"This is living Sydney? Running all over the country? Running from me?" He
stopped and looked down. He was obviously more hurt by her leaving than
she'd wanted to realize.
"Vaughn I'm sorry I didn't tell you my plans, I'm sorry I had to do what I did, but I'm happy here. Ryan is happy here. And we are tired of running. I'm tired of Ryan's sad eyes looking up at me when I tell him we're moving again. No, I like it here. And I don't want to change my life again."
"I don't want you to have to either. But.. Sydney I made mistakes when you were. gone. I admit that, and you have no idea how much I regret everything. But things have changed so much in the last seven years. A lot has changed since you ran away. But one thing hasn't changed, ever. Sydney somehow, somewhere deep inside of me I can't forget you, I can't move on, and I can't live a lie, I have never stopped loving you Sydney." He wiped a tear from his eye, as she sat there staring at him. She was in a state of shock. She had made herself forget her feelings for him long ago. It wasn't as if she didn't want to still love him, but her feelings were buried so deep down, that she wasn't even sure that they were still there. "Say something Sydney." He pleaded with her.
"I. I don't know what to say. I mean you told me before. that you still had feelings for me, but you were married, and my life had just fallen apart. Of course I still loved you then, but.I couldn't have stopped loving you, because I couldn't remember anything."
"Do you remember anything now?" He looked at her with an expression of disbelief.
"Not exactly." She said trying to form an explanation. "I've had dreams. But I don't know if they are real, or memories, or what they are. Slone erased my memory of whatever he did to me seven years ago. All I have left are the dreams."
"What do you dream about?" His tone was softer.
"I dream about .I can't do this right now Vaughn. I ."
"It's alright Sydney. I just..I can't tell you what it's like to be sitting here with you right now. I.I have waited so long to be even in the same room with you."
"What about your wife?" She couldn't look at him as she asked. It was too painful.
"Alice died two years ago, of cancer."
"I'm sorry to hear that." She said, trying in vain to sound sincere. She really was sorry to hear that Alice died, cancer was a horrible thing from anyone to go through.
"Yeah, well she didn't have long after she was diagnosed, and she didn't suffer most. I think the hardest thing for her was letting go of her boys."
"You had children?" she asked not fully certain she wanted to know the answer.
"She had children before we were married. Two boys, Alex and Damien."
"Oh, I didn't know. What happened to them."
"Well when Alice found out she had cancer, I offered to adopt them. They weren't actually Alice's children, they were her step children, but she had adopted them when she married her previous husband. I grew to love the boys while I was married to Alice, and when she was diagnosed terminally, I told her I'd take care of them."
"Wow, that's really great of you."
"well, I haven't been the best father-figure while I've been chasing after you. But they're old enough now."
"How old are they?"
"Alex is 14 and Damien is 15."
"Wow, they are old. Where are they now?"
"They stay with my mother when I'm out of town."
"Are you still with the CIA," She wasn't sure she wanted to know this either.
"Yes, although I am going to get fired if I keep taking leave to look for you." He laughed a kind of sad, yet ironic laugh.
"I'm sorry I've caused you so much trouble."
"No, Sydney." He sighed. "It doesn't matter now. I found you."
"What do you expect will happen next?"
"Sydney I didn't came here with any expectations, how could I? I came here to see your face, and to tell you that I still loved you, no matter what you think. I came here to tell you that and to also tell you. that your father.."
"What about him?" Sydney said coldly.
"He's sick Sydney. He's not bad yet, but the doctors say he'll only deteriorate. I know that you don't want to hear this but, he needs you Sydney. He's constantly asking me about you."
"I can't.. I don't care." She said as she stood up and walked across the kitchen. She stood at the kitchen sink and looked out the window.
"Okay.I'm sorry I mentioned it. I don't want to fight with you Sydney. I should probably go now." He picked up the jacket he had set on the table.
"Where are you going to go?"
"I don't know probably a hotel by the airport."
"It will take you a good hour to find a hotel and it's already nine. I don't know why but you should stay here. I haven't made up my mind yet but I don't know if I want you to leave just yet." He stood in the middle of the kitchen shocked by the words she'd just said. She had listened to him talk, asked questions, responded coldly. She gave no indication that anything he'd said was affecting her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure." She sighed and turned from the window to face him. "I can show you the spare bedroom if you want. Or there's lots of food if you're hungry." She said looking up at him with her big brown eyes.
"The bedroom will be great. Lead the way." He said, and she did. She took him to the guest bedroom just next to Ryan's, and explained that he would be sleeping. He nodded and complemented her decorating skills. The room was a soft green with white and purple accents. He noted the personal touches of extra pillows and blankets.
"I really thought that no one would ever use this room," She said turning on the light in the bathroom. "Ryan's room is through here, the bathroom is a Jack-and-Jill. There are clean towels in the cupboard. Oh, and he wakes up a seven thirty, you can sleep in if you want."
"Don't you have work tomorrow?"
"I think I'll call in sick. I haven't used any of my sick days." She made her way to the door.
"Good night Sydney." He said as she stood in the doorway. It was such a strange feeling telling her good night.
"Good night Vaughn, oh and when Ryan's around it's Nicole."
"Right, well. good night." She closed the door behind her.
"Vaughn I'm sorry I didn't tell you my plans, I'm sorry I had to do what I did, but I'm happy here. Ryan is happy here. And we are tired of running. I'm tired of Ryan's sad eyes looking up at me when I tell him we're moving again. No, I like it here. And I don't want to change my life again."
"I don't want you to have to either. But.. Sydney I made mistakes when you were. gone. I admit that, and you have no idea how much I regret everything. But things have changed so much in the last seven years. A lot has changed since you ran away. But one thing hasn't changed, ever. Sydney somehow, somewhere deep inside of me I can't forget you, I can't move on, and I can't live a lie, I have never stopped loving you Sydney." He wiped a tear from his eye, as she sat there staring at him. She was in a state of shock. She had made herself forget her feelings for him long ago. It wasn't as if she didn't want to still love him, but her feelings were buried so deep down, that she wasn't even sure that they were still there. "Say something Sydney." He pleaded with her.
"I. I don't know what to say. I mean you told me before. that you still had feelings for me, but you were married, and my life had just fallen apart. Of course I still loved you then, but.I couldn't have stopped loving you, because I couldn't remember anything."
"Do you remember anything now?" He looked at her with an expression of disbelief.
"Not exactly." She said trying to form an explanation. "I've had dreams. But I don't know if they are real, or memories, or what they are. Slone erased my memory of whatever he did to me seven years ago. All I have left are the dreams."
"What do you dream about?" His tone was softer.
"I dream about .I can't do this right now Vaughn. I ."
"It's alright Sydney. I just..I can't tell you what it's like to be sitting here with you right now. I.I have waited so long to be even in the same room with you."
"What about your wife?" She couldn't look at him as she asked. It was too painful.
"Alice died two years ago, of cancer."
"I'm sorry to hear that." She said, trying in vain to sound sincere. She really was sorry to hear that Alice died, cancer was a horrible thing from anyone to go through.
"Yeah, well she didn't have long after she was diagnosed, and she didn't suffer most. I think the hardest thing for her was letting go of her boys."
"You had children?" she asked not fully certain she wanted to know the answer.
"She had children before we were married. Two boys, Alex and Damien."
"Oh, I didn't know. What happened to them."
"Well when Alice found out she had cancer, I offered to adopt them. They weren't actually Alice's children, they were her step children, but she had adopted them when she married her previous husband. I grew to love the boys while I was married to Alice, and when she was diagnosed terminally, I told her I'd take care of them."
"Wow, that's really great of you."
"well, I haven't been the best father-figure while I've been chasing after you. But they're old enough now."
"How old are they?"
"Alex is 14 and Damien is 15."
"Wow, they are old. Where are they now?"
"They stay with my mother when I'm out of town."
"Are you still with the CIA," She wasn't sure she wanted to know this either.
"Yes, although I am going to get fired if I keep taking leave to look for you." He laughed a kind of sad, yet ironic laugh.
"I'm sorry I've caused you so much trouble."
"No, Sydney." He sighed. "It doesn't matter now. I found you."
"What do you expect will happen next?"
"Sydney I didn't came here with any expectations, how could I? I came here to see your face, and to tell you that I still loved you, no matter what you think. I came here to tell you that and to also tell you. that your father.."
"What about him?" Sydney said coldly.
"He's sick Sydney. He's not bad yet, but the doctors say he'll only deteriorate. I know that you don't want to hear this but, he needs you Sydney. He's constantly asking me about you."
"I can't.. I don't care." She said as she stood up and walked across the kitchen. She stood at the kitchen sink and looked out the window.
"Okay.I'm sorry I mentioned it. I don't want to fight with you Sydney. I should probably go now." He picked up the jacket he had set on the table.
"Where are you going to go?"
"I don't know probably a hotel by the airport."
"It will take you a good hour to find a hotel and it's already nine. I don't know why but you should stay here. I haven't made up my mind yet but I don't know if I want you to leave just yet." He stood in the middle of the kitchen shocked by the words she'd just said. She had listened to him talk, asked questions, responded coldly. She gave no indication that anything he'd said was affecting her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure." She sighed and turned from the window to face him. "I can show you the spare bedroom if you want. Or there's lots of food if you're hungry." She said looking up at him with her big brown eyes.
"The bedroom will be great. Lead the way." He said, and she did. She took him to the guest bedroom just next to Ryan's, and explained that he would be sleeping. He nodded and complemented her decorating skills. The room was a soft green with white and purple accents. He noted the personal touches of extra pillows and blankets.
"I really thought that no one would ever use this room," She said turning on the light in the bathroom. "Ryan's room is through here, the bathroom is a Jack-and-Jill. There are clean towels in the cupboard. Oh, and he wakes up a seven thirty, you can sleep in if you want."
"Don't you have work tomorrow?"
"I think I'll call in sick. I haven't used any of my sick days." She made her way to the door.
"Good night Sydney." He said as she stood in the doorway. It was such a strange feeling telling her good night.
"Good night Vaughn, oh and when Ryan's around it's Nicole."
"Right, well. good night." She closed the door behind her.