CHAPTER EIGHT

Neo was sleeping, soundly, for the first time during the period of her absence. He'd fallen asleep (in his pyjamas, this time) watching a late night sports channel on television, with empty McDonald's wrappings on the floor beside his bed. Now that he'd started showering and actually eating full meals, he felt a little more equipped to deal with the emotional aspects of Trinity's absence.

He was so deeply asleep, in fact, that he did not hear the front door downstairs click open. Nor did he hear footsteps padding across the carpet, the door to a bedroom creak open and, after a few minutes, closed again. He didn't hear footsteps continue up the carpeted stairs, or a figure slide silently through the open bedroom door. He didn't hear or see the figure drop bags and two large suitcases beside the wardrobe, before pulling on a nightdress. He did not hear Trinity seat herself on the edge of the bed beside him.

But he did feel the mattress sag as she sat, and startled, he awoke, eyes bleary and tired. He propped himself up on his hands, and twisted his body around, confused and slightly disoriented.

'Trin!' he cried, when he saw her.

'Ssh,' she said. 'Pia's asleep.'

He sat bolt upright. 'When did you get back?

'About five minutes ago.'

'Oh.' He sank back against the mattress, instinctively pulling the quilt up to cover certain manly parts. It was his wife, after all, and so theoretically he didn't need to do that. But he felt embarrassed, and estranged, and completely detached from her.

'Listen,' she said, laying down beside him, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. 'I'm sorry, Neo.'

He buried his face in the pillow, and said, muffled, 'Am I supposed to tell you that it's okay?'

'No, I don't expect that.'

Now that she was back, he found it difficult to pinpoint his emotions. It was the culmination of three weeks of hoping and praying that she had actually returned. He was ecstatic. But at the same time he was furious, and hurt. And he felt used. That he was convenient. That when she decided she wanted him, she would. That it was all on her terms. He felt bitter, and hurt, and confused. He wanted to hug her, and hit her at the same time.

It was truly a cocktail of emotions.

She turned to face him in the dark, and he turned to face her as well. Hurt and pain was etched upon his face. 'Neo, I'm sorry,' she repeated. 'I didn't understand my feelings. But please understand that I didn't mean to hurt you.' She reached out and cupped her hand on his cheek. She leaned in and gently kissed his nose.

'Disappearing for three weeks without a word, without a phone call? And with my daughter?'

'She missed you, Neo. She kept asking for Daddy.'

'Well, too bad Daddy wasn't there to comfort her.'

'Neo, please! You're not making this any easier for me.'

'What, easier than it was for me these past three weeks? Hoping my wife would actually come back? Hoping that I'd ever see her again? Surely this could be easier than that.'

'Neo, please!' She burst into tears. 'I love you. I always have.' She paused. 'And I always will.'

'You had a nice way of showing it.' He knew he was being nasty, but he couldn't stop.

Trinity clasped his hand in hers. 'I spoke to Niobe and Morpheus,' she said. 'A lot. They tried to help me. Eventually they got me to go see a doctor. And a counsellor.'

'Oh? And what did they say? That your husband needs to be locked up in a psychiatric ward?' His fury was escalating by the minute. He was sorry to be doing it, but a part of him kept it going.

'Neo, goddamnit, do you want to hear this or not?'

'Yes,' he said, 'all right.' He squeezed her hand reassuringly. 'I'm sorry. I'm just hurt.'

'I went to the doctor's, and to see a counsellor,' she said. 'Niobe took me there and we had some lengthy discussions afterwards. Neo,' she said, 'for the past year or so, I've been suffering from post-natal depression.'

Neo's jaw dropped. At that moment, he realised how much he had neglected her feelings. He'd been too wrapped up in romantic dreams. Imagining the perfection the end of the matrix supposedly brought. Too wrapped up in a daze of believing everything would now be wonderful. He hadn't noticed her quietly slip out from everyday behaviour to an unrecognisable, withdrawn Trinity.

And something as simple as post-natal depression? God, if only he'd thought about it more, he could have helped her. He knew all about post-natal depression. He'd seen many women suffer from it. He had just suffered from the misapprehension that Trinity, strong, brave, beautiful Trinity, would never endure it too.

'Oh, God, Trin,' he cried, wrapping his arms around her and holding her to him. 'I love you so much. I can't believe I didn't try and understand it better.'

She began to cry. 'I couldn't understand why I felt the way I did…least of all towards you…I couldn't believe how I couldn't bring myself to touch you, or bring myself to admit that I loved you…' Her tears soaked his bare skin. 'The doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depressants. I've been taking them for the past six days.'

He closed his eyes and held her tightly to him, never wanting to let go. 'I love you, Trin,' he said. 'Don't ever leave me like that again. I swear to God that I'll help you through anything in this world, so long as you let me.'

'Don't worry,' she said, 'I will. I love you, too.'

They kissed. A warm, sweet, long-awaited kiss, that Neo had been craving for, not only for the past three weeks, but the last two months.

'Oh,' Trinity said, pulling away for a moment, leaning down and kissing his bare shoulder before continuing. 'I have something else to tell you. I'm four months' pregnant.'