'd come to the conclusion that it was about time him and Charlie at least made up. As for forgiving him completely, no. And getting back together? Adam wasn't dumb.


"Pond?" Adam asked.


"Yea," Charlie resisted grabbing Adam's hand. They weren't a couple. They hadn't been in years.


The walk to the pond was quiet, but when they reached it, both smiled. On the pond, was a flock of ducks, swimming together.


Charlie plopped down on a bench, and stretched out in the warm May sun.


Adam sat down on the other end, his hands shoved into his pockets.


"Adam?"


"Yea?"


"What happened to us?"


Adam didn't say anything.


Charlie turned to look at him.


Adam looked down and looked back up again, "We were young. We didn't know what we were doing. We were just messing around."


"That's not what you said before."


"I know it's not what I said then, but it's what I'm saying now."


"Oh," Charlie kicked the dirt around, and patted his leg.


Why were things so awkward?


"Adam?"


"Yea?"


"What happened to you always forgiving me? You said you'd always forgive me, and you didn't."


"I accepted your apology," Adam took his time answering that question.


"Yea, last month," Charlie was quick to speak. Always was.


"So, I stayed true to my word, I forgave you. I never said that I would do it right away."


Charlie raised his eyebrows and looked down again. This wasn't going as planned. Heck, who was he kidding, of course it wasn't going as planned. Charlie planned on throwing his arms around Adam, kissing his face repeatedly, and confessing his undying love and devotion.


That wasn't exactly happening.


"Are we even?" Charlie asked, breaking the silence.


"I don't think we could ever be even Char - but if you mean are we friends again," Adam looked over at Charlie, a small smile playing on his lips. He had to admit, it felt good to smile again.


Charlie's eyes held hope.


"Yea, we're friends," Adam stuck out a hand to shake on it.


They both grinned and settled back into their seats.


Charlie, however, tried to test his luck.


"How are you and Guy do-"


"There is no me and Guy," Adam started to answer before Charlie even finished his question.


"What happened?" Charlie feigned interest, but was secretly glad that Adam was now single.


"Don't even go there."


"Did it have to do with Connie?"


"Charlie," Adam warned.


"I want to know," Charlie went on.


"You don't deserve to know what happened between us," Adam stood, with every intention of walking away. He didn't come to be berated by someone he was barely friends with about something personal to him.


"Adam, don't go," Charlie put a hand on his arm.


"Are you gonna leave me alone about Guy? Because I really don't want to talk about it."


Charlie couldn't risk losing Adam again, "Deal," and frankly, he didn't know why he pushed the subject a few minutes before.


Adam sat back down, and decided to bring up a subject of conversation. Apparently letting Charlie pick, wasn't a great idea.


Within a half hour, they were ready to head back to Goldberg's, but before they started walking, Charlie looked at Adam, "Hey, if you ever need to talk, about anything, you know that you can come to me, right?"


"Yea," Adam smiled, "I do. Thanks."





"Guy, you've been lying in that bed for what, 4 weeks now. People don't visit L.A. to sit in their room," Russ said, pulling the sheets off of his buddy.


"It's not healthy," Julie added.


It was their little morning ritual. Julie and Russ would come in and wake up Guy, and invite him to join along in their plans. Every morning, Guy said no. He hadn't showered, or eaten properly.


"Russ," Julie pulled her boyfriend back outside into the hallway, "Why don't you take today to spend some time with your family. I think I'm gonna try and talk to Guy today, give him some company. He looks like he needs a friend."


"Whatever you say cat woman," Russ smiled, "I think I'll just chill with my brother. I haven't had a chance to really sit down with him in a while."


"Thanks Russ," Julie leaned in for a kiss, and let herself back into Guy's designated room at the Tyler's.


"Guy," Julie sat on the bed.


He was awake, and rolled over, opening his eyes, in a "fuck you I want to sleep" sort of way.


"You're not getting rid of me today. I'm hanging out with you, because that's what friends do."


"Friends also help friends get over their petty problems," Guy mumbled.


"What's bothering you?"


"If I'm awake, and I close my eyes, all I see is Connie. Connie at pee-wees,

Connie at the Goodwill Games, Connie at Eden, Connie when we broke up, Connie at the hockey games. And I can even see what Connie looked like right before she died, as if I was there and had witnessed it for myself. But when I go to sleep, I dream of Adam. I dream of what it's gonna be like in ten years, where we're going to be living, shit like that. But even in my dreams, Connie always there. Whether it be as a neighbor or something, she always makes an appearance. I can't take it anymore."


"You need to talk to Adam. You need to be with him right now. You here and him 2000 miles away isn't helping you at all."


"I can't help but notice that in short time I witnessed you and Adam together, you were glowing. You were truly happy, I could see it in your eyes. You never had that with Connie. You two weren't connected like you and Adam are," Julie said, as she picked up some magazine from the floor. God, the room was a disgrace.


Guy sat up, leaning against the pillows.


"Hell, the two of you even grieve the same way, you haven't been out of bed in weeks. Neither has he, so I've heard from Averman."


Guy remained quiet.


"I hate seeing you like this, because I know you're not happy, and that you won't be happy until you are back with Adam."


"What about Connie?"


"She was a good friend of yours. Honestly, maybe you're subconsciously feeling guilty for not having kept in touch. I don't know. But just because she put your name in that note, doesn't mean it's your fault," Julie reached over and touched Guy's knee, and he looked up at her.


"She was on anti-depressants, back before she even graduated high school. She was fucked up. She was physically unwell, and she felt alone. Not because she didn't have you, but because after you, she felt like there was nothing else. She accepted the fact that you two had gone your separate ways, and she not once put any blame on you. You know, I saw her, 6 months before what happened. I spent a week with her at college. All we did was talk. She had so much to say. We talked about some of the dates she'd gone on, and how she always felt like she was screwing them up. How she felt so alone, and that it was because she kept pushing people away," Julie closed her eyes.


Not only was she trying to remember, but what she was remembering, hurt. It was the second to last time she saw Connie alive. And she was talking about how alone and scared she felt, and Julie didn't know what to do, just patted her back, and said that it would be alright, and continued about her own engagement news. She didn't realize then that Connie was reaching out for her help, and Julie was, in a sense, turning her back on her.


"She didn't mention you, she never mentioned you. Even when I saw her at Christmas for lunch, she didn't mention you. I kept expecting her to bring up your name though. She never did. Her mom, gave me her journals. I've read through them. You're still not mentioned. Guy, she had internal demons she couldn't fight. She described it to me as, that she felt like she was trying to swim, but something kept pulling her down underneath the water, that she would frantically try to scramble her way to the surface to breathe. If she looked down, she said that all she saw was black, but that if she looked up, she saw a hand, reaching for her, and she kept reaching for it, but her reach always fell just short of it," Julie's eyes cried tears that she didn't even know were there. She wiped at her face anyway, not wanting to let Guy see her cry.


She took a deep breath, and started again, "I haven't been able to piece together why she wrote your name. I can't find a logical reason other than she didn't want herself to look like an insane person. She didn't want to others know what she had confided in me. That she wanted it kept secret. And she hid it, by using your name. Her journal explains how it wasn't your fault. That it only made sense to use your name. That note was fake, but only in it's explanations. Basically, what I'm trying to tell you is that it's not your fault, and you need to stop thinking that it is. It never was. She lost her internal battle, she broke up with you because of it, and it ultimately brought her down. She believed, at first, that you could save her, that you would be the one. But she never, ever, thought that if she lost this fight, that it would be because of you. She tried to fight it because she wanted you back, but not necessarily you, the thought of you. Who she was when she was with you, because that's the last time she remembered being happy."


Guy was slowly realizing how much he never knew about his ex-girlfriend.


"She knew you were gay or bi-sexual, or whatever. She knew you had feelings for Adam. She always knew, she never questioned it. She never got angry at you for it. She just took it for what it was, and moved on."


Guy looked up, his eyes unreadable.


"You Guy," Julie reached for his hands, "You're better than this," she turned them palm up, exposing the band-aids on his wrist, "Don't let Connie's fate fall on you, because it's not yours. Don't make it," she dropped his hands quickly, letting them fall in her lap.


It had only been two weeks since Russ had come upon Guy in the bathroom, passed out. He asked his parents not to come to L.A., and it took all they had for them not to fly out on the next plane, but they respected their son's wishes. Adam never found out, Guy swore Julie and Russ to secrecy. Julie hated it, hated the fact that she had just lost Connie, and was so close to almost losing Guy.


And she hated keeping this from Adam the most.


Guy suddenly became animated, rushing around the room, grabbing his clothes from the past 4 weeks, and throwing it into his bags.


Julie smiled to herself, and got up to leave Guy to himself.


"Hey," Guy said, catching Julie out of the corner of his eye, trying to sneak out quietly.


"Yea?"


Guy placed his lips on her cheek, and smiled as he pulled away, "Thanks."