Disclaimer: I don't own any of the writers of "One Life To Live" or their significant others. I don't own any of the "One Life To Live" characters (although you can give me Al if you really want to). This is a fanfiction, because this fan of "One Life To Live" wishes it were fiction. See? Fan fiction.
The headwriter at "One Life to Live" stared at his blank computer screen.
"What's wrong?" his significant other asked. "Do you have writer's block again?"
"No. Quite the opposite, actually. I had this dream, and now I have so many great ideas running around in my head, it isn't even funny. I just don't know how to get them onto paper."
"Well, tell them to me, and you can get ideas on how to phrase everything."
He took a deep breath. "Okay. Well, first, we bring back Todd. But he isn't Todd, well, he is, but he isn't, he's pretending to be Mitch's long-lost brother. He ends up killing Mitch, and tries to keep the Llanview police from arresting anyone for the murder by making it seem like anyone could be the murderer.
"Jen decides how much she loves Joey, and sleeps with him, which ends up being bad for Joey because Andrew finds out and tells Joey it's either the Church or Jen, because he can't sleep with a married woman. Joey chooses Jen over the Church, but it doesn't really come to that, because Kevin- did I mention that Kevin's back? Yeah, he's still married to Kelly, but he has the hots for Blair, and Starr doesn't like him one bit- coerces Rex to give Jen the divorce in exchange for more control of Ultraviolet, this new hip club-thing in Llanview that is partially owned by RJ Gannon, whose daughter, Keri, by the way, kills herself because Antonio gets joint custody of Jamie.
"Marcie becomes the target for some people at Llanview University who don't like her speaking out for peace. They threaten her, rough her up, then end up throwing her in a Dumpster, where Al rescues her. It turns out, though, that Al and Marcie get a really bad disease, and Al ends up getting it worse, and even though Gabrielle gives him part of her kidney, Al ends up dying. He comes back though, in the body of this new guy, Michael McBain, who really ticks Marcie off on a date that she is essentially forced into by Joey. If Marcie doesn't recognize Al's spirit in Michael before Valentine's Day, though, he'll leave Earth forever, and now as hard as Al tries, he just keeps doing stupid things that push Marcie away even more.
"Natalie, it turns out, is a billiards queen, and this world famous pool player, "Rack 'Em" Rick, who really works for the really Walker Lawrence, who now goes by 'Flynn,' mentors her a little, then some new creepy guy comes onto the scene and teaches her the Zen of pool. She wins a few amateur tournaments, and Cristian ventures slightly into the world of gambling, which leads to a long talk about trust.
"Meanwhile, the new guy, John McBain, Michael's brother, works for Flynn, but really works for the FBI, but it doesn't come out that he's a cop until Flynn tells Natalie to throw a major match, and she doesn't, he kidnaps her, and through a peculiar turn of events, Walker, who we now know is really Todd, but everyone thinks that Walker had a twin, that's Flynn, and Antonio Vega go out to Vegas to help McBain and Cristian, and they beg ransom money from a bunch of people, but in the end Cristian dies, but he doesn't really die, because the police don't find the body. And a whole bunch of stuff happens after that."
"Is that all?"
"Well. Yeah."
"Do you want my honest opinion, or what you want to hear?"
"What you think, first, then what I want to hear."
"Truth: It sucks. Let me tell you why. First, you have Todd that isn't Todd. The audience might love him, especially if he's really hot, but they won't like that they knew this guy as Walker, but now have to think of him as Todd. They loved Roger.
"Then, you have Jen/Joey/Rex. The audience already thinks of her as some kind of floozy. And now she might get Joey fired from the Church? They'll hate that even more.
"Kevin loves Blair? Do you remember that he is Starr's cousin? Blair's nephew through Todd, who she thinks is dead, but isn't? Sorry, but that is just kind of creepy. Besides, Blair and Kelly are cousins. Weren't they close? Things'll never be the same if Blair gives in. And 'Duh!' Of course Starr hates him. She wants her mom with her dad.
"Does Keri go crazy or something? Because that would be the only reason she would kill herself because Antonio gets joint custody of the baby. And if she goes crazy, and that's how she has to be remembered, the audience would tear you to bits.
"I'll leave Al and Marcie for last, because that's the part that sucks the most.
"Natalie is a pool queen? That's kind of cool. What ISN'T cool is that Cristian is going to die. Oh, I'm sorry, no one dies in soap operas. They just disappear for awhile. And why are you going to hook Natalie up with this John guy? And don't tell me you won't, I know you, a mysterious new guy comes to town, you pair the widow/sad person with him.
"And sending Antonio and Walker to Vegas to find Natalie. Uh-huh. Whatever.
"Now the worst part. Marcie and Al. Do you know how many Marcal fans there are? Do you? I'll tell you how many: Everyone who watches the show. Marcie is so real, and Al really loves her, and now you want to kill him off, and bring him back as someone else? That won't fly with the fans. No, siree. Marcie belongs with Al, not Michael, Al, not Michael, Al, not Michael. Just appease the fans: Make her pregnant with Al's child, and she didn't notice because she's been losing weight while gaining the baby's weight. Please?"
"Is that all?"
"Yes."
"And the lie?"
"They are great ideas. Go for it."
"Okay, hon."