(((.-) Zel ||~.^|| Xelloss {{$.$}} Lina ((.^)|| Gourry ((^.^))Amelia |))-.-((| Val


Chapter 26

THE SLAYERS

"I want to touch bases with everyone of you today to see what progress you've made on your cultural fair projects." The teacher looked around at the class. "While you are waiting your turn, I'd like you to be doing either of two things: reading your book for the upcoming book report or working on your fair project."

"Gods, this is such a drag…" Lina whispered to Zel, who appeared to be sleeping, face down on arms, folded on his desk.

"You drew a picture of the Gods… in drag?" piped Xelloss perched precariously on the back of his chair.

"Get down you filthy, amoral spawn of evil!  Hurry before the teacher sends you off to that scary lady's office again!" hissed Filia.

As he obeyed, he whispered across the aisle at her. "My, my Filia! I didn't know you cared what happened to me!"

The teacher's presence interrupted Filia's reply. "Now then, Filia, how are you doing? Have you decided how to narrow down your project?"

"Yes! Actually I have two ideas. One, I could only follow my mother's Father's side for a few generations. On the other hand, I could follow only her Uncle's …" Filia lowered her voice and spoke to the teacher a few minutes longer.

"That second choice sounds intriguing, if you can gather enough facts in time. Now then, Lina? How is your project shaping up?"

"Well, my sister's gotten together everything she knows about the family and I've talked to my mother in New York. Nothing on my dad, deadbeat and dead-end. It's okay, I'll get it done," she shrugged.

"That's good dear.  And you, Xelloss? How is your project coming along?"

"Funny you should ask…" He stared at the back of Zel's head. "Some new relatives have surfaced of late, complicating things. It'll get done, though," he added unconcernedly.

"I'm glad to hear that.  And you, Zelgadiss? Have you been able to gather anything?"


Xelloss was stifling a laugh with difficulty. Zel spoke up louder than usual to cover up the snickering. "Yeah, it seems I have got some family to write about, but pictures are going to be a problem."

"Now don't worry about that part. Do the best you can, dear…" And to top it off, the teacher patted his head affectionately before moving on to the far side of the room.

"Teacher's pet!" smirked Xelloss.

"Don't go there, you son of a…well you know her better than I do!" Zel snapped back.

"So guys, is there a band practice tonight?" Lina asked.

"No, Lina. We have play practice after school today. Are you getting memory problems from hanging around Gourry so much?" Zel asked, eyes narrowed. He was in one of his characteristic sullen moods. Events of the past were weighing heavily on his mind. He was unsure of himself again. Instead of rejection though, he was trying to come to grips with the problems of attraction. His wasn't sure which was worse. Things with Amelia were moving along at a pace he was uncomfortable with. Surely she felt sorry for him, but why want to touch him? He couldn't stand to touch himself much less let another get so close. Besides, he wasn't certain of how he felt about her. She was a friend, but he couldn't even let his mind go there now. And then, what was it about Lina and Gourry that bothered him so much?

"Hey, I've got stuff on my mind, okay?" Lina snapped back. "Unlike some people I know, I have a life outside of school, and right now it's a little complex. So give me a break, Zel!"

"I have a life too!" Zel began.

"You live in a box and you're moving to a bigger, better appointed box, that's all!" Lina replied acidly. She hadn't slept well last night and was not a morning person, so when Zel started pushing her buttons, she just slammed back.

The move. That fact had escaped his mind this morning…well not any longer. He had to pack up stuff-computer, clothes, maybe have a big bonfire instead…end of that life. Lina looked over at her friend. He looked so defeated, she nearly apologized. Until…

"And just how complex can your life get with that jellyfish-for-brains skater guy? Oh, yes, what to eat? That's got to strain both your intellects!" Zel snarled.

Lina's eyes enflamed. "What? What did you say?"

"You heard me, or do I need to repeat myself for some truth to sink in?"

That did it. Lina spoke in a low barely controlled voice. "And I suppose talking to you is better? What makes you think I like trading insults with you anyway? Just because he recognizes the beauty that is the great Lina Inverse, something a cold, heartless…unfeeling fish like you couldn't in a million years, makes him a great deal more attractive than you could ever be!"

The instant the words left her mouth, she regretted saying them. She would have been better off punching him, her first impulse, than saying something she knew would really hurt him.

He simply stared at her in silence.

"I-I'm sorry, Zel…I didn't mean that; it came out all wrong! You got me mad and I just--Zel?" Lina lowered her voice as the teacher drew closer.

Zel turned back to face the front of the room. He knew he had a heart, because it was hurting.

Filia felt for him. What Zel had said wasn't very nice but he hadn't deserved that cruel a response. Lina didn't look too happy any more either. She'd have to talk to Lina and get her do something to make up for that dig. Xelloss thought Zel had been right on target. So why was Lina protecting Gourry? He knew Zel liked Lina, some-- like lots of others--but could she possibly, actually like, like Gourry? No, way…nonsense…not her…



As promised, Xelloss had secured a room for the science lab's cell project. Everyone had hauled their trash, projects, into the room before school. Now they needed to set up their materials, filling the room with cell parts. It was impressive. Reports were read, explaining the significance of each part to the functioning of the whole. Lina read hers on the endoplasmic reticulum, and sat down.

Zelgadiss sat silent as stone, avoiding all eye contact, speaking tersely only when necessary to explain the materials used.  "The ribosomes? Those were empty pill capsules.  Any other questions?"

Things were definitely tense.



Zel was missing from the lunch table. He wanted to avoid all contact with the female half of the human race, something he felt hardly a part of anyway. Amelia spied him talking to Van over by the 'Draconian' kids. She pointed this out to Kiki and rose to go get him, when Xelloss blocked her way.

"I don't think that that would be a good idea, Amelia," he smiled. "Zelgadiss needs his space today. You'll just have to wait until play practice, okay?"

He wouldn't budge, so she reluctantly sat down and chatted with Kiki and Lina.

"I just wanted to ask him if he'd talked to his--if he'd asked about renting his house--oh, it can wait," Amelia said moodily.

Lina seemed a little moody herself. Gourry noticed this and kept to himself. He set a bag of potato chips within her reach, and was satisfied to have her grab and devour them all. That was enough. She wasn't mad at him. Let whatever the problem was blow over. That was the safe way to handle things. He knew she'd read his poem. He knew she'd wait until they were alone to say anything, if then. Well, she wasn't mad at him. Things were okay then.

Filia flung her paper lunch sack onto the table and stood next to Lina's chair. "Lina! You really hurt his feelings! How could you say such a terrible thing…and in front of everybody in listening distance? You know better than anyone how sensitive he is about his looks, and to point out how he'll never compare to Gourry…ever! That was cruel! He'll never get over that without a huge effort on your part!" Filia lectured in her best 'I'm perfect and you are scum' tone of voice.

Well--maybe things weren't okay--Zel's my friend too. Better stay out of it. If she wants you to do something, she'll let you know. Gourry looked sideways at Lina.

"He'll get over it, he always does. We were in crappy moods and taking it out on the safest person around. He knows that. I know that," Lina said defensively.

"I don't think so this time. I think he's jealous that you're getting close to someone else and rubbing his nose in the fact that no matter how smart he is, that can't compare to the other lucky guy's good looks. Pretty shallow sounding, but really cuts to the quick!" Filia sniffed and sat down to eat.

Amelia straightened in shock. Her Zelgadiss jealous? He likes Lina? No, he likes me! "I think you're wrong, Filia! I wasn't there and heard nothing, but Zelgadiss--he's Lina's friend and Gourry's too. He wouldn't be jealous of them! He likes--me."

Xelloss knew she was partially right too, but one look at the tortured face of Lina and the confused one of Gourry and he decided to keep his mouth shut. But then, that wasn't much fun.

"Filia's right!" he piped up. "Lina needs to apologize to Zelgadiss. Perhaps a walk? You still have 20 minutes of lunch. He's right over there hiding out with the kids from 'Atlantis'."

"I am not going over there and I will not talk to him. I am not apologizing! I was right! He thinks he's so smart and knows what's right for everybody-- and look at the pitiful life he leads! I'll see you all later!" Lina said in a huff and stomped off, leaving her lunch in a mess at the table.

"That's not going too well, I'm afraid," Xelloss said airily, smiling faintly and removing his glasses to clean them.

"And that seems to just feed your soul!" snipped Filia.

"Hey, did I miss somethin' ?" Val asked as he joined the diminishing group at the table.

In a sing-song voice Xelloss chanted,

          "There's trouble in Zel-ville and Lina's the cause,

          Filia wants her to solve it because, because--

          Amelia's unhappy that Zel is all hurt,

         And Gourry just wishes --"


"--That you weren't such a jerk!" finished Filia.

"That doesn't really rhyme as well as '--she'd give him dessert'," he laughed. "Hey!" he shouted as her lunch bag landed on his head.

Thankfully the bell rang, dispersing the band to the four corners of the school.



Xelloss settled into his place at the video editing computer before Zel arrived. The video was looking good. The editor's feature set was complete and he hadn't encountered any bugs that he couldn't work around. Zel had been keeping a log of their work in order to put together a simple 'How To--" booklet.

Zel slunk into the seat beside him and watched the video replay from the beginning to the end.

"So, what's next? Credits? Title? What else?" Zel asked.

"Sure, then maybe we should let the whole band see it and get their comments?" Xelloss suggested. "We'll get them unsolicited later after its all done anyway, so we might as well save ourselves the grief of having to go back and change stuff later.  Okay?"

"Yeah, maybe after play practice today we'll be able to talk them into watching it,  if the room's not locked up by then," Zel muttered.

"Keys, Zel, I have keys…no room is sacred," Xelloss' eyes glittered with delight.




The Midsummer's Night Dream was becoming a late-fall-early-winter's nightmare. The sets were repaired but falling apart at the seams. The props that had been missing were still missing. Kids were dropping lines like fishermen at the beginning of the season:

Sylphiel (Hermia) and Amelia( Helena) were practicing Act I, scene I. Both were moaning about Demetrius (played by Val):

Sylphiel: I frown upon him, yet he loves me still.

Amelia: O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!

Sylphiel: I give him curses, yet he gives me love.

Amelia: O that my prayers could such affection move!

Sylphiel: "I wish he'd stop leering at us over here, it makes me --"

Amelia: "O that his leers would turn toward yonder Queen of the Amazons (played by Filia) --Ha, Ha, ha!"

The two girls broke up into weepy forms,

Val shook his head and stalked off--



Later on in Act II, scene I, 'a fairy' played venomously by Ranma Saotome, and the deviously cheerful Xelloss-as-Puck had their little parley:

Xelloss: How now, spirit! Whither wander you?

Ranma: Over hill, over dale, through bush, through brier  (recited in as flat a tone as possible),
Over park, over pale, through flood, through fire  (devoid of any interest at all)…
"Damn! I'm tired and need a break--" (said passionately)

Xelloss: "Perhaps… you'll find your lost friend… Ryoga o'er at the drinking fountain and we'll start over in say… five?"

Ranma: "He's not my friend! No… let's just get this over with…"

Xelloss: Okay…The King (played by Zel) doth keep his revels here tonight;
Take heed the queen (played by Lina) come not within his sight;
For Oberon is passing fell and wrath,
Because that she as her attendant hath
A lovely boy-
And jealous Oberon would have the child Knight of his train,
To trace the forests wild and with which to toy;
But she perforce withholds the loved boy-


Ranma: Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
Or else, you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow--are not you he that frights
The maidens of the villagery and barms-
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their harm?
Those that call you Hobgoblin and sweet Puck,
You do their work, and they shall have good luck: ahhhh……Are not you he?

Xelloss: Thou speak'st aright;
I am that merry wanderer of the night,
I jest to Oberon and make him smile-
But, room, fairy!
Here comes Oberon.

Ranma: And here my mistress. Would that he were gone!

Xelloss: ( laughing now)"You don't know the half of it!  Those two have been trading insults all day.  This is going to be fun!"

Ranma: "You mean for real, man? This is too much like home--"

Xelloss: "Yours too?  Hmmm, we should get together and trade horror stories… No, mine are really horror stories!  Torture, mixed up families histories--"

Ranma: "Like I said--sounds like home--"

Zel was standing arms crossed waiting his turn. Lina was standing arms akimbo on the opposite side of Puck and the fairy. Xelloss smiled and the two 'friends' entered the stage from opposite sides.

Zel: Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.

Lina: What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, skip hence , "Beat it Xelloss!"
I have forsworn his bed and company.

Zel: Tarry, rash wanton: as not I thy lord?

Lina: Then I must be thy Lady:
But I know when thou hast stolen away
From fairy land-
Playing on pipes and versing love to amorous Amelia…ah… that is… PHILLIDA

Why art thou here?
Oh, yeah-- that bouncing Amazon (Filia)
Who is your mistress and your warrior love,
To Theseus (Ryoga) must be wedded,
And you come to give their bed joy and prosperity.

Zel: "Oh, joy for me!" (sighed)
Oh--Why should Titania cross her Oberon?
I do but beg a little changing boy to be my henchman.

Lina: --His mother being mortal, of that boy did die;
And for her sake I will not part with him.

Zel: How long within this wood intend you stay?

Lina: Perchance till after Theseus' wedding--

Zel: Give me the boy and I will go with thee.

Lina: Not for thy Fairy kingdom! Give it up, I'm outta here--Fairies away!

And Queen Lina stomped off the stage.

Zel: Well, go thy way: I will torment you for this injury! (Lina offstage could be heard moaning, "Yeah, yeah…you just wish…")
Ah, my gentle Puck, come hither-


Puck danced into view…

Xelloss: Yes? Flutters eyelashes and grins

Zel: I marked where young (sigh…) Cupid's arrow fell.
It fell upon a little flower
Love-in-idleness, in a hidden bower-
Fetch me this herb, and make it quick!

Xelloss: Quick like a bunny! I'll girdle round about the earth in Forty minutes give or take a few-

And Xelloss-the-Puckster exited,  laughing hysterically.

Zel: Having once this juice, I'll watch Titania when she is asleep,
And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.
The next thing then she waking looks upon,
She shall pursue it with the soul of love.
That's when I take the boy from her.
But who comes here?
I will eavesdrop some--

Val as Demetrius and Amelia as Helena stepped onto the stage front and center.

Val: I love thee not, therefore--bug off…ah--pursue me not.
Where is Lysander and fair Hermia?
The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me.
Get thee gone and follow me no more.

Amelia: "So am I supposed to be hanging on his legs here? Oh-"
--My heart is a true as steel!

Val: Do I entice you?
Do I not in plainest truth tell you that I do not,
That I cannot love you!
 
Amelia: And even for that do I (gulp!) love you the more.
The more you beat me,
I will fawn on you.
Neglect me, lose me, spurn me, strike me-
"GAG me before I have to say any more! Okay I'll continue..."
Only give me leave to follow you.

Val: I am sick when I do look on thee!

Amelia: And I am sick when I look on you too--I mean…NOT on you…sorry--

Val: Let me go. If thou follow me, I shall do thee mischief in the wood (said with a wolfish leer.)

Amelia: We cannot fight for love, as men may do.
We should be woo'd, and were not made to woo!


Both Demetrius and Helena skittered quickly offstage. As Zel waved them off.

Zel: Fare thee well nymph--before he leaves this grove,
Thou shalt fly him and he shall seek thy love.

Val: (from the sidelines) "She'd rather you did the pursuing, ha, ha!"

Xelloss re-entered, dancing with his flower acquisition--

Zel: Have you the flower?

Xelloss: Yes, indeedy! Here it is!

Zel: Now I'll look for Titania-
Here take some yourself
And seek an Athenian man and anoint his eyes,
But do it when the next thing he espies
May be the sweet Athenian lady in love with him.
Its affect on him is that he may prove more fond of her--

Xelloss: Fear not! Fearless leader, my lord, your servant shall do so!

And he skipped off merrily.




"Very nice now…kids…Act II, Scene II…" directed the teacher.  "And the part of Lysander will be played by his stand in…ah…Zangalus…while the other boy is out with the flu."

Enter Titania (Lina) and her fairy attendants-

Lina: Sing me now asleep, then to your offices and let me rest.
Fairies sing a song and she sleeps--

Enter Oberon and squeezes the flower juice on her eyelids--

Zel: What thou seest when dost thou wake,
Do it for the true-love take.
Love and languish for his sake-
When thou wakest, it is thy dear.
Wake when some vile thing is near.

Lina: "YOU already are, heh, heh, heh."

Zel exited muttering, "Stick to the script." --

Enter Lysander (Zangalus) and Hermia (Sylphiel) -

Zangalus: Fair love, you faint with wandering in the wood.
And--I've lost my way--We'll rest here, Hermia, if you think it good.

Sylphiel: Be it so, Lysander, find you out a bed
For I upon this bank will rest my head.

Zangalus: One turf shall serve as pillow for us both;
One heart, one bed, two bosoms, and Ha, Ha, Ha!

Sylphiel: Nay, good Lysander, for my sake, my dear,
Lie further off yet, do not lie so… near--

Lina shouts from her bower: "You heard the lady!  Now move it, Zangalus!"


Lysander and Hermia closed their eyes and pretended to sleep as Xelloss as Puck hopped onto the stage singing and dancing.

Xelloss: Oh where, oh where, has that Athenian gone?
Ah, ha! Athenian clothes he doth wear;
This is he, my master said,
Who despised the Athenian maid--and here she is!
The maiden sleeping soundly on the dank and dirty ground!
Pretty soul! Why is she lying by this lack-luster, this kill-joy,
Churl, good for nothing-- upon thy eyes I throw all the power
This charm doth owe.
When thou wakest, let love for this lady grow!
So awake when I am gone, for I must now to Oberon!

After blowing them a kiss, Puck left to one side, while from the other, Demetrius (Val) and Helena (Amelia) come running--

Amelia: Stay though thou kill me Demetrius!

Val: Go! Do not haunt me, or I just might!

Amelia: Don't leave me!

Val: Stay on at your own peril, I am outta here babe!

And, true to his word, Demetrius exited.

Amelia: I must be as ugly as a bear.
For beasts that meet me run away in fear.
No wonder that Demetrius does to like a monster!
There lies the beauteous Helena.
But who is here?
Lysander! On the ground? Good sir, if you live, awake!

Zangalus: Yawns-- And run through fire for thy sweet sake!
Helena? Eh? I must skewer that Demetrius on my sword!

Amelia: Do not say so, Lysander!
So what if he loves your Hermia!
She loves you, be content.

Zangalus: Content with that tedious witch?
No, it's with you Helena that I am in love.
You are the most beautiful of all--

Amelia: Why do you mock me?
I must confess, I thought you a lord of true gentleness.
Oh! That a lady of one man refused,
Should of another therefore be abused!
That's so unjust!

Helena exited, her little fist up-lifted on principle.

Zangalus: Hermia, you sleep there,
Mayst thou never come Lysander near!
For now, I vow to apply my powers to honor Helena
And to be her knight of peer!

And with that said, Demetrius exited.



Sylphiel: awakening-- Help me Lysander! Look how I quake with fear!
Shrieks Lysander? Gone? Oh, dear-
Either my death or you I'll find immediately.

Lina: Off to the side, muttered,"If she screams like that again I'll make sure which one it is!"


Hermia left the stage.

"Oh kids…that was very touching…very good…now…ah…  Can you straighten that tree?  It should be standing tall and…yes, thank you.  All right, continue…" the teacher reminded them.

 
Titania (Lina) lay sleeping in the woods--

Gourry (as Bottom) had been goofing around with the other laborers (called the mechanicals) with Puck watching them-

Xelloss: What homespuns have we swaggering here,
So near the sleeping Queen Titania?
"And we know how crabby she is if she misses her beauty sleep!"

Lina: "Stick to the script, Xelloss!"

Xelloss: "O-kay, Do-kay!"

Puck leads Bottom (Gourry) around and out of sight. When he leads him back out, Bottom is wearing a paper hat representing his ass's head-

Xelloss: I'll lead you about a round through bog,
Through bush, through brake, through briar.
Sometimes a dragon I'll be, sometimes wolf, sometimes a fire.
I'll roar or howl or burn
At every turn!

All the other mechanicals acted frightened and ran away yelling.

Mechanicals: O monsters! Fly! Help!

Gourry-Bottom: Why's everybody running away as if they're afraid of me?
I see what they're up to.
This is to make an ass of me.
They think I'm stupid or something.
I will not stir from this place, do what they can.
I will walk up and down here and sing to show I'm not afraid:
 He started to sing  a silly song (So in this world--)…

Lina (awaking): I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again.
Mine ear is much enamored of thy note.
So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape. I…ah… love thee! (Blushes)

Gourry: Umm.You have little reason for that, but to say the truth,
Reason and love keep little company together now-a-days…

Xelloss: from the sidelines-"Out of the mouth's of babes!"

Lina: Ahhh, thou art wise as thou art beautiful.  "Hey! Who's laughing! This is a play going on here! Shuddup!"


Zel rolled his eyes, while Xelloss and Val ceased their snickering.


"Okay, now kids…lets try and be serious about this.  Be professional at all times!" their teacher admonished them. "Now, you are in another part of the wood, Oberon and Puck, so assume your positions and begin..."


Zel: I wonder if Titania is awake yet? Ah, here comes my messenger! How now mad spirit!

Xelloss: My mistress with a monster is in love!
A crew of crude mechanicals met together to rehearse a play--
Intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.
One forsook his scene and entered in a brake (of fern)--
When I did him at this advantage take.
An ass's head I fixed upon his own-
So at his sight, away his fellows have blown.
I lead him round and so it came to pass-
Titania waked and straightway… loved an ass.

Zel: This is going better than I thought it would!
But hast thou latched the Athenian lad's eyes with the love- juice as I did bid you do?

Xelloss: "Yes, indeedy, Great master!"
I took him sleeping, so that's finished too!
"Gods, that line really doesn't scan too well in this day and age, does it?  Maybe I should tinker with that line some."
And the Athenian woman by his side,
That, when he waked, of force she must be eyed.

Enter Sylphiel (Hermia) and Demetrius (Val)--

Zel: Shut up! Here comes the guy now!

Xelloss: This is the woman, but--oopsie! Wrong Athenian lad!  My bad….

Val: I didn't kill that idiot Lysander! Nor is he dead, for aught I can tell!

Sylphiel: I pray thee, tell me that he is well!

Val: If I do, what will you give me?

Sylphiel: The privilege never to see me more.
And from thy hated presence part I so.
See me no more, whether he be dead or no!

Hermia exits-

Val: "Wow, you're one harsh lady!"
There is no following her in this fierce vein.
Might as well get some shut-eye.


Demetrius lies down and sleeps-

Zel: YOU IDIOT! "Sorry, didn't mean to shout in your ear, Xelloss…"
What hast thou done! Thou hast mistaken the man
And now he's in love with the wrong woman!


Xelloss: My, my… I guess I did!

Zel: About the wood go swifter than the wind.
Find Helena of Athens.
All fancy sick she is and pale of cheer with sighs of love-
"What's that? That's not true! Keep it to yourself, Xelloss!  Amelia's fine. Now where was I?"
By some illusion, bring her here.
I'll charm HIS eyes with her to see.

Xelloss: I go, I go! Look how I go! Swifter than an arrow from a bow.

Puck exits grinning-

Zel: standing over Val's head-
Flower hit with Cupid's archery sink in the apple of his eye,
When his love he doth espy
Let her shine as gloriously as the Venus of the sky.
When thou awakest, if she be by,
Beg of her for remedy.

Re-enter Puck-

Xelloss: Captain of our fairy band?
Helena is here at hand,
And the youth mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover's fee.
Shall we their fond pageant see?
LORD, what FOOLS these MORTALS BE!

Zel: Shuttup! You'll wake up Demetrius!

Xelloss: Then will two at once woo one-- that needs be sport alone!
And those things do best please me-- that befall preposterously.


Enter Lysander (Zangalus) and Helena (Amelia) --

Zangalus: Why do you think I woo in scorn?
How can the things I say to you -
I vow, I weep-seem scorn to you?


Amelia: You grow more and more cunning all the time.
Those vows you make should be to Hermia!

Zangalus: I had no judgement when to her I swore.

Amelia: Nor do you now!

Zangalus: Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you!

Demetrius (Val) awakens and sees Helena (Amelia)--

Val: O Helena, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!
To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyes?

Xelloss: off to the side--"A swine, perchance? Ouch, that hurt, Lina!"

Val: Oh, let me kiss this princess of pure white, this seal of bliss!

Amelia: Oh spite! Oh, Hell!
If you were civil and knew courtesy,
You would not do me thus much injury.
If you were men, as men you are in show,
You would not use a gentle lady so!
You both are rivals, and love Hermia.
And now both rivals mock Helena!
"It's just so unjust and unrighteous of you!"

Xelloss: to Zel-- "She's really getting into this part, don't you think?"

Zangalus: You are unkind, Demetrius! Be not so!
For you love Hermia, this you KNOW I know.
You take Hermia, and I'll take Helena.


Val: No way, Lysander! Keep thy Hermia!
I will none.
If ever I loved her, all that love is gone.
I love Helena now that all is said and done!

Zangalus: Helena? NO!

Val: Look here comes your love, Hermia!

Hermia ( Sylphiel) enters--

Sylphiel: Oh, Lysander, I found you! Why did you leave me so?

Zangalus: Why should I stay, whom love doth press to go?

Sylphiel: What love would press Lysander from my side?

Zangalus: My love for Helena.

Sylphiel: You speak not as you think! It cannot be!

Amelia: There she is, now I have all three of this stupid conspiracy!
Hermia you ungrateful maid!

Sylphiel: I am amazed at your passionate words.
I scorn you not, though it seems you scorn me.

Amelia: Have you not set Lysander to follow me
And to say he loves me,
While your other love, Demetrius,
Who nearly kicked me away, now calls me Goddess?

Sylphiel: I have no idea what you are talking about.

Amelia: "You're right, we don't really care about either one of those guys, do we? Giggles"


Val: (glaring) I love you Helena!

Zangalus: Not as much as I do!

Amelia: Oh, thief of love, Hermia!
What have you come by night and stolen my love's heart from him? You liar! You puppet!

Sylphiel: Puppet? Whom are you calling a puppet? Shrimp!
How low am I?
Not so low but that my nails can reach unto thine eyes.

Val: laughing, "Ooo, cat fight!"

Amelia: Help me, gentlemen, though you mock me!
Perhaps you think her lower than myself that I can match her.

Sylphiel: LOWER!?

Amelia: Oh, good Hermia do not be so bitter with me.
We've been good friends.
I told Demetrius that you were in these woods.
He followed you.
For love, I followed him, but he threatened to strike me,
Nay, to kill me too!
So now, let me quiet go to Athens to bear my folly back
And follow you no further. Let me go.
You see how simple and how fond I am?

Sylphiel: Why get going, already. Who keeps you here?

Amelia: A foolish heart, that I leave here behind.

Sylphiel: What, with Lysander?

Amelia: With Demetrius!

Zangalus: Be not afraid, she shall not harm thee, Helena.

Val: No, dude…er…sir, she shall not!

Amelia: Oh, when she is angry, she is keen and shrewd!
She was a vixen when she went to school,
And though she be but LITTLE, she is fierce.
There is no one who can be worse!

Val:   "Isn't she talking about Lina?"

Sylphiel: LITTLE again! Nothing but 'little' and 'low' Let me get her!

Zangalus: Get you gone dwarf! You minimus, you bead, you acorn.

Val: Leave Helena alone!

Zangalus: Shall with fight with swords to see who gets her?
Follow me then!


Exit both Demetrius and Lysander to fight--

Amelia: I don't trust you. I won't stay in your cursed company.
I'll out run you with my long legs!

Helena exits-


Sylphiel (Hermia) looks down at her longer legs-

Sylphiel: I am amazed and know not what to say.

Hermia exits-



Zel: This is YOUR negligence.

You're either incompetent or committing these tricks on purpose!

Xelloss: Well, my Lord, that's a secret!
Okay, okay, believe me, king of shadows, I mistook.
Did you not tell me I should know the man by
The Athenian clothes he wore?
And so blameless proves my enterprise,
That I have anointed an Athenian's eye,
And so far-- am I glad it so did sort
As this their jangling I esteem a sport! Grins evilly

Zel: sigh Since they seem to want to fight, Robin,
Overcast the night with a drooping fog as black as Acheron.
Lead these testy rivals so astray
As one come not with in another's way.
Pretend to be Lysander and lead on Demetrius,
Then pretend to be Demetrius and stir up a Lysander.
Lead them round until they sleep,
Then crush this herb into Lysander's eyes
And fix him up with the right girl, all riiiight?
I will to my queen and take her boy.  "Gods, I see what you mean about some of these lines…"
Once I have my prize,
I'll release her charmed eye from monster's view
And all things shall be peaceful once again.

Oberon exits-

Xelloss: How dull--Okay, my fairy…ha,ha,ha… Lord, if you insist-
Then, this must be done with haste, morning's not far oft.
Up and down, up and down,
I will lead them up and down.
I am feared in field and town.
Goblin, lead them up and down.
Oh, goody! Here comes one now!

Reenter Lysander (Zangalus)--

Zangalus: Where art thou, proud Demetrius? Speak thou now.

Xelloss: Here, villain. Sword drawn and ready. Where art thou?

Zangalus: I will with you straight.

Xelloss: Follow me then, to plainer ground--

Puck, with Lysander following him, exits-re-enter Demetrius--

Val: Lysander! Speak again, you coward! Where art thou fled?

Xelloss (from out of nowhere): You rang, sweetheart?
Coward, show yourself!
Follow me, I'll whip you with this staff like a child!
He is defiled who draws a sword on thee!

Val: Garrrgh! Where are you?

Xelloss: Follow my voice, idiot! We'll try no manhood here.

Demetrius chases the unseen Puck and both exit-re-enter Lysander--

Zangalus: This is ridiculous.
I'm tired and here I rest.
End night, come thou gentle day! (Sleeps)

Re-enter Puck and Demetrius--

Xelloss: Ho, ho, ho! Why comest thou not?

Val: You run before me, shifting every place
And dare not stand not look me in the face.
Where are you now?

Xelloss: Come hither I am here!

Val: This is a crock.
I'm going to get some sleep and
Fight him fresh in the morning. (Lies down and sleeps)

Re-enter Helena --

Amelia: Oh weary night. O long and tedious, unrighteous night.
I shall sleep now and when I awake it will all be better.

(Lies down and sleeps)

Xelloss: Yet but three? Come one more,
Two of BOTH kinds makes up four.
Here she comes, cursed and mad,
Cupid is a knavish lad,
To make poor little females sad!

"Gods, I just love this stuff!"

Re-enter Hermia--

Sylphiel: Never have I been so weary!
I can no further crawl, no further go.
Here will I rest till the break of day. (Sleeps)

Xelloss: On the ground,
Sleep sound.
I'll apply,
To your eye,
A gentle lover remedy.

Puck squeezes juice into Lysander's eyes and dances about singing-

Xelloss: When thou wakest,
Thou takest
True delight,
In the sight
Of thy former lady's eye's
And the country proverb known
That every man should take his own
In your waking shall be known,
Jack shall have Jill
Nought shall go ill
The man shall have his love again, and all shall be well!

Puck exits--

"Very well down, now!  Let's get those sets changed as quickly as possible…and on to  Act IV, Scene I!"  their teacher directed them.

Everyone is lying asleep, enter Titania (Lina) with Bottom (Gourry) and attending fairies (Peasebottom and Mustardseed), Oberon (Zel) behind unseen-

Lina: Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed,
While I thy amiable cheeks do coy
And I'll stick flowers in your long, smooth hair,
And kiss thy large ears, my gentle joy.

Gourry: Ahhh, Peasebottom?
Scratch my head-
And MustardSeed?
Assist Peasebottom-
I am monstrously hairy about the head all the sudden,
And I must scratch, this thatch.

Lina: What, wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love?

Gourry: I like music pretty good, Lina, I mean, ahhh, not so much--

Lina: Or say, sweet love, what dost thou desirest to eat?

Gourry: Now that's the idea!
Truly a peck of provender.
Methinks I have a great desire to a load of hay,
Good hay, sweet hay--

Lina: Ah-sure--maybe I'll send out for some nuts--

Gourry: I'd rather have a handful or two of dried peas.
But I pray you, let none of your people stir me
Unless they're bringing a feast,
Cause I have an explosion of sleep
Which has just come upon me.

Lina: "I'll give you an explosion, fur head-
I'm the most beauteous Fairy queen and
You're bored if you're not fed?"
Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.
Get the hell outta my sight, the rest of you fairies.

Fairy attendants exit-

Lina: Oh how I love thee! Oh how I dote on thee! (Sleeps too)

Enter Puck--

Zel: advancing-- Welcome, good Robin.
See'st thou this sweet sight?
Her foolishness now I do begin to pity.
Seeking sweet favors from this lazy idiot-
I did fall out with her,
For she his fair hair did encircle with flowers-
Wet with dew-
Wet like her tears when we fought over that boy,
Whom I got all tucked away.
So now that I have the boy,
I will undo this hateful imperfection of her eyes.
And gentle Puck, take this transformed idiot
And make him--whatever he was before.
Not better, mind you!
Now my Titania, wake you, my sweet queen.

Lina: awakening-- My Oberon!
What visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamoured of an ass!

Zel: smirks-- There he lies, your love--

Lina: How could that have happened?
I can't stand to look at him now!

Zel: Okay, Puck, remove the ass' head.
How about some music to awaken the sleeping dead here!

Xelloss: Do I have too? Ok-ay, Do-kay! Now when thou wakest,
With thine own fool's eye peep!

Zel: Come, my queen, take hands with me.
You and I are friends again,
And will tomorrow midnight solemnly dance
In Duke Theseus' house triumphantly
And bless it to all fair prosperity.
There shall the pairs of faithful lovers
Be wedded with Theseus, all in JOY.

Xelloss: My, Lord? It's almost dawn, time to shimmer off.

Zel: Ah, sure, Lina…"--Titania?

Lina: Come, my Lord, and in our flight
Tell me how it came this night
That I sleeping here was found
With these mortals on the ground?

Zel: choking sounds as he exits with Lina in a headlock

Xelloss: smiling "Ah, now there goes true love!"

Lina: "That's not in the script, Xelloss!"

Enter Theseus, Duke of Athens (Ryoga) with Hippolyta, his betrothed and Queen of the Amazons (Filia) and Egeus, Hermia's father (Parn)--


Ryoga: Let's walk through this forest on this lovely morning.
I don't know if I've ever been this way before, I keep getting lost…
Ho, What have we here?

Filia: Them? Who cares?
Say, did I tell you the story of how once,
I was with Hercules and Cadmus in a forest?  Let me tell you…

Parn: Why one of these forms is my daughter!
What is she doing sleeping here in the forest with-?
Horrors! It's Lysander and Demetrius-
And Helena. I wonder of their being here together!

Xelloss: "I would too, if one were my daughter!" Giggling

Ryoga: Oh, no doubt they rose up early to observe the rite of May,
Moreover, hearing our intent came here to grace us.


Filia: Like that's likely--Gods, what an idiot I'm about to marry!

Ryoga: Marry? So isn't it today that Hermia will tell us
Whom she chooses to marry?

Parn: Ah, yes it is, my lord.

Ryoga: Then wake them all up.
That's right, I am the Duke!
Good morning! Are you all couples now?

The four sleepers wake up--


Zangalus: Pardon, my lord?

Ryoga: I know you two men are rival enemies,
So how come you're all sleeping together in the forest?

Zangalus: It's very difficult to remember-
I cannot truly say how I came here.
But now I do bethink me,
I came here with Hermia to leave Athens
Without peril of the laws to stop our marriage--

Parn: Enough, enough! I beg the law upon his head!
Demetrius! They would have defeated you and me!
You of your wife,
And me of my consent that she be your wife!

Val: Ah, don't get yer shorts in a knot, old man!
Helen told me all about it.
So furious, I followed them into the forest
With sigh fair Helena following me.
But by some power-
My love for Hermia is gone with the wind,
Melted as the snow,
A remembrance of childhood-
Now I've got the hots for Miss Helena here...
To her, my lord, I do wish it, love it,
Long for it and will be ever true to it.

Xelloss: innocently--"What do suppose the 'it' is, Lina? Ouch!"

Ryoga: Sounds good to me. How about it Ageus?
Give it your okay (or I'll kill you)
And we'll all get married together at midnight.

Everyone: Party on!


"Perfect, perfect!  Now for the final scene: the wedding is completed with many happy couples glowing…!" the teacher glowed.

Enter Puck--


Xelloss: Now the hungry dragon roars
And the wolf behowls the moon.
Whilst the stupid Bottom snores
All this weary task is done.
I am sent with broom before,
To sweep the dust behind the door.
"Now that the fun's all over,
It's Puck do this Puck do that-
I'm always the one left to clean up his messes--

Enter Titania and Oberon--

Zel: By the dead and drowsy fire,
Every fairy sprite hop as light as bird from briar.
And this ditty, after me,
Sing and dance it trippingly.

Lina: I don't know, that song's pretty lame-
First, rehearse your song by rote a bit better-
Better yet, hand in hand with fairy grace
We'll walk and I'll sing and bless this place!

Zel: All right, but can we check out all the couples-
Just to make sure they all got sorted out right?

Everyone exits, leaving Xelloss-Puck alone on the stage.

Xelloss: That sounds a bit perverted, master. Anyway--
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended.
That you have but slumbered here,
While these were visions that appeared.
And this weak and foolish theme,
Was really only just a dream.
Gentle-people, so not reprehend,
If you pardon, we will mend.
And as I am an honest PUCK,
If we have unearned luck
Now to escape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long,
Else the Puck a liar call,
So good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends! Claps hands!


"Very good everybody!" cried the teacher. "That's all for tonight! I have some notes to go over with you in class tomorrow! Keep working on memorizing lines and remember to bring in all your costumes this week! Amelia is supplying all the Greek togas, so let her know which style, boy or girl fashion, you need, please!"

"Hey guys? Wanna sneak preview of out video?" Lina called to the band members. "Zel's trying to get us together, just follow him and Xelloss, I guess."


Of course, the door was locked. Xelloss selected a key from his magical set and presto! Zel brought up the computer and started the software.

"All right. We've edited the footage down to under five minutes, added titles and credits--Xelloss added some superfluous artsy stuff punch Ouch!"

"This is your chance to make suggestions!" Xelloss smiled.

"Yeah, but will you make 'em if we do?" Val asked scowling down at the screen.

"Well…that's a secret!" he winked, pointing his index finger at Val's chin, then giggling.

--

"Ooh! Nice beginning--close-up on Lina the Great, yeah!" she cheered.

--

"What's with the crows? Aww--tiny shiny wings--I get it!" Val laughed at his own song.

--

"Gourry? Like the glowering look there?" Zel asked.

"Yeah! Pretty serious footage--" Lina smiled.

--

"Is my shirt really that short?" Filia questioned the reality at hand.

"That's a secret! Oof! "

"If you don't want to be hit, don't try that line on me!" she hissed. "Looking good girls!"

--

"Wow, guys that was terrific!" Lina rewarded her two friends with a compliment. "I think we should put it on at lunch Monday. The schlock that gets shown in the lunch room doesn't compare to this! That is, if we can figure out how to get someone to let us put it on--"

"Leave that to me!" Xelloss smiled.

"So when do we find out if we're playing at the Mayor's ball?" Sylphiel asked unexpectedly.

"The call back for the job?" Amelia chirped, "I'll call the answering service and check, if I may borrow your phone, Mr. Xelloss? Thanks, glad you have a cell phone, excuse me guys--"

"At your service," he replied and moved to let Amelia get by.

Amelia isolated herself at the far end of the room and listened and punched numbers, "This is it!" she whispered. "All right! We have at least 40 minutes of playing time! We get paid for one hour-- that's $500!"

The band members cheered and congratulated themselves. Another gig and a video tape!

"I can use this stuff to get us more jobs. There's a club at the beach that signs up teen groups-- we might get a couple nights over winter break," Lina informed the others.

They closed up the room and continued to discuss the road trip idea on their way home.

(((. -)) Zel |||^. ^||| Xelloss |{{^.^}}| Lina |((.^)|| Gourry ((^.^)) Amelia

End Seyruun High Jinx Chapter 26