a) What myth this is based on
b) Who the narrator is
c) Who/what 'it' is, and who/what Innocence is
Those shouldn't be too hard I hopes. Good luck, and don't forget to read and review…I like to know what people honestly think of my writing.
Disclaimer: Yuugiou, it's characters, and the myth all belong to someone else; however the story itself is all my own! *^^ Without further ado…
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What is left for the mind to feast upon when all that was once thought logical has vanished from existence? What is left for the heart to dwell upon when what was once within the grasp of desires has all but fled from reach? What am I to do with the sorrow that has consumed my entirety at the loss of a commodity so taken for granted?
There are innumerable peoples who would jump at my call, ready to throw their services at my feet. I have at my disposal the most progressive technology available, technology I created with my blood, sweat, and tears. Armies of the loyal and of steel and cords have been made available to me, and despite all my precious resources, I am powerless to find what I so desperately search for. I hate being weak.
Perhaps an elaboration is in order, something with which I may spark your understanding, or at the very least your compassion.
My suffering is a direct result of the need for this thing I seem to have lost. I say "seem" for the simple fact that it is not misplaced, only beyond my grasp. That is quite possibly the most infuriating aspect of this entire fiasco. I can see the prize, but I cannot reach it no matter what efforts I exert toward the goal. I suppose all of this is deserved somehow. Somehow, I upset the woman with her wheel [2]. Somehow, I am paying for all of my little frauds and thefts at once.
Am I expected to run a multi-billion dollar corporation without deceiving someone on occasion, or without taking something that isn't mine? I refuse to believe I am the only one guilty of such crimes! Yet, here I am, the only one who seems to be punished. It appears that I alone am forced to suffer for want of a singular desire. It is only when you think something is in your reach that you grasp at it, only to find it is not there.
The entire situation is pathetic on my part since I was in possession of it at one point, but greedy and jealous and oh so innocent hands stole upon it, taking what was and is still rightfully mine. Hands of Innocence claimed that it belonged to them! They claimed that it's entire existence depended on those hands, but how wrong they must be! How could someone else own that which I have become so attached to? That which I have lost…
It haunts me. It cowers in the corner of my darkest dreams, eats away at my defenses, and claws at my sanity. Sun-stained bronze melts into ebony, scarlet, and gold, accenting rubies of blood hidden behind heliotrope stones. Power embracing it, choking it, suffocating it in shadows: shadows that breathe with whispers of life and imbue their prey with madness. And such beautiful madness it is.
Do you see why I hold it so dear? Why it's intoxication holds me so? Why I keep after it still, when it has been away for so long? Innocence may not have it, for Innocence cannot hope to hold it as I have. Yet, Innocence does hold it, and he keeps it just out of my reach! Near enough to see it, to examine it lovingly, but it is held beyond my touch. It is in the painfully clichéd scope of 'so close but so far away.'
All of this is to my ruin I am afraid. My nature does not allow me to quit, or give in, or let go, and for this I am paying. As a result, my carefully constructed empire is crumbling, its foundation cracking under the weight of my necessity. I have worked for too many years to build this mass marketing company for one disturbing, beautiful, fixation to destroy it all! But I cannot let it go.
Were it out of my sight, perhaps my soul could forget; however, as the situation remains, I will be unable to release it. Forever, I am afraid, it will be a mirage to me, fleeing farther every time I believe the cool waters are mine. I fear the punishment for taking it. I fear how long eternity will seem without it beside me. Most of all, I fear Innocence. I fear the power that he wields in his possession of it. Bitter weakling he is without it, but with it…The knowledge he could posses would forever be my undoing. The vicious grasp of Innocence upon it must be undone.
Have I not tried? Oh yes, I have tried, and desperately so to no avail. I have employed my armies of strategists and suck-ups to seek it out, to make it my own once more. How they have failed me, is still beyond my comprehension. Computers and games and professionals cannot win this war. This is a battle between two for the prize of one. Somewhere in the tangle of these encounters, it was in my hands rather than dangling above my head.
Selfish longing will destroy me. I have seen this in dreams from the gates of horn [3] for so long that even a turn of the mistress's wheel [4] toward them will not catch me unawares. There is no distance I can run to escape it. It has become a part of me, bound by a golden thread. Nevertheless, I keep trying to escape it. I keep trying to flee from the ever-beckoning voice of memories of it. Running.
Running.
Running. I suppose I will be forced to stop sometime. Running. But not today. Running. Not now. Running. I will always feel a thirst for it. Always running. Eternity will force me to keep the hunger for it. So, I'll keep running; towards it or away makes no difference in the end, as long as I attempt to run somewhere…something…running.
*~Owari~*
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Author's Notes:
[1]- Water, Water Everywhere…'water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.' (ie: you can see water in abundance, and you cannot drink it)
[2] the woman and her wheel- that is Fate and the Wheel of Fortune
[3] the gates of horn- In mythology dreams were said to travel from Sleep and his brother Death in the lower world through one of two gates: true dreams through a gate of horn, and false dreams through a gate of ivory.
[4] mistress's wheel- again, a reference to Fate