Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to Joss and ME
Chapter 26
"I'm not a saint Buffy. I've done things in my life I wish to God I could undo. But I'm not that man anymore." He traced her jaw line with his fingers, "I've changed. Andrew and I have a lot to answer for."
She felt sadness inside of him; she saw it in his eyes.
"When did you see the first?"
"First what?"
"Vampire, we were talking about vampires." He smiled and welcomed the change of subject which he suspected she had done on purpose.
"I think I was seven maybe eight, I can't remember. My parents had just died. My father was German, and my mum was English. We were living in Germany, that's where they died. I don't really know what happened to them, I was too young. I was sent to a boy's school until they could get hold of an uncle I had here in England." He looked pained, as though the subject of his uncle held another tragedy in his life. "So it was while I was at the that place where I met up with the vampire."
FLASHBACK - Germany - 16 years earlier
He was running into the woods. It had been too much for a seven year old to take. His parents had been killed six months earlier, and his uncle in England could not be located. He had been living in what to him was a hell on earth called Hofsburg-Akademie für Jungen (Hofsburg Academy for boys). A hell that he had to get a way from. The moon was bright and able to light his way. As he ran he stopped abruptly as two men jump out into the road in front of him. They started to come after him when suddenly another man jumped behind them. He took the first man and broke his neck. He looked at William who was looking at him in horror. It was a monster in the form of a man. The stranger went after the other man and tackled him to the ground. William heard a growl and then a gurgling sound. The stranger looked at William and started walking towards him. As fast as he could William turned and ran but tripped over his own feet and fell, hitting his head on a rock. His left brow was bleeding and he began to cry. When he turned to look behind him he saw a man standing just above him.
"Hello there young master. That's quite a cut you have there. Here let me help you up." The stranger helped William up and dusted the dirt off of his pants. He looked at the bleeding brow, "I think your going to have a nasty scar there." He smiled at the boy as he straightened up, "What are you doing walking alone in these woods at this hour?"
"I.I'm leaving." He said staring at the stranger in confusion. He was no longer a monster; he had the face of a man. He wasn't sure if it was the same person, but it had to be since there was no one else around.
"Leaving? Leaving what, that school?" asked the stranger as he pointed to the huge building, with flying buttresses, and ivy growing up the sides.
"Yes." Said William.
"Why?" the stranger looked at him with his head cocked to the side.
"Because they hate me. They laugh at me and hit me." He had tears in his eyes.
"Who, the other boys?" William nodded. "Well now. That simply will not do, master.what is your name?"
"William. William Boldthaus."
"Boldthous?" He knelt down to meet the boys eyes. "Do you know that your name means house of the bold one?" The boy shook his head. "Where are your parents master William?"
"They died. My mum has," he caught himself, "had a brother in England but they can't find him." he wiped the tears from his eyes as he cried.
"There, there now little one. I know it is difficult to be alone. But you must be brave." He hugged the little boy until the sobbing stopped. Then he pulled away form him. "Now listen to me. Life is not easy, for one who has suffered as you." The man looked at the boy and smiled, "I am going to show you what to do the next time those boys try to laugh at you and try to hit you. Would you like that?" He nodded. "But first lets start by wiping this blood off of our eyebrow, and giving you a name that will make them shake with fear."
"Like what?"
"Hmm," the stranger thought and looked at William, "have you ever seen a porcupine William?"
"Yes in picture books. They look a bit scary." His voice was low, he sounded too sad and tired for someone as young as him.
"Yes they do. You see they have those spikes on their body so that the other animals are afraid of them and stay away. And you remind me of one, with your hair sticking up like that." The man ran his hand across the boys hair. It was cut so short by the schoolmasters that it stuck up like a porcupine.
"I like that, yes, I like it very much." Said William enthusiastically, now sounding like a boy should.
"Now, give me your hand." He took the boys hand and made him form a fist. "The next time someone makes you feel badly, you hit them very hard with this." He held his fist in front of him. "Can you do that?"
William nodded and the stranger walked him back to the school.
"Will I see you again?"
"Yes, tomorrow come to me right over there in the same spot." He smiled and disappeared.
The next day William was in the dining hall carrying tray with soup and bread. A boy named Warren Mears, who had taken upon himself to make Williams life a living hell saw him coming and immediately stuck his foot out in front of him and made him trip. All the boys started laughing. William had had enough. He remembered what the stranger showed him got up and looked at Warren.
"What's the matter Miss William? You parents did not teach you how to walk properly? Oh that's right, they died because they were so tired of dealing with you they just killed themselves." He said laughing.
"My parents loved me." William channeled all of his anger into his arm, this was it, "Stop laughing at me. From now on you call me Spike and you're not going to laugh at me anymore" William felt the rage build. He had taken enough of their abuse. He curled his fist like the stranger showed him and with all his might punched Warren so hard he fell back over the table and fell on the other side. No one would laugh William again.
That night he went to where he had met the stranger.
"Hello. Hello Sir? Where are you?" He turned as he heard rustling in the bushes behind him.
"Well? Did you do as I told you?"
"Yes, yes I did. And now everyone wants to be my friend. They are all afraid of me, and some of them have even started calling me Spike." He ran to the stranger and hugged him. "Thank you."
"I am glad Will.. I mean Spike." He pulled away and looked at the boy. "Do you know what I am?" he asked.
"I know you are not like me. Yesterday when you were hurting those men, your eyes were yellow, and your face was bumpy and you had long sharp teeth."
"Yes that's correct. I am a vampire. Spike you should not walk these woods alone, ever at night. There are many things in this world that want to hurt you, and you mustn't make it so easy for them. Now go. Go and live your life like a brave young man, and never let anyone hurt you again."
"I want to go with you." He walked to the man.
"I'm sorry, little one, I can't take you with me. I walk in a dangerous world, and I cannot make you part of it."
"Will I ever see you again?"
"Perhaps someday." he started to walk away.
"But, where are you going? Please can't you stay here with me? Everyone always leaves me." He dropped his head and looked at the ground. The stranger knelt down in front of him.
"I have to leave Spike." The man felt a tinge of sorrow for the lonely young boy. "Why don't we do something special? Give me your arm." Spike gave the stranger his arm, and the man took it into his hand. He then pulled a knife and Spike looked at him frightened, "Don't be afraid I won't hurt you. We are about to become like family you and I." The man made a cut into Spikes arm, then cut his own arm and put them together.
"Can you feel it Spike? Do you feel our blood becoming one?" asked the man with a smile. Spike felt a tingling in his arm. It ran down to his legs, shooting up his torso, to his shoulders and into his brain. His whole body burned.
"What happened? I feel hot and my body tickles." This made the stranger laugh.
"I told you, we are family now. And we will see each other again one day my young master. Family is never gone forever." The stranger stood up and walked away. Before he disappeared into the woods he turned to look at Spike.
"Good-bye little one." Said the stranger as he turned and walked into the woods.
"Good-bye." He whispered as the man left.
End Flashback
"You have vampire blood inside of you?" She looked at his forearm and traced the faint scar. "That must have changed you."
"It did. I was never the same after that. I think I went down that dark path because of it. From that moment, I had this uncontrollable urge to cause destruction and chaos everywhere I went. I didn't know how to control it. Then a few years ago, it just felt so wrong." Elizabeth looked up at him. "I had always known it was wrong, but, just never cared. But it began to weigh on me. Then a couple of months ago something happened, and that was it. I knew I couldn't live like that anymore," She had become acutely aware of his mood changes in their short time together, and felt the sadness in him once again.
He turned to look towards the window; Elizabeth had also heard the sound. He got out of bed and carefully moved the curtains to one side. He saw Giles and Xander approaching on their horses. He looked at her.
"Looks like we lost track of time pet. Its Giles and Red's boyfriend."
"What? Red? You mean Willow? She doesn't have a boyfriend." Said Elizabeth as she sat up in bed. Spike bent down and picked up his pants and started to put them on.
"Well they looked quite cozy yesterday. Xander is it?" He then picked up his shirt and put it on.
"Xander? My God, how long was I in that alter?"
Chapter 26
"I'm not a saint Buffy. I've done things in my life I wish to God I could undo. But I'm not that man anymore." He traced her jaw line with his fingers, "I've changed. Andrew and I have a lot to answer for."
She felt sadness inside of him; she saw it in his eyes.
"When did you see the first?"
"First what?"
"Vampire, we were talking about vampires." He smiled and welcomed the change of subject which he suspected she had done on purpose.
"I think I was seven maybe eight, I can't remember. My parents had just died. My father was German, and my mum was English. We were living in Germany, that's where they died. I don't really know what happened to them, I was too young. I was sent to a boy's school until they could get hold of an uncle I had here in England." He looked pained, as though the subject of his uncle held another tragedy in his life. "So it was while I was at the that place where I met up with the vampire."
FLASHBACK - Germany - 16 years earlier
He was running into the woods. It had been too much for a seven year old to take. His parents had been killed six months earlier, and his uncle in England could not be located. He had been living in what to him was a hell on earth called Hofsburg-Akademie für Jungen (Hofsburg Academy for boys). A hell that he had to get a way from. The moon was bright and able to light his way. As he ran he stopped abruptly as two men jump out into the road in front of him. They started to come after him when suddenly another man jumped behind them. He took the first man and broke his neck. He looked at William who was looking at him in horror. It was a monster in the form of a man. The stranger went after the other man and tackled him to the ground. William heard a growl and then a gurgling sound. The stranger looked at William and started walking towards him. As fast as he could William turned and ran but tripped over his own feet and fell, hitting his head on a rock. His left brow was bleeding and he began to cry. When he turned to look behind him he saw a man standing just above him.
"Hello there young master. That's quite a cut you have there. Here let me help you up." The stranger helped William up and dusted the dirt off of his pants. He looked at the bleeding brow, "I think your going to have a nasty scar there." He smiled at the boy as he straightened up, "What are you doing walking alone in these woods at this hour?"
"I.I'm leaving." He said staring at the stranger in confusion. He was no longer a monster; he had the face of a man. He wasn't sure if it was the same person, but it had to be since there was no one else around.
"Leaving? Leaving what, that school?" asked the stranger as he pointed to the huge building, with flying buttresses, and ivy growing up the sides.
"Yes." Said William.
"Why?" the stranger looked at him with his head cocked to the side.
"Because they hate me. They laugh at me and hit me." He had tears in his eyes.
"Who, the other boys?" William nodded. "Well now. That simply will not do, master.what is your name?"
"William. William Boldthaus."
"Boldthous?" He knelt down to meet the boys eyes. "Do you know that your name means house of the bold one?" The boy shook his head. "Where are your parents master William?"
"They died. My mum has," he caught himself, "had a brother in England but they can't find him." he wiped the tears from his eyes as he cried.
"There, there now little one. I know it is difficult to be alone. But you must be brave." He hugged the little boy until the sobbing stopped. Then he pulled away form him. "Now listen to me. Life is not easy, for one who has suffered as you." The man looked at the boy and smiled, "I am going to show you what to do the next time those boys try to laugh at you and try to hit you. Would you like that?" He nodded. "But first lets start by wiping this blood off of our eyebrow, and giving you a name that will make them shake with fear."
"Like what?"
"Hmm," the stranger thought and looked at William, "have you ever seen a porcupine William?"
"Yes in picture books. They look a bit scary." His voice was low, he sounded too sad and tired for someone as young as him.
"Yes they do. You see they have those spikes on their body so that the other animals are afraid of them and stay away. And you remind me of one, with your hair sticking up like that." The man ran his hand across the boys hair. It was cut so short by the schoolmasters that it stuck up like a porcupine.
"I like that, yes, I like it very much." Said William enthusiastically, now sounding like a boy should.
"Now, give me your hand." He took the boys hand and made him form a fist. "The next time someone makes you feel badly, you hit them very hard with this." He held his fist in front of him. "Can you do that?"
William nodded and the stranger walked him back to the school.
"Will I see you again?"
"Yes, tomorrow come to me right over there in the same spot." He smiled and disappeared.
The next day William was in the dining hall carrying tray with soup and bread. A boy named Warren Mears, who had taken upon himself to make Williams life a living hell saw him coming and immediately stuck his foot out in front of him and made him trip. All the boys started laughing. William had had enough. He remembered what the stranger showed him got up and looked at Warren.
"What's the matter Miss William? You parents did not teach you how to walk properly? Oh that's right, they died because they were so tired of dealing with you they just killed themselves." He said laughing.
"My parents loved me." William channeled all of his anger into his arm, this was it, "Stop laughing at me. From now on you call me Spike and you're not going to laugh at me anymore" William felt the rage build. He had taken enough of their abuse. He curled his fist like the stranger showed him and with all his might punched Warren so hard he fell back over the table and fell on the other side. No one would laugh William again.
That night he went to where he had met the stranger.
"Hello. Hello Sir? Where are you?" He turned as he heard rustling in the bushes behind him.
"Well? Did you do as I told you?"
"Yes, yes I did. And now everyone wants to be my friend. They are all afraid of me, and some of them have even started calling me Spike." He ran to the stranger and hugged him. "Thank you."
"I am glad Will.. I mean Spike." He pulled away and looked at the boy. "Do you know what I am?" he asked.
"I know you are not like me. Yesterday when you were hurting those men, your eyes were yellow, and your face was bumpy and you had long sharp teeth."
"Yes that's correct. I am a vampire. Spike you should not walk these woods alone, ever at night. There are many things in this world that want to hurt you, and you mustn't make it so easy for them. Now go. Go and live your life like a brave young man, and never let anyone hurt you again."
"I want to go with you." He walked to the man.
"I'm sorry, little one, I can't take you with me. I walk in a dangerous world, and I cannot make you part of it."
"Will I ever see you again?"
"Perhaps someday." he started to walk away.
"But, where are you going? Please can't you stay here with me? Everyone always leaves me." He dropped his head and looked at the ground. The stranger knelt down in front of him.
"I have to leave Spike." The man felt a tinge of sorrow for the lonely young boy. "Why don't we do something special? Give me your arm." Spike gave the stranger his arm, and the man took it into his hand. He then pulled a knife and Spike looked at him frightened, "Don't be afraid I won't hurt you. We are about to become like family you and I." The man made a cut into Spikes arm, then cut his own arm and put them together.
"Can you feel it Spike? Do you feel our blood becoming one?" asked the man with a smile. Spike felt a tingling in his arm. It ran down to his legs, shooting up his torso, to his shoulders and into his brain. His whole body burned.
"What happened? I feel hot and my body tickles." This made the stranger laugh.
"I told you, we are family now. And we will see each other again one day my young master. Family is never gone forever." The stranger stood up and walked away. Before he disappeared into the woods he turned to look at Spike.
"Good-bye little one." Said the stranger as he turned and walked into the woods.
"Good-bye." He whispered as the man left.
End Flashback
"You have vampire blood inside of you?" She looked at his forearm and traced the faint scar. "That must have changed you."
"It did. I was never the same after that. I think I went down that dark path because of it. From that moment, I had this uncontrollable urge to cause destruction and chaos everywhere I went. I didn't know how to control it. Then a few years ago, it just felt so wrong." Elizabeth looked up at him. "I had always known it was wrong, but, just never cared. But it began to weigh on me. Then a couple of months ago something happened, and that was it. I knew I couldn't live like that anymore," She had become acutely aware of his mood changes in their short time together, and felt the sadness in him once again.
He turned to look towards the window; Elizabeth had also heard the sound. He got out of bed and carefully moved the curtains to one side. He saw Giles and Xander approaching on their horses. He looked at her.
"Looks like we lost track of time pet. Its Giles and Red's boyfriend."
"What? Red? You mean Willow? She doesn't have a boyfriend." Said Elizabeth as she sat up in bed. Spike bent down and picked up his pants and started to put them on.
"Well they looked quite cozy yesterday. Xander is it?" He then picked up his shirt and put it on.
"Xander? My God, how long was I in that alter?"