A/N- Ok so here we go again, thanks for the reviews, feedback still
appreciated. Sorry it took so long I'm working on the whole consistency
thing and obviously failing.
Disclaimer- (kinda forgot this in the first ch. So here it is) All hail
mighty paramount the bully of the Star Trek playground. I humbly offer my
mud pies in return for allowance into the big kids sandbox.
*~**~**~*
Deanna slowly strolled down the corridor towards sickbay, collecting her thoughts. She was about to attempt an immeasurable feat, breaking through an extremely guarded redhead's comfort zone, a comfort zone that had shrunken considerably in the past year. Deanna rationalized that the purpose for her visit was the psychiatric benefits that could come from the revelations she would attempt to pry from Beverly. And that, in part, was true. Deanna was worried about her friend's withdrawal from. well everything. This crisis was the first thing with enough audacity to draw the grieving woman out of her hole. They were all shaken by the loss of Jean-luc, only a year had passed since his abrupt departure, but slowly, ever so slowly, they were all able to move on and remember the good instead of the loss. She had already decided before the crisis that after a year she would force Beverly to crawl out of her shell and talk about her grief. A very small part of Deanna was simply curious as to what had happened on the ship right before. Deanna reached Beverly's office and knocked against the small barrier that separated Beverly's office from the rest of sickbay. She sighed as she felt the wave of annoyance and trepidation. Beverly was expecting her visit.
Inside her office Dr. Crusher starred at the door. She knew Deanna stood on the other side, ready to come charging in and try to get her to talk. She asked the computer to raise the light level, in an attempt to make things look cheerier and then allowed Deanna entrance.
"Hi Bev." Deanna smiled as she walked in
"Dea, what brings you here?"
"Just thought I'd drop by see how you're doing" As if you don't know.
"Oh" Beverly paused. "I'm fine, a little busy" She looked at the PADD in her hand as though intent on its contents.
Deanna raised an eyebrow and walked over to Bev's desk. In one swift movement Deanna grabbed the PADD Beverly was holding.
"Hmm, very intriguing indeed." Deanna glanced at the black screen of an empty PADD and tossed back towards Beverly. Beverly caught it and sighed, knowing that she just confirmed the Counselors suspicions and that the inevitable conversation would not be delayed much longer. Deanna recognized her discomfort and decided that she would at least allow her friend the privacy quarters.
"Why don't I come and see you after you're off duty. I've got an appointment soon or I'd stay longer. It's about time we. caught up. I'll meet you in your quarters later." With that Deanna walked out the door unwilling to allow time for protest.
*~*~*~*
The Enterprise-F streaked through space two days away from the rendezvous point where Necheyev's ship was supposed to meet them for the specs on their mission. But instead of the Sovereign class vessel that had once held the admiral an ominous cube sat suspended among wreckage. *~*~*~*
She stared out of the view port; it reminded her of Jean-Luc. She turned her back to it as images of him gazing into the stars filled her mind. Sighing she plopped down on the couch. Her quarters felt so cold. For the past year she had spent most of her time in front of a warm fire with Nana's handmade afghan wrapped around her, nothing to remind her of her life before the encounter. Now she was surrounded with the sounds and smells of space and everything else that her mind somehow connected with Jean-Luc. She hugged her legs and rested her chin on her knees. A small part of her wondered when Deanna would come the much larger portion was beginning to recall some of the memories she'd spent the last year burying; warm breakfasts filled with croissants and intellectual sparring, late dinners on the couch with white wine and intimate conversations, the glance, the knowing smile, intentional brush of the hand. Everything poured out of cages in her subconscious mind and consumed her. Each memory took on its own life. She began to hear his hearty laughter; feel his hand on her cheek and the warmth of his gaze.
She must've sat there for some time because Deanna's appointment had run late and it had been a while before she could get to Bev's quarters. In that time Beverly sat in the dark allowing rivers to run down her cheeks and a small pool of salt water to form on her lap. Deanna quickened her pace as she neared Beverly's door sensing the flux of nostalgia and grief that radiated from the redhead. Pressing the chime she anxiously awaited passage to her best friend. When it didn't come she overrode the security lock and hurried inside. The room was dark, but Deanna could see Beverly's silhouette against the light from the viewport.
"Computer, raise lights ten percent" Deanna whispered just loud enough for the computer to register her voice. The room filled with a warm glow that illuminated the silently weeping Beverly. Beverly had yet to react to Deanna's entrance and was obviously unaware of it. Her puffy eyes were fixed straight forward, open but unseeing. Unsure of what to do Deanna sat beside her on the couch and reached a hand out to the trembling woman.
"Bev?" She whispered as her hand made contact with Beverly's shoulder. At the touch Beverly lurched into the corner of the couch and inhaled a sharp breath of surprise. Deanna retracted her hand for a second out of instinct but quickly reached out for her again. Beverly was obviously regaining her wits and quickly sank into her previous position on the couch, to weary and distraught to be embarrassed or attempt regaining her composure. Deanna reached around and wrapped her arms around Beverly as a choked sob that was originally intended to be speech, issued itself from Bev. Beverly turned into Deanna's embrace and buried her face into Deanna's uniform.
"Shhh" She did her best to comfort Bev and rocked her as she continued to cry. Time passed and Deanna shed her own tears, partly because of the grief of her best friend and partly because of her own unresolved feelings. Beverly slowly regained herself and her crying subsided to the occasional hiccup. Deanna gave her a quick squeeze and gently pushed Beverly off her shoulder. She stood up slowly and walked to the replicator and grabbed a damp warm cloth. Sitting back on the couch she handed the cloth to Beverly. She took the cloth and wiped at her face reveling in the warmth of it.
Deanna watched intently as Beverly's composure came back and an obvious embarrassment at her loss of it. When Deanna felt Beverly had sufficiently recovered she spoke.
"Beverly, tell me." she tried to finish the sentence but wasn't sure what she could ask that would get them going in the right direction. Instead she fell into an uncharacteristic silence. Both the counselor and the worried friend whirled around trying to find words. Beverly whispered something so quietly Deanna barely caught her words,
"What happened the day Jean-luc died."
Deanna stared blankly at her.
"That's your question or at least the question you'll eventually ask."
Deanna nodded realizing she was right and hoping that Beverly intended to answer her own question. Beverly sighed and once again hugged her knees to her chest and began te recount what no one else knew.
*~*~*~* A/N sorry really short and annoying cliffhanger but I have got to get to bed I'll be back soon, promise :)
*~**~**~*
Deanna slowly strolled down the corridor towards sickbay, collecting her thoughts. She was about to attempt an immeasurable feat, breaking through an extremely guarded redhead's comfort zone, a comfort zone that had shrunken considerably in the past year. Deanna rationalized that the purpose for her visit was the psychiatric benefits that could come from the revelations she would attempt to pry from Beverly. And that, in part, was true. Deanna was worried about her friend's withdrawal from. well everything. This crisis was the first thing with enough audacity to draw the grieving woman out of her hole. They were all shaken by the loss of Jean-luc, only a year had passed since his abrupt departure, but slowly, ever so slowly, they were all able to move on and remember the good instead of the loss. She had already decided before the crisis that after a year she would force Beverly to crawl out of her shell and talk about her grief. A very small part of Deanna was simply curious as to what had happened on the ship right before. Deanna reached Beverly's office and knocked against the small barrier that separated Beverly's office from the rest of sickbay. She sighed as she felt the wave of annoyance and trepidation. Beverly was expecting her visit.
Inside her office Dr. Crusher starred at the door. She knew Deanna stood on the other side, ready to come charging in and try to get her to talk. She asked the computer to raise the light level, in an attempt to make things look cheerier and then allowed Deanna entrance.
"Hi Bev." Deanna smiled as she walked in
"Dea, what brings you here?"
"Just thought I'd drop by see how you're doing" As if you don't know.
"Oh" Beverly paused. "I'm fine, a little busy" She looked at the PADD in her hand as though intent on its contents.
Deanna raised an eyebrow and walked over to Bev's desk. In one swift movement Deanna grabbed the PADD Beverly was holding.
"Hmm, very intriguing indeed." Deanna glanced at the black screen of an empty PADD and tossed back towards Beverly. Beverly caught it and sighed, knowing that she just confirmed the Counselors suspicions and that the inevitable conversation would not be delayed much longer. Deanna recognized her discomfort and decided that she would at least allow her friend the privacy quarters.
"Why don't I come and see you after you're off duty. I've got an appointment soon or I'd stay longer. It's about time we. caught up. I'll meet you in your quarters later." With that Deanna walked out the door unwilling to allow time for protest.
*~*~*~*
The Enterprise-F streaked through space two days away from the rendezvous point where Necheyev's ship was supposed to meet them for the specs on their mission. But instead of the Sovereign class vessel that had once held the admiral an ominous cube sat suspended among wreckage. *~*~*~*
She stared out of the view port; it reminded her of Jean-Luc. She turned her back to it as images of him gazing into the stars filled her mind. Sighing she plopped down on the couch. Her quarters felt so cold. For the past year she had spent most of her time in front of a warm fire with Nana's handmade afghan wrapped around her, nothing to remind her of her life before the encounter. Now she was surrounded with the sounds and smells of space and everything else that her mind somehow connected with Jean-Luc. She hugged her legs and rested her chin on her knees. A small part of her wondered when Deanna would come the much larger portion was beginning to recall some of the memories she'd spent the last year burying; warm breakfasts filled with croissants and intellectual sparring, late dinners on the couch with white wine and intimate conversations, the glance, the knowing smile, intentional brush of the hand. Everything poured out of cages in her subconscious mind and consumed her. Each memory took on its own life. She began to hear his hearty laughter; feel his hand on her cheek and the warmth of his gaze.
She must've sat there for some time because Deanna's appointment had run late and it had been a while before she could get to Bev's quarters. In that time Beverly sat in the dark allowing rivers to run down her cheeks and a small pool of salt water to form on her lap. Deanna quickened her pace as she neared Beverly's door sensing the flux of nostalgia and grief that radiated from the redhead. Pressing the chime she anxiously awaited passage to her best friend. When it didn't come she overrode the security lock and hurried inside. The room was dark, but Deanna could see Beverly's silhouette against the light from the viewport.
"Computer, raise lights ten percent" Deanna whispered just loud enough for the computer to register her voice. The room filled with a warm glow that illuminated the silently weeping Beverly. Beverly had yet to react to Deanna's entrance and was obviously unaware of it. Her puffy eyes were fixed straight forward, open but unseeing. Unsure of what to do Deanna sat beside her on the couch and reached a hand out to the trembling woman.
"Bev?" She whispered as her hand made contact with Beverly's shoulder. At the touch Beverly lurched into the corner of the couch and inhaled a sharp breath of surprise. Deanna retracted her hand for a second out of instinct but quickly reached out for her again. Beverly was obviously regaining her wits and quickly sank into her previous position on the couch, to weary and distraught to be embarrassed or attempt regaining her composure. Deanna reached around and wrapped her arms around Beverly as a choked sob that was originally intended to be speech, issued itself from Bev. Beverly turned into Deanna's embrace and buried her face into Deanna's uniform.
"Shhh" She did her best to comfort Bev and rocked her as she continued to cry. Time passed and Deanna shed her own tears, partly because of the grief of her best friend and partly because of her own unresolved feelings. Beverly slowly regained herself and her crying subsided to the occasional hiccup. Deanna gave her a quick squeeze and gently pushed Beverly off her shoulder. She stood up slowly and walked to the replicator and grabbed a damp warm cloth. Sitting back on the couch she handed the cloth to Beverly. She took the cloth and wiped at her face reveling in the warmth of it.
Deanna watched intently as Beverly's composure came back and an obvious embarrassment at her loss of it. When Deanna felt Beverly had sufficiently recovered she spoke.
"Beverly, tell me." she tried to finish the sentence but wasn't sure what she could ask that would get them going in the right direction. Instead she fell into an uncharacteristic silence. Both the counselor and the worried friend whirled around trying to find words. Beverly whispered something so quietly Deanna barely caught her words,
"What happened the day Jean-luc died."
Deanna stared blankly at her.
"That's your question or at least the question you'll eventually ask."
Deanna nodded realizing she was right and hoping that Beverly intended to answer her own question. Beverly sighed and once again hugged her knees to her chest and began te recount what no one else knew.
*~*~*~* A/N sorry really short and annoying cliffhanger but I have got to get to bed I'll be back soon, promise :)