Back on his ship the Scimitar, Shinzon is met on the bridge by his Vice-Roy holding an ancient staff…
Shinzon: That girlie… impossible… nearly taught her a lesson… (then, bending in agony…) arrrgggg!
(Vice-Roy's hand starts moving towards Shinzon as to help him)
Shinzon: It's ok, it's ok its just indigestion… (Vice-Roy looks disappointed) …I'm starting to think that you enjoy this touching thing a little bit too much… ummm?… perhaps one's hands should be kept on one's staff???… ummm???
Vice-Roy: Sire, do not forget our mission…
Shinzon: Don't try to change the subject… but you right we must proceed… what's next?
Vice-Roy: Sire, I have been studying the information downloaded from the Enterprise and it appears we going to need a wormhole…
Shinzon: Not familiar… explain…
Vice-Roy: A wormhole is like a tunnel that bends…bla, bla, (Shinzon catches his reflection on one of the shiny metals panels)
Shinzon: (thinking to himself) God, I look gorgeous in this uniform, maybe just a little bit tight around the crouch… not allowing for my full assets to show through… and the bald head… love it… really shows up my eyes… don't know about the cape though… maybe a bit over the top… keep falling down the stairs…
Vice-Roy: …bla, bla, and so we can travel through it.
Shinzon: Great… where do we find one of those?
Vice-Roy: Well Sire… there is a man who may hold the answer… we picked him up as we were crossing the neutral zone…
Shinzon: VR, how many times do I have to tell you to stop picking up strange man in the neutral zone?
Vice-Roy: Well Sire, he was adrift unconscious inside his module… we put him in a cell and he started talking about wormholes and wonders that he had seen… I though he may become useful…
Shinzon: Ok, I'll overlook it this time… where is this man?
Vice-Roy: Still in his cell, sire…
Shinzon: Now go… fetch him…
(Shinzon seats at the command chair, lost in deep thought…)
Shinzon: Man… could murder a Red Bull right now… and a ciggy… (then out loud to replicator) tea… hot…
(Vice-Roy returns with a man that seems to be constantly inebriated)
Shinzon: oh! Look… another one into black… and leather…
Crichton: Hey, man… how's things? I'm Crichton, astronaut, Earth and into leather… man, great threads… love the colour…
Shinzon: (pretending surprise and smiling) What… this old thing? Yes, the colour is good isn't it? A bit tight around the front… you know… not showing my full potential…oh, and it comes with this beautiful little dagger as well… very important to accessorize… soooo… you into leather as well, yeah?
Crichton: Couldn't be without it man, just love it, and my chick loves it too…
Shinzon: You keep chickens?
Crichton: No man, my chick, my gal, my bit of crumpet…
Shinzon: ha, yes. A bit short on the more colourful vocabulary… not really Picard's scene… more into old artefacts and going around in a wheelchair with a colander on his head…
Crichton: yup! Know the type… got them back on Earth as well…
Shinzon: umm… I don't know how to say this… but… you are on Earth…
Crichton: That's impossible! Who are you? Are you Peacekeeper? What have you done to Aeryon? Pilot? HELLO, Pilot? U'R THERE? Chiana? D'Argo? Guys? We have a situation here… could do with some help… sh*t… is anyone out there? Oh, man, don't tell me this is going to be one of those episodes I spend talking to myself and wondering in a daze on Earth in ridiculous clothes laying on the beach… can't stand that, man… dudes get your buts out here… RIGHT NOW!… Scorpy? Was that you? Scorpy, u're there?
Shinzon: Are you feeling OK? Cup of Earl Grey perhaps?
Crichton: (says spiting and out of breath and stumbling a lot, holding his head) What have you done to my friends? Where are they? Who are you, Scarran? Peacekeeper? Did Grayza send you? Frell, that chick can't take no for an answer… hot though… but don't tell Aeryon… she'd kill me…
(at this moment the Vice-Roy comes in and turns to Shinzon)
Vice-Roy: Shall I try to calm him down, sire?
Shinzon: Yyyyes, please…. I can feel a migraine coming on…
(the Vice-Roy wallops Crichton on the head with his staff and Crichton falls to the floor)
Shinzon: (turning rather purple with rage) What the f*ck… VR have you gone completely insane… you've killed him… couldn't you've just restrained him… gently…
Vice-Roy: What can I say; we're a race bred for war… I don't do gentle…
Shinzon: Now, what do we do?
Vice-Roy: I think he still breathes… although you never know with these humans… strange, peculiar, smooth skin, very unattractive…
Shinzon: cough… excuse me… human… still here… your Mighty Praetor…
Vice-Roy: oh yes, forgive me, Praetor…
Shinzon: yeah… anyway, what we going to do? He knows about wormholes and I need a wormhole so I need him… try to bring around…
Vice-Roy: I think he's hurt sire… I think he needs a doctor…
Shinzon: …and who's fault is that…umm? There's only one thing for it… we have to go to Starfleet Academy and get Beverly Crusher… the woman is a pain with her infatuation of Picard and now me… but she does know her business and I'm sure she can help us… and who knows, Troi maybe around… or that hottie Seven of Nine…
Shinzon: Set course to Starfleet Academy!
Unnamed extra at control: Course set, Praetor…
Shinzon: Make it so!